Parents want me to forget this guy, but …
Assalam Mualaikum Warahmatullah
Bismillah Hirrah Mannirahim
Hi.
I am sorry to trouble you all with my query.
There is this guy that I like and he likes me too. I have mentioned him to my parents so that I could see him openly and not behind their backs. After a while though, my parents did not like me seeing him. He is a pious guy who is good to his elders and family. The main reasons they do not want me to see him anymore is perhaps because of his monetary status, the fact that he is the only son of a single mother (i do not want to fight for his attention) and that his family are the very religious type. He also delayed his tertiary studies and is only just starting now. So if we do intend on getting married, I may be 30 already (i am 25 now).
I come from a family where on my father's side, they are rather liberal practising muslims and on my mother's side they are normal. I think my parents are afraid that our families will not gel. And I agree with them, families getting along with each other, monetary background and marrying the only son of a single mother are very valid points.
Because of this and for my parent's sake, I tried to break it off once. But it was very painful and I caught him off guard too. So we continued contacting each other, we didn't really meet at all, mostly text messaged. But then I started feeling guilty again and I tried to break it off a second time. But a week later, somehow, we were still talking again, not as comfortably as we used to, but we are still in contact.
I have asked him to give me some time to think about this. But I am at a loss. No matter how hard I try to end it, I cannot break it off. I want to listen to my parents because they are my doors to paradise inshaAllah, but then why do I find it so difficult to end things? I have prayed to god asking him to make us both forget each other, if it is good for us, but I still think of him everyday. I do not want to be cursed by god for not following my parent's decision.
What do I do?
Thank you for your patience.
Wassalam.
- haras
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As salamu alaykum, sister,
This phrase you wrote tells me everything:" And I agree with them, families getting along with each other, monetary background and marrying the only son of a single mother are very valid points."
You already gave up with this words, don´t play with this man´s Heart and let him go. Be kind to him but firm in your decision and don´t do forwards and backwards that at the end the only result you will see is lot of damage and an open wound that will take a long time to heal, more in his side than in yours, I believe.
If you really feel anything for him, please, let him go and give him the freedom he needs to find a woman that really appreciates him, his background, his family and all that a human being implies, insha´Allah.
Be a straight muslimah, get closer to Allah(swt), this way everytime you feel the need of contact him, the vision of his pain won´t let you do it, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Once you stop the contact with this man, you have a link on tawbah at the top of the page where you can learn about true repentance.
You are acting wrong and you know it, keep busy, move on and tell your parents you are ready to receive proposals and you want to marry, this way you will have enough mental pressure to stop contacting him.
Pray your five salat, listen to the Adhan, read and recite the Quran with meaning and focus on your positive aspects, this lack of security will dissappear once you are back on the Straight Path insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Haras,
The straighest approach would be :
If you think it can work, go for it, if you think it can't allow the guy to go.
Do not do injustice to yourself or to the guy in question. Be just, choose the right and leave the wrong.
Read the Qur'an and judge for yourself what is right and what is wrong. See what Allah says.
Do not pay heed to cultural issues, if you think this guy is a good Muslim and can keep you satisfied as a wife, go for it, if you think he is lacking in deen and would not be able to give you a good married life, you may say no. There is no compulsion.
See the reality with open eyes and choose the best without doing injustice to yourself, to the guy or to the people around you.
Salaam,
Your brother.
salam
i love a boy whos not muslim and i want to marry him and so does he
but i dont want 2 marry him coz then i can nava get rid of da guilt that wil b inside me for him not being muslim and i dont what to do but he already sad da i can raise ma kids to be muslim and he wil aswel if that makes me happy
so
i wanted 2 ask if a non muslim person converts into islam for a girl is that acceptable in islam?
or shel i just leave hm?
Asalaamualaykum Ann,
A muslim woman is permitted to marry only a true Muslim. If a man truly accepts Islam, then he is Muslim.
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SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor