Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need advice after divorce

interfaith, torn, children, marriage problem, lonelyAs Salamu Alaykum everyone,

I am currently going through a divorce. I am a 28 year old man who has one daughter who is 1 year old. My previous marriage was in a bad situation as you may have seen with one of my previous posts ("Am I wrong for divorcing my violent wife?").

I have a question for anyone who has experienced a divorce before and married again. Or anyone who has good advice that may benefit.

I know that everything happens for a reason and that Allah may be preparing me for something else but the idea of sharing a daughter with my ex just bothers me. Especially because I know my ex will put hatred in my daughters heart towards me as she grows up. Also, we live about 2 hours away from each other so I will not be able to see my daughter as often. What is some advice that some of you can give me and does anyone here have experience and how did it go with the kids growing up?

Alhamdillah I only have one child with my ex, still it isn't easy even thinking about it.

Also, do people accept their daughters to be married to a divorced man who has a child? I am just thinking that when I try to marry again that many may not like the idea of a man/women who was divorced especially with a child to marry their own kids because they may think that since they were divorced they may have issues etc.

What does everyone think about that, be honest?

If you in their shoes how would you feel about marrying a man that was divorced and has a daughter, you find that okay, or is that something that may bother some of you?

Thanks

- mmmhamza13


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5 Responses »

  1. This stigma never be over from you , your daughter, and your ex. Think about it, no doubt life is hell to staying together but still there would be a hope that things might be get better in future but after divorce the nature of problems would be changed for sure but the things might be get more worse and damaging. And this change would be forever , never be fixed easily. May Allah SWT help you in doing so.

    • Asma, living in misery and "hoping" it gets better is no way to live. If you read his previous post you will see that there was no way to remain in that marriage. He did the right thing by getting out.

  2. Brother,

    Its your daughter and you have to put efforts to be in her life even after the separation. You can pick her up from school! Have her stay at ur house during weekends and also have short picnics. Where ur second marriage is concerned you will definitely find women who will be interested in you, beimg honest you may find many divorced ladies in the process but dinsing somebody who was never married might be a little difficult, but its completely ur choice. The only thing you might want to put across ur other wife is to love your child and treat her with affection.. You cannot let anybody handle her indifferently, you should believe your daughter if she complains of being treated differently by the step mother.. But this is surely one condition you have to put across before getting married.. You just cannot forget your first born when inshallah you have many more children with your second marriage as its very common in women to treat step children differently from their own.. You need to stand by her..
    Inshallah i pray tat you find a pious lady who would love you and your daughter whole heartedly

  3. I am sorry you are in this situation.
    Your primary job will be to maintain your relationship with your daughter. Since she is only one, you need to make an effort to make memories together. Fathers are an integral part of a girl's life, and I would hate for her to think that you don't love her. Visit as much as possible, and take pictures together. You can even call her so she can hear your voice.
    If you are ever prevented from seeing your daughter, you could keep a journal of your thoughts about her. Jot things down daily, weekly, monthly about how you miss her and that you are thinking about her. Special days, like her first day of school, first soccer game, etc. could all be included.
    When you decide you want to marry again ISA, you will find someone who will accept your daughter as their own. Make it clear that your daughter is important, and you will maintain a relationship with her. ( I know of a situation where the father has to sneak away to call his daughter because his new wife is jealous.) The divorce rate is up across the globe, and many women are available for marriage so take your time and find the perfect one for you.
    May Allah bless you and your daughter.
    Salaam

    • Asalamu aleikum brother
      Divorce is not a sin it happened coz it was the best option for you,for the sister and your daughter,be responsible dad to your daughter and please accept it was decreed that way, personally I will marry my daughter to divorced man coz I believe in letting bygone be bygone don't be stuck in your past , move on dear,many women out there wish to marry,keep yourself busy in remembrance of Allah for in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace,
      Please forgive your ex believe me you will heal.may Allah help you get a better half and please forgive me if my advice hurt you in anyway

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