I want to marry her but she does not love me.
Dear brothers,
I am a Muslim in dire need of assistance. I am young adult at the right stage of marriage and found this woman who I felt desperately in love with and have genuine intentions to marry her. But she does not love me back and likes me only as a brother. Over and over I have tried to win her love but to no avail, I am on the verge of loosing her which terrifies me.
I want to ask does our religion permits me to get help through Islamic ways that can make her feel love for me back and accept my marriage proposal instead of wasting her time in dating relationships. She has good qualities as a Muslim and she even makes me a better Muslim when am with her, which is why I can't afford to loose her.
Many
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Salaam Many,
It is not a nice feeling to love someone when the feeling is not reciprocated, its quite painful. That is understandable. At the same time dear brother, you cannot force anyone to like or love you, or even respect you. So in answer to your question there is no way you can make her love you back. This is hard but it is something you need to accept. There are many lovely sisters in this world who are of marriagable age and who will love you back as a wife.
So accept that she doesnt want to marry you and give yourself some time to move on. It will hurt and it will take time but you will move on InshaAllah. In time you can then look for a potential wife. Please make sure you do so in the right way. Approach her family rather than her and do not declare that you 'love' a girl ever even if you do feel you do. Stick within the boundaries of Islam and Allah will put blessings in your marriage.
Also do not contact this girl anymore. She may feel you are stalking her and also it will help you in moving on and keeping yourself away from sin.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salaam o alikum,
"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor you should treat them with harshness, that you might take away part of the dower you have given them, -except where they have been guilty of open lewdness;"
Surah An-Nisaa 4:19
"You shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in your personal selves..."
Surah Al-Imran 3:186
Brother Many, I can imagine how you must feel. When the feeling isnt mutual it is painfull and seems soo unfair.
However (even tho it isnt what you'd like to hear) if she isnt interested in marrying you - you need to let her go.
There are many Muslimahs out there and Im sure there isone for you inshaAllaah.
Please follow Sister Sara's advice and move on.
Strenghten your relationship with Allaah and ask Him to help you thru it as well as help you find the right woman for you (who will help you in becoming a better Muslim as well as love you back).
Allaah knows best!
Khuda Hafiz
Sister Hafsah
Asalaam alaikum,
There are just too many Muslims sisters out there who will give you their complete, pious love versus chasing after a woman who prefers you as a .........BROTHER. Essentially what she is saying is that she doesn't find you attractive in any sense: emotionally, physically, intellectually or spiritually. It's a harsh reality that happens to many people, but you need to straighten your backbone and accept it.
However, what is worrying is that you believe that only being with this woman makes you better a better Muslim, which means that you need to disassociate from her and instead, focus on your relationship with Allah (swt). People come and go, some of them die or just leave you to be forgotten, but the only constant in life is Allah (swt). Do not focus on this one closure, but see the infinite possibilities that Allah (swt) has laid before you. And of course, this is also in other potential Muslim sisters as spouses.