Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t want to sell alcohol, but my parents think I’m a hypocrite!

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I am an 19 year old muslimah living in the west. Since I have to pay my stuff myself, insurance and all (my parents want me to learn how to deal with money). I worked at a supermarket as a cashier. So I scanned the stuff and handled the cash register. But since I live in the west the supermarkets sell alcohol. So frequently I had to scan the alcohol, the pork and some other haram stuff. I didnt feel good about it, so I did a bit of research and I found out that it is not permissible to work at such a place. And that I'm doing haram buy scanning these items, I am actually assisting them with the haram stuff.

So for the sake of Allah swt I left the job immediately. Now I know I don't have enough money and I can't ask my parents. Because they already bought me so much this month.

The thing is my parents were really mad that I quit like that. They think I'm a hypocrite. My mom said well if you are that much into it why dont you wear your hijab, don't wear make up and all that stuff. My dad kept asking what was wrong, he thinks something bad happened at work, he just doesn't believe that I quit for the sake of Allah.

I am 19 and I alhamdulillah pray 5 times a day, I read quran when I can, I try to lower my gaze always, I wear long clothes. But I don't wear hijab yet, I really want to wear one day insha'Allah. I make a lot of zikr of Allah swt. I don't wanna tell you like I do this and this but I just wanna say that I am trying to be good, but everyone thinks I'm a hypocrite! I dont shout out loud that I pray and all that, because that's between me and Allah. My parents see me praying and all. But when it comes to this they think I'm being too much and that we live in the west and that it isnt haraam.

What should I do? And my mom is masha'Állah very sweet but she yells a lot to me. I work (well now im jobless), go to school and I had a very difficult test period in school that was over this week I studied very hard, please make dua that my results will be positive. But my mom always yells to me you don't do anything in the household. And I say okay mom tell me something and I will do it. Then she says no you should do it out of urself and not wait. I told her I wanted to cook today and she yelled to me again like why do you wanna cook when you never help with the household. I dont wanna yell back but I try to keep quite but at the end I end up yelling back.

I love my parents. I will always respect them and never let them down. I trust Allah the most and I will have patience. But what do I do about it when my parents don't support, instead they get angry at me....please help.

And please make dua that I will get a job soon (halal). And that my results will be very good insha'Allah. I'm so afraid, I already failed twice. I love Allah and I love my parents but what to do?!

~Jalparii

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7 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Alikum,
    May Allah grant you success in this world and in the hereafter. Just keep praying to Allah and don't loose hope. Allah is gonna get you a better job, He is the ar-Razaaq. Allah says in the quran,

    "Is not He [better than our gods] who responds to the distressed one, when he calls Him..." (Qur 'an 27:62)

    And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things” [Quran 65:2-3]

    Another thing I wanted to pointed out is that it is obligatory to cover your awrah (private body parts) when you are in front of non-mahram men (strangers). The awrah of women is the whole of their bodies minus the hands upto wrists and the very front of the face. For men, it is from the navel to the knees. The clothing covering the awrah must not be too tight or transparent. It must not be too attractive either. It is one of the most major sins. Allah says in the quran:

    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts (awrah) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is must appear (face, hands etc), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”

    Prophet (may peace be upon him) said:

    Two are the types amongst the inhabitants of Hell, one possessing whips like the tail of an ox and they flog people with their help. (The second one) the women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed (will wear revealing clothes), who are seduced (to wrong paths) and seduce others with their hair high like humps. These women would not get into Paradise and they would not perceive the odour of Paradise, although its frag- rance can be perceived from such and such distance (from great distance). (Sahih Muslim)

    If you have any questions, feel free to email me at

    Assalamoalikum

    • You lectured her on hijab and did not address any of the other issues she is writing about: trying to please her parents, trying to get a job, not wanting to be involved in selling haram, etc.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Someone asked you for help after they stopped digging the devils gold mine, instead you picked on their faults and highlighted them(i wonder who had that characteristic of exploitation, hmm..), as muslims we should assume out brother and sisters are equal to us, and everyone takes time to change, i admire the sisters effort to eventually wear the hijab, ive learnt alot over time, and throwing hadith at kids and forcing something upon them is not right, they will wear in fear or to please you and not Allah, which leaves you rather tongue tied, am i not right ?.

      Sister jalparii i echo brother waels advice below, and if your from the uk then you can work as a cash counter, it is the perfect job since you deal with money alone and nothing else and their are loads of jobs available in that sector, may Allah guide you and dont worry insha'Allah you pass you exams.

  2. Sister Jalparii, As-salamu alaykum,

    It's admirable that you left your job for the sake of Allah, knowing it would cause you some difficulty. Allah has seen what you did and will take it into account. It's also excellent ma-sha-Allah that you do your five prayers every day. I'm sure that you will soon be strong enough to wear hijab, Insha'Allah.

    Look for another job, one that does not involve haram. Since you have experience working as a cashier, that would be an obvious place to start. There are plenty of stores that do not sell liquor or pork. Be very persistent and determined in your job search and do not give up.

    When you are at home, do the chores without asking. Take the trash out, do the laundry, sweep or vacuum the floors, make the beds. Don't ask your mother first, just do it.

    Do not yell back at your parents. I know it's very difficult when someone is blaming you and shouting at you, but you must show them respect nonetheless. When they call you a hypocrite I know that hurts. Don't internalize it. Tell yourself that you know who you are, you are a good Muslim and sincere in your deen. Don't allow other people's negative words to damage your heart.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Dear brothers and sisters,
    Trust me I did not have any intention of hurting her and only want the best for her. I pray to Allah to help her and all of my muslim brothers and sisters and grant them the best in this world and the akhirah. My intention was only to draw her attention to a major sin that she was committing. I have been in a far worse situation in the past and know exactly how it feels. Not only do you have to put your trust in Allah in such circumstances but you also have to keep reminding yourself of your real goal (being successful in the akhira) to make sure you dont get distracted by the tests of this worthless, temporary world. I felt obliged to remind her about the enormity of the sin of exposing the awrah in public, as I would not be a true believer till I wanted for my brothers what I wanted for myself, and, wallahi, I love people to point out my sins so I could get better. Reminding yourself and others about these mistakes is not a favour, it is a RESPONSIBILITY. Read suratul Asr carefully if you don't agree with me.

    Before ending my comment I also wanna thank my dear brothers who have posted above for their concern for their sister. I am sure you wanted your best for her too.

    May Allah guide, help and protect all of us and overlook our mistakes!

    Jazakumullahu khayran

    Wassalamoalykoom

    • Your quote from above:
      Reminding yourself and others about these mistakes is not a favour, it is a RESPONSIBILITY

      the sisters quote from the post:
      I really want to wear one day insha'Allah

      She clearly says i want to wear one day, and she knows already, so no need to teach someone again, they are aware of the knowledge, yet you are EXPLOITING this fact, and that is the work of shaytan and one must refrain from doing this, if she had not wrote that, would you have posted what you did?, thus proving my point your comment was a induced reply because of the sisters admission she didnt wear one at this moment, if it was induced then we gain satisfaction from putting others down, scaring, taunting them, and hence this is when the man in red stands besides us, and admires his handywork, there is a fine line between the topics, its evident in many places, but for now i will stop.

      your second comment aimed at me

      'Read suratul Asr carefully if you don't agree with me.'

      A taunt almost, if you had said 'this is said, quoted in surah-ul-asr', then fine but you went ahead and said ' if you dont agree with me' and hence you gain satisfaction, that you have shown your command over others, please be careful, satisfaction from a brothers demise is shaytan, satisfaction from another for false reasons is shaytan.

      I apologise for my above comments coming across harsh, but i am in the mindset to reveal my feelings on the subject.

      indeed, May Allah guide, help and protect all of us and overlook our mistakes.
      Ameen

    • alot of muslims brothers and sisters are very judgemental towards non-hijabis. This is not right what we need to do is be helpful and supportive as most are struggling muslimahs just because a women does not wear the hijab does not mean that she is not trying her best to follow the deen the sister who posted this is just an example she is trying her best clearly and struggling as well trying to keep halal. what alot of brothers and hijabi sisters do is treat them very badly. When clearly they are trying their best in order to please allah. A sister maybe a hjiabi but she isn't perfect person the same way the non hjibi may not wear the hjiab but prays five times a day ,keeps halal ect it doesn't mean she's a bad person because doesn't wear the hijab we should belittle them instead pray for them to make it easier because its certainly not easy for them

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