Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband being secretive and I’m worried

Secret Phone Call

Asalaama Alaikum.

I am a newly married sister whose going through a difficult time. I have asked Allah (swt) for guidance but I don't know much about Islam unfortunately and want to seek advice about my husband.

We've been married for 4 months and lately he's been extremely secretive about his life. I dont know anything for sure but i just have this gut feeling something is wrong.

I made a terrible mistake this morning by looking through his phone for messages and lo and behold there was a message from a woman asking him to call her back.

Am I wrong for following my instinct and knowing something is up? And is he right to talk to women when married? I dont know what to do. My head is all over the place. I'm also 3 months and 2 weeks pregnant Alhamdulilah and to be honest I can't deal with any surprises.

What should I do??

Please can somebody tell me if I should confront him about it or to keep quiet and pray for the best.

Jaza Kala Khair,
Your sister in Islam

- LOVEislam

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3 Responses »

  1. Walaykum as salam LOVEIslam,

    Thank you very much for sharing and congratulations for your pregnancy.

    You should trust him enough to talk to him directly, in the most calm way possible, I mean without arguing. Because if it is there is something going on, he may try to fight to tell that you are oversensitive, then please stay as calm as you can, and be ready for surprises, .... maybe not, but for normal conversations, I don´t see the need of hiding,... and being married, no woman should be phoning him, unless is family or work, but again no need to hide if it is that.

    My personal opinion is to go straight and tell him how you feel about his behaviour, you will know by his reaction. But I can of see that a part of you wants to hide and don´t believe what your instincts are shouting to you, then it is your responsibility to take one option or the other, you will see if you can handle to know the truth and put all the "ghosts" on a side and take decisions for real or just stay as you are. Whatever you discover, stay calm, you need to get to know each other and be able to talk freely about your fears, maybe they are just that, until you know for certain what is all of this about.

    May Allah(swt) bring Light to your situation, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,


    IslamicAnswers. Editor.

  2. Salaams Sister

    You have three options- either you confront him about the issue or you dial the number for yourself and find out or you just simply ignore it.

    If you confront him about the issue- there is a possibility that he could lie about the person. Has he lied about anything in the past? He may become defensive . You may still have doubts in your mind. Maybe he could clarify everything and let your mind at ease.

    By ignoring this may create doubts about him in the future. Your mind may still not be at ease

    If you dial the person, you may find out who the person is. They may have sent the message to the wrong person, it may be a customer/ relative (you still new to the family) .

    Sister you do have a right to know what's going on in your husband's life but try not to be too paranoid. You need to relax and take things easy especially now that you're pregnant.


  3. Salam sister,
    firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. May Allah make this time easier for you and bless you with a healthy and pious baby, ameen. Sister, you are not wrong to follow your "gutt feeling". I personally follow them most of the time when I sense things are wrong, and they are often correct. Yours was too, hence you found the message in your husband's cell. Sister, as sister Maria said, you should talk to him in the kindest manner and ask him regarding this. Explain to him that it is not that you do not trust him, but rather his secretive behaviour lately has caused suspicion in your mind. Be gentle yet firm that you are his wife and love him with all your heart and cannot comprehend sharing him with any other woman. Explain to him that if there is a misunderstanding that he clear it now as it is affecting you during your pregnancy. If he is nervous or blatantly denies it, be firm and tell him that you are not feeling secure and it is his duty to make you feel loved and secure. Let him know that he should not be talking to other non-mahram women when he has you to talk to. Any problem, advice, etc should be discussed with you, not with someone else. He does not need to confide to other women, you are his wife and he should discuss all matters and issues with you. Let him know that trust is integral in a relationship and he should be honest with you, im sure he wouldnt appreciate it at all if you behaved the way he is.

    May Allah make this time easier and better for you, ameen.

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