Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need help to be strong in taking a decision

The PerfectSalam Alaykum, I am a revert Muslim, I meet a guy he's a Muslim and he introduced Islam. At first I was so hesitant and we always end up with a fight saying that " you have your belief and I have mine, respect is the key Word" until such time, I was interested on reading comparison books such as Torah, Bible and Quran. The turning point for me to change my belief was that from Torah to Quran there is only one rule to follow by all people " TO WORSHIP ONE GOD". Which change my life.

However my real confusion is that I am still with this guy that I had relationship with for more than 3 years and until now we are not yet married. The worst part is that we are living together. I spoke to him regarding this that its a big no in Islam. If you really love me and respect me Marry me so we cannot commit sins and I am just revert and I want my sins to be clean I want to be pure and forget about the craziness of my past.

However theirs no avail. I meet his family for many occasion and they are also pushing us to marry (they did not know we are living together) every time I talk to him him about marriage he just keep on saying "ok tomorrow we will fix our documents" until now there is nothing yet.

Am I pushing him too much to marry me? Every time I request for separation (break Up) he keep saying to me that I will never found a guy good as him. I love him but I am afraid of Allah as well. I said to him blessings from Allah would be different is we are married and his response "inshaallah"

I know that this story has a simple answer leave him, he has nothing to do on your salvation and go for Tawbah and trust Allah. But I am afraid and I need dua to help me to be strong. Please I need your help.

Jazzakallahu Kayran

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2 Responses »

  1. You'll never find a man as good as him? Wow, you definitely got yourself an arrogant one! What kind of a thing is that to say? "You'll never find a man as good as me" - yeah, that's right, beccause you can do so much better in a heartbeat, sister!

    It is ABSOLUTELY haram for you to live with this man. It's ABSOLUTELY haram for you to be having physical relations to this man. There're no ifs or buts about it, and you know it - what you and this man is doing is HARAM, and as a new Muslimah, you should not be tainting your clean slade that Allah has blessed you with when you converted to Islam. There is a saying that applies to your situation: "why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?". You're giving him all of the benefits of a marriage, yet accepting to give it to him without commitment from his part. Why would he want to marry you when you're already living with him like a wife? You're not only living with him, you're probably cooking his meals, cleaning the house, washing his clothes, satisfying his sexual needs...he gets all of that from you without risking anything: not his own freedom and not his property. When or if he one day decides you don't cut it for him anymore, he can smoothly and easily leave you without having to go through a divorce and partition of his wealth. If zina wasn't a sin, everyone would act like your boyfriend.

    Kick this guy to the curb and tell him not to come back until and unless he has taken the necessary steps for you to have your nikah done. And give him a deadline, too. Why should your sin-counter be on non-stop work, because this guy has commitnment and laziness issues...and arrogance problems? And would you really want a husband who can't commit? What if you want to have children? Aren't you afraid he'll be like this when you ask for babies, too? "Sure, Honey, we can have children next year". And the enxt year, "Sure, Honey, but let's wait another 2 years, I want to enjoy my time with you, first". By the time you are 40, he still has't committed to having children.

    Also, do you actually feel good about having to almost force this guy to marry you? Like...if you didn't constantly push him and ask him to marry you, he wouldn't even have marriage with you in his mind. Is that really a girl's biggest dream? I mean, if it were me, I'd want a man to convince me to get married to him - not the other way around. Stop begging him to marry you, you're not his dog, sister! Kick him the hell out and put Allah, yourself, your dignity and your self-respect before this muppet's desires and needs! You don't owe him anything, if anything, he owes YOU to commit to marriage!

  2. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    You know the answer, but you are afraid. You probably believed that you won't find a person like him. Sister, this man does not seem to feel bad about living with you without having married. I can not see any good for you in him. He will only make it difficult for you to be upon deen and Please Allah. This is not what a husband is for. Ideally, the husband helps a wife in Pleasing Allah. So sister, do not gamble your life for this arrogant man and leave NOW.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

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