Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband’s ex-wife wont leave us alone!

jealousy

Assalamu alaikum,

I married my current husband recently. This is my second marriage, and it took me 6 years (after my separation from my previous abusive husband) to agree to marry again. Alhamdullillah, I am happier than I was before, as my husband tries his best to take care of me. However, there is a problem and I am not sure how to handle it. His ex keeps interfering! She cheated on him, had nikkah within a nikkah (I know this is correct information as my husband got the islamic divorce from her last year, and she already has a 2 year old kid), had a kid with another man, and left him.

But now that he is finally married and has moved on, she is trying to come to him despite the fact that she is expecting a second child with her current husband! Unfortunately, I found this out through my husband's friend's wife. Once when I met her (the men play football together), she told me that my husband's ex told her that: a) she looked better with him than I do, and b) our relationship wouldn't last long. I told the lady to stop talking about her, as I am not interested, and walked away.

Unfortunately, I had to drop my husband off to their house so he could go and play football with his friend, and my husband told me to say 'salam' to his friend's wife as it doesn't look nice otherwise. So I went in and did just that, and forced to sit there. I was only there for 5-10 minutes when that woman started talking about the ex again! I told her I am not interested, and asked her not to speak to me again, which she completely ignored. She said my husband's ex regrets leaving him, that she shouldn't have left him, and that the ex was asking if I was expecting (which I am).

I said to the lady, "Look, I told you before, and I am telling you again, I am not interested in finding out about her, so please stop," but she ignored me and carried on. That's when I changed the subject and said I had to go. This lady has my number, and once messaged me in WhatsApp where I told her, "it was nice to see you, but please do not mention that woman again. My husband and I are very happy in our lives, and couldn't thank Allah enough. If she regrets leaving my husband, then good! But instead of interfering in other people's life, she should concentrate on hers and ask Allah for forgiveness and she might be forgiven and eventually find peace!"

Anyhow, the lady replied back apologizing for hurting me, and I told her I didn't get hurt. When I told her once I don't want to know anything about her, I expected her to respect my wishes. She also asked me not to tell my husband that she spoke about his ex! Anyhow, I did speak to my husband and told him everything, and found out that she does likes to gossip.

A few days later, my husband told me that his ex whatsapped him (my husband changed his number, but apparently she knows people who can find out about other people's numbers if she knows their details!), and told him that every time she visits the grave, she remembers that my husband is the father of her children! (She had twins when she was married to my husband, and had a miscarriage.) My husband said that was in the past, and that he has moved on, and blocked her. She also emailed my husband few times saying, "Can I ask you something?" Then the same lady whatsapped me and told me that my husband's ex messaged her asking for my due date! I didn't read the complete message and ignored her.

The problem is, I am expecting and due this June. At first I was so angry that I told my husband he can not invite his friend and his wife to our house when the baby is born. But then he said he will take the baby to their house regardless, because he always plays with their daughter and it's not fair. I had no choice but to accept the fact they will visit us at least once, because I would rather be present when they see the baby. My husband did say that after the first visit, we wont keep in touch with them. I know they will take pictures of our baby, and the lady will send it straight to his ex, so I did tell my husband I would ask them not to, and also tell them the reason why. My husband said it's not right, but I could do what I think is best.

What should I do? How can I tell them straight without sounding rude? And how can I get rid of his ex? Before getting married to my husband, I didn't know his ex would keep harassing us. I'm 33 weeks pregnant, and all I keep thinking about is what will she do next. Alhamdullillah, I am a confident person and not insecure of her. But the fact I am unable to do anything in this situation bothers me! I accept that this is a test and because I have not wronged anyone, Allah will protect me and my baby InshaAllah, but I am not looking forward to that couple coming to our house and taking pictures. I feel I shouldn't stoop down to that lady's level, but then I think I have to try my best to protect my child...even though they can't do much with a picture, why should I let them take it? And what can I do so that my husband's ex doesn't contact him again?

-2250sb

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12 Responses »

  1. You seem too insecure. You should accept the fact that whatever may be, but she is his first wife and would remain first wife forever, and you will always be the second wife.
    If being the second wife causes you so much insecurity, then you should have inquired and seeked every info possible about how he got divorced earlier and what went wrong in his first marriage, and whose fault it was! He is the father of her children, and they have certain rights on him, which you accepted when you signed in for nikah with him.
    Don't have so much of insecurity for his ex and if it pacifies you, talk to his ex and let her know what bothers you. Maybe you'll find some hidden truths in the process.

    • His exwife married another man so she is not his wife anymore and has no rights as a wife over him.i am not 100% sure but ask someone you are sure that is knowledgeable for advice not on here.

      • He too married another woman. And he has a child with his ex who has got all the rights even if they are separated.

        • She is not too insecure. It’s the husband’s ex causing the harassment. And husbands’s friend’s wife annoyingly bothering her and harassing her too. She has right to be worried about her and her unborn child.

  2. Your husbands friend's wife is the most dangerous one as she's the barrier between you and the ex wife You never know one day she could be told to leave some black magic paper and hide it in your house or get a piece of the baby's hair. That woman at all cost needs to be avoided. Cut ties with her. And she's incredibly rude for not obeying your wishes. She's a shaytan. And regarding the ex wife, your husband needs to tell her up straight to leave him the hell alone. Loud and clear so she gets burnt and realises that it will never happen

  3. You need to stand up to your husband, thats the first thing you need to do.

    It is not acceptable for him to make you go to a house you do not want to or for him to invite his friend and his wife to come to your house when that makes you uncomfortable.

    You need to tell him that his friend's wife does not respect you and you don't want any association with a person of that sort. If your husband is of course free to go and see your friend but that lady is not allowed in your house. Say that and stand your ground. Tell him his friend's wife should not take priority over your wishes and you don't want to be anywhere near that woman.

    If he doesn't listen, its time to pack your bags and off to your relatives. Your husband is not respecting you and only cares about himself and his friend. That needs to change.

  4. Wow messed up people...This is the result of your own actions ..All of you ungrateful that Allah has made you muslims and the love of this world is engrossed ..Fun and games will all come to an end ...you will come to an end ...Are you prepared for the grave which is the first stage of stages?5 times idalah on every m/f adult is fardz.This not an option.Becoming pious and remembering Allah at all times is the object of life...?THEN WHAT ELSE WERE YOU CREATED FOR ?REMEMBER TRUE SUCCESS IN THIS WORLD AND IN THE HEREAFTER IS ONLY OBEYING THE COMMANDMENTS AND FULFILLING THEM THROUGH THE EXAMPLE OF MUHAMMAD S.A.W..THIS IS NOT A JOKE OR A FAIRY TALE..THE JOKE WILL BE THOSE WHEN THAT TIME HAS COME AND IT WILL BE TO LATE. DID YOU KNOW THE PROBLEMS IN THIS WORLD ARE DUE TO THE MUSLIMS SINNING.YES THIS YOU CAN FIND IN THE HADITHS.PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED WHEN CONNECTION IS MADE WITH ALLAH.THE ONE WHO CONTROLS THE HEART...THINK ABOUT THAT.You see the reality is that shaitan is always present and he is a master of deception..he knows your weaknesses .It is quite obvious that you guys are so immature and your husband needs to smarten up and make arrangements to solve this problem...Get rid of your phone or number ...You can move your husband get a restraining order...when there is no deen in a person's life theres no answer...and the whole world is on your case! Get it..good luk may Allah you better and change your life 360 read Quran educate yourself and help those who are poor and uneducated but deen and other personal issues...travel and see what this world is about and be conscious of your creator so you can be blessed.

    • Raul Ali...stick with the topic. Every discussion page, you copy and paste the same message in caps about sinning and not followings prophet’s commandments. This topic here is about sinning, it’s about being harrased by someone. Trying not be rude here but some people think, they get bonus points by sharing reminders randomly in unrelated topic.

    • You write: "THE PROBLEMS IN THIS WORLD ARE DUE TO THE MUSLIMS SINNING."

      Actually, some problems are a test, not a punishment.

      Nor

  5. Men don’t get these things. You need to be strong with your husband. He is not getting that you are being harrased by his friend’s wife too. He knows she is a gossiper and keeps brushing about his ex to your face, why is he being so nice/naive and not respecting your wishes and protection. You need to be super careful. These ladies will put a black magic on you. If they decide to come to your place, tell them no picture at all. Better yet, your husband if he is cares about you can make excuses why they can’t come to see the baby (your sick, etc.). He should not take his baby alone without your permission to show his friends. Your husband can tell his friend that my wife doesn’t like to go to gatherings and see people because they talk about my ex nonstop. Read lots of dua for protection. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulder. The ex seems like a psycho. Be careful.

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