Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Waiting for a proposal but not sure if it will come

Assalam aleykoum Warahmatoullahi Wabarakatouh

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam....

Please help me. I am in a state of turmoil, very much confused. I am 28years old and I have never been in any relationship. I have always been proud of that fact. I have never held a mans hand, been on a date and definitely never been kissed. free spirit feelingsI have always wanted to have my husband to be the first in everything as pertained in Islam.

However I recently met a guy who is of the same ethnic background as I. He has everything that I like in a man for a husband. When I am with him I get sooo weak. It started with holding hands, going for a movie and recently, kissing. When I am with him, my intentions has always focused on marriage. It had been three months since I have met him and he had never broached the subject of marriage. Finally I brought the subject up and asked him what his intentions are with me. He said he is not ready and is waiting to finish his school (7 months from now) before he could think about marriage.

I am truely confused. My mind is telling me that I should give up on him and break off this haram relationship. My heart is telling me that I should give him time. He has awakened feelings in me that I have always fought, feelings that I never knew were within me. Feelings that I want to only share with my husband. And now I am in a state of confusion.

Please help me see what I cannot see and tell me what is the right path that I need to focus on. What should I do? I like him so much that I think, for the very first time, I have fallen in love. Yet I know what I have been doing is very haram. I don't want to commit any zina. I need to know which part of me is right? my mind? or my heart? should I let go of him? or should I give him the time?


Tagged as: , , , , , ,

4 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    May Allah SWT help you onto the righteous path and find you a suitable partner soon.

    Do not continue the haraam relationship, you must speak to your parents and ask them to get involved otherwise it is very wrong. Why don't you ask your parents to find you a suitable partner? I know it seems weird to ask your parents, but surely at 28 it's high time you did, in fact when you hit 23/24 the alarm bells should have started ringing.

    Please do what is Islamically correct, get your parents involved and ask them to see his parents, if they refuse or don't want to, which is unlikely, then you need to see what offers they do get.

    May Allah help you in your quest to find a suitable partner.

  2. Asslam O Alaikum Sister "Muslimmah"!

    Sister your post was very interesting and believe me we both are in the same boat, same age etc (In fact I have sent a question as well and waiting for the administrators to post it regarding this issue). Only difference is that, you had the chance to hold someone's hand, share a kiss, and share your thoughts about your future life. But it still feels like something alien to me (I mean how do I know how it feels when I've never been there, never done that).
    Our dilemma is that our parents have such big plans, dreams for us children that we miss our best age of getting married. Sister, there is nothing wrong approaching someone for the purpose of marriage (off course as guided by Islam) but what is wrong is going out, holding hands, sharing a kiss etc. So, STOP IT AL TOGETHER not only because its Haram but also he is clearly told you that either he is not interested or he doesn't want to get into relationship yet. So, sister speak to your mother, your sister (if older), your girlfriends or anyone who you can confide in or trust to find you a suitable partner. Also sister, try to indulge yourself into healthy activities like going out with friends, community services, gym, jogging, etc (though it is hard to not to think about marriage when age is right but think of it as a test from Allah Almighty, who might have better plans for you:)-) Inshaallah, Allah Almighty will help.
    May Allah help us all get through this testing time successfully (Amin)

  3. assalamu alaykum sister how are you now? im sorry for the state your in now,listen sometimes SHAYTAAN awakens feeling in us FEELINGS THAT FEEL SO NICE and i feels right and we will bring up excuses just to make it LOOK right but listen sis it is absolutely WRONG it is just an illusion from shaytaan he always make haraam seem so beautiful and he makes halaal things seem so boring,this guy does not respect you he kisses you and tells you to give him time from my view he is just enjoying you for a while or maybe he wants you to go madly over him so that you will open up to bed with him LOOK THATS JUST A MAYBE,my advice would be tell the guy ok you want time ill wait for you but from this moment on i wll seperate from you and will wait until you come propose now check his responce or his behaviour after that then youll see where you stand in his life but anyway stop this relationship its HARAAM,when you die will this guy say ok your going to jannah now? will he die with you? honestly most humans love in the wrong way thats not love but a deceiving illusion from shaytaan to get you ready for hell.

  4. Assalamualaikum sis . May Allah bless you. One advice from me is move on . Leave the man totally. Block everywhere. Don’t bother about him . Make repentance. Cry to Allah. Halal is clear haram is clear. What you done is big sin. But you still hav engine to repent. Don’t wait till the angel of death come to you. Remember the hereafter ( paradise ) is waiting for the righteous . Leave the sin for Allah sake. In sha Allah it will be easy

Leave a Response