I am left with neither this proposal nor the old one, please help.
I had this proposal wherein my parents arranged a meeting with the guy n his parents, they came saw me n gave their reply after 15 days saying that they have liked me.
So my parents asked to consider it. Initially I didnt like the proposal n said a clear no. But then my parents liked it very much n again they asked me to consider it as the guy n his parents were financially stable. So with great difficulty i convinced my mind thinking that may be this particular guy only is in my fate n destiny n had submitted my will to Allah and had decided that the very next day i am goin to say a 'yes' from my side to my parents n let them go ahead wid it.
But it so happened that the very same night when i had decided, that i am goin to say a yes to that proposal i recieved another proposal n i liked this proposal very much... my parents also showed a keen interest in this new proposal. I just thanked ALLAH that day thinkin that ALLAH knows wat i want n thats why he sent an another proposal. The guys side from this new proposal came to my place, saw me n liked me. But the guy hadnt seen me. He was somewhere abroad and we are waiting for their reply for almost a month and now we are really irritated with these people as they are not replying with any feedback. Now we have lost hopes from this new people.
Now my life takes a new twist, my mom heard from someone that the old guy from the previous proposal is already engaged. Now my parents are really angry with me. What do i do????????? They are making me feel regretted, is it my fault, sincerely i thought it was ALLAH's decision to send me with that new proposal on the same day when I decided to tell a yes to those pple n had submitted the will to Allah. I am feeling bad now n becoz of my parents n other relatives, i am beginning to feel regretted.
Plz help me. If I don't get a good proposal throughout my life my parents will tell me that becoz of my decision i lost a good guy n his family.... i am left wid neither this proposal nor the old one.....plzzzzzzzzzzzz help me
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As salamu alaykum sister,
Masha´Allah. You followed your Heart, why are you so upset for that, you knew from the begining he was not for you.
You were sure about your first decision, that one was not. Trust your self, show confidence, put yourself in Allah´s Hands and be open eyes to signs like dissapearing for one month without answering.
Act wisely, be calm and wait. You will have more proposals, you will see in your Heart who is for you, insha´Allah.
Stay faithfull to your Heart, you are the one that is going to live your life, you will know at the right time, ask Allah for patience and gratitude because everything happens in the right way thanks to Him.
Your family will understand, give them all the love and respect you want for yourself, through your thoughts, words and acts, may Allah help you in every step of the Path.
Thank you for sharing.
All my unconditional love and respect,
María
Could this be a case of you being too picky? If it's just been the 2 proposals, don't worry, but once you hit the number 10 and you're still not happy, then most would consider that being very picky. There's no such thing as the perfect partner, you'll have to make things with whoever you end up with, but just make sure you don't say no for a couple of tiny things, like he's 5"6 instead of 5"9, or he has a slight stammer in his voice, often those little things you completely forget once you're married.
But if it's major things and lots of them, then yes go ahead and keep saying no, I know my cousin reject several girls who came with their families offering proposal simply because the girl gave him eye contact, he felt they were not shy enough and he wanted a really shy wife, since he is shy himself, something major like this is fine, but if he said something like her nose doesn't match her face or one of her teeth is not lined up correctly, I would have lined up his teeth with my fist (Joke).
As salamu alaykum,
She said yes to the second one.
And who are we to judge the kind of nose others like, they are going to see that nose all their life, the first thing in the morning and the last one at night? Have you ever had anyone at your side telling you that they don´t like you? I tell you it can be hell on earth for both of them.
Sister keep listening to your Heart, masha´Allah.
All my unconditional love and respect,
María
totally agree its once choice to who they want and have a gut feeling not being picky!!!
This is the problem with men and women these days and why divorce rates are soaring. People want perfection, if we were to aim for this, we'd spend our entire lives alone. Women used to do what the Prophet suggested, which is be happy with what they have, if there is a flaw with a man, they would look to find a goodness in him.
Yes you'll spend your life with this person, but if you are too picky, you may spend a good 5 years looking and still you may not be happy. Hence there was this hadeeth which said to find the goodness in someone instead of dwelling on some bad thing.
You're asking this girl to follow her heart, I'm suggesting that she avoid being too picky, I don't see how that contradicts what you're saying.
Isn't it funny how often those men who choose a wife after only getting 2/3 proposals are almost always more happy than the men who go through 20 proposals?
I am sorry if I misanderstood you, but my point here is that it is not the nose, or the ear or the smile, it is that when our physical body is rejecting other one body, there is something deeper that it is better to listen to, the feeling of rejection is there and maybe it is not so eay to translate to words that feeling and come across as I don´t like the nose.
Once you meet a person you know, yes or no, and that first gut´s feeling is extremely powerful, when there are doubts better not move, that has been my experience. And yes the connection begins since the first movement made for proposal, .... you should observe what is behind a man that has done 20 proposals, Allah (swt) knows everything about us, I´ve seen both kind of people and you too, if you stop and look inside them, you will probably understand the process behind the act,... Different ways, as we are different.
This Sister is not being picky, is following her Heart.
Here is not a question of perfection I believe is more a question of affinity, because none of us are perfect, and about the rate of divorce I believe is the same everywhere, what is missed are the roots of a relationship.
Mr. Smith you have made me think deeper, thank you very much.
My unconditional love and respect,
María
I am sorry I said Mr. Smith instead of Mr Fisher, I hope you forgive me.
María
Salaam my Sister,
The best advice I can give you is to be patient and don't buy into the drama that your parents are creating around this topic of marriage. My own family was the same with me, so I really do understand - our parents aggressively protect us from men all up until a certain age, and then they start pushing men towards us with such gusto that we barely have an opportunity to think clearly about what we are comfortable with.
What is going on is that your parents have created a vision in their mind of your marriage, your wedding,your children - and they have fallen in love with this imagination and they want it so badly that they are trying to accelerate its realisation by pressuring you, and then they are getting heartbroken when they realise that they will have to wait a little bit longer. In the background, you will have aunties, uncles and cousins all seemingly "on the way" to marriage and your parents will feel pressure from their social circle to get a move on with the marriage action and join in all the fun. Whilst your parents have the benefit of seeking these potentials out and finding out about them and getting excited - you get the tail end of the information and are asked what you think without all of the initial set up process and not really knowing much at all.
Unfortunately, you bear the brunt of all of this and you get the worst end of their emotions, hopes and disappointments: and also all the blame for failure (they will keep the responsibility for success you see). Yet marriage is a big decision and not something you should approach with a deadline in your mind, and definitely not something that should be decided on finance alone.
My advice to you to be patient, and when your parents start freaking out and getting emotional with you, recognise this as a tantrum - its basically the same response that you get when you refuse a small child an ice-cream, and then they get upset and cry and wail about it. You must put on your adult head and recognise the difference between emotional upset and actual fact.
If you are aged between 18-40 marriage proposals will keep coming. I come from a majority female family, and my husband has 4 sisters and believe me: proposals always come, and everyone ends up married at some stage. Some young, some not so young - but if your intention is to get married, you will get married.
My advice is, stay calm, be patient, keep the faith - whatever will be will be, and everything in life takes the amount of time that it takes and there is very little that any of us can do about that, so try not to stress too much.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
I totally agree with Leyla’s comments she has given you good advise I also think being patient plays a major part in life never give in to what other people want you to do. This isn’t about being picky Allah has created someone for you inshallah proposals will keep coming for you. You must never regret I rather choose someone I really like without ending up unhappy its got nothing to do with being perfect its about trusting that person and having a good feeling for that person you chose because at the end you will be marrying and spending the rest of your life with that person.