The dream seems to be coming true!
Assalam o alaikum!
I am using this site for first time as I am really very stressed out and desperate for some help and answers.
It's a bit long, so please have some patience. I was in love with a boy four and half years back. Then things started getting bad as he was maybe not a good person for me. We fought, and he always put me in suffering all alone. There was another boy who was a really good friend of mine, and he really helped me during all those traumatizing times for me. I used to pray to get married to the boy I loved, and I was scared (or you can say I knew) that he was not good for me; so I used to pray that whatever it is, just make it right for me ALLAH. I want him and only him. Then I saw a dream about that boy, and it kind of turned out to be that what I am choosing is really fatal for me and what ALLAH has kept for me is beautiful. But still, if I choose on my own HE will grant me that.
After this very clear dream, I got a little scared and I stopped praying for anything then. I was scared to choose him and then make ALLAH angry and repent all my life in suffering. And gradually, he got off my heart too. There were his own deeds involved too- he cheated on me.
Anyways, I got separated from him. Meanwhile the other boy, who was my friend at that time and knew about all this, actually fell for me. I was traumatized because of my first love, so I refused him many times, but he stayed persistent. He was a very good man, very pious and loving. But I was reluctant for many reasons. Then I had a dream about him without even praying for one, so at the end I said yes. But then my mom refused, saying that he is not good enough for me (her reasons were not valid-I was a little taller than the boy).
I really tried a lot. I had asked him to talk to his parents and all that, and then my mom revealed the actual problem. She didn't want me to get married because my sister was not, and also perhaps I was the major earning hand. I was so heartbroken and refused the boy, and he was mad at me too because I made him embarassed in his family.
I got an opportunity to work abroad and I accepted it. I wanted to marry him with all my heart, but I wanted to help my family, too. I ruined his life and came here. After that, I contacted him once because I was worried about him for some reason. We started talking, and he was really very angry at me, but he never wanted to leave me. He said he can't look at any other girl now or even think about anyone else. Even if I don't marry him, he cannot marry anyone else. He is a pious man, even more than me. After I left him, he started going to some buzurg. I had started imagining my life with him.
But then suddenly, he started avoiding me. He was really very tensed. I asked him what it was, and he said he doesn't want to talk. It's a small thing, but I know there wasn't a single time when he said something like that in the last 3 and half years perhaps, or ever. He said to me that it is a test, for he and me..Just pray, as prayers can change destiny.
And then he stopped talking to me, and said that his buzurg is angry with him because he disobeyed him. When I left, his father went to that buzurg and asked him not to talk to me, as it is bad for both of us. Now he started talking to me again, and his buzurg somehow came to know about it and warned him about ALLAH's anger. He said he fears ALLAH, and he fought with everyone, but he can't fight with HIM. But he didn't say that he will never come back. He just told me he is not allowed to talk to me. He asked me to pray, if I love him; and he will also pray and believe in ALLAH. He didn't say anything like he will never come, or even that he will.
I am confused now, because I remember now my dream about him as well. I dreamt that he came to my office while going somewhere, and he was wearing some black clothes and driving a huge black car. I ask him whose car it was and why he was there before time. He said that the car was one of his superiors who was sitting in it at that time. He asked him to take it but he had to drive him somewhere before that, so he wasn't able to come see me at the promised time because he would go with him. But then eventually when he was done with his work, he would come back for me and so he only came to inform me.
I usually never have meaningless dreams. So I saw the meanings, and the black color and black vehicle meant nobility in the world and hereafter. And yet this dream I had was about 2 years ago, right after the time of that dream I had about that first boy and decided to obey ALLAH's will. It seems to be fullfilling now, so I am a little confused. Well, not a little- I am seriously freaking out because I think he was the perfect one for me. I don't know when, but I started loving him so much. I have been sick for a few days because I have been crying. I don't know whether it is for forever, or it is temporary.
Will I ever get him back or not? What should I do? I cannot think of a life ahead without him. Thinking of him is what is making me sick- I am literally having fever and I can't sleep at night, just cry.
I just want to know: is it temporary or not? What should I do? How should I make my ALLAH forgive me and have mercy on me and get me peace? Please help me out.
Wassalam,
A really worried sister (s.i.a)
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Assalaamualaikam
When thinking about dreams, it's worth remembering that a dream may mean something or mean nothing, and most of the time, overly interpreting dreams leans towards superstitious practices - these aren't part of Islam, so try not to get too caught up in them.
Your interactions with both of these boys weren't within Islamic limits; as neither is or was your mahram, you shouldn't have been having private contact with them, and they shouldn't have had with you. Regarding contact with the boy you now like, as he still isn't your mahram, the two of you shouldn't be in contact over personal matters.
I'm not entirely sure what a buzurg is, but I believe the word in Hindi translates to "elder" or "elderly"; do you mean he has been studying Islam with a local scholar? If the boy has said that he is unable to correspond with you as it would be contrary to Islamic guidance, he is correct - and if the two of you aren't going to marry, both of you would probably be better off without the contact reminding you of the distress you felt.
If the boy wishes to have a halal relationship with you, he can approach your family again - and remember that it is your wali's agreement that is required. If the proposal is rejected again for un-Islamic reasons (height, money, etc), then you have the right to take the matter to your imam, who can review the situation and inshaAllah mediate between the parties to reach an Islamically acceptable conclusion.
I think that what you need to do, as well, is to re-build your own relationship with your faith, improve your knowledge of Islam, and repent for past transgressions. Remember that Allah is Most Merciful, and beg him for forgiveness, comfort and guidance.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Walaykum as salam,
I am sorry you are going through this pain in your life. You have already received an excellent advice, masha´Allah and I only can add the following what it is just my personal opinion, please take it with a pinch of salt.
The day you live your life filled with the remembrance of God insha´Allah you will find Peace and your love won´t be a source of suffering to you, your love will grow up to become unconditional and you will understand what is really important being guided by the Heart towards the straight path.
What makes you sick, it is your need to know what is unknown, the uncertainty about your future and what is in it. Future is only God´s bussiness and faster we get to understand this, faster we will find Peace within our Hearts. Our bussiness is our present, our now, where we can sow the seeds(prayers, good deeds,....) that will change into the fruits(healthy relationships, health, joy, humbleness, patience, unconditional love, forgiveness,...) that we will collect in the future, insha´Allah. Then just phocus on every now being conscious of the responsibility that this attitude will bring to your life and when you feel anguish, pray from Heart to God to release those shadows from you and to fill your Heart with Light and Peace through His remembrance.
About dreams, my personal opinion it is that better to be free from them and don´t let dreams to put limits to our life, being good or not so good, if we release them at the same time we are released by them, and their importance won´t be more than the importance that can have a memory. Then just ask God to guide you to your best whatever it is, because He is the only One that knows best and all.
Thank God, I do believe prayers can change destiny when they are born within our Hearts.
Take care of yourself and please end reading this with a big smile from Heart, there is Hope, Light, Love and Peace within your Heart, just let it shine.
All my unconditional love and support,
María M
Walaikumusalam!
Read carefully,
Sister, "Stop fooling yourself". You know sister, you are still alone. And that is the best part for the devil. Devil will not let go the opportunity. I can guess you are good looking and that is perfect for the devil to plot a trap. Somehow, you are all alone inside. And you knew what I am talking about. I exactly knew alhumdulillah!
Sister, since the beginning you were left alone. It is of course not your fault. Nor do I blame your parents. Forget about dreams Why? because devil made you look good the things (in your case relationships). Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) Do not told you to enjoy good time with the two boys before Nikkah.
Sister would you like someone who used to have illegal physical relationships with women and then come to you for marriage. Of course not, you would not even look at his face. Then, sister why are you so much desperate in love. The reason is not "LOVE", the reason is "YOU" and your "LONELINESS".
You said about Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Sister, if you really "LOVE" Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) then you should be reading the Qur'an everyday. Otherwise, you will just roam around here and there with no reason and will again fall into the devils trap. Loneliness is killing you. Okay by the way what is loneliness, it is not like you are doing a job and you live with your parents and all that. Loneliness is the internal state of mind. Yes! It is. Once, you get MASTER YOUR OWN SELF YOU CAN MOVE THE MOUNTAINS INSHA'ALLAAH. SO, SISTER GET ON YOUR OWN SELF. IT IS ALSO CALLED NAFS (EGO). I am not saying you have an attitude problem. Of course not. It is Nafs (ego) that provokes desires.
So, sister please stop fooling your own self and if you can't wait then marry a good practicing Muslim. And first develop your relationship with Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). Do Namaz (prayers) 5 times a day. Fast, Hajj, Zakat or go to Umrah (Please don't forget me and our brothers and sisters on zawaj when you go for Umrah in your duas-a request). Recite the Qur'an with translation. Read, study and analyze the last Prophet and the last Messenger Muhammad (sal lal laho elahe wasallam) life. And your life will be at PLACE INSHA'ALLAAH.
YOU WILL HAVE NO PROBLEMS. AND YOUR HEART WILL FIND REST ONLY IN THE REMEMBRANCE OF ALLAAH. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY.
"Only in remembrance of Allah will your heart find peace" (Surah 13: Verse 28)
How your heart will find peace? Allaah Will Communicate with you. Yes I am not crazy. He Will. It is not like Allaah Will Come to Earth to talk to you. But Allaah Will communicate with you within the limits of this material world. It is not a rocket science.
Allaah Knows the Best!