Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t feel the remorse for having masturbated though I hate it

Masturbation: Effects on Human Health

I have an issue concerning masturbation. I have done it many times before and have tried to stop. It only ended in failure. I am now trying to stop again (It has been around 3 weeks- a month since I last masturbated), but I am scared over the fact  that I may feel no remorse. I hate it and I want to stop, and I pray to God occasionally for assistance, but I fear that I am not filling all the requirements for tawbah.

I fear that if I continue down this path I may not ever succeed. I have started praying whenever I can (at the appropriate times),  but I want to know what else can I do? I pray, but I do not cry.  I am nervous because if I am not crying over it, does this mean that I do not regret it?

I am a 15 year old boy, and I wish to be forgiven, though that cannot just SIMPLY happen. If I have a burning hate for it, does this mean that I truly regret it? I think to myself that I regret it, but at times I think I don't. I fear not regretting, so what are the signs that I DO regret it?


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Regret has many levels. On one level of regret, one might wish they hadn't done a certain thing and resolve not to do it again. They may not feel anything in particular. On another level of regret, another person might fall apart emotionally because of something they did, and they feel that their world is ending because of their mistake.

    Based on what you said, I don't think it's that you don't regret what you did. You hate what happened and want to stop, and are putting all your efforts in that direction. That's the best any of us can do. Whether there are "enough" emotions involved really doesn't matter, because the end result or "proof" of your regret is whether you stop eventually. Being more emotional doesn't make this more likely to happen. In fact, some of the people who get very emotional or cry a lot when they regret something, often lose their resolve to keep striving as soon as the emotions pass. So in sense, it's better to be fighting sin with determination and consistency than with feelings.

    The true measure of not regretting something enough is when you no longer care if you sin. It's when you stop trying to do the right thing and let your nafs freely take control of your choices without any concern about it at all. If you notice yourself falling into a state like that, then you can know you need to work on taqwa. A great way to do that is to remember death every day. Here's a story I'd like to share that's very relevant, as far as that's concerned:

    There was a king long time ago and he had a vast kingdom. Though he had tremendous amount of wealth, but he didn't have peace of heart. So he decided to be a good Muslim. He heard that there is a very pious man who stays in a jungle and that many people go to visit him for advice. The king decided to visit him for some advice also. When he got there, he asked the pious man "How can I become pious like you?" The pious man replied that remember death 40 times a day for 40 days. The king thought that it was very easy and he thanked him and left for his palace. He remembered death 40 times a day for 40 days but no change came to his life. He was same as before.

    The king became angry and called that pious man to his court. The king told him that he is nothing but a liar and that he should be killed before he fools other people. It was decided that he will be beheaded the next day. But the Pious man had a request. He asked if he could become the king for a day. He promised that after getting the command, he will not kill the previous king or do any harm to him. So, the king agreed and made the pious man the king for a day. As soon as the pious man became the king, he went to the market and saw a man selling peanuts. He told the soldiers to catch that man and bring him to the palace. So, the peanut sales man was brought to the court. The pious man told the peanut sales man that he will be killed tomorrow. The peanut sales man became frightened and dropped all his peanuts. He started crying and asked what he did. But the pious man said that he will be killed tomorrow and locked up in jail for today.

    Now, as the peanut sales man knew that he is going to die, he forgot about everything else and started asking forgiveness from Allah. He started praying and doing excessive dhikir (remembrance of Allah). The Pious man ordered that the most beautiful prostitute in the city should be brought and placed in the jail with peanut sales man. She was brought and she asked the man to commit adultery with her. Now the pious man brought the previous king and told him to watch. The peanut sales man started yelling at the woman to get away because he is going to die tomorrow and this evil deed will surely cause him problems with Allah.

    Then the pious man asked the previous king if he understood what is going on. The Pious man explained that when you really know that you will die, then you will surely stay away from all evil deeds and engage yourself into the worship of Allah. So, remembering death once properly would be enough to change the life of a human being.

    Of course, the peanut sales man was released afterwards.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Ur fears are true man.
    If u are not praying salah fives a day regularly then u have not fullfilled the condition for repentence.
    If u dont stop then u'll face a horrible setback in ur future life.You'll cry then.
    Good thing is that ur willing to stop but that's not enough.
    If there is anything in this world which can make u stop it,it's salah.A sincere salah fives a times day.
    Believe me I know teenagers like u who literally cried at this stuff but could not stop.They tried a hundred ways but failed.
    But now Allah has changed their lives.Just bcz they started praying salah with Jammah five times a day.Now they luk at those days when they masturbated as old dark days which mean nothing more then history.
    Furthermore my friend u know that the sexual desire in ur age is dead strong.It's intense.
    You wont even know what trigerred the desire in u.
    If u truly mean bussiness,say gudbye to watching movies.You should. know what to watch n what not to.
    I repeat:sincere regular salah is ur key to success.Otherwise u'll keep on failing and keep on suffereing.

  3. Assalamu alaikum brother I am 18 year old boy I have masturbate myself during Ramadan after done that I felt really wrong I have done tawba salah is Allah forgive my sins?

  4. Just Fast. When you fast you make a fortress that your nafs will not go in easily. Don't think like "Oh after magrib everything will be useless, I can sin again" Just try it, it really succeeded.

  5. I am a 14 year old boy I am suffering with same thing it's hard for me to stop as always I started praying 5 times cut my left hand with a blade ask forgiveness read Quran every single day and night try to be active as I can but still i failed now I feel like what I am going to respond to Allah Please someone help me on this I can't tell my parents I can't go to a doctor my only hope is Allah if someone could help me in this I would really appreciate that .

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