Am I obligated to educated my husband’s girlfriend about Islam?
I have been a muslim for 18 years. My husband and I seperated 3 years ago but have not divorced.
He has however taken on a new girl-friend, and has asked me to forgive her for the things she has done to me and wants me to teach her about Islam.
What if any are my obligations to her?
~zachyra29
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Zachyra, As-salamu alaykum,
You have no obligation to your husband's girlfriend. It's outrageous that he would even make such a request. How bizarre. There are many resources for learning about Islam - DVDs, internet, people from the masjid - without having to ask you.
Also, I suggest that you proceed with your divorce so that you can move ahead with your life, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I Agree 100% with wael
i agree with wael too
Yes, you should teach her. Whatever he says, you should do it unless you two are totally divorced.
Asalaam alaikum,
If he has a "girlfriend," which is forbidden in Islam, the husband is engaging in sin. Therefore, for the wife to "invite" her into her life is an approval of that sin and is NOT to be encouraged.
Where in the world do you think enjoining sin is Islamic or as something must be adhered to by a wife under the tenets of Islam?
Not if it involves inviting sin. Show me one ayat where Allah (swt) allows sin as a means to an end.
Other than Shirq, Allah tells women to abide by each and every COMMAND of her man. You won't agree with me as you are a woman, and it's very basic tendency of women to disagreeing to be the subordinate of men. Women will find peach in their life if and only if she carries out what-so-ever her man says.
Salaams,
I can name three men in one second who would disagree with you and take the "female" point of view.
- Our chief Editor, Wael
- Professor X
- My husband, Bashir.
I am sure there are countless more. Don't bother to try to say that these aren't "real" men, because I know for a fact two of the three on my list DO NOT take any disrespect and could snap another dude like a twig if needed.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Lool I feel SO sorry for ANY woman that has the unfortunate life of marrying you. Women AREN'T supposed to do "what-so-ever" their man say, even according to Islam. Women have minds and feelings. Like I said, feel sorry for your wife (if you get one) and your daughter...may God help her.
Where is your ayat concerning your argument that sin can be enjoined? Do you think a sinning husband can overrule Allah's (swt) Revelation?
Chapter 3, Verse 104
And there may spring from you a nation who invite to goodness, and enjoin right conduct and forbid indecency. Such are they who are successful.
Chapter 24, Verse 30
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do.
Chapter 17, Verse 32
And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way.
Chapter 24, Verse 26:
Women impure are for men impure and men impure are for women impure; and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.
Chapter 5, Verse 5
This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honour, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.
But here's the verse that ends it all.....
Chapter 66, Verse 10
Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of Our righteous servants but betrayed them, so those prophets did not avail them from Allah at all, and it was said, "Enter the Fire with those who enter."
Key word in the last ayat is "righteous servants."
How is a husband with a girlfriend anything but unrighteous?
So you just attributed a lie to Allah (swt) in your previous comment, because "every command" does not include anything against Allah's Decree (swt). Good luck with that on the Day of Judgement.
Masrur, this the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I have to laugh this is such silly advice. The only thing the sister should do is divorce her moron of a husband.
Masrur ,
Please bang your head on the wall . Your advice is outrageous .
P.s I am a man
Yes I think you should teach her about Islam insallah Allah will reward you in someways, and life goes on so teach her.
Asalaam alaikum,
Do you understand that enjoining sin is not Islamic behavior and is NOT rewarded, but punished by Allah (swt)?
Seriously, how do you come to this conclusion when Qur'anic ayats exist that warn of refraining from this behavior/sin?
Cool down pro we can all see those giving advice to sin are ignorant ones ....
MASRUR No wonder the world is corrupted it's men like you who view women as slaves and stupid like they have no feelings .... Mind u your own mother is a women!!! Without your mother being a means to bring u in this worked ud not even be here !!! and mind u we gave to read salaah too fast too sadaqa zakaah hajj ....the righteous women will also be awarded jannah! And the corrupted evil men HEll...."And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse (zina) and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful." (al-Furqaan #25, ayat #68-70) NOTE not even your husband has the rights of GOd!!! Only Allah says Do ! And we obey ! Not some loser of a man who tells us to do something against the will if God The almighty ....I mean who is he that we must follow him against the laws of the almighty ???
I meant we HAVe to read salaah too... Ect...And your mOm is the means who gave birth to u and she's a women
Hello Professor X, Amy, Muslimgirl, and Haniyyyya!!
First of All Haniyyyya, don't come to mother. The argument will have no point if every woman uses men's mother as weapon. Think past you and generation ahead, not mother or grandmother.
Mr X, Thanks for those Ayahs. Actually, you'd probably agree with me that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said that if told the making to worship to worship someone after Allah, he'd tell women to worship their man. Check that out. Thanks once again.
Muslimgirl, you really sound like a Muslim girl. Thanks for your honest comment. You're great!
Last but not the least, Amy, there's no way you can say who's a man and who's a woman in this discussion. Classify everyone's gender, ok?. If not who sounds like a man, I'll only consider him as a man. You have the right to disagree as you have your freedom of speech as I do. It'll be cowardliness if you delete any of my posts since you only have the delete button I don't.
Salaams,
You can rest assured that I don't delete posts just because they are contrary to my own. In fact, I personally have never deleted a single post since I've been an editor on this site. I said what I said about who is being a man etc because a lot of times when a man disagrees with the view that you clearly stated: that women should do whatever their man tells them, period; the retort is that the man is not a real man, but some weak-minded, wimpy, sappy pushover. Personally, I don't find it to be a masculine quality, let alone a reflection of the character of the Prophet (saws), for a man to take the position you have by expecting and demanding unflinching "obedience in all things"....even things that are sinful as this post shows.
Honestly, if anyone sounds like they are making gender classifications it's you. By the opinions you've shared and the manner in which you express them, you clearly have a lower view of women than you should. I will warn you fair and square, that if your "free speech" becomes overly misogynistic, your posts will be deleted. Brother Wael is very clear that "freedom of speech" is secondary to the courtesies we are to show each other when responding. If you need more clarification on what that means exactly, see this page at the bottom: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/about-us/
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Just for the record, I deleted one of Masrur's comments earlier today. I was in a rush to get to work, so did not get to delete more - which is what I would have done had I had time. Anyhow, it seems that my dear Amy has been dealing just fine with Mr Masrur.
Night all'
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Masrur, the hadith you are referring to (if the Prophet were to order anyone to prostrate to someone other than Allah, he would order wives to prostrate to their husbands) is da'eef (weak). It is often used by men to justify tyranny over women.
Amy may be reluctant to delete anyone's comments, but I am not. If anyone's comments are deemed to be unhelpful, mean-spirited, insulting, misleading, based on false information, unkind, bigoted, etc, they will be deleted without hesitation.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hadith does not exist in a vacuum and cannot contradict Qur'an. Maybe you need to check out the Book of Allah (swt), first.
The word of Allah (swt) has set rules and boundaries and nowhere is Masrur able to bring me one ayat or hadith that says a woman must consent to any sin, let alone a relationship of sin (a cheating husband) from her spouse.
Masrur you still have not been able to find anything regarding this issue and at this point, you are just trolling and evidently, have no idea what Islam is supposed to be: a mercy to man/womankind. Like I said, the Qur'an always stresses to bring your proofs to counterpoint, but of course, you could not do that because Allah (swt) has Infinite Wisdom.
You already attributed one lie to Allah (swt), so in a way, I'm cool with your attitude because it is you that will have to answer in front of Him with your insufficient knowledge and chauvinistic views, while twisting yourself into a corner. What is sad that you cannot see that.
As I said, good luck on the Day when man will have no one to call for help.
Quran, Chapter 61, Verse 7
And who does more wrong than the one who invents a lie against Allâh, while he is being invited to Islâm? And Allâh guides not the people who are Zâlimûn (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers) folk.
Chapter 7, Verses 36-37
But those who reject Our Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations,) and treat them with arrogance, they are the dwellers of the (Hell) Fire, they will abide therein forever.
Who is more unjust than one who invents a lie against Allâh or rejects His Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations)? For such their appointed portion will reach them from the Book (of Decrees) until, when Our Messengers (the angel of death and his assistants) come to them to take their souls, they (the angels) will say: "Where are those whom you used to invoke and worship besides Allâh," they will reply, "They have vanished and deserted us." And they will bear witness against themselves, that they were disbelievers.
Chapter 29, Verse 28
And who does more wrong than he who invents a lie against Allâh or denies the truth, when it comes to him? Is there not a dwelling in Hell for disbelievers.
So you only read that Hadith maSrur??? What about all the other hadiths of the prophet? Wer he said treat women well? Where he said the best amongst you are those who are best to their wives ? What about "Rasulullah (SAW) explained: If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a piece of iron it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman whom it is not permissible for him to touch." (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 5..... Well and that's what her husband is doing ....
Thanks Haniyyyya for the Hadith. I'm not changing my previous opinions because of this Hadith, because it's irrelevant here. Anything else you want to ask me?
I find this quite sad, this post is not about musrur it was about a lady asking for advice...I think when people do want to write comments if they are not appropriate they should be straight away deleted, in fact they should be checked before being posted...islam is about peace...so come on guys ignore musrur and give some good advice to this lady. People who give opinions too which we don't agree too, we should just ignore them. Especially if its someone who's being arrogant and not considering the facts which are shown to him . Anyway my advice for zachyra29 is that its good to teach someone especially about islam, however your situation is different, you should take on professorX advice and the rest who have agreed to him...it still shocks me to think why would a man ask such a thing like that from his wife...inshallah you will make the right decision and deal with this.
Zajhakallah Khairan!!
Masrur,
I have deleted your comments because they were dis-respectful. I will certainly request brother Wael to put you on moderated status as you come as someone really rude, and offensive to others. We never delete comments if it's just a matter of difference of opinion but if they are based on false information or misleading then they are removed.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswer.com
my pleasure masrur.... well thats your opinions we muslims dont follow opinions we follow the sunnah and the quraan....and having a girlfriend and asking your wife to advise her isnt sunnah....im wondering if its also in your opinion if your wife gets a boyfriend and asks you to forgive him for sleeping with her and asks u to teach him abt islam?
I think its best if this lady teach the girlfriend about islam. Not least, she could influence the girlfriend to accept the religion and leave according to islamic laws.. And this will be an avenue for the girlfriend to know the islamic rulings concerning girlfriend/boyfriend issues.. And also the gravity of sins that this girlfriend is commiting for dating someones husband.. You know, Perhaps this girlfriend could see the truth about islam and possibly accept it.. Also this lady should use this oppurtunity to remind her husband about the wrong things he's doing (ie dating other women)... THERE IS NOTHING WRONG (both islamic and otherwise) FOR THIS LADY IN QUESTION TO TEACH THE GIRLFRIEND ABOUT ISLAM. may Allah give us the understanding of His deen.
Salaams,
I do understand what you are trying to say, brother Mohd. I think even if we put aside all of the issues of "wrong and right" about this lady's situation, we are still left with the fact that she would be teaching someone she knows her husband has been consorting with, possibly even having sexual interactions with, and this is a very painful thing. We already know how painful it is for many women to accept polygamy, which is halal. How impossibly gutwrenching would it be for a woman to be put in this position with someone who her husband was having a haraam relationship with?
At the end of the day, we want to see people find ease from their pain and comfort for their sorrow. I think any advice thrusting this poster into the other girl's life unnecessarily is only going to cause greater heartache, instead of releiving it. Since there are countless other ways the girlfriend can be taught Islam, it's better for her to use those options than to drag this lady's heart through hot coals by learning from her directly. After all, it's Allah who guides and any He does guide He will provide a means of nearness to Him that's not going to put anyone else in a precarious position.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
Think about it in this way: there's a reason why we cannot go do da'wah in a bar, a strip joint or a house of ill-repute. We are not allowed to enjoin or consent to the vices/sins of others, and in this way, this wife has no duty to do the same.
I remember a scholar saying, and this is proven by the verse given above among others, that a husband cannot compel his wife to commit any sin in their marriage (there is no compulsion in deen). To do so moves him out of the frame of Islam. He cannot ask her to remove her hijab in public, ask her to eat non-halal foods, and he can never request or demand that she does anything against Islamic tenets.
What has happened here is quite evident: this man abandoned his wife, went to have an affair and now the girlfriend wants to be taught Islam. Since he knows nothing of how to practice Islam right, since he wants to have both women without regard to the first one's feelings and since he is probably lying to the girlfriend about how he has treated his first wife, he sees an opportunity to exploit the situation. Keep in mind, that if his intentions were pure, he would have divorced the first wife a long time ago. Not only that, but this girlfriend had caused oppression to the wife. So why should the wife invite any more sin?
Think of it the other way around. Would any man here teach his wife's lover about Islam? Not a nice thought, huh?
You are under no obligation to teach your husbands girlfriend about Islam. And you certainly do not have to obey him. He shouldnt have a girlfriend in any case. Please divorce him and refer him onto another Muslimah that can help his girlfriend learn about Islam.
For instance referring her to the masjid etc. You are under no obligation to teach her.