I’m in a loveless marriage with my late sister’s husband
Assalamualeikum, am married to my sister's husband after my sis died. I was not happy, but I did it coz my sis asked me before she passed away. Its been 10 years now, I have two kids alhamdulilah. I have never been happy, my husband is not well off, but I have never ever demanded anything. Alhamdulilah I get everything from my parents, in the period of ten years he has never bought for me anything, neither do i ever ask.
These days he makes me feel that me and the kids are burden on him, he is tired of working, he asked me many times to leave him just because of money, he wants me to leave him and take the kids so that he doesnt have any financial responsibilities, which I can but I don't want.
Am not happy at all but I don't know why and wot is stopping me from breaking this nameless bond since there is no love in between us. I do care from him, but when I try to speak affectionely to him, he says something so hurting that would literally make my heart ache. We sleep seperately (I don't know the reason behind this) but we've been sleeping in different beds since I gave birth to my first child. I feel like am maid in the house who looks after the house and kids.
Can you pls guide me on to this. Jazakallah.........
~hamna
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Wow.... I wouldn't marry my sisters husband even she begged me too coz I'd not ever be able to take her place in his eyes she was his first and will always be ..... Mayb he wud fall inlove again but with smone else not me and it wil b a completely different love compared to his first ....
wat does he say to u thats hurtful, is there any romance mayb u should try to build things up and put past behind u for all your sakes its wat ur sister wanted why did she want this sister?
Sister Hamna, as-salamu alaykum,
It seems to me that you are confused about your own feelings. You say that you were not happy about marrying your husband, and that there is no love between you, but then you say that you do care about him.
Did it ever occur to you that your husband knows that you were not happy about marrying him, and that you only did it because of your sister's request, and that you don't love him? How do you think he would feel about that? Is it surprising that he maintains a distance from you? I doubt that money is his true reason for wanting to split from you. Money is often a mask that people use to conceal what is really going on.
You have two choices:
1. Admit that this marriage was a mistake and call it quits. This was not a fair request that your sister made of you, and you should not have agreed to it.
2. Try to heal the marriage and find love between you. In that case you will certainly need to see a marriage counselor. The counselor can help both of you recognize the good in each other, and learn to communicate, and discover the value of your marriage.
Which choice you make is up to you, but you cannot continue living in this in-between limbo, neither together nor apart. That's a living death.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Hamna,
The reasons for this love less marriage is that your husband has financial difficulties. This is also creating a negative communication atmosphere at home. There are many positive steps you can take to address the communication problems. You are confident that you can help with the financial difficulties of your husband .
I you look at the issue backwards. First less come up with a plan to lighten the load of financial worries on your husband. Even if you are leaving him, you are expected to take all his financial difficulties. So why would you close the door on him and bring all his issues on your shoulders? Communication problems can be addressed. If you agree to help in financial issues in return he has to cooperate with you in addressing communication issues. Once these two issues are some what taken care off. We can address the issue of of putting love back in the marriage. Insallah if this is very much possible and if you want give it a try and need guidance. I am able to help you address these issues on a long term basis.
Jazakalallah Khair