How can I make my husband to practice Islam properly?
I am a Muslim girl born and raised in Australia. My Husband is born and raised in Lebanon. My Husband always gets defensive whenever I question or advise him when it comes to anything related to his practice of Islam. He prays 4 times a day and does not wake up for Fajr, however he wakes up just before 7am for work. He claims once he wakes up for Fajr, he can’t get back to sleep and hence work becomes difficult as he has to work for 11 hours. 7am – 6pm. I end up feeling bad and so I try not to disturb him when I wake up for fajr.
He argues that he is doing very well despite the hardship he is going through from many areas and ridicules me on my weak points in Islam and has the anxiety response of “don’t expect me to become like those fanatic’s, I never will be one!” I always have to question back on how me guiding him, leads to fanaticism? Esp he knows my background, married me knowing I have no extremist drive at all and rather the opposite.
I pray 5 times a day, fast and pay my zakat. My weakness is that I don’t know the deep history of our prophet’s life – I only know the basics and a few hadiths. I don’t listen to the Holy Quran much but listen to Surat al Kaf before Juma prayers. I can’t read Arabic so when I read the Quran, it is voiced by an Iman on audio along with translated English text. My Husband also fasts every year and pays his zakat, prays, however he does not pray fajr and rarely listens to Quran despite that he knows Arabic. He does not discourage me from my duties and encourages me by asking me if I have prayed and not to be late if I haven't.
I try to be patient with him however it upsets me. He does come from a family that does not practice Islam and they are mixed between Christians and Muslims. I don’t want him to be judged because of his background, as I deeply believe that he is doing well coming from a family that didn't practice Islam.
There were times he didn't go to Juma prayers twice in a row as the first time he was ill and second he had to go into work and came back tired and fell asleep. Are all his prayers still accepted although he does not pray fajr? Or that he missed Juma twice unintentionally? Is there a certain du3’a that I can do for Allah to guide him more?
Thank you, I sincerely appreciate your help,
Ally
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Assalamu'alaikum,
Sister, it feels really bad to know that there are Muslims that reject the rules of Allah in this way. If prayers are obligatory, they are; no matter what condition we are in, no matter what work we are doing. A person who is ill and unable to stand is supposed to pray while sitting. If he is unable to sit, he can pray while lying down.
More than this, if there is no water or is unable to use water, is supposed to use clean sand for tayammum. If one finds no sand (consider a person in a hospital, in the Intensive Care Unit, unable to use water of find dust) one should pray in that position.
If one is traveling, one can join two prayers by way of Taqdeem, Ta'kheer and Taqseer. Even in times of war, our Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and his Sahaabah Radiyallahu Anhum did not miss prayers (with one exception, which was made up at the earliest)
No matter what, there is no excuse for leaving prayer, whatsoever.
According to a Hadith, what differentiates a Kaafir and a Mushrik from a Muslim is the abandonment of prayer.
According to another Hadith:
“Whoever prays fajr is under the protection of Allaah. Do not put yourselves in a situation where Allaah has to call you to account for your negligence, because whoever finds himself in this situation will be sorted out and then thrown on his face in the Fire of Hell.” (Reported by Muslim, p. 454).
Leaving Fajr prayer is also a sign of hypocrites:
“The most burdensome prayers for the hypocrites are salaat al-’isha’ and salaat al-fajr, but if they only knew what they contain, they would come even if they had to crawl.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 2/424; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 133).
For this reason, and for the reason that every prayer has been made obligatory by Allah, leaving Fajr is unIslamic. Your husband is using the concept of fanaticism as an excuse to justify his carelessness. This is the case and he needs to be made to realize the importance of prayers, especially Fajr.
Some of the Ahadith that speak of the benefits of Fajr are:
“Angels come to you in shifts by night and by day. They meet at salaat al-fajr and salaat al-‘asr, then those who had stayed with you at night ascend, and are asked by the One Who knows better than they: ‘How did you find My servants?’ They say, ‘We left them when they were praying, and we came to them when they were praying.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 2/33)
“Whoever prays fajr is under the protection of Allaah. Do not put yourselves in a situation where Allaah has to call you to account for your negligence.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 7/267; Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6344).
“Whoever prays the dawn prayer in congregation, it is as if he had prayed the whole night long.” (Muslim, p. 454, no. 656; al-Tirmidhi, 221).
Show him these Ahaadeeth and explain that fanatic is one who exaggerates and not one who follows Islam in its complete form by obeying Allah where He Said:
O you who believe! Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion) and follow not the footsteps of Shaitan (Satan). Verily! He is to you a plain enemy. (al Baqarah, 208)
Laziness, work, business, nothing can be a hurdle in the way of prayer if one believes in Allah and trusts in Him. If it happens once, that is in sha Allah understandable, but should not be a routine. If one keeps an alarm to ring for Fajr but sleeps out of tiredness, in sha Allah, he can pray when he wakes up (at the earliest).
As a Muslim, this is his duty. This is not something only he faces. Even I have worked and have seen people in highly stressful jobs doing prayers in their times. I have led them in prayer at office and sometimes prayed behind one of them.
Leaving Jumu'ah is also unacceptable, except in case of dire need. In business, meetings can be scheduled at times other than that of Jumu'ah times. Other ways are opened by Allah when the intention is to pray. Otherwise there is no point at all.
Sorry, I am ending here as I am in a hurry.
May Allah Help you help your husband
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
I personally feel you may be overstepping your bounds a little when it comes to this issue. I believe that our ibadah is between ourselves and our Lord, and I don't see how his lack of praying fajr directly affects you. From what I understand, this is the only significant flaw you are finding in him, and to be honest it seems a bit controlling on your part to portray yourself as the one who needs to monitor him.
On the day of Judgement, you are not going to be asked about his salat. He will. It sounds like you are already putting a lot of focus on your own spiritual life, and this is exactly as it should be. Of course you can continue to pray for him that Allah strengthen his faith and his discipline, but in the end no matter what you or anyone else "judges" him on Allah will still be the final Arbiter.
None of us can say what things Allah will have mercy on or not. Your husband certainly needs to develop more taqwa, but it's not your role as his wife to badger him into it. That is something that has to sincerely come from inside one's soul, and no amount of nagging or preaching will change that.
To me it sounds like the underlying issue is a question you might have as to whether you two are truly compatible or equally matched. I understand how frustrating it might be to feel like you are on a different spiritual level from your husband, but "fixing him" isn't usually the solution. I suggest you take time in your prayers and meditation to examine yourself and ask Allah to show you how you can be an inspiring and supportive wife to him without trying to micromange his daily obligations.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Ally, as-salamu alaykum,
Be patient with your husband and do not judge him. Continue to set a good example for him.
It's unfortunate and disappointing that your husband ridicules your weak points or lack of knowledge. However, do not stoop to his level. If he mocks you, ask him calmly, "Do you think that mocking me is the behavior of a kind, loving husband? I don't speak to you that way, and you should not speak to me that way." Maybe you can shame him into behaving better.
Work on improving your Islamic knowledge, not for your husband's sake but for your own. Read the Seerah (biography) of the Prophet (sws), read the Quran, and keep on learning. If your local masjid has sister's classes or halaqas, try to attend.
May Allah increase you both in knowledge, taqwa, and mutual love and respect.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam,
WHilst on de topic I also find it very hard to get back to sleep after fajr. I work also and have to wake up again. In de Prophets PBUH time i heard that he used to have naps in the day and mostly people used to pray all night to earn reward. And some slaves used to work all day and syand for prayer all night. wonder when they used to sleep?
After isha there is tahjudh and few hours later fajr. In the western world you have to earn a living on the day time. When is it recommended to sleep? As people usually sleep continously for eight hours. Ifind it very hard to get by on less sleep i cant concentrate and feel so weak. How do people overcome this pproblem? or it it especially hard for us living in de west as no muslim timetable at work re prayer and juma?
This is just a mental block that we work so much in the day that we are too tired. The Sahaabah used to earn their living in the day and used to sleep in the night.
The best time to pray Tahajjud is the last third (night starts from Maghrib). But one can pray it before one sleeps, a little after Isha or in the second part of the night or as one can, and having to sleep for some time is not necessary to pray Tahajjud. One can pray tahajjud and go to sleep.
During the time of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, naps used to be between the Adhaan of Fajr and Iqaamah (which was very short) and between Dhuhr and Asr for some time. If you can sleep for some time after lunch after dhuhr, that will be great.
If you find it difficult to sleep after Fajr, why not earn sit in your place do dhikr of the morning which has varied and beautiful rewards promised by Allah, then pray Ishraaq? The perhaps if you like you can sleep or you can recite the Quran for some time before leaving for work.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I know a wonderful Hadith, but I do not kjow to what extent it applies to sisters, but 'Deeds depend on Niyyah' right?
From Anas bin Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Whoever prays the morning prayer in congregation then sits remembering Allah until the sun rises, then prays two units of prayer has the reward like that of Hajj and `Umrah.’” He said, “Allah’s Messenger, sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Complete, complete, complete (i.e. reward)’” (narrated by Tirmidhi).
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My weakness is that I don’t know the deep history of our prophet’s life – I only know the basics and a few hadiths.
http://www.saaid.net/islam/9.htm
http://prophetofislam.com/what_do_others_say.php
The Bible's Last Prophet
What all Christians and Jews MUST know about the Bible
http://islamicweb.com/?folder=bible
http://www.themodernreligion.com/prophet/prophet_Sayings.htm#Abstinence
Sleep is very important. I read a Hadith (or was it in Qur'an?) that said not to come to prayer if you are sleepy because you may say something which would abuse yourself, etc.
If I was him I would go to sleep earlier at night, such as just after Isha.
Dear sister,you sound like you have a good hardworking husband, Mashallah.
.there are many Muslim women who are abused and neglected by their husbands and are not as fortunate as urself.if I were u I would focus on my own deen rather finding fault in others.nit picking on him will only drive him away,lead by example and do not push or force him, this is the Islamic way.