Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I´m 16, I kissed a boy and I regret it

woman in regret, sad, depressedAssalamulaikum,

Im a girl, 16 years of age, and I've been wondering if it's possible to be given a clear slate. I admit i have done a few things, which i deeply regret, which is forbidden in Islam, looking back now i am in complete shock. I always wish to become a better Muslim but am scared Allah (SWT) will not welcome me for all the sins i have done. I always ask Allah for motivation to pray 5 times a day, i do hope this helps.

One of the major sins i have commited was getting into a relationship behind my parents back, i am disgusted with myself. Thank God nothing happened, although this boy and i kissed, he wanted to take things further and take my virginity a long with it. But i came to my senses and broke the whole thing up, i felt forced and i knew that wasnt true love, it was just lust.

I want to keep away from this but somehow it comes all back, another boy  another glance...im scared something worse can happen although i dont want it to. I'm not a strong person, and thats what im afraid of. I want to be a better Muslim but i dont know where to begin.

Please help me,

thank you

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3 Responses »

  1. Firstly nobody is perfect. If we were all to be perfect then there would be any point for God to test us. We're humans we make mistakes and we overcome them. (please don't use it as an excuse to make further mistakes)

    Your issue here is your interaction with boys who are not your immediate family. You clearly have haram engagement with them hence why you find yourself in this scenario.

    You come across in a funny way, you blame the guys for taking things further but don't hold yourself accountable. These guys wouldn't move like that unless that got indication that it's okay for them. This is a place for people to give you advice so don't paint yourself as a good girl when it's not the case. You clearly struggle with the urges.

    Now we can offer you some solution now that we know your issue. Firstly you need to sttengthen your iman as its clearly at a low point hence why you consid5doing stuff. Look into the topic related to your scenario in the quran. You should wear hijab if not already and that would in a way make you feel guilty when you find yourself doing hattam. And lastly stay away from boys. You're 16 you have no necessity to interact with them outside of class

    • I feel you are very harsh, the young sister has spoken very candidly and expressed her sincere regret for her sins, she also has clearly recognised and taken responsibility for what she has done, how you have understood her as being someone who has attempted to 'paint herself as a good girl?

      she is here asking for advice, and telling us of how she fears her sins, which is indicative of someone who fears Allah, it is also very impressive that such a young Muslim, is so concerned about their sins, where we have so many of us, twice and thrice her age, who do not feel shame or regret, or even acknowledge our wrongdoings.

      I do not know why you feel it is acceptable or appropriate to tell the young sister that she is not a 'good girl' that is not your right, whilst we can all accept that there are behaviours that need correcting, how do you patronise and condemn someone who sins, but whose guilt causes them seek out other Muslims for advice, on how they might correct themselves, and be a better Muslim.

      it is very feasible that she got herself involved in a relationship where she felt pressurised to take things further, as she describes...

      To my sister in Islam -

      This is what happened when a man approached the prophet of Allah, he was guilty of the same sin you speak of,

      Narrated Ibn Mas'ud:

      A man kissed a woman (unlawfully) and then went to the Prophet and informed him. Allah revealed:
      And offer prayers perfectly At the two ends of the day And in some hours of the night (i.e. the five compulsory prayers). Verily! good deeds remove (annul) the evil deeds (small sins) (11.114). The man asked Allah's Apostle, "Is it for me?" He said, "It is for all my followers."

      Firstly, you have expressed regret for what you have done, that is the first step in regards to repentance, make dua to Allah and ask him to forgive your transgression

      Allah has said-

      On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
      I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it. It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.

      Heed all the above advice as best you can and do NOT despair of the mercy of Allah, he is the most forgiving!

      you have been reminded by several people here, to stay away from non Mehram men/boys, those being any boys who you are permitted to marry in islam, they are correct, Islam teaches us to not go near Zina/fornication, not just to not commit it, you must not allow this for yourself, since if you do, it is very easy to get caught up in situations as you have explained above and worse! try to take the company of good sisters in your school/college who do not mix with boys, this will help you busy your time with those who will not lead you into sin, and who will remind you of Allah.

      Lastly- It is perfectly normal and not at all strange that you find yourself interested in the opposite sex at your age, i do not think you 'struggle with urges' as previously suggested, it might be time for you to start a conversation with your parents in regards to finding you a suitable husband, for the near future, if you find you are preoccupied with thoughts of the other sex, this would allow you engage in a relationship in a halal manner.

      I wish you all the best inshallah

  2. Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh,

    Respected sister in Islam,

    Allah Ta'āla has created us and send us to this world with a lot of blessings. The blessing of imaan is the greatest of all of them. Your guilt after committing the sin is a sign of Imaan.
    Having any informal contact with non mahrams (those whom are permissible for us to marry) is impermissible. What was done is a sinful act but there is a door for repentance. Therefore ask Allah Ta'āla for forgiveness, feel guilty for the sin and resolve to never return to the sin again. Allah Ta'āla loves those who repent. It was reported in a hadeeth that when a person repents from a sin, he becomes such as if he never sinned. Therefore turn to Allah Ta'āla in repentance.

    To become stronger in faith, find a very good company, stay away from opposite genders completely by thinking if them as poison, listen to lectures of Moulana Sulaiman Moola.
    Refer to this website: http://www.uswatulmuslimah.co.za
    Do Taleem of Fazaail e amaal for 10 minutes everyday.

    May Allah Ta'āla keep you steadfast on His beautiful Seen, Ameen.
    Wa akhirud da''wana anil hamdulillahi Rabbil 'alameen.

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