Disconnected from Allah SWT
Assalamualaikum,
I have been on antidepressants for months, always changing the pill to find the suited one. I am now using Zoloft for less than a month and feel better alhamdulillah. I have depression after a divorce a year ago and from coming from the emotional abusive relationship ( I guess I got PTSD).
Alhamdulillah I feel better now. I can do activities. The problem now is that I feel disconnected from Allah SWT. I know Allah SWT hears me, I do salat, reading Quran and other nawafil salat, but I have no soul inside. I don't have any khusyu in my ibadah, my mouth do dzikir etc but my mind is busy thinking of other things. I am trying to focus and think of the meaning of every ayat in every salat but still can not feel connected. I feel something different in me not sure because of the pills or the jinn as sometimes I feel lazy too.
Every time I do ibada I can't think of Allah SWT. I am thinking of doing ruqiah by myself but not sure how and also it can feel cure directly after ruqiah or takes time.
I feel this is not coming from the depression because every time try to focus in salat, dua and reading surahs always something like blocks it and my eyes roll and can't focus. Then when I can't focus I force- read the Quran to get rid of it as I heard that bad jinn don’t like to hear the Quran. But I’m not sure what’s happened in me, while at the same time I’m trying to think what I have to do in my life to make it content with having goals etc since through the day I am just like robot, without contentment.
Hope someone can give opinion or advice soon, InshAllah as I really don't want to wait and became worse in my Iman
Jazallah Khair
- muslimah10
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Assalam alaykum,
are you sure it isn't due to the antidepressants that you're feeling empty inside? And did you have this similar problem when you were taking other pills before using Zoloft? Maybe it's the Zoloft that makes you feel 'disconnected', I don't know exactly how they work, but I heard from another woman that when she was taking similar pills, she lost interest in a lot of things, she felt - like you mentioned - lazy.. I don't know how to help you my dear brother or sister, but I'd recommend you to find out more about the pills you're taking now before doing Ruqiyah..
I hope you'll find an answer soon incha'Allah,
May Allah swt bless you and guide you always, amine..
N.
Asalaamualaikum Muslimah10,
Ni3ma is right in saying you should look in to the medicine you are taking - it may have some side affects that are making you feel drowzy and may be contributing to the other physical affects aswell.
However, with regards to 'Ruqiyah' - I would most definitely encourage you to practise this. Ruqiyah is something that The Messenger of Allah highly recommended to all of us and is not a practice that should be kept only for when we are 'ill'. The Messenger of Allah used to perform Ruqiyah every night before he slept and so it is a sunnah for us to do the same. By doing so, we are simply invoking Allah's protection from all evils.
There are various ways of performing Ruqiyah on oneself; below are just a few:
- Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi and Nasa'i have recorded that the Messenger of Allah (Sallalahu A'lyhe Wa Sallam) said: "Anyone who recites Surah Al-Ikhlas and the mu'awwadhatain (i.e. Surah Al-Falaq and An-Nas) morning and evening, they shall be sufficient for him." In another narration, the wordings are: "They will suffice him against every affliction." [Ibn Kathir]
- Hazrat Abu Abdullah Usman bin Abul 'Aas ((raa)) relates that he complained to the Prophet (pbuh) of a pain that afflicted his body. He (pbuh) told him: 'Place thy hand on the part of the body that aches and say three times Bismillah and then repeat seven times A'oozo Ma Ajido Wa Qudrat'-e-hi Min Sharre Ma Ajido Wa Uhaziro' (I seek the protection of the Honour and Might of Allah from the evil that afflicts me and that I apprehend.) Muslim
- In the hadith narrated by Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri (ra) that he performed ruqya and treated a man (leader of his tribe) with surah Fatiha; at the end of the hadith the prophet smiled and asked "How did you know that Surah Fatiha is a ruqya?" (Sahih Bukhari)
- The Prophet(pbuh) said: “When you go to your bed, recite Ayat-al-Kursi, for then there will be a guard from Allah who will protect you all night long, and Satan will not be able to come near you till dawn)”
Dear Muslimah10, I would recommend you to seek medical attention and at the same time perform Ruqya aswell. MaashAllah you are concerned about your imaan and surely Allah must love this about you. Many of us find it difficult to concentrate during prayers, including myself. Sometimes I also feel that I am merely acting out a ritual during salaah and other forms fo worship and I find it so difficult to connect with Allah, but being 'conscious' of this is a good sign Alhumdulillah. And everytime we struggle to divert our attention back to our prayers during Salaah - is our internal jihaad. By doing this, we are striving in the way of Allah - may He(swt) accept this humble struggle from us.
You know best how you are feeling and I am no professional - so I cannot tell you exactly what is wrong or if there is anything wrong. So do seek medical help inshaAllah along side continuing to strive.
SisterZ
x
Assalamualaikum sisters,
Jazakallah khairan for the response. Currently I am doing both seeing the professional and trying to doing ruqiyah by myself. I believe Allah SWT will cure me soon or later if I strive to do ikhtiar..
Please make dua for me for having patient and strength of will to do recovery as I feel personally tired and just want to give up and let it just be.
Salaam dear Sister,
I can feel that you are concerned about this, however I would recommend that you are patient during this time as everything will fall into place slowly and gradually as you begin to recover from your experience and from the depression and PSTD that has occurred as a result of what you have been through.
The best way I find to reconnect is to do good deeds and to find the beauty in my life - even in the harmful and painful parts. I remember working as a volunteer working with orphaned children, and on one particular day we had gone to give then soup. I remember the massive Iman rush and gratitude I felt for everything in my life when those kids ran toward us, laughing and playing completely unaware of the sad state that they were in. This made me cry with gratitude and the feeling still remains that how can they be grateful for this soup, when we cannot find gratitude for our mothers, fathers, families and futures that we have.
For finding the beauty your life, what works for me is to make a list of all of the things, people and events I would like to thank God for and then I find something in almost everything. I thank God for the difficulties we faced as a family as it made us stronger, I thank God for these legs and fingers, for my mother, my grandmother , my sister - and I find that by the time I have stopped writing this thank you letter to God, I am beside myself with gratitude and highly aware of the beautiful nature of life, a beauty which extends even to the painful areas.
For you and your connection dear sister, I would take it one step at a time, it is not that Allah is not there and you can't feel him, it is that from depression you are not there and it is yourself that it lost. For this reason, the solution to finding Allah and reconnecting with him, is to find yourself, heal yourself and inshAllah that feeling will come back in a very powerful way. Allah cannot change the state of the people until they change themselves, and sister, you are doing well. Stay focused on your recovery, and everything else will naturally follow.
Peace,
L
Salam Alaikoum Sister,
I truly empathize with your dilemma, I too have been on anti depressants for a very long time. I have suffered many ordeals that most would agree, I suffer as well from PTSD. I have found that getting outside, and enjoying the breeze and the sun is so helpful, and it is proven scientifically that this does help people with depression or anxiety. Also the type of medication is very important, and one medication that I have been taking for many years now, is called Effexor XR, it is for depression and it is time released, you normally will take it at night, primarily because it makes you a tad drousey, which is fine. I have never experienced any bad side effects from this medication, and I know when I am regularly taking my prescription I find that I feel much calmer, more patient, and definitely better. Also one other thing that you may consider, talking to your gynecologist, because you and many other women including myself have a low metabolism, sometimes in later years of after we have children, our metabolism changes. Some, have hypo thyroidism, and others hyper thyroidism, the first is defined as a slow metabolism, and the second is a fast one. That is a very simple definition. Females in general have a lower metabolism and it definitely can change in our older years. This also effects our mood, so in combination your gynecologist, or even your family doctor should already want to take a blood test to determine if your TSH levels, are in a normal range, the TSH levels are the way that they can determine if you have hypo, or hyper thyroidism. There is nothing wrong with you, and I know I have the same feelings, of being disconnected.
If you have these wonderful stories from the other sisters on this site to make you reflect , like Sister L, I know when I read her story of the children, tears were welling up in my eyes, and these are heart softeners, talking to your mother, is another one, to bring you to that place where you feel love, and concern, and seeing or listening to a wonderful nasheed, from Youtube.com like Do Not be Sad, will make your spirit soar, and you will want to share all those wonderful feelings you are experiencing. I will give you a link to this one that makes me cry everytime. I think you will love it as much as I do. Masha Allah sister, know that even when we feel alone....We are not, we all have a connection to our One Lord, Allah, all merciful, all powerful, all knowing, he knows what you are feeling, and he watches you in your suffering. Please be patient and everything will be the way it should, insha Allah. Here is the link for the Nasheed I spoke about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-Ri9m7UAfU
I have so many more if you want I will send you more. 🙂
Ma Salama
Sister Jennah
Asalaamualaikum Jennah,
The nasheed was lovely, it made me cry despite it's title of 'Do Not be Sad' :' ).
I have some inspiring and uplifting books you and the other sisters may want to read: 'Don't be Sad' and 'You can be the Happiest Women in the world, A Treasure chest of Reminders'. Both these books are written by the same author: Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni.
May Allah be with you,
SisterZ
xxx
Assalamualaikum Sister Jennah,
Thank you for the response, it makes me feel ease knowing that I am not alone and its normal to have PTSD alhamdulillah for how long are you taking the drug ? are you still taking it ? how is your family or husband view ? are they accepted and support you ?
My friends and close person not supported/accept me they just think that over reacting, low Iman and weak. They think I am weird person and not stable because i went to psychiatry and taking drugs. so there is other worries also whether what if I have to take this drug in long time and the future husband can accept me and think I am insane.
I have research what cause that and now I am on the recovery to get back my personality again, I met the psychiatry we talked over and she mention that PTSD is such kind of need long time to be cure. I am taking zoloft 25 mg now it does helping me alhamdulillah it just I still have problem to cope the panic attack when it the triggers come in a incident moment that I can not predict. I could be hard to breath, very sad until i cry.. or my mind running everywhere uncontrollable. I am thinking to ask dr to increase the dose but I am worried and ashamed if I became addicted to the drug
I am trying to find out how to cope that, thinking maybe meditation or yoga but don't know how to do that.
Jazakallah Khair
Assalamualaikum sister,
I trying to off the zoloft because I feel better at that time its been a almost a month but lately I feel my brain is not in control anymore like easy to get rage for a small thing, sensitive and have a negative acceptance towards things.
I am holding not to go to pshycyatry for now because I think maybe this is the effect of stoping from the zoloft as I want to handle things without drugs. I have Iman/faith towards Allah SWT and can maping the source of the problem. The thing is I am having hard time to control my brain its like hectic and full of emotion, rage.. I don't let out with the anger just hold it in my head coz I know let out the anger towards the person with emotional is not good so i am trying to control my anger by hold it and distract my rage emotion with do things keep me busy and thinking other things in my mind.. but I feel suffer with neuro brain from this emotional feeling as I know this is not me and I want to fight and cure it.. to be honest i feel worried I became insane.. I keep make dua for Allah SWT help and this is one of my effort since I can not read/undertand Allah SWT answers directly as my brain can not think in clear I just believe He is helping and answering my dua.
It would be helpful if any of you can give me advice or anything, especially sister laela, sister Z and sister jennah. To brother Wael is it possible I can contact them directly since its always delay from having the response while I am really in need.
Jazakallah Khair
I got short breath when my brain can not think in clear and shaking when I hold my rage or saying uncontroable/emotional don't want to listen/understand the person explanation when I don't like thing from other person behavior which is this is totally not me I used to be an understanding, logic, have empathy, and calm person towards things. but not now...and I feel suffer because I don't like this..
Dear Muslimah10, Asalaamualaykum,
Sister, we can all do our best to help you by writing to you on this website, but our help is limited because we are not medical professionals.
I strongly advise you to see you GP/doctor. If you have been prescribed medicine and then just stop taking it, there could be a number of side affects or repercussions.
So dear Sister, feel free to write here, we are happy to help you as much as we can. But when there is medicine involved, it is better to see a doctor.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Thank you sis for the response, finally I took high dose vit B and feel better Alhamdulillah.
I want to rebuild again my character and personality because it seem gone while my environment not really supported to build it all is connected from the past that sometimes triggers me for having panick attack. Its hard to find experience counselor over here especially the experience in handling the emotional abuse from narcissist personality like being brain washed, manipulated, preyed, controlled.
Also I want to know the limit of what it called with physical abuse. is it grabing with no intention to harm can called abuse ?
once a time I was just laying down at the just having small talk relaxing asking to my ex about why he was marrying me if I am not the one he expecting.. then suddenly he grab my leg and pulling down with rage emotion.
I was shock, surprise with his reaction because we were not arguing at that time.. and just told him that its like an abuse for me because I never have had that kind of touching then he told me I am over reaction.. I am too dangerous for his life he was afraid I am going to the police and the police will believe me that he abuse me while he said its not because I am saying it called abuse while for him is not abuse.. he said abuse is chocking, hitting with hard..
So please if anyone can give me response what is that because I want to fixed my mind set again about things after having those brainwashed etc.. because all what he said still in my mind set that everything is my fault, over reaction, sensitive, emotionally not stable and weak women.
take caraway seeds every morning on an empty stomach
it is the cure for everything except death
inshallah you will get better
muslimah10, I got your message and I have forwarded your email address to sister Leyla.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
jazakallah khair brother
Salaam My Sister,
I have emailed you to establish contact, I am happy to help if I can inshaAllah,
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
yes i got it sis i reply and now i am waiting your reply
jazakallah khair