She lied about her past, should I marry her?
Common lies that people tell
Salam,
I'm having an affair with a gal who I know for 2 months and I have told everything about my past and I have asked about her past as well, but she told me she didn't have any guy before me and promised me. Then I met a guy who I know and then he told me that she's having an affair until today and she wants to marry him and all and then he even tell me she had boyfriend before him as well.
When I found out about this I called her up and I asked her. She denied it at first, then admitted that she had sex with both guys and she is not a virgin. But now she's telling me she will change for me and realizes her mistakes and she won't do that again. She keeps telling me dat she loves me and she wants to marry me in dis December, wat can i do? Can give a her chance? Or can i just leave her?
Please advise me, she's not a rich gal too, I wanted to give her a new life, but I'm kinda worried. Wat if she do the same thing after marriage? But shes telling me will ready to do anything but she doesn't want to leave me, please advise.
Thanks
- Zahid
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Assalam alikum brother Zahid,
I personally do not think it is such a great idea to marry this girl. I have my reasons which I will share with you. The first and foremost, the girl has told you she will "change for you". Being a Muslim, if this girl wants to change, it should be for the sake of Allah (swt) and because she feel guilt about it. Again, not guilty because she lied to you or hid it from you but because she disobeyed Allah (swt) and committed a serious sin.
When choosing a girl to marry, you need to look at her Imaan. This girl's faith does not seem so strong, so how will she raise children with the right values and teaching of Islam? The other thing is that she seemed to have "realized her mistake" AFTER you found out and confronted her. So that means if you hadn't found out and asked her, she wouldn't have felt guilty or told you. If she is capable of lying to you now, will you be able to every trust her after marriage that she isn't lying again?
I myself usually try to forgive people since that is what Islam asks as to do as well. If you are convinced that she has truly changed and she has turned to Islam and become a better Muslim, not for your sake but for Allah's (swt), otherwise its useless, then you can give her another chance. By another chance I mean not get into the relationship again. You yourself have been committing a sin being in a relationship like this one which is forbidden.
Now, if you want a girl whom you can trust and who is a good Muslim then you yourself have to become one to deserve one. Otherwise, if you get into a relationship (even if its not physical), you cannot expect the girl to be a virgin or not have relationships before you. So you need to get out of this relationship right now. If you think you deserve a good Muslim girl, then that good Muslim girl also deserves a good Muslim boy. This way both can show their real love for each other by helping one another to be a better Muslim to attain Paradise. If it is a selfish love, it will not last long.
December is too close, if she forces you then you should reject her proposal. Its better to delay your marriage than to jump into it only to regret later if you realize she lied to you again. Breaking someone's trust is a bad sign. From what I think, there are tons of other wonderful girls out there who'd be worth spending the rest of your life with.
Salaam,
assalamu alaikum,,,, i do understand the girl,there is a reason to everything,people lie,,,,for a reason,it could be she did not want to hurt you,,,,or something else.people live,,,,people learn.america was not built in one day or any other country.it takes a lifetime to build yours or anybodies character.nobody is perfect we all got demons or let me say evil in us,and we all got a past.cant you see she needs u now the most,she admitted her wrong,who are you not to forgive? if it were u would u want another chance? tell her to change for ALLAH give her a chance to prove herself life is short dont mess this up if u love her.
LIsten to me I have been like this with a man for almost 3 years. THERE IS A BETTER PERSON FOR YOU OUT THERE. Insincere people need to learn the hard way let her go. I am deciding to end all of these lies once and for all. If she LOVED you she would have NEVER LIED no matter what-even if she would be put in flames YOU DO NOT LIE end of story. GO on with your life cut her away and run..--If you like suffering stay with her. I am sorry this is happened to you. BUt listen there is NO reason NONE. YES WE ALL HAVE DEMONS BLAH BLAH but you need to understand TRUST IS 100% or nothing. Listen to me you think you have something special with her you do not. LEt her go for both your sakes. SHe is not good. SHe is a using woman no good let her go. Dont be blinded by love go with the trusth lies are not the truth. Freee yourself there are plenty good women out there this is NOT one. let her go she will cheat on you in the future. People that do what she does have NO IDEA what they want and the Devil uses their confusion to bring you down as well and far from god. She is ungodly. FORGIVE AND RUN RUN RUN.
Salaam, sometimes people lie because they fear you will run away from them if you know the truth. Other times people lie out of wanting to manipulate you on purpose. Some lie with good intentions, some with bad and the only way to know this girl is to give it more time and see how she behaves.
People change. Some people start good and go bad, some people start bad and turn good - only time can tell. I would say be patient - dont rush into anything and be happy in the meantime whilst you wait for her intentions to become clear
Peace,
Leyla
With regards to the above dilemma, I have similar or eve worst case. I met this girl seven years ago via internet, Have visited her in Malaysia, after a few months of correspondence. Being a non Muslim at that stage, I did not know all about Islam. Yes we stayed under the same roof, yes we slept together, She told me she is from the royal family in Pahang, which is true, but very low down the hi racy ladder.She told me she was never married, but was abducted by Thai people, demanded ransom and were raped. Of course I felt sorry and treated her very gently when we made love. I left to go back to China where I was doing projects. Out of the blue she mailed and phoned me to come visits with two boys(suppose to be adopted by her) I converted, We ended up married in South Africa. without asking her parents for she told me her mother was a High Court Chief Judge, her father was the brother of Sultan Ahmad of Pahang, het two sister died mysteriously in accidents, her mother died also mysteriously. I did met her father, not knowing it is her father, introduced to me as her Uncle.She is like me a loner without any family. She followed my to Saudi. After I discovered that her real mother is still alive, who she claims as her Aunt, her brothers and sisters well known to me as her cousins and nieces, her two daughter as claimed to be adopted, the two small boys her daughter's boys from a previous marriage, She studied in the UK as a Civil Engineer, but had only Local High school qualifications, I were told by the sister, We had a Bond Policy which we took out in 2007, in her name, for I was told being a foreigner I cannot have an account or Bond,This were paid out 2011, while I was in Thailand visiting my son, she made the policy paid up, transfer the money into her account. This payments were made by myself fro earning from Saudi, Yes when we came back to Malaysia we did not have so much to spare, for her brothers borrowed money from 150,000 ringit and never paid back, this was on recommended by her for he will pay, after 3 years I gave up to ask, even from the lawyer stand point it will take years to recover the money. When I confronted her about all the lies, the money she became difficult and suggest we split up, and left the house, after a few days came back and act as if nothing has happened. After a row I told her I cannot continue with this relationship, for everything she says or do. I doubt. She refuses to pay my money or even share the money, I am not allowed to work, the house we stay in were not paid for one year, for she told me she bought the house, now the landlord demand his house back within 10 days. I do have no place to go also no money to do anything, she refuses my calls to settle this issue.
Now I do not even know how to divorce her, for the seven years together were just a lie, with may lies, her own kids do not want to do anything with her,
This is my side of the problem or story she has her own and then it is the real story. How can a Muslim who prays five times a day act like this, When I ask her to tell Allah that the money is hers and she never lies. she says yea Allah knows Tell me what to do
Brother,
there's no trust in this relationship. Leave her as soon as possible, because the chance that she will cheat on you is very high. She doesn't love you either. Because if she really loves you, she would want your best. And wanting the best for a muslim is, that you are honest and tell really everthing.
And she did the mistake in not being honest. Therefore you have all rights of leaving her.
Leave her now, before it's getting difficult with children and so on....