He’s already engaged but in love with another girl and wants to marry both
Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake, and always exploitative of the woman.
Question:
A guy got engaged some years ago. Since then, he has fallen in love with another girl. That girl didn't know that he was already engaged, but later she came to know about it from him. When she found out, she tried to break up with him.
But both were unable to forget each other and still wants to get married. However, he cannot break the engagement so he decides to marry the engaged girl and also not willing to lose the girl whom he loves.
He wants to marry both. He says he will reveal the second marriage to all after some years to their family.
Is it acceptable in islam? What should the guy and girl do? Should they forget each other? Or can they marry? Please advise so that thay can lead a right life.
wasalam,
- Ramila
Wael's Answer:
Dear Ramila, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
Eid Mubarak, sister. I hope you had a wonderful Eid with your family. Eid-ul-Adha is always a great time to remember the sacrifices that were made for the cause of Allah by the great believers who came before us, and to think about what sacrifices we can make with pure intention to please Allah.
Presumably you are the second girl described in the question (the one who got involved with a man, then found out he was engaged). For the sake of this answer, I'll assume that you are she.
Sister, my advice to you is to buy yourself a good pair of running shoes, then run from this situation as fast as you can, because to go along with this crazy plan would be the biggest mistake of your life.
Why?
- The sort of secret marriage you are describing is not allowed in Islam. It is the equivalent of a secret affair. Marriage in Islam must be open and publicized. That's one of the reasons for a waleemah. See the following article on Zawaj.com: "Marriage in Secret: is it Valid in Islam?"
- What does it mean that "he cannot break the engagement"? Is it made of titanium? If he truly cared for you, he would tell his parents about you, break his engagement, and marry you. The fact that he is not willing to do so should tell you all you need to know about his lack of strength of character, and the lack of depth of his feelings for you.
- He lied to you in the beginning when he did not tell you he was engaged. Now he is proposing that he lie to the other girl and his family for several years. The man is a liar. Instead of standing tall and taking a position, his solution when facing difficulty is to lie. Why would you trust his promises?
- He will reveal the second marriage "after some years"?! What kind of ridiculous promise is that? In the meantime you will live like a mistress, hidden away, and you will probably see your "husband" only for brief periods when he can lie to his real wife and get away for a while. Do you really think that such a sham marriage would be satisfying to you? Actually, it would be humiliating and lonely.
I spoke earlier about sacrifice. My suggestion to you is to sacrifice your desires and blind passion, and make a choice that is good for your spirit, your heart and your deen (your faith).
Find someone who is serious enough about marrying you to make you first in his life, and to dedicate his love only to you. Someone who is proud enough to propose to you openly and marry you with honor before all your families and friends. Why would you consider anything less?
And Allah knows best.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.
(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.
Best regards,
- Wael Abdelgawad
IslamicAnswers.com Marriage Advice
Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service
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asalamu alaiikum,
sis i advise you to take your leave, cos at the end you are the one whos gonna suffer. you wrote he said hes gonna reveal the second marriage in several years? so where do he plan in keeping you? would he have enough money and time to support you? sis on this site their was another question from a sis saying she is the second wife and she has not been introduce to the husbands family and feels abandoned, so i suggest you read the sis question so you can get an insight otherwise you will be a victim.
ma salama
Iam a registered user but I can't log in what should I do? plz help me .
I met a muslim man online from Egypt and I felt in love with him, during 2 years we planned to meet eachother, he suppossed to come to my country to meet me, meet my family and ask in person for my hand then when we be ready with we needed get married but it was a little bit complicated because the laws in my country do not let him stay and the gov asks for me to sign a paper asuring that he will leave the country in an specific date. too bad. then he told me that his parents in Egypt made an arrangemnt for him to marry a girl from his country... what disappointment !!! he told me he will refuse it and let his family know about me but i think he did not have the courage to tell his familly clearly. he went to visit them and the last week that hee was in egypt he went Alexandria for a week with his family, when he came back to his parents house he started to be different with me.. as I was unconfortable with that situation he told me to forget about us after two years and more 🙁 and that he chose to study another carrier and that he will not marry me nor the girl that his parents chose for him... how complicated is this... i think Allah is happy to see two people happy together not abligated.. i have the impression that his family will not allow him to break that engagement with someone that he does not know because his father said that he will marry that girl but how unfair is marry someone that you dont love. so he prefered to be alone but in the end I know they will push him to marry this person again...too bad.. but what can I do?? nothing, I think... just let it go .. it is not easy specially whe you have a bigg ilussion and you have been sincere...
reading your comment I think you are right we as woman deserve the best and a great man to share our life as allah has commanded but in true love...if he does not have the courage to face it he does not deserve you.
How can I break the engagement when the girl is already engaged to another boy?
for the past one year i loved a guy and he also loved me sincerely and he is ready to marry me,but the main problem is our family,both of them house are near by,,,at first all them are so friendly and later due to some misunderstanding between the families there arise a conflict between them and they arranged marriage for that guy and he also accept that and now he promised me that he wil marry me secondly bcoz he is working in saudi and he pick me there and marry me,,,,,,whether it is practically applicable,,,but i dont like this proposal and also i can't able to leave him,,,bcoz that much i like him,,,in few days he is going to get marriage infront of my eyes and i don't know what i am going to do and always i AM PRAYING TO ALLAH to save me from this critical situation,,,,,,,,,,,please please please IF U HAVE ANY SOLUTION FOR THIS PROBLEM means reply me,,,bcoz only short time is available infront of me,,,,,,,,,,,,HURRY UP IN GIVING ME THE SOLUTION
Naazia, please log in and write your question as a separate post. We already have a long line of questions waiting to be answered, and it's not fair to bypass the queue. If I were to answer your question very briefly it would be, forget about this guy. He made his choice, and it was not you. He chose someone else, and that's the bottom line.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor