Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Trust issue with fiance

Controlling manAssalamu alaikum people,

I got engaged 3 months back. My fiance kept texting and calling me on daily basis. He was very open in chatting. After the first day itself he started talking about other beautiful girls he met and saw on the road.

At the beginning I found it difficult to get attached to him because i felt that he was not of my kind. But i was ready to accept him as he was. After 3rd day things started to change he asked me why i wasnt loving him and all and kept complaining that i didnt love him.

After 1st week he scolded me and shouted at me telling me it was my responsibility to call his parents. I listened to him and did everything has he told me. He kept me scolding for silly things. And then after 1 mnth of engagement i told him i had a relationship with a boy from college and still has contact with him. He asked whether i wanted to continue with this marriage proposal and i said yes. He told me to cut down contact with him and all my friends, deactivate social media accounts and change my number. I did everything has he told me be

-Faithful Hijabi

(Editor's Note: this person did not complete her post, but I think there is still enough to advise her, don't you agree?).

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5 Responses »

  1. This is a foreshadowing of how your future will be. For the best interest of yourself don't continue with this engagement. He is already isolating you from your friends and you will eventually lose yourself. Put yourself first.

  2. Salaamu Alaikum
    Seek Allah's guidance and strength to help you out of this situation. Seek forgiveness from Allah, pray and fast and have patience. Get your family envolved, if they will not help than get your Imam and knowledgable muslims envolve. You should always have your wali or marham with you when talking to him and you must have them with you if you chose to call it off. They are your protectors, your advisors and helpers that Allah placed over you. Ask Allah's help and guidance on how to get out of this situation so it won't turn into a huge fitna and ask for His protection. Make du'a before and after handle this situaton and don't do it alone.

    • Run...leave him!
      These are signs that he is not for you. Cheating on you, scoulding you, controlling you, telling you to cut your friends. You listed all his problems. Why stay? He is not a person with good character and does not fear God.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Faithful hijabi,

    You cannot and should not marry someone you don't trust. That's the absolute bottom line in any relationship : trust and communication. From what you describe, he has too many issues for me to even recommend you try to work it out. I think you should make it a goal to cut ties and seek Allah's guidance on the best way to do this.



  4. Dear Sister:

    As salaamu alaikum. Please strongly consider the advice previously provided. The man you are engaged to is not someone you should consider marrying. There are many red flags indicated that this man has serious control issues, is demanding and may have some anger management concerns. End the engagement as soon as possible. You might even ask your parents to handle that for you.

    With regard to knowing someone in college that you may have liked, I believe you were trying to be simply be honest with him. If a young woman has attended college, worked, commuted, she has met other people. There is a chance that someone along the way may have offered their hand in marriage to her. That is a fact of life for most well educated Muslim ladies.

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