He is cheating on me, should I inform my parents?
She found that he's cheated her
My husband and i have been married for a year and 4 months. i live in the US and he lives in Canada due to document issues. I waited 9 months to get my green card so i could visit him, i left my job and everything just to be with him. Now that am in canada with him, i've been having this feeling that he's cheating on me.
he receives a particular call far away from me, hides his phone when ever she calls and we r together. i asked him why and who she was and he told me she's just a friend and some lies. Yesterday saw a note in his wallet with her name signed under it and "love a l'inffini".
I never said anything to him, he went to work and i decided to check the pics on his camera. he's so fund of hiddin d memory stick, but as God will have it he forgot to take it out. i insertd it into my laptop and low and behold here are pictures of him kissing dat girl he claim is just his friend.
i felt shivers all over me, just d tot of it makes me throw up. Now i don't know wat to do, i wish i can tell my parents but i don't want to hurt them. Please i need advice as soon as possible b4 something goes wrong.
Ma salam
~ shaima21
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Asalamu alikum sister,
I can't write a long message, but do not tell your parents right away.
The first person you need to have an In depth conversation is your husband. Check his commitment , does he even care u found out? What des he plan on dong about it? Will he stop seeing her?
Make sure u are clear about the situation before u add more opinions in the mix.
All the best sister, be strong and patient and know that Allah is always with you.
walaikum salam,
thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. Since its bin abt 3 weeks we settled the matter amicably and he promised to stop seing her. Unfortunatelly, last week she called him and i took the phone to him. He gave me some childish explanations about how he is avoiding her but she keeps calling him b'cos she wants them to talk and bliv me dat day we went out and instead of him taking me out on a visit to the outskirt of town as he promised he lied to me that he mistakenly brought home his friend's document and he needed to return it. Suprisingly, it was her document which means the previous night instead of going to study in school with his group he went to visit her. And yesterday i saw text messages from her calling him "my love"and him calling her "my coucou". He lied to me on sunday that he was going to work and i was pitying him cos he was late, but the truth of the matter is he went to see her before going to work. her text msgs told me all i want to know.
Today he's giving me a stupid reason why i shouldnt live "Cos he chose me, and waited for many months to marry me out of all odds". I couldnt hold it so i had to tell my parents, and they said they warned me. My mum wants to me come back to US but she's living me to decide on that. I dnt know if i should really go, cos if i do that will be a highway to divorce.
Assalamualaikum
1. Time to man up and put a lid on the emotions. (Emotions will get in the way of making correct decisions).
2. Start saving the evidence, signup for dropbox.com or box.com and upload those pictures.
3. Don't confront him yet until you have very solid evidence. (This is to avoid the situation where he can weasel out).
4. Be nice to him and appear as if you are not suspicious anymore. You can even ask him to invite her over for a dinner or something. (But be careful so that he doesn't get suspicious).
5. Once he gets the feeling that you are not suspicious of him, you can start digging and keep track of his lies while gathering concrete evidence.
6. I repeat, keep your emotions in a locked cupboard as the emotions will make you sloppy.
7. No need to tell your parents yet until you have gathered the evidence.
8. Once you have enough evidence, then you can involve your father and another respected person, at that point divorce seems the only beneficial option, because as a husband it is very likely that he will resent you for catching him. Even if he is very sorry for what he has done, it will be difficult for him to respect himself and it will difficult for you to respect him. (when a wife is unable to respect her husband then the marriage just cannot work).
9. Finally, be careful, your username suggests that you are in your early twenties implying that you are still green behind your ears, so maybe get a private investigator to get the evidence.
It is important for you to gather concrete evidence so that you don't have regrets after ending the marriage and it becomes easy for you to get divorce.
Allah forbid I experience such a situation, but knowing myself I know that I can forgive easily but cannot forget, hence, I would probably go for divorce.
Wa'alaykumsalam,
I agree with what you said, except your point no. 2.
This is not right. The OP should just collect those evidences and confront him or the sharia court for divorce if she wishes. But she should not publicize those pictures and destroy the life of that man. What if he turns out to be religious in the future ?
Allah warned us not to publicize other sins,
"Those who love scandal/immorality published broadcast among the Believers, will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter: Allah knows, and ye know not". (Quran 24:19)
I definitely agree with you. What I meant by signing up for dropbox or box accounts was to save evidence online and did not in anyway meant to publish the pictures for the world to see.
I totally agree with your clarification that she should not publicize it and that is why she should only share the information once its certain that he is cheating.
My only worry is that if her husband turns out to be a violent man then she should take someone in confidence, most likely her father (keep the mother out right now).
And keep praying to Allah for things to improve.
I honestly would leave this husband andover back to USA, because he is a cheater and he won't leave this girl, ify husband did that to me I wouldn't even
Think twice I would leave him, is just painful to see other girls texting your husband I don't care if there friends or not.
I agree with Mulla Naseeruddin get evidence apart from that Muslim girl is right you should leave him.
Leaving him is ok if you don't have children with him if you have kids it will be difficult whatever you do think wisely. If your independent woman and your family will support you then discuss it with them & leave.
Look your best, maintain yourself always. I know its difficult but try and keep happy. Hes not worth your valuable tears. Last thing you need is a cheating husband as they say once a cheat always a cheat.
Asalamualikum wa Rehmathullahi wa Berakathuhu
In islam if a husband /wife is cheating in the sense illegal intercourse. then their punishment is stoning them to death .. if they are not married and if they do illegal intercourse then their punishment is lashes .. but for a married person tawba will not be enough their tawba is not gonna get accepted .. but if a husband/wife has doubt that they are being cheated then there must be a solid proof and in islam the proof of intercourse is eye witness 4 men should see their intercourse ..and in case of women 8 women should witness their intercourse this is the only proof in islam rest all proofs like messeges, phone calls ,mails, letters are not valid in islam... without eye witness you cant blame them and if you coudnt not find any witnessess then you can continue with them .. but if they have done this severe sin and their husband/wife are not aware of it ... then remember Allah Subhanatallah is not blind he is aware of evrything and surely he has kept a severe punishment for you .... betrayel in marriage is severe and its punishment is also severe
May Allah Subhanatalla guide Ummathi Muhammad (saw) on the right path Ameen ya Allah
Honestly sister.. Just leave him. It will be really hard n especially with ur emotions getting in the way but control urself n chin up chuck. That man is a cheat! Not worth u or it at all. And try to picture it in the long term..will u be able to trust this man again? Even live with what he has done? U will be able to forgive him but u will never forget. He's lied to u more than once and he will no doubt do it again.. Gather the evidence ul need, do inform ur parents. Inshaallah sister it will get better in the long run and don't give up, always remember this life is temporary, nothing is promised except DEATH. I will pray for u. I know the pain of betrayal and heart break. U are not alone. Stay Strong Dear.