I want to marry her in secret
Rasool(sws) said: 'Marriage without Wali is invalid, invalid, invalid!'
I am a muslim, 19 year old. I am in love with a girl who has converted to islam without informing her parents. I have a strong desire to meet her and touch her, but I am avoiding such things because it is not allowed in islam. We even avoid sweet talks and messages over phone. I cannot control my emotions. So I want to marry her according to Islam without the consent of her parents(Non-muslims), since her parents cannot be a wali for her in a islamic marriage.
Kindly guide me... its too urgent for me.. please help..... I want to know the necessary things for a islamic marriage..
-FZ
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If her parent is non-muslims, they can't be her wali, the imam of your local masjid can definately be her wali, Do it as soon as possible to avoid any evil acts, and do as you like afterwards inshallah.
look they may be non-Muslim but they are still her mother and father and they have a right to know who their daughter wishes to marry.
They have a right to know their daughter is being wed, but no more than that.
They have no authority to stop her.
This is a difficult one. I agree that you should marry as soon as you can. At the same time I would feel it would be hypocritical to advise marrying without at least informing the parents because in general we advise men to do things openly when it comes to marriage.
The reason I am saying is this I know of a couple who were in a similar situation and were planning to keep the marriage secret from the girls parents. (The girl was planning to convert.) It was the boys parents who convinced them to speak to her non-Muslim parents beforehand. The end result is the ties between the two families are good MashaAllah and they get on. Her parents were actually supportive and are grateful it didnt happen behind their back. Not sure if it had been the same if her family would have found out about her conversion and marriage later on. The couple of course had to exercise some patience but the fact that they did things the right way lead to peace and harmony within both families Alhumdulilah.
The point is as Muslims we need to uphold certain values. Values of honesty, integrity and doing things the correct way. Going behind her parents back may make matters worse. Plus a web of lies will have to follow to cover it up. If she can, it would be best if she could speak to her parents beforehand. As for controlling your emotions, you should avoid her and keep your distance whilst you are not married, including meetings and phone-calls. And you most certainly should not meet alone.
I dont know your situation but If its impossible for her to tell her parents or dangerous and there is no other way, and you truly fear risk of zina then do just marry her ASAP. Because avoiding zina and sin is paramount! But be aware the issues above will still be issues and you dont want to start a marriage on a lie.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Sara gave excellent advice and you should follow it. I would just like to ask, have you asked her if she is interested in marriage? Certainly you have been clear about your feelings, but it may be she is not ready for that at this time and her consent would definitely be needed to go forward, regardless of how her parents may feel. If she is indeed feeling as you do, then certainly move forward in the most judicious way (meaning, inform her parents if they seem reasonable, but withhold from them if there is a safety issue) and have the imam or another trusted brother be her wali.
Remember, regardless of how you two actually go about getting married, the fact that you are married and that she is Muslim will eventually come out. Where will she live once she's married? If you two live together then it will be obvious to her parents what's going on. If she remains there while married to you, how will you work out the actual relationship? What if she becomes pregnant? Clearly, there are a lot more details you have to anticipate here than just how to get a nikkah done.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
you must ask her first if she feels the same way about you and if she too wants to get married .but do not put pressure on her to say yes as she may not be ready for marriage mentally.Remember its the women who carries the baby so she might not be ready for such a huge responsibility.
Why do you want to marry her in secret even if she is non mahram or someone who has converted to ISLAM wouldn’t that be another lie you living in and not a good start in marriage. Why don’t you just be honest and let her parents know they have a right to know and ask her if this is what she wants too. If you still want to marry her involve both families it won’t be just her but both families people often forget this marriage becomes a full package not half.
DO NOT marry her secretly. The EXACT (every single detail down to the age) situation you just described happened to my brother. They married secretly and were discovered one year later Needless to say, it did not end well. They would have been much better off informing everyone about everything. One act of deception leads to the next. If you have to do something secretly, you're not doing it the right way. If she is unwilling to inform her parents about her conversion, then she is definitely not ready to be married. At the very least, her parents have the right to know. The relationship my brother had might have worked out had he been open about it, but not anymore. My brother and the girl he married managed to alienate both families. If you truly want a solid, lasting relationship and not some lustful ephemeral infatuation, then do things the right way from the start. NO SECRETS. Marriage should be celebrated, not hidden shamefully. Think through the consequences. What happens when her parents find out, and they will inevitably. How do your parents feel?