My husband is having an affair with his married cousin
First of all I thank Allah for a web site like this I can ask some advise. It's this: my husband claims to love me and no one else and I love him very much. But three years ago he started acting weird with his phone calls and was very discreet about it.
I didn't think much about it because I trusted him but one day I accidently over heard him taking to the phone as one would talk to a lover and when I confronted him he said that he was advising a friend who was having problem with his marriage about how to talk to his wife etc.
I let it be. After that episode he became even more discreet with his calls and with that I got suspicious. I know it is bad to be suspicious but I just couldnt stop myself. I started checking on his phone call logs and every time there were many calls and sms between him and his married cousin and I knew it was her number, but he had stored it under a different male name. Even at midnight there are calls between them. When I confronted my husband about it he said that his cousin's husband uses the wifes phone and that he swears there is nothing going on between them.
Once my husband gave me a card about loving me and etc. In his office bag when I went to take something there was another card and a small gift of a ring. I thought it was for me and was thrilled with it. Keeping quiet about it thinking he would gift it to me after a month. I asked him about it and he said a friend gave him the card to keep it safely with him until that friend asked for it.
I don't know what to do any more. I even confronted her about the calls and she said that her children are playing with it so so that's why my husband keeps geting sms to his phone. Once when my husband got a detailed bill for his phone I checked it and and whenever I was away at my mom's there are many calls between them. When I asked him about it he said he was talking to the husband. My husband burnt the detailed bill and stopped it from getting coming in the mail.
For the past three years there are so many calls and sms between them and he keeps giving me lame excuses. Now that my husband has gone abroad he has given me the phone to use and not one sms from her phone. And just before he left he sent an sms saying that I am a good wife and a good mother to our children etc.
When I checked his call logs the last sms was for that women. I don't know what to do anymore. He will be gone for a couple of months and come after doing Hajj.
Please advise me what to do. It just can't go one like this any more. I love my husband and my kids and I want to be a good wife and good mom to my kids, but this suspicion keeps eating at my very soul.
Please help me.
- humaira
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well sister i am 18 i just tryna help you for the sake of allah so i hope i will be able to it with the help of allah i be happy to help people are in trouble allah loves those who help other for the sake of allah and first thing you do is pray to allah truly with full pain to make your husband good and first pray allah akber subhanallah etc praise allah then darood then pray to allah then same which u did first then end the opray inshallah when he helps you and then u dont need anybody's jhelp he says in quran chapter 1 verse 5 worship allah and only ask for help from him and in second try to teach him islamic stuff and educate him about being faithful and second talk to him or the situations will get worse tell him you are not happy the way u talk on phone so much and crazy stuff is coming in my brain like you have affair with other women etc tyr your best and in kind way so situations dont get worse now how to be kind is up to you what kind of he is and how you both talk to each other so in that way u talk to him becuz all are not same so and try to be polite and also talk about that you want otherwise your head will not find peace in it easily u will allways be upset and ruin your and your chidlren's llife if he leave u in future so do in present what u can do and u waited enough but you dont see anything getting better so sister step up and speak to him about it and otherwise he will not come on straight line easily like he still donig and lying i dont know why the flip people do this shit flipin dumb when u have wife why u need other womens dammit people are real losers now also try to make your mind happy and empty from sadness becuz it will affect your child in your womb aswell i am little anger type of when it comes to speak agaainst unislamic people and help my sisters of islam and innocent jazakallah
jazakalla khair for your kind and concern advise may allah bless you for trying to help a nother muslim in distress allah will help inshallah was very depress when i wrote that know alhamdullilha am ok only thing i feel kind of disloyal to my husband for writing (cause my husband is a good guy and he is very religious and now so much deen its that most off the time i feel he deserve some one much better than me )dont know if its my falt for things to turn up this way its all atest off allah make duaa for us once again jazakallah khair
It is haram in Islam for anyone to talk or have relations with a cousin of the opposite sex....this is clear in the Qiran, and if your husband has EVER read the Qiran then he knows this is against Islam. He is therefore doing something haram against Allah and against you. Obviously his married cousin does not fear God either or they would not ever have this problem. I would advise you to seek immediate council from your Imam and tell your husband this is considered adultery and you will treat it as such. How can you say it is your fault? and your husband is a "good" man??This shows me that you have lived within a very difficult marriage, as you want to take the blame on yourself. This is not your fault but the fault (and sin) of two very bad people, according to Islam. I pray you get out of this marriage and I would pursue legal action against both of them for adultery. Allah with you...
Salaam,
Firstly May Allah give your the strength to get through this difficult time which is causing you great distress.
Back on to the topic at hand. Your husband is being very sneaky and has been for a very long time. What he's doing is hiding the truth from his wife and denying her the right to know what he is doing and why he is doing what he is.
If for whatever reason he is friends with the cousin's husband, which we all know is a possibility as often in Muslim families through marriage the arrival of new men can mean new friends for people's husbands. However he would not be burning bills and hiding information from his wife if he was in contact with a man.
Under no circumstances should any man talk in a loving (intimate) manner to anyone but his wife. So that is wrong what he did if he was helping someone out, but I highly doubt he was.
He is about to go to Hajj, before he goes to Hajj you must speak to him and tell him that if he has done anything wrong that you are willing to forgive him. Remember after Hajj a man becomes as pure as the day he was born.
I know it's difficult but, you must try to forgive him if you can, if you cannot and that is entirely understandable, then you must consider leaving him. No human being likes being betrayed, no one deserves it, but Allah is forgiving and we as humans should try to be with each other too.
I hope after Hajj he ends his extremely bad habits and focuses on the one woman who matters, YOU.
May Allah give you the strength and may Allah accept his intention to perform Hajj and guide him unto becoming a better husband.
Dear Humaira,
asalamalaikum,
sorry for the terrible hurt you are going through. I dont want to sound as if iam trying to add more oil to the fire, but just check that he has really gone for Hajj? also check where is that cousin of his while he is away?
i know inquisitiveness can open a bag of worms but there is no point in living in falsehood.
May Allah bring happiness in your life and guide your husband to home.
friend.
I was going to say the same thing. Is he really going to Hajj or is he still lieing? I think if a man lies to his wife about some things then he will lie about many things, and going to Hajj after treating his wife like this? Shame, he should be taking his wife there?
Also, I understand the cycle of abuse you appear to be in. You are angry, confused, then you feel guilt and blame yourself. But you need to ask yourself why you allow him to do these things to you and then you make excuses for his behavior? God NEVER wants this for any woman. A husband is expected of Allah to respect and love and protect his wife, all the time and even in his "imperfections". Yet, adultery is never accepted by Allah, so why should any woman accept this???
salams sister jazakallah khair for your kind understanding i am happy tosay that my husband has indeed gone on haj and now a changed man more god fearing and more loving towards me and very careing make duaa that allah subahanathalla keep it that way .even though he has not admitted any thing i know inshalla he is trying his best tochange him self allah is great jazkallah khair to all the brother and sisters duaa things in my life allah has made it much better jazakallakhair for being there and advising me when i could not turn to any family members or any one i know .may allh bless you all with the best in both worlds
elsallam 3alleikem,dear sister be patient may allah s.w be with you.ena allah ma3elsabreen,keep praying and du3aa.it wont last for long he is most likely going throught mid life crisis,most men go throught between the of 40 throught 60.am sure he will wake up,but be their for you children bc they need you.salam
salams danaa jazakallah khair for your support and advice i am making lots off duaa that it should end deep within me i know that he is having an affair and am making lots off duaa that it stop he is kind to me an deeply religious i know i have to have lots off saber at times its very tough cause i love him a lot and he is the father off my children please make duaa that allah who controlled and changer off heart to make him do the right think each time i confront him he keeps denying everything in spite me overhearing an he acting very suspicious over the calls recently i got to know that his cousin was going a broad for a month just before she went there was calls that have being recorded till two a clock in the nite continues fi\or two days b both days i was staying at my parents and know for a fact that even her husband was out off town those two days so i now that the calls are still going pretty strong and i am unable to do any thing about it all i keep doing is making duaa allah wont let me down its a matter off being saber at least i have to thank allah that he is kind and good to me make duaa for me may be its because the way i am that he has turned to her i just dont know what i am going to do if i meat her in family gathering i hate her so much i feel that this hate that i have in me is like a poison please make duaa for me once againe jazakallakhair
Hi..
My husband also got affair with a girl, what can I do? Can I sue them?
salams may allah make it easy for all who are going through the problem that we have best weapon is saber and salah will make dua for you like wise make duaa for me too
Allah is with the sabireen.So keep praying .Jazakallah
Humaira,
I am so sorry to hear this. I too have the same issue. My husband’s ther cousin now Faiza Bilal started by sending pictures of herself. The excuse was her daughter Sowaba accidentally sent them , a two year old then. Her husband does not know the extent of his wife’s affair (she was caught and has banned me from visiting them, only my husband can visit them and her alone).
If possible tell her husband, however be aware she will lovingly portray you as a liar. So maybe give him a hint. Or tell him abit but say you are not accusing them, however when you tell others they say it’s an affair and how can others think like that when they both deny it.