Boyfriend demands abortion
This is the typical development of a 30-week old fetus. The fetus is usually capable of living outside the womb and would be considered premature at birth.
Hello, I hope someone can help me. I was born a muslim but not practising. Met this guy last year and he is married. He is a practising muslim and i am not.
Against all my better judgement, i fell in love with him. He lives in Africa and i live in England. He told me he was allowed to marry more than one wife and we need to get to know each other better and i had to start praying and live like a proper muslim woman. I accepted as at the time he sounded and felt genuine, i had no reason to doubt him. He has a good job so do i.
I eventually got pregnant, which i know is a great sin, from my reading now i now understand that it's called Zina, either way it's still adultery.
I started reading online about all that i have with him and what the consequences are in Islam. I know it sound like medicine after death but he really made me love Islam but he was comitting Zina with me. Everything else he did was great, he taught me how to pray and stopped me from living a non-muslim lifestyle.
I confirmed my pregnancy and i'm 8weeks pregnant and he has demanded that i abort it. I would have if he hadn't started teaching me Islam. I am now scared as i read that it's a sin if the foetus is not a risk to my life and i abort it. I truly want to continue living a muslim life and pray that the Almighty forgive me. He has started ignoring me and all he wants now is an abortion which i feel is wrong in the eyes of the Almighty.
Please advice, though i was born a muslim but never practiced until i met him and lots of thing are still new to me. I do pray that God forgive me.
Thanks,
- Asta
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Salamu Aleikum Asta,
Oh my god, I can fully understand the anxiety you experience and the pain you are going through.
This is outrageous and the way this brother behaves as well. Again, an example of a muslim who
picks out the cherries of the bowl he likes, and this time even against the Shariah.
Nobody says taking a second wife is a crime, it's actually not. But: Obviously, he just told you
that he can have a second wife without informing you about the rights you have in the religion.
Sister, this religion is the greatest gift for yourself and your unborn child and although you were
introduced to Islam in a sad way concerning your situation, it's still the best thing that can happen to
you to be Muslim. However, let me tell you that this man doesn't even treat you 1% Islamic.
In Islam, a man can take a second wife, and has to discuss it with his first wife. She may agree to
stay in the marriage, or leave the marriage, that's her decision, polygamy can't be forced upon
anyone, it's a free choice. And it never happens in secret, to cheat on the person. It is a public
and open issue to be declared to the whole family and community. You mentioned he lives in Africa. Did
you already marry him? Ok, you mentioned it was zina, so how could he tell you about Islam, encourage
you to convert, and violate the most important law in Islam? Obviously, both of you aren't married
and under these cirumstances, it is even good not to be married to such an ignorant and terrible
man. But: your child. Aborting it? Astaghfirullah. You were right in your assumption that Islam only
allows abortion if the life of the mother is in danger, for the priority is to save the already-living
person and not the unborn child, but this is an emergency case.
How can he want you to this???? Sister, this man cheated on his wife, committed zina, but there is
one positive aspect: He gave you the greatest present without even knowing it. In Islam, you have
rights and even if the child was born under these cirumstances, he has the obligation to provide for it
financially and pay alimony. Make clear to him that he has to bear this responsibility and ask him why this
great flagbearer of Islam committed zina himself???? Sister, this is unacceptable. Keep the child, he
has to take care of it emotionally and financially and explain to him that he's the father. ................
Insha allah you're going to find a Muslim brother who treats you with the respect and honour a Muslim
man is supposed to treat a woman. Give this little wonderful child the right to live, be a mother and if
he wants or not, he's the father.
Another option : Explain to him that if he wants this second-wife marriage, he must give you equal rights,
support and acknowledge the child and accept you as his legal wife. This should be taken for granted,
now that he insisted on making you a Muslim wife.
Dear Asta, believe me, you've found a jewel, even if you had to walk through hell, keep it, it's going
to help you all your life
Jazakallah
Good luck
Here is my brief input:
There was one scholar of Islam who said, "If you entrust with me with a responsibility to take care of all the riches of the country (he was residing in), I would gladly take that responsibility and I can promise that I will be able to fulfill my duty with full honesty and my character will remain intact. But if you give me a responsibility to take care of the most ugly woman just for a night, I cannot guarantee you that I will come out with my character intact the next day".
This whole world is trial, but no trial can exceed the trial of opposite gender. Period.
The man whom you have described as a practicing Muslim has fallen into hipocracy. Yes, HIPOCRACY. He was wolf in sheep's skin. I do not like to sound judgmental, but in Islam, your actions must support your preaching. It is all good that he wanted you to come back to the straight path and wanted to make you a practicing Muslimah, but he himself should have not given dawah to you. In one of the lectures on How to Give Dawah, Sheikh Khaled Yassin specifically mentioned that brothers should give dawah to brothers, and sisters should give dawah to sisters. Kamal El Mekki, another prominent speaker, also re-iterated this fact in his course on dawah training. It does not matter if an unmarried boy and an unmarried girl talk about Quran and hadeeth without the girl being chaperoned, they are still giving Shaytan the chance. And if you give Shaytan an inch, he will surely take a mile. And he took a mile from you.
For most of the sins, Allah said, don't do this or don't do that. But for zina (which includes both adultery and fornication), Allah said, "Do not go near zina". Allah did not say don't do it. Allah said, do not go near it. The way Allah have framed the verse of zina to admonish His slaves about it says how serious the sin of zina is.
Now, the man who dragged you into such unfortunate situation, may have looked pious from outside, but you neither know the state of his imaan (conviction), nor know how much he fears Allah. If he really feared Allah, he should have stayed away from you. If he really feared the punishment of Allah, he would have not advanced to the point of zina. But instead he rather proved to you that he was Muslim, who has good character only because he does not have the chance to commit sins in secrecy. But, can we fool Allah? We can't. We can only fool ourselves. The man has only fooled himself. He neither fooled you nor he fooled Allah.
Since the evil nature of this man has been exposed, you should cut off all ties with him ASAP. He dragged you into one sin, now he is trying to make you commit another big sin by forcing you to abort the baby. No my sister, Allah knows what has happened. He knows what is there inside your womb. And Allah has commanded us not to kill babies. Abortion is HARAM in Islam.
I say this with all sympathy, but you have to make choice. Are you going to make a decision to please Allah, or are you going to make a decision based on what society will think about you if you have a baby out of wedlock. If you want to please Allah, go for the first option. I know it will not be easy, it will be enormously difficult, but if you put your trust in Allah, sincerely repent, cut off your relationship from that evil man, and try to hold on to the straight path as much as you can, Allah will surely make things easy for you. May Allah make things easy for you.
Assalamu'alaikum Asta,
Sister I'm sure that you are feeling scared, confused and betrayed. Some men are very convincing with their lies. They know how to turn on the charm and get you to do thing's that you normally would not do. Believe me, you are not alone. There are many women just like you who have been fooled by men like him.
First off, I agree with what Jannah and Stranger have said. This man who you called a practicing Muslim is a fraud. He cheated on his wife, lied to you and committed zina.
Just to be fair, and I'm sure that some may not agree with me but it has to be said. We can't put all of the blame on him. You had a major part in this too. If you are not married to him than you must know that what you were doing was wrong also. You didn't have to go to the Internet to find out that what you were doing was a sin. You were having sexual relations with a married man!!! I'm not sure how old you are but you should know what's right and what is wrong.
As far as getting an abortion is concerned, it has been stated earlier that it is haram in Islam. Would you be able to explain to Allah(swt) on the day of judgment why you destroyed a life?
You should tell this man that he has a responsibility to provide for this child emotionally and financially. I have stated this before on other post, if a man is willing to lay with you then he needs to be man enough to handle the consequences and take responsibility for his actions. I wouldn't expect too much from him since he already has asked you to get an abortion. I would still make it very clear to him what you expect but be prepared to do this alone.
With that being said, what has been done cannot be undone. What I am happy about is that you have learned from this experience. What is most important is that you have come back to this beautiful religion of ours. The fact that you want to live your life as a Muslim is great ,alhamdullilah!!!!
Now is the time to think about your next move. First off you should make sure that only positive thinking people are around you. This is going to be a stressful time going forward and you will need all the support that you can get. Remember to pray and ask Allah(swt) for forgiveness. You will get through this with or without the support of this man. Find some sister's who you can talk to. They should be able to support you in your quest to learn more about Islam, but they should also be there for you when you just need a shoulder to lean on.
Please trust in allah. Ask him to guide you in the right direction. He will never let you down.
If you need to reach out to someone don;t hesitate to write back to this site.
Your Brother in Islam
Abdul Wali
IslamicAnswers.com Editor