How to deal with my abusive husband?
"Husband should feed his wife whenever he eats and cloth her, whenever he cloths himself, that he not hit her in face, that he not call her ugly and that he not boycott her except within the house" (Ibn Majah)
Assalam O Alaikum,
Can you please give me some advice. I had an arranged marriage. I have been married for last 3 years and ever since I got married I moved abroad straight away as my husband was living abroad. Initially he was good but as soon I came abroad he started saying me to work as everyone works here and that its not like Pakistan. After 7 months I got a low paid job. I was a doctor in Pakistan. He did support me financially initially for about 7 months after marriage. Once, I got job; he asked me to contribute to house hold stuff and eventually in the end I started earning for myself and my house bills etc. He used to beat me often and abuse me; I still tolerated because of recession he didn't earn a lot and in fact, never showed me how much he earned.
I paid my exam fees as well which was quite a lot and finally got registered as a doctor abroad. Now, its been 3 years; I am running the house and he doesn't do anything at all. I don't have any children. I have told him million of time to look for a job as he is well educated but, he never does. He is never thankful; he says that you are doing all this for you not for me as you wanted to be a doctor. My point is; I was doctor in Pakistan and I do like to practice abroad and I fulfilled my dream on my own basis but what about running the house. I would love to contribute to my household but I am not the man of the house. What's the point of getting married. So many people have told me to leave him but I am coward. He still abuses me and takes me for granted. My parents are aware of it but its not so simple to leave.
Please help me.
Faryal.
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Salaams,
What are the obstacles that are keeping you from leaving or calling the police on him? You know this abusive treatment is wrong, and you know that you are in a good position to take care of yourself since you are already working and maintaining the household. What are your fears if you act? What are the things that are keeping you from making that step?
Sister, too often in abusive relationships the easiest time to leave is the earliest. I've talked to many women who endured abuse for 5 years, 10 years, 30 years. Sometimes even more. They all say the same thing: I should've left sooner, I could've left sooner, it would've been easier to leave sooner. If they were answering this post instead of me, they would tell you the same thing: leave while you can, and work out the misgivings afterwards.
As a doctor yourself, what would you tell a patient who was in an abusive situation? Can you honestly advise them to do what's best for their health and safety if you are not willing to care for your own self that much? Yet, if you make this very difficult choice to have him put out or leave yourself, you will be better able to truly help a patient who needs to do the same some day.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
so he does not work, wont go into education to improve his skills to work, abuses you.
why do you put up with it.
what' there?
because if you invest in somethings, you have to get something back.
what does he do for you.
but you have a broken machine instead of a man.
sister, im sorry that your parents feel their culture of marrying their daughter to her cousin even if he is a peice of dirt is more important than coupling their daughter with a live, righteous man, even if he may not be a relative of yours.
the prophet[saww] said to advising parents
" Watch who you marry yourdaughter to, because marrying her of is like marrying her in slavery"
unfortunately this is a big problem with pakistani parents.
countless women are in your situation because of their culture.
you are an independant woman financially, and this is a great advantage when you are in an abusive, empty relationship.
inshallah, you will find a way to get out of this.
there are many women refuge camps in pakistan nowadays as some news channels report.
try to find one if you can.