Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Not attracted to my fiance!


Promise me you will always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

Well basically I'm getting married soon, my fiance is someone i'm not physically attracted to. Do you think this is a big factor or is it something that I can overcome after the marriage. He's a really nice guy in personality wise so I'm trying to convince myself that it'll be okay after the marriage once we're more close but I'm not sure. Please help me get rid of this stupid feeling and do dua that everything goes well.




(By the way if you're wondering how come most of the post's by this user have different stories, well it's because me and my cousin both use the same account as she doesn't have much access to the computer and use's mine when she wants, sorry if this is wrong and shouldn't be done but her circumstances are different than mine and I let her use my account when she feels troubled and wants to ask questions. Hope you don't mind and understand the situation)



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7 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Physical attraction is a funny thing. It can be present at one point and not another. A relationship can start with no physical attraction and gain it later, just as much as it can start with physical attraction and lose it later. Needless to say, physical attraction should not be the substance for which you are marrying someone. However, some sort of attraction is necessary on some level to promote the success of the relationship.

    So you're not feeling physically attracted to your fiance now, but yet you apparently have some inclination toward this man to agree to marry him. What is it about him that made him agreeable to you? Is it his sense of humor, his intellect, his spirituality? Chances are if there are other significant qualities you love about him, that with time and patience you will find yourself more physically attracted to him as well.

    However, if you are finding that there are a lot of things about him that don't inspire you, perhaps he's not the best match. Review the reasons that you accepted the proposal, and try to sort out if it's truly the person you want to spend your life with. If you still feel unsure, make istikhara. You have time now during the engagement to make the final decision before you marry, so make the most of it.

    -Amy Editor

  2. I agree with Amy. Physical attraction is not the most important thing, but some basic attraction must be there. At the very least you must not find him ugly. Often physical attraction is the result of emotional attraction. When you become close to a person, you begin to find them attractive.

    It's a decision you will have to make.

    Wael Editor

  3. I don't understand how people agree to be engaged without having any physically attraction in the beginning. At this level you should feel comfortable around him. If the thought of being physically intimate makes you feel very uncomfortable, then that is not fair to your fiancé.

    • I'm having the same issue, he's not at all attractive to me and there's not even a single quality I like about him. But I'm not able to end this engagement because of our families. I don't want that after marriage I find somebody else attractive than my husband. If I liked even just 1 thing about him I would have convinced myself. He says that he loves me but he's arrogant, egoistic with patriarchal mentality and if I correct him somewhere instead of appreciating he takes it to his ego..he has made me feel scared, disgusted and uncomfortable..I can't even let that person even touch me...I do want it to end for our better...I know I should not focus on his looks but he doesn't have even a single quality which I want in my husband...I'm just getting married to him because of my mother...kindly help me out and make dua for me and him... I don't want him to suffer because of me and I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't have a single quality to like..please I want to end it but I'm in compulsion....

      • Sister Zakiya, if you marry him it will be a disaster. You say you are marrying him for your mother. Who is going to live with him, you or your mother? Who is going to have sex with him, have kids with him, see his face every day and night, and live with him for the rest of her life? You or your mother?

        Think about it. You have the power to say no.

        Wael Editor

  4. If you're engaged without your consent then your parents/family are to blame and this is where you need to seek the support of someone who has the power to intervene.

    There is no room for forced marriage and I have a feeling this is potentially what it could be. Don't marry him because you'll make his life miserable and yoru own. At the very least forget yourself for a moment think of the other person, if you think of the other person's feelings and act accordingly you'll do well.

    So don't marry him as you'll end up back on here in 2 years time complaining about how horrible yoru husband is to you etc when it all starts from you not liking him in the first place.

    Don't be a coward, look for help if necessary and then stand up for your right to marry a spouse of your own choice.

  5. Salam aleykum Cupcake 🙂

    Just wanted to give you a piece of advice. When you get to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You can't fall in love with beauty, you can only lust after it.

    People who are happily married, aren't happily married because of their looks, right?


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