Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s changed after engagement… what to do?

Righteous Husband

I'm in a relationship with a guy from last 5 years... He is very nice person, very much into deen. He prays... He cares a lot about everybody... Recently our parents got involved for our marriage.... but now he seems to dominate me... He behaves differently... It's not he don't want to marry... He is also interested... But he want me to bend in front of him everytime... He was not like that but now he is behaving like this... When we have any argument even if it's his fault he wants me to apologize... He never say sorry for anything. He doesn't care for me..... Please suggest to me what to do?


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13 Responses »

  1. salaam,

    Do salaatul istikharrah. Then take the path that is laid in front of you. It may not be clear cut through a dream but could be a feeling or just things happening in a specific direction.

    In my opinion, he is showing his true colors now and it may be wise to cut off ties before the nikkah because this is probably an insight into your marriage. People generally do change or show their true colors after the "honeymoon stage," or marriage. In this case you got lucky that he is showing them sooner. He sounds like the type that will always expect you to bend, change, or just do whatever he says. He may not care what any woman has to say. You may also want to look at his parents relationship. How does his father treat his mother? that may also be a peek into the future.

    Good luck. I hope you post what you end up doing.

    • My dear sister
      Aslamalykum !
      I wonder u can't figure out the person in five years however now the best suggestion is to do the estekhara as Light bulb suggested you ! may Allah help you ameen ya Rab !

    • MY parents n me ended that relationship...

    • me and my parents ended that relationship.

      • AOA aada.Same has happened to me. my engagement was called off and it was due to his parents' bad attitude.

        I have a question for u. Don't u miss him?since u were in relationship with that guy for five years.same as i was. but i am not able to forget him. my everything reminds me of him. i just keep crying all the time even its four months since the engagement has been broken.

        please suggest me, how do u cope up with the situation. i terribly miss him. do u also miss him?

        please give me advice.

        • WA SANA....
          Dear sana dnt feel dishearten.... think that it was ALLAH will.... if it was meant to be... it should have been dere... pray to ALLAH ALMIGHTY... There is no best remedy then prayers.... recite Quran... Ask ALLAH FOR SABAR.... ALLAH knows the best for us....
          may be dis marriage was not gud for ur future....
          u said it was his parents bad attitute... so in that situation i dnt think u will get adjusted EVER....
          so believe in ALLAH... he knows the best... n has kept best for u. INSHA ALLAH...
          or you can think in ds way.... we were in relationship for 5 years.... Acc to Islamic point of view... it is a sin... we were in haram realtionship for five years... so be thankful to ALLaH for helping us to withdraw that sinful lyf...
          KEEP PRAYING.... n PRAY FOR ME AS WELL....

          • U know my parents have got me engaged with someone and i still live in my past all the time. i try to be strong but all my strength vanishes when im alone and when i dont have to pretend in front of anyone and i just keep crying all night.

            i used to be a healthy girl and now im so weak. i offer all my prayers, i read quran,(im a quran student),i do ziker and everything to make me forget him. Please Pray for me. I will definitely pray for u too.but please u also remember me in ur prayers. i direly need some.

            this is the toughest thing i have ever faced in my life.i feel like i ll soon have a nervous break down. i so need him. even im engaged, i still pray to get him back. how silly of me.

            my parents want me to talk to my fiance and im unable to do that too. i just cant digest the things happening around me.

            Please pray for me. JAZAKILLAH KHAIR

        • INSHA ALLAH... everything will be fine... i will keep praying for u... dnt worry....
          KHUDA HAFIZ

    • salaam....
      thanks for your advice...
      that relationship ended on its own... we have lots of arguments n dn i feeled he is not the right guy...

      • Alhamdulliah. inshaaAllah may Allah bless you with an amazing Muslim man who will uphold the deen and be an explamary husband!

  2. I agree with the above. Do istikhara and make a decision, although judging by what you say and from personal experience I would say cut off ties with him. Luckily he's shown you his true colours, better now than after the marriage.

  3. I agree with above.

    Wow so arrogant and this is someone who's into deen etc treats a woman shame on him even when he is in the wrong seems backwards to me in old age century upbringing.

    Some people are controlling if you feel this is not right for you then I would advise to leave him no one has a right to change someone or control them in anyway.

  4. Yes, there is a reason for engagement period, and the reason is to make your final decision. Sounds like you need to use this time to say no to him. If you are not ready to bow and scrape for him, then chances are it would be a short marraige anyways.


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