Husband won’t talk to me after I drank alcohol
I was a hindu and married a muslim and got converted. we are married for 10 yers. He is already married and has children.
I used to drink before marriage and i gave up. Now because of loneliness I used to drink twice or thrice and when he asked I told him that. For the last one month he is very angry on me and initally he wanted to leave me.
Now he says he needs time. He now hates me so much that he does not want to talk to me. My parents and brother, daughter (from my earlier marriage) and bhabhi have all spoken to him.
I want to be a good wife to him and want to obey him. I will do anything to be with him... please help me.
-nazsal
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Asalaam alaykum Sister Nazsal,
It is said that when a Muslim consumes that which is forbidden, their prayers and worship of Allah (swt) are not accepted for 40 days because this alcohol will stay in your cells on a biological level up till that time. So of course, your priority is making a true assessment of why you disobeyed Allah (swt) and chose to commit this grievous sin. Think that for that time of 40 days, you will need to make up all unaccepted prayers once the time has expired, seek forgiveness, repent and work in the way of Allah (swt) through charity and other means to tip the scales back in the favor of your good deeds. It's very important to not lose hope, but you also need to truly make amends and reform your character gathering the love and fear of Allah (swt) inside of you.
It would be just as significant to let your husband know that you have recognized this behavior as being a sin and that you wish to make up for it to Allah (swt). Also, tell him that you would like to use this time to learn more about Islam, strengthen your faith and that you need him to assist you in this matter. Request that he become your partner and guide on the Right Path, and ask him to lead you through this trial. Ask him to make your prayers along with you, to read Qur'an together and listen to lectures on the dangers of alcohol, but also on seeking forgiveness and solidifying your marriage. It is so important that you submit to Allah (swt) and ask for your husband's help to do this. I believe that if your husband sees the sincerity of your plight, he will help you to regain your hold onto the Rope of Allah (swt).
Of course, as a spouse, this is what each wife and husband should do for each other, respectively. So make this time a bonding experience of repentance towards Allah (swt) and Insha'allah, your husband will enjoin you on this way.
Loneliness is not an excuse for what you have done. However, by turning to alcohol, it is evident that you were using perhaps to drown your sorrows and since alcohol acts as a depressant, it becomes a dangerous enemy of your bad deeds. So if you are having loneliness issues in your marriage in this regard, you need to speak to your husband about this, as perhaps he can make more special time for you. It's not wrong to perhaps request some extra time per month for you two, as well.
Insha'allah, you two can work through this together, but it does require pure intentions on your apart. May Allah (swt) guide you both.
I would also recommend for you to start drinking cleansing detox fluids and try drinking healthy fruit drinks by making your own mixes with a blender using raw and whole fruits. I have found that when people need to break away from intoxicants and other bad fluids, they need to replace the taste of their palette with something very different and delicious. You can try any combination of fruits to really diversify what you consume and find many combinations that please you.
For people addicted to alcohol, I would recommend to also avoid staying alone during those times when you are susceptible to drink by having good Muslim female friends to be with when your husband is not with you.
Point of correction: @profx,, the issue of not accepting the salat prayers for 40 days , is a statement that shows you the gravity of sins of drinking alcohol and how Allah and his massanger strongly prohibit taking alcohol ... This doesnt literally mean that her prayers for 40 days would not be accepted IF SHE SINCERELY AND TRULY SEEKS FOR ALLAH'S FORGIVENESS... Remember that Allah is Al-gafur, Arrahim (the oft forgiven, most merciful).. "EXCEPT THOSE WHO REPENT AND BELIEVE (in islamic monotheism), AND DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS; FOR THOSE, ALLAH WILL CHANGE THEIR SINS INTO GOOD DEEDS, AND ALLAH IS EVER OFT-FORGIVING, MOST MERCIFUL." "AND WHOEVER REPENTS AND DOES RIGHTEOUS GOOD DEEDS; THEN VERILY, HE (or she) REPENTS TOWARDS ALLAH WITH TRUE REPENTANCE." koran25:70-71... "SAY: 'O MY SLAVES WHO HAVE TRANSGRESSED AGAINST THEMSELVES (by committing evil deeds and sins)! DESPAIR NOT OF THE MERCY OF ALLAH: VERILY, ALLAH FORGIVES ALL SINS. TRULY HE IS OFT-FORGIVING, MOST MERCIFUL. Koran39:53.... So the sister should sincerely repent and seeks for Allah's forgiveness, and observe her 5 compulsory daily salat prayers every day until death comes to her.. After this, she doesnt need to observe another 5 prayers for 40 days after the 40th day of her repentance and becoming a tee-tatal.. May Allah give us the understanding of HIS religion and may HE forgive us our shortcomings.
Professor,
40 days of prayers not being accepted is a Daif/zaif hadith. And the ruling to use Daif hadith is for naseehah and if it can help us bring a positive change. So because of its weak chain, we can't impose this on her, saying her ibadath won't accepted.
salam sister.. this is a heavy question, but the solution is there..
1st of all, you have to repent to Allah.. be closer to Him.. because only if then you will not dare to drink alcohol agaon.. then you need to talk to your husband, try to tell him what you did was wrong and you will not do it again.. try to gain his trust back. you might want to tell him Allah is the Most Merciful, He will accept your appology enshallah, and maybe your husband can do the same... As for you yoursels, please stay away from alcohol, seems like you have a good husband, a one that really care for your well-being and your Religion, and That, my dear is rare to find these days..
please quit drinking, it will spoil your life. Spend your time in islamic things such as namaz, read quran, attend zamat etc........
You say you will do anything but dont quit it to please your husband. Quit alcohol because it is a sin and you dont want to displease Allah. Work hard to fix yourself spiritually in this regard. Ask Allah for forgiveness, and turn to Him and ask Him to keep you away from such things.
Once you have acknowledged this is a sin and a problem and are working toward changing it, speak to your husband. Ask for his support and let him know truthfully that you want to give up drinking. Its so important to purify your intention first so you are doing it for Allah alone. Also if it comes form the heart your husband is more likely to be forgiving.
You can't force your husband to be forgiving and he has every right to be angry. But if he sees you are sorry and are actively working towards changing yourself he may be more willing to fix things in your marriage as well.
Remember alcohol never solves problems. It might make you forget it for a while but then it wears off and you need more. Never use it (or any other intoxicant) because it only creates more problems.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You said you converted, seems like to me you only converted because you wanted to marry your husband, if you really did accept islam you wouldn't be drinking in the first place. and you said you will do anything to be with your husband, then start off by sorting yourself out first. You said you have a child, what impressions do you pose on your child by drinking? Its strange how your husband doesn't want to talk to you and you said it seems like he hates you, are you sure its not just the drinking that has made him react like this? You need to talk to him and make him believe that you will not drink again. It will take you time until stuff between you both are back to normal. But let's no forget you put yourself into this situation, so no one is to blame apart from yourself!
Time to get real here girl. Have some self esteem. You have a life of your own and you do not belong to your husband. I do not drink and think that nothing good can come from it, but your relationship is mentally abusive. Get out of it while you can.