Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend abandoned me when he found out I am pregnant

Pregnant woman depressed

Hello,

I don't know much about the culture or about the religion at this time. I was dating with a Bangladeshi man who left me when I found out I was pregnant. We were together for around 9 months. He told me he would not like to be involved with the baby's care, and would like termination of the pregnancy. If baby is not terminated, he says he will not pay child support.

My mother told me it would be best to let his parents know, to see if they would like to play a role in the child's life. I wrote a very polite letter to his parents. I understand they were rather shocked. To my surprise, once they received the letter, I got a call from this ex-boyfriend, basically professing his love/ hatred for me. He felt betrayed I would write such a letter, but told me his parents no longer want him and apparently no longer want this baby too.

I have a pending abortion date that I feel great distress about. I am a nurse, and he is a physician. His parents also stated they no longer want his money, as that was their primary income. He stopped answering my calls and messages after that. Honestly, I have just about had it with this pregnancy. I don't have much support. I really don't want to do this but I think with everything going on I probably should. 

Please pray for me during this time. I would really appreciate some insight on what to do. Thank you.

Sugar

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7 Responses »

  1. What ever you do, please do not go for abortion . It is haram in Islam

  2. Hi,

    Firstly, what a filthy sh*t this ex-boyfriend of yours is. He may pretend to be a Muslim but no Muslim would ask you to have a termination after 40 days of conception - that's when we believe the soul is breathed into the body and incidentally when electrical activity in the fetus starts (some scholars says its 3 months but the 40 days is more likely - Judaism also says 40 days) If it has passed this stage I would beg you not to have an abortion as according to Islam you will be committing murder.

    In Islam if you murder someone it is like you have murdered the whole of humanity - that's how sinful it is. Conversely if you save someone's life, you will receive the same blessing as if you saved the whole of humanity. So please think about this abortion.

    i realise the father may not be around or he may come around when the baby is born given his own family are not supporting him. Attitudes often change when the baby is actually born, but either way, you would not want to be responsible for ending a life, something you in your profession do the best to preserve.

    God willing, this baby will be a source of blessing for you in this life and the hereafter and the fact that you have not terminated it when the pressures were so high to do so will count in your favour on judgement day.

    Please, please think carefully, you don't need anyone's support, god will strengthen and support you!

  3. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I believe you’re in your rights to reach out to his parents and you did not do anything wrong. It is unfortunate that he wants you to abort. But I really hope you don’t. It is not this child’s fault and he/she has rights. Do you have your own family for support? I would also reach out to the nearest Muslim community and see if they can help you and you can learn about Islam. Forget about culture. Culture differs depending on the part of the Muslim world you are from. Please try to learn Islam. Islam is a way of life and Islamic culture is beautiful but is often distorted by regional cultures and preIslamic born misogynistic ideas that still exist. Read the Quran that is translated into English. Read about Islam, what it is and who is the Prophet Muhammad.

    That man sounds like a fraud and May Allah alleviate your pain and make it easy for you. He may come back around, Allah knows the truth. Just think logically at that time and pray to God to guide you.

    I wish you luck and pray the baby brings you joy, happiness, Iman, and a path to heaven.

  4. Never ever do this to the innocent unborn baby what is his\her fault So based on the above advice to you consider birth the baby Allah will forgive the sins that you people were committed, that is my take

  5. Salam Dear,

    Don’t fret, I would suggest go on have this baby with or without the coward. It’s not the baby’s fault, sin of the father musnt be given to unborn. The guy has no choice weather the baby is to be born or not .
    Don’t kill a child for fear of iprovision. Every being comes with its own provision. What you meant to get , you will get indeed, even a tiny bird worm is provided for.

    This boy friend has to take responsibility for his action. the decent thing to do should be to marry you and own up to it. he might just be shocked and scared . Now that even his parents know he will have less pressure to deal with.

    If not, after the baby is born, you can just give the details of the father to CSA and they will take care of the child support weather he likes it or not! Hope & pray it works out for you,

    • He is indeed a coward and selfish. He is more angry that you told his parents than asking you to kill a baby. You both are in the medical field, saving lives, and know the stages of a life that is being developed. Don’t depend on him to abort the baby. You did a smart thing telling his parents. His parents should have encourage their son to come around and accept you and marry you. What he done has nothing to do with his culture and religion. Premarital sex is a big sin in Islam, he needs to own up and do the correct thing.

  6. Sister please do not abort the child. Once you have the baby you would be horrified at the mere thought of giving him up. I would suggest to let the child live, maybe this guy will come around eventually. Even if he doesn't atleast you would be spared the sin of killing an unborn child. Even if you get the child aborted you will surely regret it because i have read many sisters who have had abortion missing their unborn child.

    Your life wont be the same even after abortion. This life event will haunt you and you will keep thinking about the unborn child.
    If he is not taking responsibility please take the ultimate responsibility a woman can take for her child. Also please do not follow this lifestyle and try to learn Islam, it will give you a lot of direction in life. People are literally ready to die for children and you have been blessed with a child. Please seriously think about it.

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