Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife suspects me of cheating with brother’s wife but I did not

Jealousy, the green eyed monster

Jealousy.

Assalamualaikum. We r married for 3 years. Still we have adjustment problem. My wife is so suspicious that she think I had relationship with my brother's wife, but honestly I have /had no addiction, affection or relation with her.

Actually I tried to behave politely & smiling face with all. For some time being 6 months my brother was away from his wife living abroad. But at that time in our house my parents, sister was in our house.

My wife has no clue or evidence or anything to blame me. She only 3/4 conversation with my brother's wife. There she (brother's wife) said that my brother's children like me very much & when everyone present in house it will pleasureful & house is peaceful. Sometimes brother's wife couldn't receive her phone call. But she never tell or show something to my wife that I had relationship with her.

After marriage I had 3/4 conversation with brother's wife over phone on some formal conversation. But my wife blamed me. She told me not to communicate with her. For peace I do that. Even After that she make several times quarrel with me unnecessary & blamed me. Even though she used bad language against me. also used bad language about my brother, sister, even my mother which made sad.

I used to try stay calm but sometimes become angry but never use slung to her or about her family. Now several times she assault me on that issue with loss of control herself during quarrel. I don't assault her & control myself. But her nasty slung against me & my parents made me so sad & intolerable. I tried to make her understand & come out from that misinterpretation & suspicion bt failed.

One thing I should say that she loves me & like if I stay away from my brother. She told me to make no relationship with brother,s wife, children & only make relationship with brother on phone or only I can visit to my brother,s house in presence of my mother. My mother lives with my brother but. Now she has no relationship with my brother & his family & my sister & mother also.

At d begining I told to make good relationship with all by now don't say anything. I think ultimately it make detachment from my brother & make cut off relationship with him. But I have good relationship with my brother, even he will do anything for me & me also for him. If I had to do to cut off my relation with my brother for my wife it will made sad.she also force me to leave my hometown & settle other area fur away from them though I have opportunity to settle or service in my hometown.

I think if I do what my wife say it will make cut off relationship with my brother & ultimately sister, & parents also.but in this situation I leading a disharmony & all time anxious & sadness life.

What should I do now?

- rumi


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7 Responses »

  1. Sorry bro, but the only thing I can say is that divorce her, yep that’s right divorce her. But if you can’t get yourself in divorcing you wife then make her understand that you will never ever talk to your sister in law again but only your brother and parents, but moving somewhere far is a no go. Plus your wife didn’t give you birth you mum did, and mum can only come once and brother also but wife, many so remember just because your wife says this don’t listen or else it will break into pieces, I mean I am not married but I know my way around, also try going out with your wife like go on a date, have a walk or something like that and the calmly tell her what you want to say, but make sure you don’t get aggressive because thing turn real bad, I mean we are talking about girls here

    But Yh that’s all I have to say

    Asalamualikum

    By me

    Shafi

  2. I am sorry that your wife is behaving like this.
    I think you should remind your wife that you are a grown man and you make your own decisions. Also tell her that Allah does not want us to cut our family ties. Since your mother lives with your brother you must go to his house to visit her. Invite your wife to go with you when you go for a visit, then she can see for herself that nothing is going on. Since she is suspicious that you are having an affair you should keep your distance from your sister-in-law. Try to reassure her that you love her and would never cheat on her. Give it some time and if things don't improve consult an Imam for advice on this situation. Divorce should always be that last resort. InshaAllah, things will work out for the best...
    Salaam

  3. Salams. HOW DARe YOU??? Obviously you aren't married I can tell bro.
    These things happen... u don't advise someone to divorce her.
    Women get emotional
    Women overthink
    We women are insecure.
    Help her around it.
    Show her proof.
    Make her feel safe.
    She feels threatened by the brothers wife. So sure your love to her. Admire her, treasure her, gain trust in her and win her back.
    Alsorts happen in a marriage.
    Deal with it... the right way.
    If u divorce her...that's an easy statement. Everyone thinks divorce is the answer to everything as they do not want to do the hard work of helping people. Every marriage has stuff.. I understand when it's very very bad then ok divorce is done to bring peace. But you said she loves you. So it can be worked on. Seriously upset with this person that said divr9ce her... I'm sure u mean well but come on.....wake up..Don't be offended whoever you are.. I know of a woman dealing with insecurity like this. Divorcing would break her. Her husband talks her thru it and she feels safer.

    • I agree with Taz. I advise divorce only when there is adultery, physical or emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, physical abandonment, or some other irremediable issue. None of that is happening here. This couple can work out their problems through communication, therapy and other such means. Divorce is not called for here.

      Husbands and wives are not Kleenex tissues to be thrown out and replaced whenever a problem occurs.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Yh I understand you that you are upset, but this is the only thing I could think of. As my dad always wanted to divorce my mum for what just because she didn’t listen to him for something that she was against it, so that’s why, but Yh I know girls can be insecure, but sometimes they are there to break family ties and I know this has happened within my own family not once but twice

  4. Asalamualaykum Brother Rumi,

    I take it you live far from the rest of your family? Personally, if it makes your wife happy, I would avoid having phone conversations with your brother's wife, but continue the phone conversations with your brother. Make a point of continuing your relations with your brother. If he feels uncomfortable calling you, then I think you should initiate contact with him for as long as necessary. Your wife will Inshallah see that you are making an effort for her, so you couldn't possibly be that close to your brother's wife.

    Perhaps when you see your brother and his wife in person, you could exchange polite conversation with his wife without making your wife suspicious, because your wife would be there witnessing it. Having extended phone conversations with his wife probably make her jealous in part because she can't hear the other end of the conversation, and it is one on one communication, which tends to be more intimate. If the whole family is together in person, you should be able to talk to her because your wife is there too.

    I hope that helps and that it eases your situation, Ameen

    Best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  5. Assalamualaikum my dear brother, a woman deserves her own house and freedom to live there is no joint family system in Islam....and dont u knw ur brothers wife is ghair mehram for u and u must avoid talking to her ...thts the reason Islam has not e encouraged joint family...people who suggest u to divorce are stupid dont u dare divorce her she is in mental state where things are not clear to her ...did u marry with to her with condition tht she must stay with ur family no right...and those are your blood relation which u must maintain and balance and bring harmony between ur mum and ur wife it still not then leave them alone dont pressure them ...u are at disharmony becz u are comparing ur wife with ur brothers wife which u must avoid and bein women she does sense all this ...make her feel good trust me women needs emotional support and appreciation here u are talking only abt ur wife relation with ur family but wt abt the other side have they tried to settle her ...look brother it is difficult but there must be DEFINATELY a reason behind all her behaviour ....ask help from Allah both together read TAHJUD and ask Allah for guidance and calm down accept things as they are and keep your self happy you will never loose your blood relations...u need to put efforts to make ur wife feel special and stop bothering abt ur brothers wife who is ghair mehram to u JAZAKALLAHU KHAIR..

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