My husband drinks, abuses me and doesn’t support the kids
My husband drinks and abuses me
I'm a mother of 3 and I been married for 4 years.. Me and my husband are Muslims Alhamdulilah.. For the past year he has been drinking and abusing me.. He doesn't provide food for the kids, my family have been supporting me for almost 2 years and they wont approve a divorce.
But I really sick and tired of being scared of him and him drinking around the kids.
I know its haram to have sex while your drunk but I don't know any more info about it.
He gets phone calls at 4 am and he doesn't tell me who.. I can never sleep from worry, because he always says he will take the kids away from me.
I have full custody of the kids from court because a while ago he beat me up and they had to take me to the hospital and I filed for full custody.
Please someone help me. I am about to run away from my husband and my family but I don't want do anything to upset Allah.
- Lost Lona
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asalamu alaikum,
damn sis you are living your life in fear i suggest you divorce him, i cant believe your family doesnt approve of the divorce. he abuses you, you should have called the police. get a restrainig order on him so he can not come close to you. have you told your husbands family? i dont know why your parents are putting a blind eye to this serious matter.
sister you dont need permission from you parents if you want a divorce cos you got the right.
ma salama
Aslm alkm. Sister u seeking a divourse is right coz u cant be wasting ur time wit a man dat does not fufil his marital obligation. I advice u 2 take d issue to court.
Salam..
it is 100 % clear and simple that the ball is on your side of the court.
You should take Khula (women divorce)
You should take the kids and try to work or get support from your family.
You may find a nice partner
There is no need for you to live in fear and under a guy whos drinker.
Leave him save your kids..and ur self..Good Luck
Inshallah Allah wil find a solution to your problem.
salaam sister!
my heart goes out to you in your situation.
i can say that you should get a divorce from this man and a restraining order ASAP!!!
first of all it is absolutely haram for a muslim to consume alcohol...so he is and therefore he is really not a muslim anymore (since he started drinking). there are no ifs, ands or buts in the matter. wrong is wrong and there are no in betweens as ALLAH's (swt) direction and laws are very clear.
save yourself from this abuse and for god's sake take your precious children away from this "man" who is really not a man in any case as he beats his wife. dont wait for him to turn on the children or end up severly hurting you or "worse".....MASHA'ALLAH you have full custody of your kids! see that as a positive sign.
may ALLAH (swt) guide and bless you!
Tamz, i appreciate your comments, but I wanted to correct something you wrote: "It is absolutely haram for a muslim to consume alcohol... so he is therefore not really a muslim anymore."
It's wrong to say that he is not a Muslim. Drinking alcohol is a sin and Allah will judge him for that; but it does not throw him out of Islam or make him kafir. He is a "fasiq", a sinner. But he is still Muslim. The same is true for a Muslim who commits zinaa, or theft, or uses drugs. That person is committing a sin, and is certainly not a good or practicing Muslim, and we condemn the action and urge that person to make tawbah; but he is still a Muslim.
Salaam brother Wael and thanx for the correction!!
I should have explained a bit better my answer. So in saying that....yes, he is still a Muslim, however, one who does not "walk the walk or talk the talk" so to speak... Saying he is "not a Muslim anymore" in terms Im speaking that he is not a practising/faithful Muslim anymore, as it certainly takes action and example to be a Muslim and not just calling yourself one. I hope I handled that better, my apologies.
Surely we all hope and pray he will make a comeback for Allah...for Islam and for himself and his family!
ALLAH's (swt) blessings and mercy be upon us all! Ameen.
Sister, your family will come around once they see you happy and getting on with your life without him. People hate change, and divorcing this man is a big change, and perhaps they would rather see you fix it and so hope for that.
But you cant fix him, so you've got to go, and families in my experience, always come around in the end. They love you and they love your children, so you go ahead and do what you know is best - leave him.
Abusive men can react very badly to being abandoned, and if he has been violent with you before it will be hard to leave him without being threatened and hurt.
So I would recommend being very safe about the way you do things, consult a professional in this field and make sure that when you do leave - you do it safely and securely.
By that I mean arrange where you are going to be well in advance, make sure you have friends around you and some people who will stay with you and protect you if you can.
Dont tell him you're going and then just walk out - arrange for the children to be elsewhere first.
Violent men are not trustworthy in these things - he is likely to flip big style so please, leave him, but leave him in a safe, well planned way with minimal risk to you and your children's safety
Peace,