I’ve loved my cousin since childhood.
Salam,
Okay. I don't know were to start but yeah, I live in England and I'm 18. I've never been out with a guy. I have had many ask me, but I've seen most as brothers. I love my mum and dad a lot.
The reason why I've never been out with anyone (yes, it's gunnah) is because I've been in love with my far cousin since I was a child. He's taken care of me, always made me happy and been there for me- the best person in my life. Because I'm 6 years younger, at the time I loved him he wasn't really sure if he loved me. Maybe it was because he'd always been there for me, but he got married to a girl tha he liked and she likes him.
As I've grown he realised that he actually loves me so much- not just care about me. His wife doesn't like it. Yes, I understand she doesn't like him caring about me, but it's because he's always done that and he can't just leave me like that. I still love him, and he loves me too. He loves his wife as well, and I don't mind that. I don't mind being his second wife as well, because for a man it's allowed. I don't want to marry someone else and have him in my mind- that's just cruel.
I'm so confused. I have loads of reshtay coming now, and I know he will literally kill himself if I get married to someone else. I prayed to Allah to help me get over him, because I don't wants upset his wife but it just hasn't worked. It's because he just can't leave me. There are people who can easily forget everything and ignore you , but he's not like that and neither am I. I'm so scared.
I told my mum and she's really angry and upset. She says I should forget him. I really don't like her being upset but I'm the only daughter, and I don't want him harming himself either. I really need advice on what I should do. All I want is for God to take me to him, this way my mum won't worry. I won't have to live with someone and think about someone else, that's disgusting! And the person I like won't have to worry about not being able to get married to me or me getting married to someone else. I would never do anything near suicide, I just want Allah to please help me 🙁
I hope anyone can understand, and not think negatively of me. I know it's not my fault. Please advise and tell what duas to read will be best for me, and what you would do in such a difficult position.
-Noor al haya
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This isn't just about you and him now. He has another wife, have you realized that you might be hurting her and ruining her married life? She's someones child too. Whats done is done, he's married and you both need to end it. Sometimes you can't get what you want, and Allah (swt) only gives you what he has written for you. You need to step back and not just think about him and yourself, you need to think about the 3 families involved in this as well. Sorry if i'm being harsh, but this is the truth.
Allah Khair.
If your cousin really loved you, he would have married you. He is just using "you".
If a guy can't be "true" to his wife, how can he be true to you?
Can you guess why your cousin started loving you when you became 16-18?
This love feelings disappear very soon when people get married.
Get married to some one who lives far away.
Assalam alaikum Sister,
Often men love the chase more than the catch--If he wanted, he could marry you and it is that simple. There shouldn't be any confusion--so please move on with your life and accept a rishta before you regret saying no over and over again. And on top of everything, you are deeply hurting his wife--you should sincerely stop interfering with him and his life and he really shouldn't know about the details of what's happening and going on with you.
I pray that you get married soon to a wonderful man and move on with your life and never forget your purpose as a Muslim.
As-salamu Alaykum, Sister,
Would it be okay with you if your father was in love with a cousin and flirted with her on the side, making your mother feel insecure about their marriage?
If not, perhaps you can see what is wrong with your desire to pursue a relationship with your married cousin. He is doing something wrong by leading you on.
ASSALAMALAIKUM
PLEASE ACT ACCORDING TO YR NAME Noor al haya-
AND FORGET HIM OTHER CASES OF LOVE START AFTER 16 AND YOURS IS WELL IN ADVANCE ND BECAUSE OF THAT WORD YOU ARE JUST HANGING WITH HIS NAME ONLY AND SPOILING YR FUTURE
THERE IS NOTHING LIKE LOVE WITHOUT NIKAH IT MIGHT BE HE LIKES YOU AND YOU LIKED HIM ITS JUST A NORMAL BACHPAN KI DOSTI AND THIS CHILD HOOD FRIENDSHIP CANNOT THE BASIS OF YOUR LIFE IF HE REALLY NEEDED YOU HE WOULD HAVE ASKED YR HAND INSTEAD OF THE WIFE HE IS MARRIED AND NOW YOU ARE BECOMING A HOUSE BREAKER[ you are deeply hurting his wife' BECAUSE OF HIS TWO SIDE SHARING ONE IS PURE LOVE FROM NIKAH THAT HIS IS FAMILY AND LEGAL SETUP-AND YOURS IS A FALSE LOVE FOR YOU-TO HAVE EXTRA MARITAL AFFAISR WHICH IS HARAM-Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
** Comment removed by Editor **
heara, I have removed all your comments and placed you on moderated status. I will look through your comments carefully tomorrow Insha'Allah, and see if some of them should be restored. The main thing you must do is avoid abusive or insulting language. Be kind and compassionate in your advice.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister write this email to Allah Aza Wa Jal and He will give you what is best for for and for him.. But getting married to him is the best option I believe..
assalam-o-alaikum
well noor i dont know you can read my reply or not
but being a muslim i dont want to give you an evil opinion. being muslim you are just like my own sister and i will try my best to give you honest opinion as i do to my sister
i know its too late i dont know you are married or not.
to someone whom you loved or someone else. But if you are not married yet and in a confusion so you should follow principles of islam who gives permission to man of second wife if he loves
But there is an other aspect too islam also order us not to harm any soul even islam has provided us guidlines how we should treat animals.
so by marrying him to whom you love may be happy for you and this guy too if he loves you but not for his wife whom he has married before you because she has a superior right on him.
And your mother is not agree too i think you should do what makes happy to those who have right on yoou after allah and muhammad s.a.w.
note
you should study quran it will give you more satisfaction than all others nd will led you right way inshaAllah.
my age is fourteen years but i have given you an honest opinion in your difficulty haya
may allah bless you and show you the path of those who had agr-e-azeem and not of those who earned your anger ameen.
ISHA IJAZ.
salam ..I am 26years old. I was engaged (not officially) to my first cousin when I was too young. my aunt is now angry with my dad (don't know the reason). my dad still wants me to marry my cousin ,as he is well educated and our people prefer marriages in family. and he thinks he is the only one suitable for me.he like him very much.
but here is deadlock between my aunt and my dad..my aunt is not talking to my dad.me and my cousin have also never talked to each other nor even see him directly..long ago i had seen him and he might have seen me. I don't know is he willing to marry me or not..
now many proposals come in my home but my dad says that my daughter is engaged and nearly all in my family know about my this unofficial engagement.i also don't like these proposals and also don't wanna marry soon. but by attaching my name to a person who never talked to me seems awkward.. i have seen my cousins comments in twitter (i stalked him) that he never wanted to get marry and want to live as bachelors throughout his life. icon smile %photo i don't know he is serious or not.
I am afraid that what if my cousin rejects me or his mother because all in my family know about this engagement.. so i feel embarrass sometimes. and there is not my fault so why am i embarrassed. if it would happened it would be my dad's fault not mine.
my dad has never talked to me that i am engaged to my cousin and in our culture girls willingness is not considered very necessary unfortunately..but through my mom I came to know this all. and I am not frank to my dad so i cant discuss with him. when my mom asks him about this he says lets see what happens. if our daughter is not married here we would do rishta in outsiders. and i know it is impossible. actually he has hope that i am going to marry my cousin..
so in this case what should I do? because my parents are just assuming things that may not happen.is this sensible to wait for my cousin. and what if they do not angry as my dad rejected all proposals. and I am afraid of embarrassment in my family.
can any bro or sister help me what should I do? nowadays I am in depression due to so many other factors also....:(
Assalam-o-Alaikum!
well Rameen first of all you are having a very nice name. i know you are in a tension according to you in a very big tension,but you should believe in Allah and should not lose hope because being a Muslim disappointment is a sin.and you are not very old too you should have believe in your father as he is your father and loves you a lot may be he is rude but he also has emotions feelings for you.so you should first of all talk to him frankly tell him your problem and being together you should sort out this problem.you should also talk to that boy to talk her mother and sort out her and your dads problem after all he is a boy and according to you well educated and matured. And you are only of 26 not too old,so have faith on Allah.
BECAUSE ALLAH DON'T DO WHAT WE WANT BUT ALLAH DO WHAT IS PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT FOR US.
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU.
AMEN
FROM
ISHA IJAZ
RAMEEN! IF YOU HAVE ANY CONFUSION YOU CAN TALK TO ME I WILL HELP YOU ACCORDING TO MY PREFECTION
INSHALLAH
wasalam ..thanks for suggestion .. should I talk to him?? I am very scared..what if my parents scold me why have you chatted with him on your own..and we are solving etc etc I cant talk to my dad as he has never told me about him..infact he does not tell any thing on any matter..except studies..communication gap!!!!!!!!!!... and what if I message him and would say I dont know about the whole matter...it would be my insult and he would think I am falling for him...and i have never talked to him as well...
rameen i think you should not feel your fathers advice as an insult
this problem only has a single solution that you should talk that is your choice to your father or your fiance.
may allah bless you ameen
rameen i think you should not feel your fathers advice as an insult
this problem only has a single solution that you should talk that is your choice to your father or your fiance.
may allah bless you ameen
you can also talk to me by e mail if you want .
thanks...what is your e mail??
Assalaamualaikam
We do not permit the exchange of personal contact details on this website, in order to help us all to observe Islamic limits.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
wasalam...ok...
salam Rameen, islamically all d possible options given to u, u've give one or two things that could hinder you, communication gap? Cant u ask ur dad in a respectful way(dad +'ve been hearing about my engagement with my cousin whats d truth? Whats d plan?) ur communication gap is unislamic infact if u cant simply ask about your life. The only option dat remains for u is prayers and wait for Allah will..... No opinion here can help ur situation if u cant talk for urself... Cant talk to cousin fiance neither ur own biological dad.
i would tell you it personally not publicly. i am not a fool at all do you have any guesses how could i give it to you personally rameen,. because website is not permitting
hmmmm..i don't have any idea isha...CONFUSED.....through facebook?
i don't have a Facebook account sorry rameen
ok lets talk here!!!!!!. you have misunderstood me (by saying I should not take advice of my dad as insult)..actually what I was saying was I cant talk to my dad as he has never revealed my engagement infront of me.. ( communication gap) i was saying that if I ask my cousin then I would feel insult if he would say that he does not know about such unofficial engagement 🙂 ...and should I ask my cousin because we have never talked to each other..it seems awkward to me..
rameen you have a problem you are mantely sick and no one can help you you are unable to talk someone u can not alk to your father and your fiance as well you should do nothing it is easy for you
excuse me roma if you cant give advice then you should be quiet.. sorry for saying this
i cant talk to my dad because he has never told me that I am engaged how can I tell him about my engagement.. and 2nd thing in our environment we cant frankly talk to dads.....
and 2nd thing I have never talked to my cousin .. he lives in another city... he does not come in our city. he twice came in our home when I was too young...so How can I talk to him about this...
well i think i am right because you are not suffering from a problem you just want publicity and you have get it.
secondly about your so called environment where you cannot talk to your own father but can share your pesonal problem to people all over the world hhhh.
ypu are not enough mature to give advice roma .. if you cannot understand others problems then you should keep quiet..
you are really immature by saying I want publicity..:)
and the other thing yes many times people cannot talk to their dad in such things...
wasalam rukayah .. thanks for your reply.. if asking to dad is the only solution then my mom did this several times....I should wait for Allah's will 🙂
well you are not confessing but you really want and for your kind information i am sister of isha wh is advising you since long.
no dear I dont want...ok dont focuss on my problem...just chill..i read isha previous comments and came to know she is only 14 and I was just shocked...Anyways she is good girl.May Allah bless you both..stay happy..Allah hafiz..
Ok if u so wish and tired of me I am leaving may god bless
you too
Ok if u so wish and tired of me I am leaving may god bl
Bess you too
Salam,
I will share my story on how I managed to get rid of the same problem as you my sister.
4 months ago I fell in love with a beautiful girl and I was so sad because I couldn't marry her for personal reasons. And what I did was: I started praying too much and making lot of dua and after 2 weeks I completely forgot her and now I feel really good and Allah gave me lot of good things, I've got a job and I'm earning a lot of money and I feel very happy I think it's a result of the pain I've had and I've had patience then Allah rewarded me. I think that you should pray a lot and stop thinking about him. And after a period of time you will see that you don't love him anymore of course If Allah wants.
I hope that my story will help you a little bit.
InshAllah you will fix the problem you have.