Its haram to chat to a girl before marriage
Hi, Assalamualikum,
I am in a relationship with a girl for 6 years and our parents has been accepted our relationship but because my careers my parents delaying the marrige. But she is hard to love me and she wants marriage as soon as possible but I am helpless and to satisfy her some times we used to talk in late night and that talk may reaches to her feelings.
I tried to play against her feelings but I am not able to, but we never been into a physical relationship. I know before its haraam chatting with girl before marrige.
So my question is what is your suggestion according to islam? Can you please help me.
~ Muhammed
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Salaam, it depends on the manner in which you are chatting to her.
But in answer to your question: late night phone calls which discuss feelings are haraam. There are many forms of zina and one is zina of the tongue. This includes sweet words. Also talking on the phone is similar to being alone. It is forbidden for a non-mahram man and woman to be alone. Some hadith are below.
Allah has written for Adam's son his share of Zina ( fornication & adultery) which he commits inevitably. The Zina of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the Zina of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it "
Rasulullah S.A.W. said "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head....rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women"
Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab, Messenger of Allaah {Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam} said: "Whenever a man is alone with a woman shaytan makes a third." [Al-Tirmidhi 3118]
Ideally if you are both feeling this way, you should get married as soon as possible. That is the best route. Speak to your family again to try and convince them. Be polite and kind and remind them that the Prophet SAW encouraged early marriage. Try to reassure them that marriage will not affect your career and consider compromising. Ask if you can do nikah with her and move in with her once you have enough money - this is perfectly allowed. You dont need a lot of money, just a small marriage ceremony with the family and you will be legally husband and wife. You will then be allowed to spend time alone, talk and have physical contact etc. Without the stress of living together. When you move in together later InshaAllah (called ruksati in urdu I think), you can then have a bigger celebration if your family wishes. So speak to them and try to compromise but know that its not right for you to delay marriage in this situation.
If your family dont agree try to involve an imam or another influential pious person. Get them to speak to your parents to try to convince them. Make sure the nikah fulfils all the conditions - it cant be done secretly and she needs permission from her wali for example.
While you and this girl are not married, refrain from contacting her by phone or in person. The permissible way to speak to a girl would be to do so in the presence of her mahram or at the very least another person, ideally an elder. Why not ask your parents to take you to see her at her house maybe? Sweet talk etc must also be avoided. It will be strange at first but it is something you will get used to InshaAllah. If you must talk on the phone with her on a rare occasion, do it in a place where a parent is present and only talk about halal topics - do not extend the phone call.
Again the sooner you get married, the better.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
While
Dear,
I am in a dilemna, Actually I got divorced back in 2016. Now I have been looking for some eligible grooms to get married soon, as I am already 31. Now, I am searching online and talking to some. But this time I am focusing on islamic minded good soul. However , I started talking with a guy , very good to go but he staays abroad, and we are communicating through email only, I asked him to talk directly but he did not say anything on that.
I am confused after how many days of talking i should ask him to talk to my wali or to take decision. Coz I cannot talk for a long time without any hope. Please suggest me as per islamic rules.
On another note , please note that he has his on quality though his father was a poor farmer.But he is very islamic.
What questions should I ask him to be confirmed?
Please let me know.