I misbehaved with my father-what to do now
Assalamaauailkum everyone.
I am hoping for advice from you friends regarding a matter which is disturbing me and I am totally broken down because of it.
I had a fight with my father due to some unavoidable circumstances; I guess it could be avoided had I made an attempt to. The devil was successful in instigating the fight and I have done serious misbehavior with my father.
Now I am totally regretting it and my father is in no mood to accept my apologies. I feel that I have ended my world and I feel like commiting suicide. But I am reminded that it is haram and so I am holding back my thoughts. I dont know what to do. How can I make Allah and my father forgive me? Please advise.
- Peace4all
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Salaams,
I understand how bad you must feel and how deeply you want to repair the broken bond with your father. Even though I don't know the details of the fight you had or how you might have wronged him, there are a couple of points I would like to share about what you mentioned.
First of all, regardless of of what humans may or may not do when fights happen and are (or are not) resolved, you must have faith that if you have repented and asked for forgiveness from Allah, that He has forgiven you. Even if others don't forgive you, Islam teaches us "not to despair of the mercy of Allah". Be encouraged that if Allah has forgiven you, that He supports you in mending your relationship with your father.
That being said, try to be patient with your father. He is human and he is hurt by what happened. Sometimes we need time to process what happened and recover enough to walk in trust again with those we love. I am sure that your father has love for you, and I believe he will forgive you if you give him space to sort out his own feelings and thoughts about what happened.
While you are giving your father some time to heal, meditate on hadiths that speak of the mercy and forgiveness of Allah. When we walk to Him, He runs to us. Turn your thoughts toward these truths and away from the evil and destructive ones that shaytan is trying to whisper at you. In times like these we can never say 'A udthu bilahi mina shaytanirrahjeem' enough. It sounds like you may be suffering an attack from the evil one...by being lured into this fight you regret having and now the unhealthy thoughts that you are finding yourself preoccupied with. See this deception for what it is and keep your focus on the truth: that Allah is Al Mu'id, the Restorer, and He will restore you to Himself and your father if you continue to seek His mercy.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam, I agree with what sister Amy said give it some time and ask him for forgiveness again. InshaAllah your father will forgive you. Another thing is that pray for your father to be successful in this life and the next. Pray for your fathers forgiveness. When we wrong someone we need to seek Allahs forgiveness first and foremost but we also need the forgiveness from the person we wronged if we can. as we will owe some of our reward to them. If they do not forgive us or are not willing to at the time (such as your situation) then you should pray for them - that way you will owe them much less on Judgement day. And Allah knows best.
So for now give it time, pray for your father and ask Allah to soften your fathers heart as well.
Sara
Islamic Answers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Questioner,
Seek forgiveness of Allah, repent truely, be patient, let some days pass, Insha Allah things will be back to normal soon.
Be kind to parents and when you are in anger, develop a habit to forgive. Be patient. Patience is a major Islamic virtue. If you remain patient, Insha Allah you will be able to deal with many tough situations with ease and will be able to pass swiftly from situations in which you would cause difficulty for yourself by being impatient. So try to practice Sabr.
Read the below verses carefully, pay heed, understand and make efforts to apply them in your life:
13. And (remember) when Luqman said unto his son, when he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! to ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong
14. And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying.
15. But if they strive with thee to make thee ascribe unto Me as partner that of which thou hast no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who repenteth unto Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what ye used to do.
16. O my dear son! Lo! though it be but the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens, or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Allah is Subtile, Aware.
17. O my dear son! Establish worship and enjoin kindness and forbid iniquity, and persevere whatever may befall thee. Lo! that is of the steadfast heart of things.
18. Turn not thy cheek in scorn toward folk, nor walk with pertness the land. Lo! Allah loveth not each braggart boaster.
19. Be modest in thy bearing and subdue thy voice. Lo! in harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass. - Surah Luqmaan.
Read the Qur'an much with translation and meanings and ponder upon its verses, the best advices and answers to life's questions lie there.
Hope the advice helps.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
I know how you feel brother. Behaving bad with parents has some religious and emotional implications. If we behave harshly with them, we violate a command of Allah, and unless they forgive us, it may turn out to be a cause of great regret in the hereafter. On the other hand, if we behave badly with them, the feeling of guilt will overwhelm us, and this feeling will often cripples us emotionally.
It is inevitable that we will have disagreements with our parents. However, considering how horrible and how ugly the situation can turn into, and considering that we are always in a lose-lose situation if we argue with our parents. especially if the parent-children relationship is not very open, I personally believe that we should always smile, show kindness, and agree with them unless it is something that is encroaching my rights given by Allah and His Messenger. Even if we must have to disagree, we should explain our position slowly and kindly, like Prophet Ibraheem (S) did to his father.
Inshallah, the situation will improve. However, the lesson you need to learn from this situation is this: Even if we feel that we are DAMN right, and our parents are DAMN wrong, if we end up misbehaving with them and they become angry with us, it will emotionally put us in a such a HORRIBLE state that even the best victory in this world will not worth it. Because we simply can't win against them. So, be very careful to not let Shaytan take control over you when you interact with your parents from now on.
Dear Brother/Sister,
As someone who has had to deal with similar situations of anger and fighting within my own family from time to time, I would like to offer you my humble advice. Go to your father and try to apologize. Go again and again and again. It may be many months until he can bring himself to accept your apology but he will eventually come around God willing.
Do not think for a minute that he does not want to speak with you but he is angry, hurt and like any man, he has his pride. Please don't even think of suicide, it will not make things better...it will hurt many people beyond your wildest imagination. He loves you more than you know, you are after all...his child. Be patient and remember, time truly does heal all things.
Salamz all
I just had the worst weekend of my life
I had the worst argument I have ever had with my father even though we had many disagreements before.
My life feels dead since that day. I want to ask him for his forgiveness but my father is a very difficult person to approach in good times that it feels impossible now. I am afraid for starters and I dont think he will act lightly due to the severity of the situation. I just want to dissolve in front of him. My father is a very difficult person.
Wasalam, Ali,
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/dua-in-islam/dua-for-anxiety-and-stress-2/
This may ease the pain in your Heart and guide you to the Path of forgiveness, Insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you
please make dua for us
I will, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor