Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My life is hell because I am not physically attracted to my wife

wife unhappy husband

Assalamualikum. I am a 30+ guy. Got married recently. It was arranged marriage.  Just after the engagement I heard from my wife ( not yet wife that time) she has some physical issue.  I didn’t have the chance to see her face to face before the engagement because we were living in 2 different countries. I have seen her photographs and saw her once on webcam.

Well I am really not very comfortable talking about it. But I will do it anyway, so that someone else in my situation can get some benefit from replies. Ok so, the physical issue may not be an issue for other guys but it is for me.  My wife has very small breasts and she tried some cream and etc long before. So basically she was aware of the fact that her breasts were smaller than regular at her age.

Now after I heard that I was shocked and upset because the engagement was done. I had the choice to break the engagement since the official marriage was not done. Even it was not official marriage, engagement is also quite important for both families and every one involved.  Breaking a marriage after engagement is really has bad impacts on both families. Considering all those facts, I decided to go with the marriage which I think was the biggest mistake of my life!

If I knew about this before the marriage I would not go ahead with the marriage.  Anyway, now I don’t get attracted to physically at all to my wife and we are married more than a year and we had sex only 5/6 times and that also I didn’t enjoy.

My wife is a nice person I love her (please do not reply with saying ‘if you love the person physical attraction is not important’) and everything is fine. It’s just I don’t get attracted to her physically because of the physical issue. I am very upset and getting depressed day by day. I really don’t know what do.  I don’t have any future, plan, no interest in anything… its like I just want to get over with everything.   Please pray for me.

[A suggestion for the guys who didn’t marry yet: Please please please do not marry some one whom you didn’t see face to face. Do not rely on photographs, or webcam. Don’t end up living in hell like me. Trust me love will just run away if you don’t get physically attracted to your partner].

~ prayforme

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130 Responses »

  1. Lol brother if your not attracted to her then why you living a hard life and why you making her live a hard life, even though I really don't see the problem here and that's not something u should be depressed over and I don't think you love her you just like her! Anyways this is up to you do you want to leave her and start a new life?

    • Muslim sister, let's offer advice without the laughter, please.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I agree with the muslim sister becuase its a issue of laughter on his sense.. really ,, Prophet saws clearly said that see your spouse IF YOU CAN.

      : Idhaa khataba ahadukum al-mar'ata fa'in istataa'a an yandhura minha ilaa ma yad'oohu ilaa nikaahihaa falyaf'al."

      If one of you proposes to a woman and if he is able to look at of her that which motivates him to marry her, let him do so.

      Secondly YOUR perspective brother here is LUST NOT LOVE. Secondly i know so many pious brothers who didn't even saw there wives and she doesnt meet the basic good looking requirement such as color ,gait, physical appearance etc so for sure it should entail for no attraction ACCORDING TO YOUR PERCEPTION . but that brother is elhamdulilah happy . Because he LOVED FOR THE HER PIETY NOT FOR HER BREAST>>

      • Yea see the face and hands not her cheat.

        If she has a medical issue she should tell her to be husband. But something physical which is not a disability she does not say. It's her awrah and he can not see or no of it unless a medical issue, which it is not. I am in the medical profession myself.

        Therefore if any single brother or sister meet they will never know what underneath. If a brother had one testicle... how would I know?? It's his awrah HE can not tell me and I can not see.

        A WOMAN WHO is flat chested could wear enhancement bra when she meets you. So you will never know what's underneath. This is a test from Allah because it seems that you are focussed in looks as you said yourself more important then love.
        That's why Allah gave you this test.... to see if you will change and perhaps grow up and mature as a man.

        If you had one testicle or small manhood would u like your wife to judge the live on that alone? And ruin the marriage on that alone? Put yourself in her shoes?

    • Assalam.o alaikum to all. Be patient and ask for Allah's help as it is a test for you.

  2. dear brother,

    although seeing each other face to face may give you an idea if you are attracted to her but it will only be an idea, not anything more than that. you may still not be able to appreciate the physical attributes that were attractive to you.

    if you otherwise like/love your wife ,have you two considered surgery at all. it will actually help both of you. your wife will have good self esteem and confidence and you will ofcourse make your marriage harmonious for you 2. i think you should be able to get such kind of surgery on NHS( if you are in uk) if the problem is so severe.
    not always implants are used sometimes own body tissue can be used and reconstruction surgery can be performed.

    please brother , talk to your wife with love and compassion trying your best not to hurt her feelings and as if you are trying to help the situation for both of you rather than just for you. its like if your height being short or you being bald , or you being very skinny or etc and your wife telling you that i dont find you attractive and you being bluntly told about it.

    may Allah increase the love between you and your wife.ameen.

  3. leema, calm down please. this brother is facing a problem and is asking for help and advise ,not being shouted at!!!

    alhamdulillah you have husband who loves you for what you are , but this space is for this brother and his problem ,not about how lucky you are.

  4. Salaam brother, it saddens me to hear your problem so in my opinion If you really love her and she loves you. Then talk to her and consider breast argumentation if implants are a bit scary. But don't put her through any of it if you don't love her.
    I understand physical attraction in any relationship being a key part. But you must remind yourself you are not perfect, did you ever think there may be something about you that does not attract her to you but she has
    Not said anything and grown to love you and that has attracted her? Perhaps try focusing on what is amazing about her because dear brother us women are a thing of beauty don't let something so stupid break to people who Allah has given blessings to.
    Inshallah you can get over this whatever choice you make and be happy as you will grow to see there is so much more to life and these trips and hurdles will make you stronger, love and take care of our dear sister your wife inshallah.

  5. P.s brother hell doesn't come close to what your feeling. See the bigger picture.

    • then how about advising him to commit adultery ??????? if hell does not come close to what your feeling ? how dare you advice breast implant what allah made changing it is haram why should it be changed why should a women go through this much pain ? is islam nothing to you ? that you do not see haram and halal ? plus even if she had big breast he will not like her cause the issue is not her physical look its his disgusting mind who wants big breast , which is full of lust only care about the private parts looking i feel bad for her wife cause its not some illness , after the marriage her chest grows anyway because of hormones but i think the problem is in his brain which need to be treated he may be homosexual her wife should divorce him

  6. Well I don't know for sure, but are we humen allowed to change allah's creation? My opinion I dont know actually is Allah who made her like this and Allah wrote your name in her destiny so I think it maybe not sure will be better for you both if you see her heart. When you go older non of us women have that body when we were young but your mind, heart will be same.

    I don't know brother if my thoughts are practical or not but this is how I think maybe I am wrong. But you love her and I also know it's important to enjoy everything what you do with her but I think it will be easy for you if you think like that.

    May Allah bless your marriage
    Nadia

  7. Asalamoalaikum Brother,

    I understand your situation and I pray that Allah swt instils love between your wife yourself that goes beyond the physical attraction component. Before I give you my two cents into this situation, I would like to point out some things that I feel you should have done to ensure that you aren’t in the situation you are today so you realize that you aren’t entirely a “victim” of this situation.

    You claim that you only saw your wife’s picture before marriage and did not see her in real life. You also claim that you found out about this physical attraction issue once the engagement was completed (something that really has no Islamic bearing in Islam). I understand that the culture you come from may give engagement high importance but you must realize that you had the chance to end things then. You could have broke off the engagement and sure, it would have left a few people unhappy including your wife, but eventually people would come to terms with it and she could have found herself someone who would have accepted her the way she is. You cannot blame anyone but yourself at this point for the unhappiness you’ve created because you had the chance to break it off when you could. You chose not to do it because of what people would think and say. I’m reminding you of this because I want you to realize that you are not in “hell”; you had a choice and you did not weigh rationally what was the best decision to take at that time.

    Now the past can’t be changed so I want to give you some advice that can help you shape your present and future. Before I give you my final piece of advice, I want to explain one thing to you. I understand completely that physical attraction is an important piece of the puzzle when considering marriage. But I want you to imagine something. Imagine that you married your wife and she was very attractive and had the type of body you always desired your wife to have. Then one day she got into a horrible accident and her body became deformed and she no longer had that beautiful body or face. Would you stop feeling attracted to her? Would you stop feeling love for her? My point of asking these probing questions is to make you realize that there is no guarantee that the person you marry will remain the same forever. A lot of women gain weight after having children. They may have amazing bodies initially, but after one child they can loose that toned body and may never return to their initial bodily state again. You must move beyond the state of physical attraction and ask yourself what about her do you enjoy? Is she understanding, caring, nurturing, loyal, and loving? Does she cook good for you? Does she make you smile? Is she respectful towards your parents and siblings? If yes, then you are truly blessed and although you don’t have the perfect wife, you have the ideal wife. This is a blessing in today’s world brother since approximately 50% of marriages are ending in divorce these days. Don’t become fooled in the illusion that bigger breasts will give you all the happiness in the world. For all you may know, you could have a bigger breasted wife who may treat you and your family ill.

    I would hope that what I say above is sufficient for you to draw you closer to your life but realistically I know that may not be the case. If you are still unhappy then I suggest that you speak kindly with your wife and discuss the possibility of breast augmentation. I must emphasize however that you mustn’t force her; she may feel completely shattered to hear this so you have to break it to her in the kindest way possible.

    Lastly, if you feel that you just don’t feel attracted to her at all then the last resort is seeking divorce and letting her free, but I must emphasize that you do not seem to suggest any other issue in your marriage other then her physicality. Therefore, I suggest that you work hard to make your marriage work because you never know, you may end up with someone worse, and the grass does always seems greener on the other side!

    -Helping Sister

    • Brilliant reply

    • Jazak Allah for the absolutely brilliant reply

    • May Allah azza wajaal bless you helping sister for this awesome thoughtul reply. Ameen

      Please advise me. My situation is similar yet different. I have been married for 5+ years now and have been blessed with a wonderful etiquette wife when it comes to respect honour of me my family etc. However I just don't feel sexually attracted to my wife. I have 2 most adorable children and I'm 34 now and keep worrying about the copulation side of things
      I know it hurts my wife each time I make excuses and get angry over intimacy
      I'm not sure how to deal with this but I need some desperate advice and guidance please from an Islamic perspective please it breaks my heart to upset her as she accuses me various...which are baseless and her emotions. I beg to Allah swt in my duahs yet I can't see change. Please help me with honest suggestions. I pray may Allah azza wajaal accept our humble efforts and provide solutions to all our problems. ameen

    • Problem with your advice: Breast augmentation is not islamic. That's an issue. And even if it was allowed, it is still not for the husband to talk to her about it, force or not. Can we just agree that Allah has created all and that's how it is? We come in all shapes and sizes. The husband should have taken a stance during the engagement. He should not now after marriage make an issue and certainly not share his thoughts with his poor wife. Her body is fine the way it is. It works and she is healthy. So why change that? No, rather the husband should consider going into therapy to work this out or let her go.

  8. Brother,

    As already stated by other posters here, breast augmentation is an option. I know a lovely Moroccan woman who is extremely beautiful but, she was in the same position as that of your wife. She had been thinking of having the surgery and recently had it done. She is very happy with no regrets. All of this aside, how does your wife feel about her small breasts? Is she satisfied with how she is? Maybe she too would like to enhance her breasts. Have you ever talked to her about the issue? If you love her, don't let the size of her breasts be a deal breaker here. There are a million things I can think of worse than small breast size. As a couple, you really should sit and talk together and Allah willing, find a way for both of you to be happy.

    I have to add here brother, even if your wife's breast are small...that is no excuse for you to not have sex with her. 5-6 times in over a year...are you serious?! Just as you have physical needs, so does your wife. You are married to this woman you love so...work to make it work.

    Salam

    • Few people suggested breast augmentation, but I have a question, isn't haram to change appearance by performing operation? I don't know I am just asking, as I'm surprised some have thought about it, I always thought it was a sin to do chirurgical operation for ""better"" look.

    • Najah, no, breast augmentation or any kind of augmentation of any healthy limb is not an option - at least not according to islam. It's equal to disliking and changing something Allah has created. I realize science is advancing and offers things which may seem attractive but islamically we are bound by Allahs laws and hadayah. Even if it does not suit our purpose.

      Allah has created us the way Allah wanted to. the husband has no right to criticize his wife's body. He should have manned up when he was engaged and found out she was the way she was and called it off. Instead he was busy conflating engagement to marriage and not assuming any responsibility. The fact that he see his wife as kind of flawed really ia an awful attitude. He should have called off he engagement and saved both of them the headache. You can't please everybody and his family would have gotten over it. Imagine if this had been reversed and his wife had a problem with his manhood?

      He needs to work it out on his own maybe with a therapist and get rid of this vanity or amicably divorce her. Her body type is not up for negotiation.

      • @Momina: He should have manned up when he was engaged and found out she was the way she was and called it off. Instead he was busy conflating engagement to marriage and not assuming any responsibility.

        What are you trying to say?

        • @SVS, what part of it don't you understand? It's pretty clear as it is. Reading the askers original question and details will be helpful for the full context for my post.

  9. Salaama aleykum my dear brother in Islam. I always used to visit this website, but I never advised anyone. Wheni read your situation I had to say something. My brother in Islam, I understand being attracted to your spouse is amazing, but as many of the brothers and sisters satated physical features do change but the beautiful personality remains. I know it is easier said than done, but give it sometime because sometimes when women have children their body changes including the part you are having issues with. I aks Allah to give you peace of mind and hope you find happiness in your marriage. Please do forgive me if anything I said offended you, ma'asalaama.

  10. Assalamualaikum,

    I had a hard time coming up with a reply to your need of help. Part of me, wanted to scream at you for not liking your wife just because of one insignificant thing about her. But, you're my brother. 🙂

    So, here I go.

    Opportunities from Allah only come once or twice. Allah gave you this nice woman to marry, but you, out of arrogance, are claiming to unatracted to her only because of one insignificant reason.

    Arrogance is a form of disease.
    And yet you are letting it take over your heart, you're letting it blind you.

    What if you did marry a woman who fulfilled your image of the perfect woman, and then one day, she got into a car accident, and everything about her looks changed. Face burnt, body melting off, etc. What would you be left with?
    A woman not only a terrible mother/wife, but even ugly on the outside.

    Looks come and go, personality..Always stays the same.

    You're life is not "hell" YOU, brother, are making HER life a living hell. What are you going to say to Allah when you stand before him on the day of Judgment?

    Those who thank Allah for the blessings He has given us, will only get more.

    And those who keep complaining about every blessing He has given us, that we are too arrogant to see, will only suffer even more.

    I'm sorry if I came off rude. I really do apologize. But, brother, I want you to know I know exactly what you feel like. I was even worse!
    But it was then..When I truly asked Allah to take the disease of arrogance away from my heart..That I truly understood what love is...I never even think about the way a person looks anymore...It's their personality..That I fall in love with.

    I wish you the best, brother. I really do.

    May Allah make things easier on your wife, your kids, and you. And may Allah protect you from the disease of arrogance. And may Allah make room for you all in the highest level of Jannah.

    • Asalamualaikum! Your comment was brilliant.

      I wish i could share my woes...but I can't...my libaas (or my cloth) is torn and untidy...but it is difficult to expose it...I hope allah gives me the changing needle and thread of true faith or emaan to sew my libaas back to it's old state..insha Allah!

      JzkAllah.

  11. You had plenty opportunities to break the engagement & ask questions why didn’t you? You shouldn’t have married her, but its alright to keep having sex with her knowing you don’t really find her attracted don’t you think that is ungrateful & unfair if you feel nothing. Do you not realise how lucky you was that you got married and looks are not everything we all going to get old and ugly as we get older. I think that you are the one who is causing the problems in your marriage making it hell and when you found out there was an issue around after being engaged you should have asked questions and talk with her, having going by the picture you must have been attracted to her otherwise why would you have gone through with it.

    My advise to you is be grateful you got her she is filling your needs as a wife you should be grateful because there is no perfect wife out there, stop being blind, may allah make this easy for you to open your eyes for what is in front of you.

    In regards to men looking for wife's and going through picture, communicate with your potential wife and looks aren't everything say ulhumdiallah we found each other and we are a match!

    • In many situations it is not only Islam that has to be considered but also traditions and culture mixed with Islam. In many traditions, the couple never see each other before the actual engagement and sometimes the engagement is done by proxy and they don't see each other until the wedding. The female family members on both sides often make all the arrangements between themselves, looking at prospective brides etc. Once the engagement has been agreed upon and signed by both families, to break the engagement will often render the girl un-marriageable within her community and therefore the brothers/male family members may well take revenge fighting with the man's entire family. This can result in loss of life on both sides and many lives ruined. This is never a cut and dried matter. The only solution is for the husband to get permission from his eldest male family member to take a second wife. It is his duty to inform his first wife of his intention of taking a second wife.

      • How does taking a second wife solve this problem if the tradition is that the couple do not see each other until after the wedding? He may find the second wife just as unattractive, if not more so. The solution is that the tradition must change. Young educated people must insist on meeting each other and use Islamic guidance to make their point.

  12. I see that this question is filled with strict condemnation rather than actually advising.

    Many people assume that marriage with a non-attractive partner,who may although have good qualities can work. No, it can't work . You need to have that chemistry .

    5-6 times a year and you are newly married !! This is your honeymoon period and you must be into each other all the time . This statements speaks gravity of the situation.

    This problem is very serious . The questioner must do something before he falls into sin .

  13. asalam alikum sisters and brothers i must agree on the fact that noone can change even though they want to ofcourse every lady wants to be attractive for their husband and want to impress him at all times but the thing is that they never are no matter how hard the women tries. a man can never see a womens point of view no matter how hard see tries.it's clear enough that you need to accept her and treat her the way you want your wife to treat you. you respect her, and you'll get a reward for being faithful to her. i'm sure every human doesnt like people judging them from the outter look that's not what counts anyway. marrage is about support love and trusting each other. if you got non of that then you are the one with the problem but i tell you the last thing you want to do is divorce her. just hope things work out between you 2. inshAllah dont be low

  14. You said your wife is a nice woman and you love her. Then i think the issue of breast shouldnt make you remorseful of marrying her. I mean this one issue alone is not sufficient to make you rue 'why marrying her'.. There is another option you can consider. And the option is you can consider polygamy. You can consider having a second wife, since it is absolutely permisable in islam.. This way, you gonna satisfy you desires and without hurting you 1st wife.

    • what about honesty and her sexual desires you can't just turn her off whenever you feel like it

    • mohd it seems in every chance you get you bring pologamy into everything

    • Brother mohammed

      You really need to refrain from this sort dishing out this sort of advise. Don't use Islamic jurisprudence to satisfy sexual desires. Honestly brother please be a bit more considerate towards this highly sensitive and perhaps look into any underlying issues you may have with this type of super difficult situations. Have you thought for a moment that simply opting for another wife what devastating consequences it may (or may not ) have on the sister.

      May Allah give me you the sabar to find peace. Ameen

  15. brother mohammad,

    and you think that if he gets a second wife ( with bigger breasts as this seems to be the issue) to satisfy him and not fulfil the needs of first wife as he is already not attracted to her , this way 1st wife will not be hurt ???

    brother his wife and women in totally are human beings with senses not just a body in this world waiting to be dependant on a husband and just getting married on a piece of paper should be enough for them to be happy!!!

  16. This will sound totally ridiculous but ask yourself this...what if your wife was not attracted to you anymore after finding out that your penis is small? she would never do that because she likes you for you, your heart and your mind. you should try and get past this issue and love her no matter her "faults" even though it isn't one. you are really hurting her and her self esteem so please don't be selfish.

  17. I had an arranged marriage to my husband. I did not find him remotely attractive in regards to his appearance. He posesed all the phisical features which I disliked. However after marriage when I got to know him as a person and I found his personality very attractive and then his phisical appearance became less insignificant to me to the point that I did not care at all about his looks, it did not bother me at all. I loved him and was attractive to the person he was.

    I believe beauty comes from within.

    Spend more time with your wife and try to find qualities within her that you admire which will bring you closer to her.

    And also womans figures constantly change. What if you did marry a woman who's body fitted your criteria, after she gives birth she may change and then what? Will you dislike her. Woman are under so much presssure to please their husband and then to please their parents and in laws. This is an unneccessary pressure for her. Imagine how she feels it is the way Allah has made her. She cannot change herself.

    I do not understand how seeing her would have changed anything. As muslim woman have to observe the hijab. So how would you be able to see her chest size as she would be all covered up? I do not think that woman are allowed to take off their hijab for potential husbands? or are they? if other brothers or sisters can correct me. Thank you.

    I understand that everybodys perspective of marriage is different and their expectations of their future spouse. But i have read in a sura somewhere that it is best to marry someone for their commitment to islam.

    I really hope that you are able to work things out with your wife.

    • Woman are under so much presssure to please their husband and then to please their parents and in laws.

      Under pressure from whom ??

    • yeah it is not allowed to see her chest ofcourse not , you can see her face , hands as on those hijab do not apply , and face because you must know who you are marrying but other than that no if he wanted a women with big chest he could have told her mother that and she could have seen it as she is a women herself but why be a coward and cry after marriage he just destroyed her life

  18. cosmetic surgery isHARAAM hen let her find sumone who will want her so she doonly if u have an accident is permitted whys everyone adviusing haraam i info this poor woman who is going to b so humiliated by her hubby advising her to hav implants its rediculous! why should she poor thing , allah made her like that and if he dont like her then hes should tacktfully tell her he doesnt want her then itl save her pain /cost theres plenty of men like small breasts are breasts and men should stop being so fusssy its pathetic and media hype driven not da real world plz muslims stop advising cosmetic surgery dont humiliate wife like this im appauled is so shallow theres pple starving homeless blind why is pple so vain its shaytaan trap pple help poor people stop reading magazines unless islamic tv has alot to answer for just watch muslim channels

    • Harammmmmm.. It's harammmm surgery realy guys???. We don't live in the stone age. Always the same people saying so easy itsss harammmmm. Please stop that and think logic. Surgery is a tool in this modern time to help man or woman out. If she is happy with bigger breast or the man has a really small penis and surgery can make your relationship happy and save the marriage. Think positive people. Don't be so close minded. Anyway ain't it hard sometimes in this life? Do good do bad? Good decisions wrong decisions. You marry and then find out you are not sexually attracted or compatible. Listen in this time we living now it is not easy. But you know what, your still not dead so don't give up. If you tried everything you could do to save the marriage and still have sexual problems then divorce is permitted. But make sure you talk everything honestly with each other and arrange the divorce as stated in in our laws. Yes it hurts a break up a family. Yes its stressfull. But talk it out with her. And both take time that you can organize both of your life. And take your time for the next time to get to know each other better for the next marriage. Be with someone you like to be with. All beauty or personality can change or go. You never know what can happen or thing changes even if you are 15yr happy marriage then one day bammmm you divorced. Or lose your job or you get a gay children. Or you find your love or you get the job of your dreams. Good and bad. Try to learn that nothing on earth is ever infinity. That things can come and go. Let things go how they come and go. You did your best that is what counts. Learn from mistakes and improve what you can. You ain't perfect she ain't perfect. But Allah is mercefull . As long as you do good things will turn out good. Maybe this experience is good for both so you wont repeat the same steps again. We fall and we get up. You need to be happy first with yourself then you can share happiness to a other. Same for her. or you can decide both to stay together but will that change your sexual problem? Would she be happy staying with you knowing that you are not happy. Then its best for both to break up as you both have a another chance in life to meet someone you realm want to be with. But a tip if you do meet a new person and get marriage use condoms. Because you don't want to have babies with someone if you find out that your are not happy with. We all make mistakes that's why we are humans and try to make a list what you like and don't like to do. And find a person more and less in that direction. Peace and blessing to you.

      • Eddie kindly leave as you are giving haram advice. It is forbidden to change allah's creation unless it is for a life threatening medical condition. THAT IS IT!

      • Eddie, are Allahs law ad his commandments stone age? So drinking and gambling should be resumed to? How about zina? Adultery?

        You mean well. But Islam has its limitations. We so bit change the way Allah has creates us. Would you abort a baby if you wanted a boy but the baby was female? Would a woman dare tell her husband he should get a penis enlargement and him not divorcing her? Would you be ok with you wife saying that to you? Should a woman trim her genitals because her husband finds them flappy? How about vaginoplasty? How about tightening her because after hearing him children her body has changed? Where does it stop?

        Let's stick to halal advice.

  19. Walaikum salam brother,
    First of all, you have never been to hell and know nothing about it. You certainly had time on your hand to decide whether you want to go through with this marriage or not. So, you have yourself to blame, because when we get married we should decide whether we are attracted to our spouse or not because we will be living the life; heaven or hell. But, when we try to please others that's when we suffer. Past cannot be changed; you need to realize that women come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc etc just like us men. No one is perfect regardless of their gender and that is the beauty of Allah's creation. Attraction does matter and those who are bragging that it doesn't are wrong; because if we are not attracted to our spouses then we not only suffer ourselves but also our spouse. Also, their is a great chance of falling into sins.
    Besides, this one aspect of her physique I can't see any other complain from you. So, say Alhamdullilah and try to work on your relationship with her. As one of the sister mentioned above, things might change as you both have kids iA. If however, you can't be happy with her then set her free and part in peace. On the issue of surgery, from my understanding after reading tons of material on this; the only time one can go for surgery is in the case of a major physical deformity. Small chest is not a deformity because their are millions of women out there who have small chests. So, please don't go for it.

    May Allah (swt) help you both to find a solution of this problem that is bothering you and to make the right decision for both of you in the end.

    P.S: Please brother don't hurt her by making any harsh remarks about her physique as this is how Allah (swt) made her; nothing she can do about it.

    Muhammad1982,
    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  20. brother i heard from imam it is alloud for a wife to do everything so she will be attractive for her husband...
    i suggest to ask ur wife if she want a sergery coz u see she is upset about her outlook...this way u will not hurt her, more u will help her... surgery doesnt hurt so much...over 100.000 women has it so go ahead....

    make appointment and ask her to do that and u can go with her to the doctor....

    • If it was allowed, lot of women would do surgery , to change even many things for their husband. I'm surprised so many suggest this idea here. Maybe an imam said this, but he should provide proofs. Even shaping eyebrows is haram, how come physical surgery would ok. But the girl is not upset as you said, HE is upset. Allam 3alam.

    • hadija, no, you mean everything halal. Changing what Allah has created is not halal. Are you saying Allah created his wife wrong?

      "I heard from imam" is not a valid argument. Who is this imam? What are his credentials? Can you vouch for his integrity? No. So its a moot point.

  21. almost all the scholars in Islam are absolutely unanimous in their opinion that there is no harm if the modern advancements in medical knowledge and surgery is used to repair or replace people who have damaged their body parts or have had an accident, etc.  But to change or alter one’s body parts for no valid reason, but only as an adornment or beautification by plastic surgery, etc. is absolutely against the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws). 

    Allah Subhanah fashioned and created His creation in whatever form He Willed and Pleased; and as those who have submitted their will to the Will of their Lord in Islam, it does not behove a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to deface the fair nature bestowed upon us by our Lord Most Merciful.
    Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 118-121:
    118    Allah did curse him (the Shaitaan) but he said: "I will take of Thy servants a portion marked off.
    119    "I will mislead them and I will create in them false desires;  I will order them to slit the ears of cattle,  and to deface the (fair) nature created by Allah."   Whoever forsaking Allah takes Satan for a friend,  hath of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest.
    120    Satan makes them promises and creates in them false desires; but Satan's promises are nothing but deception.
    121    They (his dupes) will have their dwelling in hell,  and from it they will find no way of escape.
    In light of the above principles and guidance of the Holy Quran, it would not be permissible for a believing woman to increase her breast size, or get a breast implant through surgery. 
    Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

    May Allah bless us and guide in right path
    Nadia

  22. Salaam Aleikoum,

    Brother do not make your wife feel any worse or unconfident. My ex-husband is my ex-husband now because he also had an obsession for women with large breasts. He would gaze at endowed women on the street or anywhere one was found, obsess to the point where when I was sick, he would tell me to bring him two very large breasted women to my bed to satisfy him up to intercourse.

    I was married before and never ever faced such humiliation, and he was my first Muslim husband, too.

    I cannot tell you how tormenting it was for me to know that my husband favoured large breasts, and we did meet before marriage. He did not disclose this to me until after marriage, and as a result, i forever felt uncomfortable undressing around him anymore which led to me not wanting him near me or to touch me any more.

    Do everyone a favor and set her free. Do not tell her it is because of her breast size. And DO NOT TAKE A SECOND LARGE BREASTED WIFE just to satisfy your lust. That would kill her forever.

    I am now certain that my ex watched porn all day long as he confessed to me that after we broke up.

    How would you feel if she was not happy with your penis or testicle or buttocks size? And further humiliated you?? Can't women also have preferences regarding mens physical attributes??

    Surgery is very painful and invasiveand expensive. It is a delicate subject to bring up and if your wife is hurting by her esteem already, surgery with its side effects of capsular contracture, the body rejecting the foreign objects , infection, inability to properly nurse babies, and other ailments and diseases is not something to propose just because u want a large breasted woman to indulge your fetishes with.

    That you would want your beloved wife to undergo painful and consequential surgery just to satisfy your fetishes, is beyond belief.

    I say that it is SHE who is in the living hell by having you as a husband, not you.

    Brother, you have some deep entitlement issues and you should grow up before you wreck other peoples lives. My heart goes out to this Sister. I do hope she wakes up and asks you for a divorce. May Allah guide you both.

    • Salam Safi,

      This is the best and the smartest answer ever. I loved it and I am still reading it. Are you originally Muslim or converted.

      May Allah bless you sister,

      B

    • Dear Safi what a great answer. I hope you find another but better and nore deserving spouse. Truth be told people seem to think only men think about sex and only they can gave preferences. This mentality needs to change as it's not Islamic. Women are not object without minds and feelings.

      Also people forget the largest sexual organ is not the genitalia. It's the brain. If you are not turned on up there the bottom half wont work either. In 2016 and ignorance is still a serious issue. I wish you the best in life

  23. Assalamualaikum

    I do understand that physical attraction does matter in a marriage but it is so sad for me to see how ungrateful you are toward what Allah has blessed you with. Brother, there is nobody perfect in this world, everybody has flaw. Yet, I think the problem you have with your wife's certain body part is not really an issue. I believe that your wife still has many good qualities you could be interested in.

    Brother, be thankful to Allah for giving you a nice woman just like what you said about her. There are many brothers out there who will have to bear the pain to find their wives who are not faithful to them, are disobedient to them, have bad behavior and so on. You should say Alhamdulillah for having such a nice wife and you also need to be aware of women's nature which are very delicate and sensitive. Don't hurt her feeling.

    I'm not really sure whether breast implant is permissible or not in Islam, hence I'm not going to give any point related to it. May Allah help you to open your eyes to see other side of your wife's qualities which you don't notice and be grateful for that. I'm sorry if I am being a bit harsh.

  24. Well Brother, the solution is simple. It needs bravery.

    If you cannot love her (and whatever is you reason) and you fear that you may fall short regarding your sharee duties to her, giver her the dowry if you have not paid yet and divorce her. That way both you will be spared from the miserableness that you are suffering from.

    • Salaam alaykom brother. Everyone has their preference in life for looks and character nowhere in Islam does it say to marry someone you are not attracted to. If this is going to affect your deen or make you feel resentment to her pray 2 Rabat taubah and make istikara again for what you should do.
      After all you have to face Allah in the end and not anyone on any website. See your answer with istikara.
      If you are still unhappy after you have done this then divorce her before you have children with her Allah understands your needs.
      Some people stay with their wives and treat them bad due to resentment this is mentioned in the Quran as haram and Allah orders us not to do it. Next time you marry ask to see your fiancée without her hijab as this is your right and is allowed in Islam. The sister might refuse but would not be making the marriage easier.
      Take your time and enjoy your life islamically don't enjoy other people's lives because you can't.

      Salam alaykom

  25. Salam br. in question,

    Overall reading your post, I certaintly agree with you that you did a MISTAKE and this mistake may not only ruin your life but most importantly your respected wife!

    In Islam, Muslim sisters must observ hijab. It is fard upon them. Therefore, they have to cover their hair but also their front parts to an extent the shape is not visible at all! And, so a potential spouse can see a sister's face, hands, and voice but never sees the shape of her hair and any body parts before marriage/ nikah.

    Brother, you had the engagement period, some Muslim brothers and Sisters in hijab don't even have that. They only talk for about 30mins and then they make their final decision whether to marry or not. If the answer is yes, then without any delay they prepare for the wedding. And during this preparations some bride-to be and groom-to be they don't see each other, some don't even talk over the phone yet once they marry they are alhamdulillah happy and content with each other.

    Do you know why brother such marriages are successful??? Purly because such people they seek for someone who would complete their second half of their deen, someone who would willing to work together as good friend and team to please Allah (swt). Therefore their primary focus is on the person's character and piousness towards Islam and not beauty. For them it is enough to see their potential wife's hands and face to make their decision if the sister is attractive enough for him.

    Brother, you knew about your wife's shortcoming before marriage yet due to culture pressure you married her! Brother, you mentioned along the lines that if you had known that you wouldn't enjoy bed with this sister then you would not have married her! Brother, how is that possible before marriage and how is that fair on any Muslim girl???! Two of my respected friends- one Muslim and one NON-muslim have smaller parts but Alhamdulillah they are still happy in their marriage. Brother, size shouldn't matter at all, and if it does matter, then it only matters in hollywood or movie and music industries.

    Brother, you had the following suggestion from respected members in here:
    - Stay put with your marriage as physic is not as important as one's character/personality and once you have kids, iA your respected wife's MAY change to your neeed,
    - Have a second wife with bigger parts
    - Your wife should carry out plastic surgery
    - Divorce her without making her physics an issue to her as it would deeply hurt her feelings.

    My suggestion to you is, No to second wife unless if you want more headache in your life and No plastic surgery on your wife because it is HARAM, plus most educated non-Muslims are against putting themself or anyone under the knife.

    Instead try to become a better Muslim brother and see what Allah (swt) expects from you and all of mankind. Then see if your wife can help you out with Allah (swt) expectation and if she can, say Alhamdulillah and be with her forever. Make a loving and caring Muslim family with her, inshaAllah.

    But if you don't like the above suggestion then, as you have tried and tested this sister (your wife) and you realised you don't enjoy then I suggest you leave her!!! She doesn't need someone like you. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) may bless her with a better caring and pious Muslim husband. Set yourself free and find yourself a beauty queen.

    One thing though, before you leave her, please read and understand the ruling of divorce! Apparently, once you leave your wife and you regret with your decision then you cannot remarry your wife until she gets married with someone else and with genuine reason if her second marriage (Allah-forbids) doesn't work out then you can remarry her.

    InshaAllah, with good intentions you will make the right decision for yourself and your respected wife.

    Your sister, Parveen.

    • Salam Sister Parveen,

      This is a second good answer. And would like to let you know. The rule about divorce is that if you divorce here 3 three time you are not allowed you go back until she divorce from the second husband. Or if you tell her that you are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced, three time. Please it is just small precision don't talk it personally. I learn lot from your replay.

      May Allah Bless you Sister.

      Bram

    • More information in this following link:

      I hope you will not reach this stage, Please keep your wife as she said

      Thank you 🙂

    • This is a very good answer even i feel really bad for his wife!

  26. Have you considered asking an Imam or local sheikh about your wife having breast enlargement surgery? Look into it with a proper advice from a qualified Sheikh because you need to take measures to safeguard your marriage and prevent you from adultary insha`Allah!

    http://islamqa.info/en/ref/108860

    • Something something, why would he or both of them need to contact any sheikh or imam about enlarging a part of HER body which is perfectly healthy and functioning but only a problem or her husband because he wants big breasts?

      Would you advice be the same if the problem was the husbands penis which the wife found too small?

      Cosmetic surgery is unislamic unless we are talking some sort of dehabilitating issue, a medical necessity, or to help burn/acid burn/mutilated victims. Allah made us the way we look. That's Allahs will. Who are you or anybody to criticize Allahs creation? The husband needs to grow up.

  27. Solution;
    1. You either divorce her and then remarry.
    OR
    2. you just accept the way she looks and focus on her good qualities

  28. one more thing you shouldn't be sharing your sex life with the world talk to your wife about it and then decide after what you wanna do.

  29. I am surprised the amount of people think its ok the wife should have cosmetic surgery yet it is haraam how hypocritical of some Muslims i see on this post. Don't people get allah made us all different for a reason.

  30. Sheikh Abdus-Sattaar Fathallah As-Sa`eed Professor of the Exegesis of the Qur'an at Al-Azhar Univ., states:

    "If it happens that a woman has a considerable emaciation in the breast, which inflicts physical and psychological pain whenever her husband sees her, then she may treat the defect and thus alleviate the embarrassment that might render her life miserable. Allah the Most Merciful has imposed no hardship on us in religion. This is similar to plastic surgery used to treat a deformed part of the body where the operation will offer a better quality of life.

    • (Shaytan said:) "Verily, I will mislead them, and surely, I will arouse in them false desires; and certainly, I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allah.'' And whoever takes Shaytan as a Wali instead of Allah, has surely suffered a manifest loss." [4:119]

    • Najah, this fatwa ia sadly not helpful. Instead of looking at religious edicts agreeing with your personal point of view,instead how about looking what islam says. Its clear. No augmentation of the creation of Allah. Her body is not defected. The husband has no say in this. The issue is he wants big breasts. HE is the problem. That's defected thinking right there. The wife is born the way she is. Can you dig up a fatwa with the reverse issue where the wife is dissatisfied with the husbands man good nd will the advice be the same? Didn't think so.

  31. salam alikum

    some of you people are brainwashing him, about the surgery he's already looking for someone to give him bad advice,Allah has made a couple for everyone, everyone's destiny is already written, you cant change what you have, it's like saying we all wanna be rich and forcing ourselves to be rich, but we can't cuz in our destiny it's written about what were going to gain and what were going to loose. what if you loose your wife and then the next wife with bigger breasts is the worldest biggest slut. would you like it if all the other lads are starring at her? if yes then that means you dont want a wife for the life here after you want her in this world you want paradise here and not when you die. we all cope with depression in our lives especially all married couple sometimes we have so much misunderstanding about each other and the devil gets his chance to complete his mission. please bro if your a true muslim defeat the devil and be happy with what you got. inshAllah Allah will guide you and make you see your future in a brighter way with your present wife.

    • Sister, you misunderstood him completely.

      he said-

      what if you loose your wife and then the next wife with bigger breasts is the worldest biggest slut.

      He is just explaining that, we should be happy with what we have/got. Because if we aren't happy and we want more better then maybe the next thing we get, is the worst thing.

  32. To the brother who posted this question, may I know whats happening now btween u n ur wife? Its for my guide for the future

  33. Another man ignorant to his own faults. As if wives don't tolerate physical faults of ther husbands, not to mention they are most likely left with a man who is unsatisfying in bed and primitive in thinking. Give your wife a break. Like others have said, she probably doesnt find certain traits in you attractive either. Allah gave us mercy and love in our hearts to look beyond these things. May Allah open your hearts to eachother isA. Maybe you just need certain lingerie or to spice up your sex life in a kinky way ;). Get naughty together and let go :).

  34. If your perception will not change and you have spoken to her.

    There is something she can do medically.
    There are tablets she can take prescribed by the Dr. Hormone tablets that make breast tissue grow.
    They are taken by men who want to become women.
    But this Is a last resort and I think you need to address your insecurities first and mature in the relationship.

  35. Plastic surgery is forbidden if not done to save a life. Not for your ego I am afraid.
    If she was a burns victim they do skin graffting and cosmetic surgery to save the life not to change the person.

    Tablets can be taken to help breast tissue grow but it will not change so much to suit your perfect idleistics results vary from patient to patient it may be only a small increase. So you need to really re evaluate your isles and what's really important in life.

  36. Work it out. Talk to her and decide something you both agree with. 5-6 times a year is like a serious problem. You guys should work this out before any of you fall for a sin to satisfy your lust.

  37. you are a jerk, didn't have enough guts to break the engagement..now don't lament over it...What do u mean what u should do? Nothing can be done! Also are you even a Muslim, how can you even look at the chest size of women, women in Islam are meant to cover themselves..So it makes no difference if you dun see her in person...You clearly were attracted to her face when you agreed for the marriage... I can believe chest size is such a big deal...Please recite Quran and read hadith to purify you mind from such shallow thoughts!

  38. salam alikum
    i'll give u a betta advice .....just leave her and divorce her cuz ur making her suffer! thats it final....... it's sinful to make a wife suffer you knw that....you should feel ashamed of even marrying her ......i'm sure you knew what marrage was....or did u just think u'd sit there doing nothing ....if you didnt like her why did you marry her in the fist place..... your so low....men shud keep their eyes to themselves and if they cant you suffer the consequences....just leave her and find someone who will be so attractive and marry her and you'll see she won't even like you just the way your fussing about your 1st wife. the devils court ya and ur trapped cuz ALLAH has created everyone how ever he wishes. you have no right to judge a person apart from Allah.Allah can give you wealth and a beautiful lady and take her away from you so dont judge till you know you deserve it. this lyf is nothing its just a test to see how much patience ya got your desire are not as important as the desire for Allah so pray and ask for forgiveness cuz things can change and hit you in the face without expecting it.

    Allah hafiz

    • I really do agree with you but it is bad enough as it already, divorcing her for her physical appearance will cause this lady even more suffering..This dude is only focusing on lust, it is the effect of watching indecent shows on TV and not lowering gaze when looking at women..His wife probably loves him a lot and he needs to focus on that love and purify his heart of satanic thoughts....

      First marrying her then leaving her heart broken and throwing her aside to find a more beautiful woman, I don't know how much of a trauma it will cause this lady whose purity he has already taken away....He needs to take some responsibility for his actions and learn to love her and only the Quran can be a cure to that..On the contrary if his wife was to divorce him I will support and respect her decision..

  39. Salaam well i married without seeing a photograph or webcam etc. I trusted my mom and knew that I would be happy with her choice. And yes i was born in england went school college uni etc. If you agree to something stick to it. Why did you marry in the first place. In life you have be to sure what you want. Like this you are destroying two lives and if children are involved then more. I am not saying you shouldn't see your future wife before marriage but it you have made a decision then stick by it as that reason is not acceptable.

    And how the heck were u planning on seeing the breasts before marriage.
    Shame on you

  40. Unfortunately, we live in an era in which organizations promote fantasy and superficiality over reality. And since these promotions are extremely appealing; many individuals become obsessed with these promotions.

    In case of a relationship such as marriage, physical fitness and physical attraction are important components in their own right; these components guarantee "romantic satisfaction." However, their is more to marriage then these components; it is about having a "fulfilling companionship in all aspects of life."

    Your (female) spouse is much more then an object of lust and desire; she commits herself to you for both her's and your needs. Romance is just "one" of these needs. If she compromises with you on several aspects then you should also do the same with her.

    Their is much more to a women then her physical beauty. Her personality, skills and beliefs are also important characteristics to consider.

    CHECK: A woman can be physically very appealing but may have a negative personality; she is unlikely to be a caring wife.

    CHECK: A woman can be physically average but may have a positive personality; she is likely to be a caring wife.

    If romance is an issue then their are "methods" to spice it up. At physical level, a women can "beautify" herself for her spouse to arouse him. Their is nothing wrong with this logic because the intent behind these activities is to ensure happy marriage. The concept of physical beautification ranges from "make-up" to "cosmetic surgery" itself.

    Now some may argue about haram or halal aspects of physical beautification but this concept is much more complex then typical black and white notions that some may harbor about it.

    Sometimes a women may undergo cosmetic surgery to spice up her romantic relations with her spouse. The intent here is to save/spice-up her marriage and not care about what the world thinks. In this scenario, nobody (I repeat: nobody) is in the position to judge such a women negatively. Allah Almighty knows best.

    I really dislike the practice of out-of-context quoting of Quranic versus and hadith with the intent to force one's understanding of the versus on the others.

    I will scrutinize some examples:

    1. "I will mislead them and I will create in them false desires; I will order them to slit the ears of cattle, and to deface the (fair) nature created by Allah."

    NOTE: "Cattle" is the key word here. What I gather from this verse is that people should refrain from mutilating other living beings and/or themselves. The intention here to discourage "harming" yourself and others with these kind of practices.

    2. Satan makes them promises and creates in them false desires; but Satan's promises are nothing but deception.

    NOTE: "False desires" is the key word here. Now this terminology is open to interpretation. False desire in what context? I would like to know the context of this verse and not blindly cite it as sister NrH did.

    If we consider the "deface the (fair) nature" argument then what do people think about involvement of mankind in infrastructure development related activities on Earth? These processes involve altering natural environments themselves. So mankind should stop doing this? Are we living in "haram cities" or something? Do we drive on "haram" roads or something?

    People should be objective and not rigid in their beliefs and interpretations concerning religious matters.

    If haram or halal argument is to be considered then several aspects of Medical profession itself may come under scrutiny. So why just single out cosmetic surgery?

    A person's body changes with passage of time. Sometimes certain bodily changes can be "psychologically depressive." This can leave a negative impact on an individual's self-esteem and also his/her relations. So if cosmetic surgery can be used to remedy such bodily changes then I see no issue in this decision. The "intent" is the key aspect behind this kind of decision.

    A) If the intent is to beautify yourself or restore your youthful appearance for STRANGERS/PUBLIC then this is wrong since Allah Almighty have made it compulsory for women to cover themselves properly in the PUBLIC and not engage in EXHIBITIONIST activities in PUBLIC.

    B) However, if the intent is to focus on your own psychological well-being and ensure good relations with your significant others then it is WISE and RATIONAL.

    I am also surprised by tough reactions from several ladies in this case. These ladies should understand that being rigid is not a solution to a problem in a relationship. Allah Almighty have instructed women to be submissive and loyal to their husbands. In addition, Allah Almighty have recommended women to make themselves appealing for their husbands. (Correct me, if I am wrong in this passage.)

    Here is a decent read: http://www.elroubyegypt.com/it/islamic_opinion.html

    @prayforme

    Please do not let one particular physical shortcoming in your wife to cloud your judgment. You should focus on her other positive traits as well.

    If you are so disturbed by one particular physical shortcoming in your wife, discuss this matter with her (in candid manner) and look for a solution that is acceptable to both of you.

    A) Do not be very blunt with your wife about this issue (i.e. your breasts turn me off and vice versa).

    B) Try to create an argument in intelligent fashion (i.e. I am infatuated with breaks of a woman. If you want to boost them then you have my full permission and cooperation. Please keep in mind that I love you for what you are; but I am interested in ways to spice up our romantic life and this would benefit both of us. I hope you that you will consider my point in positive light).

    If you both settle for cosmetic surgery route then consult a HIGHLY QUALIFIED plastic surgeon/professional for this purpose. He or she will guide you properly.

    Good luck and provide an update if you feel like it.

    Also, pray to Allah Almighty for forgiveness.

    DISCLAIMER: I understand that I am much late to respond in this case. However, I felt the need to address some points concerning relationships.

    • Temoor because cosmetic surgery is not a medical necessity. It's based on vanity. And because islam has its limits. Gambling, fornication, doing drugs, being arrogant/proud, backbiting etc are forbidden too. Just because people indulge in that behavior does not make it ok. If you are displeased with something in Allahs creation, then you are implicitly saying you know better when in fact humans are not Allah. You really need to acquaint yourself with Islamic theology and its basics. Start with what the Quran says on marriage.

      Plastic surgery is not Islamic no matter how you twist it. Sure if you are a burn or acid victim or had a mastectomy then that's different. But that said some women/survivers instead of feeling bad choose to own their scars and bodies including all. It depends. But surgery to please your husband because he was to much of coward to call off the engagement in the first place and wants big breasts? No that's just mental. You do realize women are humans too with feelings and all? Would you feel the same way if your wife asked you to enlarge your penis because she likes that or worse doesn't feel satisfied? And how about the young muslimas who lost their virginity and restore their hymen by surgery?

      Cut it out. Islam is clear. Dont like it? That's your business. But to change what the almighty has created is unislamic. You take each other for who you are. The brother with the problem has made his bed and now he can either live by hos choice or seek an amicable divorce.

      • I don't think divorce is a better option...it never is .... brother if you can afford a second wife go for it...sexual satisfaction in marriage is your right...if you think you are not satisfied with your wife marry a second wife but do keep both with love and care justly.if you can't afford a second then ask Allah to give you sabr because Allah is with the sabireen...and hopefully Inshallah you enter paradise where Inshallah you get lots of hoors

        • What about Muslim women who are not happy with their husbands' bodies? Sexual satisfaction is a woman's right too. Shouldn't these women divorce their 'defected' husbands, and marry someone hotter?

  41. From reading your post!!!! I think you care more about looks then love
    And I know is hard for you to understand this but looks will change sooner or later and if you really wanna a women for her looks then go marry a big chested women.

  42. Assalaamualaikam

    If your fiance has chosen you as the woman he wishes to marry, then put these worries out of your mind. It's you he wants to be with, not these other women to whom you compare yourself.

    If you haven't done so, it might help to tell him how you feel about this issue so that he can reassure you - he may not realise you are worrying about this. Don't walk away from a potential life partner because of a concern you have not given him a chance to address.

    Hopefully this can be resolved and you can be happy together, inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  43. How would u feel if your wife think your (manhood) is tiny hhhh I bet you won't like that either I'm sure no man would want there wife to think
    That just us women don't like it when you guys talk about out bodies

  44. Aljohara, we have a long queue of people waiting to receive answers and advice. You already bypassed the queue and received a response from one of our Editors. If you need further advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  45. Sister, if it was me, I would not marry a man who's attracted to a totally different type than I am. I have the type of body that is considered to be an hourglass figure (you know, like Kim Kardashian), I have very fair skin and I'm only 5'2 - in the country I live in, men usually prefer very tall, tanned/dark skinned and very slim (like, model slim) and quite muscular women...so I basically fall totally out of the category of what's considered beautiful in my country of residence. If I married a man who considers the tall, dark, slim and muscular woman to be beautiful, I would constantly fear that my husband is not attracted to me, or that he will one day ask me to diet and work out more than I want to to become slim and muscular (I don't want that kind of body, I don't consider it beautiful or feminine at all). So I guess I have a hard time understanding why you're considering this man for marriage when you know he likes the type of woman who's totally different from you.

    My other concern is that you know what his dream woman looks like and compare yourself to her (Drew Barrymore - and other curvy women) - this, to me, signals that this man has lustful eyes after other women. I'm concerned that he will still look at other women with lustful eyes when he marries you.

    My third and final point is that...if you really want to pay more attention to your appearance, you can. There's nothing wrong with a woman caring about the way she looks and making an effort. Just because your mother has her views on women who make an effort, doesn't mean you have to share it. Makeup is so much more than putting on a clown mask (which I know is very common in the Middle East). I personally wear much more subtle makeup on a daily basis. If I put on a quite strong eye makeup, I mute down my lips by wearing a natural colour lipstick and lipgloss, and if I'm wearing a bright lip (I do enjoy the occasional red or pink lip), I am practically bare on my eyes, with exception of some mascara and winged eyeliner - just so it all won't be too much, you know?
    And if you're worried about being made up around men, you can wear an even more subtle makeup...a little bit of evening out the skintone, some bronzer, colourless mascara and lip balm will make a difference, too, without looking like you really have anything on! :).

  46. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned this, but you do know that when she becomes pregnant, her breasts will become larger?

    Also, i don't believe being "small-breasted" qualifies as a "physical issue". Women naturally have various sizes of breasts which is completely natural.

    Breasts also contain mostly fat. Is she also underweight? Perhaps putting on a few pounds will help?

  47. When she has a baby it might get bigger or if she gains weight

  48. Dear Brother in islam,

    Assalamu alaikum. It is easy for the advises like " Love her" and dont bother this. But none of those people think in from your shoes. But I know, that a MAN has some basic instincts that are out of his control. MEN are attracted by physical looks. They are made that way. There are many things that are to be blamed: the society , the way they consider the engagement like a marriage.. etc..

    My advice is first there should be reason why it is small. It can be because of lack of menstrual cycles. If this is so, then I can say surely that it was a great mistake from the girl's parents side to hide this from you. Because lack of periods, means lack of fertility and lack of giving birth to your generations. If your wife really likes to make herself attractive, try those herbals and creams.

    Your physical needs are to be satisfied by halal means. Otherwise, mind would go behind the haram. Allah has allowed polygamy. There are certain cases where polygamy becomes a neccissity and it is in your case. So, you should really marry someone of your choice, as second wife in order to satisfy yourself. But after you do this, you should not ignore your first wife. You should love her more than you did before. Because, before you had a problem that you were not satisfied. Now you will be. Then there is no point in avoiding her in bed. YOu should love her more and have more intercourse.

    But if your first wife does not understand your problem and wants a divorce from you because of your second marriage, then let her go in peaceful means.

    MAy Allah help you and those who are in your embarrasing situation

  49. AOA,

    This is unbelievable considering what is going on in the world. Most of the advice and perspective has been sound but those who are recommending surgery are promoting a haram thing. The reason for breasts is for mothers to feed their babies.

    @Prayforme the prayer you really need is to stop being so shallow, lustful, easily led by the perversions of kafir society with the pneumatically chested, cartoon women/ artificially enhanced with contraceptive pill and stop being so self absorbed. You need to grow up and act like a decent man. Live by you actions and start honouring your marriage. and your wife.

    Perhaps you can spare a thought for the people of Syria, Iraq, Afganistan, the Muslim minority in Myanmar, Burma and the Palestinians all who are suffering immensely before you dare to suggest your life is hell.

    • Assalamu alaikum.

      Women can not understand your situation. This is MAle harmones that go in action. This poor guy is emotionally hurt a lot. Only men who are in his shoes can understand.

      If a lady is not satified with her husband physically, then the world would advice her to divorce him. Even the Prophet(S) adviced a lady to divorce her husband because he was impotent and she was afraid that she would do haram if staying married with him.

      The same applies to Men. Pupose of marriage is to satisfy one's lust in halal way, to get a lot of children and to have a moral and emotional support, all this to help an individual to worship Allah and to give birth to children who worship Allah.

      Worship of Allah cannot be freely done, when something is bothering in the mind, when the lust for women comes as a disturbance to him. The only solution for him is to marry another lady and treat both of them equally with respect to time and money. Allah has allowed polygamy . In his case, it is a neccissity.

      • Abu abdullah, do women not have hormones to? Lust? Attraction? Desires? Instincts? You know absolutely nothing about huna anatomy let alone women. Trust me women think about sex too? They to feel lustful. They too want their husbands to look good. They too have sexual preferences. Wake up.

        So you propose finding out why she is small breasted or consider polygamy as solutions? Oh dear.

        News flash: Women come in all sizes abd shapes. Just like guys. So what should a wife do if she finds out ger husband has a small manhood? Should they also examine WHY he is small and find herbal or medical remedies to help him grow? How will you feel if your bew wife sais this to you and proceeded to treat your vost type as a defect which needs to be examined and remedied? How about accepting each others as Allah creation? Or are you better than Allah?

        Polygamy in islam is created to help men find a younger, better model of wife. It's to help women and girls in need who have no support or family. Orphans.

        Maybe if you can distract yourself from your bias and examine the Quran and islam on matters then you would know that decent humans accept their spouse the way they are naturally. You also seem to know the purpose of marriage. Lots of children? So couples ho by choice of Allah dont have children do not fulfill the purpose of marriage? Wow.

        The brother should bot have arrived her when he knew he felt this way during the engagement. Thia Vanity has no place in islam.

  50. Askm, i have married a woman and found that she is flat chest, underweight, very very thin, and short and have allergy of which she coughs regularly and her mouth smells bad 24 hrs. I dint see her before marriage, (i demanded to see her but her parents refused to show). Now i dont have any physical attraction towards her since first day and i am not getting satisfied in any way. apart from this she is stubborn . neither i like her physical looks nor her character. i am in dilemma please help me out what to do??. and i am mentally facing distress and tensions. And i dont want to commit haram with any other woman for satisfying my needs. its disturbing a lot.

    (Edit)

    • If you went ahead and married your wife without seeing her, I'm afraid you have problems in making decisions. If you wife was extremely beautiful or attractive to you, you might have overlooked her stubbornness--but now every little thing in her behaviour will only become more negatively pronounced because of no attraction.

      No one can make a decision for you. You really have three options:

      1. Remain married to her and work on your marriage.
      2. Let her go with kindness and justice and remarry.
      3. Marry a 2nd wife and treat both with equality/justice.

      You are the only one that make this choice/decision.

      May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

      • Brother I can understand your pain for wanting bigger breasts (some prefer bigger hips,etc). The first step is to accept the situation as it is; neither good nor bad, it is what it is. To those who say sexual attraction is not important I just want to say that we're not Ken dolls and Barbies. This is an innate nature of human beings. Next, there are no magic pills in this world, everything takes work.

        A few words on breast enlargement:
        Give your wife a good multi-vitamin supplement for nutritional insurance.
        Give soy foods as it effects estrogen levels in the body.

        A few words on sexual attraction:
        It's 95% mental & 5% physical. Watch romantic films together, play games(adult), indulge in fantasies, ask your wife to try and seduce you (believe me she'll love it), share with her your views on what you find attractive in a woman, your favorite actresses,etc. History is filed with the so called small breasted women who could attract men with just their body language.

        A good book I can recommend is "The art of seduction" by Robert Greene. Give it to your wife and just watch as you fall for her HARD. 🙂
        P.S. Don't blame me if, after this, you can't stop thinking about her.

        • "Brother I can understand your pain for wanting bigger breasts"...

          This has got to be one of the funniest lines I have read on this website.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Oh there are more funny expressions of solidarity and understanding above. I can't believe what I am reading. Sheesh.

  51. Partially I used to be in shoes of original question poster,s wife.
    Very petite before marriage. My husband saw me before marriage.
    After marriage to me it appears things are ok regarding his interest in me however females in my in laws home repeatedly commented that I'm too petite and asking me if my husband even love me or is interested in me.
    I always felt very insecure and sad with those remarks . My husband few times remarked that I have very innocent looking body( his exact words). I'm not sure how he felt inside regarding this issue as he never shared any thing more.
    Any way within few months I expected a baby and physically started looking mature.
    Remarks of being called as lacking in womenhood are very heart breaking . Specially when one is newly married it just spoils ones self esteem.
    Women do acquire more mature looking body once they become pregnant.
    I hope no one in this world hurt each other with force or WORDS.

  52. Please check if you are suffering from depression. Depression takes away all the small joys of life and destroys physical attraction to a spouse. Your issue could stem from an unhappy childhood (bad relations with parents especially mother). Children who grow up to be like this fall in love and are then unable to reconcile LUST and LOVE for the same person. Sex in their minds is about a degrading act done to a person who excites your hormones. This is a spiritual problem and can only be fixed with excessive remembrance of Allah, death and the reason you probably couldn't say no after engagement. Think about it,

  53. Brother I have a feeling that your problem is not just skin deep...may be you married under extreme pressure as per your post.
    Maybe you didn't like your wife since day uno.
    And being helpless only fueled your anger. That anger is stopping you from seeing her as a whole individual.
    Now all has been done.
    I am not denying the fact that some people just cannot compromise on some things.
    My advice is : view your wife as a person ,as a complete package. Try to discover if you do like her or not. Because if you do like her you can make it work.
    It feels as if you can't help yourself...but its important to truly be honest. She is also suffering. Try to communicate, travel and do stuff together. Are you compatible ? Doe both of you enjoy each other's company? Can you imagine letting her go ?
    If she still does not please you then it's your call. But do remember that letting her go means getting rid of her unattractive and attractive points as well. You should consider if you're throwing away a gem.

  54. I am going through the same thing as you except I am a girl and the issue I have is that I don't find his face attractive nor his personality

  55. Brother that is some shallow ass shit you just said. Like Wtf she is Allah's creation she was created beautiful. Brother realize everyone is made different and that's why everyone is unique. A Lamborghini isn't as a bugatti but it still turns heads. Porn has ruined everything. Brother look at it this way, in your head your really that your gonna get married and be with the love of your life that Allah chose for you and all of a sudden when you take your pants off she's like your penis is so small. What would you do?! Your ego everything just got attacked their. Accept her for who she is my nigga. Build her up, attention affection appreciation because I bet she's insecure as heck now. That's your princess Allah chose her for you. Show her your her man my brother hold her down walk proud with. Trust me your girl is your best investment.

    • Zaid, I approved your comment because your advice is good, but I italicized three examples of language that will not be allowed in the future. If you are not careful about your language next time I will simply delete your comments.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  56. Although this question has been posted quite a while ago, I would still like to answer this through my own perspective and would try to explain some points here which could be useful to other readers who might be having similar problems and have visited this page for solutions/answers to their problems.

    Your problem is genuine. And the solution is not very straight forward. It takes a lot of determination, consideration and sacrifices in terms of time, money and energy to come to a solution to problems such as yours.

    Lets take a litmus test first. Are you afraid that lack of attractiveness towards your wife would lead you to sins? If yes, then you're in deep trouble. This is because paid zina has become so much accessible these days and I am not glad to say this but price of flesh for pleasure is also facing severe competition and thus is offered economically based on financial brackets of a particular place/community.

    Are you ready to face the consequences of committing adultery in this world and aakhira? Even if the sin is carried out in utmost privacy, would you be able to face yourself in the mirror knowing that you have crossed Allah's limits? I'm sure your'e a good Muslim which is why you have posted this question here.I would not give you any advice which goes against our religion but I would like you to think logically considering your problem and come up with a practical solution to it.

    Generally, nobody would advise you to break your marriage. Not only its unethical to convince someone to break a marriage, it is against the integrity of a Muslim to advise such things which could result in devastation of an established family. Though you are not physically satisfied with your wife, you should not forget that she is your wife and there are commitments you will have to fulfill and fundamental rights you have to deliver as a result of this sacred contract.

    Instead of shying from your wife and doing wrong things in her absence, you should talk to her about your situation. By talking, I do not mean getting her into this talk and leave her confused just like you yourself are. This way it would never be possible for you two to come to a workable solution and would only exacerbate the situation. Talking means that you will have to tell her to change for good. A good way to do is to become good-looking yourself. Work on your physical appearance and show her that you value physical well being and its important to you. Propose workable solutions such has breast enhancements and encourage her to join a female gym to work on her body. Support her in this cause and do not turn your ears to what people say. People only comment. Its the best others can do for you. Only you know what you are personally going through and only you can change that. Approaching her this way would oblige her to do things for you, i.e. trying to look good for you. You are her husband. Any woman should be happy if her husband is a helping hand and would encourage her to enhance her appearance for him.

    Give this a year and see if it works. Does you wife love the idea of going to a gym and working on herself? Is she trying hard? Do you see progress? Is the transformation process going good? If yes then you should congratulate yourself for having an obedient wife and appreciate things she is doing for you. If somehow things are not going so well despite all your efforts, then its time to talk to her on a next level, i.e. a possibility of having a second wife.

    Having a second wife has its own pros and cons. But put it this way; are you willing to commit sins and make your way to hell or are you going to face some worldly problems but try your best to gratify Allah Almighty.

    The choice is always yours! Only you will be answerable for your deeds in aakhira. Do not let your unhappy married life be an excuse for committing sins which could become a burden for you on the day of judgement.

  57. Shame on this guy.If he cannot appreciate his wife, he should let her go and let her find someone who accepts her for who she is and loves her and adores her.Let him cross paths with someone with breasts like Sunny Leone and a crass personality and mentality.Then he can enjoy a "breast" ful marriage.

  58. u knw wht,ur wife also hav sm rights ovr u and its not tht her real mistake if she is like tht..u only said..she tried to ovr cme..there r alt of things..like sour foods and cheese wch help to ovr cme ths thng ..u knw..all i see here is UR blunder..as a woman..tht u r nt fulfillng her rights..u knw its a really..really big sin ..jst concentrate ovr her..and help her come out of it
    gudluck

  59. Assalam alaikum warahmatul laah. Answer is always in our heart, may Allah guide you and make your path easier for you. Situation may change after you together have a baby.. Women breasts are given to feed a child, if those can provide food for the baby, that's only what man should be worried about in my opinion. It is important to look on the purpose of creation not so much for enjoyment of creation perhaps. No woman stays young and beautiful, if we would be able to raise our Iman we could be able perhaps to overlook physical matters, love and enjoy each other more through spiritual bonding which has no age or limits. Can you imagine one day you will not be able to make love to your wife, wouldn't you want her to accept that in her heart and overlook your disfunction? If she is able to feed the future child, she doesn't have a misfuntion, her breasts will serve their purpose.. Remember, your wife's breasts service is not mainly to provide you enjoyment but first of all feed the child. Do you agree? Alhamdullelah If men are steady fast in their Belief, in Jannah they will have the most beautiful wives..Allah grands us what we need and deserve at certain time, every misfortune is a blessing to make us stronger, wiser and go further in our development. Mashallah

  60. Sexually attraction is just in the mind.. Free your mind from any sexual desire (big breast, fair skin etc).
    This world is just a test for ummah. Staisfy with the creation of god and he knows what is best for you as he has made your wife for you. Be content with his decision on you, Pray for forgiveness of you sin and pray for afterlife because the life after death is the true life . Have faith in god because we dont know what rewards he has kept for us.

    • "Sexually attraction is just in the mind.. Free your mind from any sexual desire (big breast, fair skin etc)."

      Sexual attraction is NOT "just in the mind" - it is a normal and natural thing that humans and animals have so your advice is ridiculous in my opinion. Asking someone to free their mind from any sexual desire is like asking someone to free themselves of their desire to breath! It's not logical.

  61. oh come on brother,,, First of all thank Allah Almighty Who have blessed u with the performance of Sunnah of Nikah, secondly a healthy wife and a sound life, just be thankful,,
    now coming to ur issue rsgarding so called 'body defect' issue,, well you should see urself first are you 100% fit and perfect, what if ur wife also expect super macho man with strong stamina and six pack super model material but she cannot say OR she may be satisfied with what her parents decided.
    Now plz google about zero size, small breasts models you will see that Fashion designers prefers small breasted women over large ones due to whatever reasons... also once you r normal after sex Believe me Small Or Large does not make any difference anyways give urself one more try and if u r not satified witb ur parents decesion then try breast implants or marry a cow

  62. I can relate to this brothers issue. Not from particular body attribute but not being sexual attracted to my spouse as well. The brother also has a point about replys that don't address his problems when the reply are don't look at this look at piety don't look at like this but look at like that. So if you truly don't have any advice the helps him or anyone with the issue don't criticize and act like we are Prophets or the Companions. The issue of life time commitment is not a time for bland replies and giving a perspective that the person has applied since the beginning or else he wouldn't ask for help he would've remarried or whatever.

  63. Brother, I can truly understand your feelings because someone I really care about went through the exact samething and he means a brother to me so I was depressed seeing him depressed.

    This is already said earlier, but I repeat, even if you saw her in-person before getting married, you wouldn't be able to tell the size of the breast/back because push up bra and hip-lift underwear is out there for women to enhance their beauty. SO # 1, STOP REGRETTING THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE HER IN-PERSON before marriage.

    #2 You have to STOP BEING DEPRESSED, because it is a CHOICE. Getting a small breasted wife might not be a choice but you can choose to stop being stressed about this and think about SOLUTIONS.

    It is NOT FAIR to her that you don't give her the sexual satisfaction she deserves as a wife. Just 5-6 times sex in last one year????? She is a saint if she haven't complained or showed frustration/resistance to you.

    Habibi, I know that it is not easy to deal with this, but bro, my uncle couldn't get married EVER because he is on a wheelchair, he would marry a women with flat wall breasts if he could find one but he couldn't EVER and he wasn't rich enough to attract women by wealth.

    Habibi, I am not trying to make you feel guilty, THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION, all I can tell is I hear you bro and JUST TRY ONE MORE TIME WITH TRUE HEART, maybe you can get pass the one little issue, make a list of all the good things you love about your wife, why you love her, how she makes you feel, you might feel better.

  64. Selam Waleikum,

    I'm searching for some advice as well since I'm in almost the similar position of the questioner's wife.

    I'm 24 years old and I just got married a couple months ago. I love my husband deeply with all my heart and everyday I try to fullfill his desires. I'm not born a muslim so since the beginning we started a 'friendship' that was not allowed. I ask Allah for forgiveness. Since a year ago I converted to the islam Alhadoulillah. Let me be clear that it was my own decission since I've got so much information from my husband about now my beautiful religion.

    I know him almost 6 years now. And in the 3rd year we had arguments about that he would like to see me more 'full" and by this he meant my underbody so my butt and hips. I'm petite so my body is not feminine. I know this.. I'm very aware and everytime I see myself I tell myself it's the inside that matters. But I can't help by feeling so insecure since my husband always point out that he wishes I had a more full butt.
    It hurts me deeply to know that I will never satisfy him with my body. Every argument we have he will make comments about it and he will always want a fuller butt.
    He has suggested for me to get plastic surgery.. This was very painfull believe me. My self esteem is so low at this moment. I do'nt want to lose him because I really love him for the fact that when we don't argue everything is fine. But this is a topic that keeps returning everytime. He says he doesn't a second wife. But I'm afraid later he will commit a sin or he will get another wife. This will really destroy my heart. What can I do.. He admits when he's outside and he sees a woman with a big butt he stares and he has tried to pray and make dua to ask Allah for help but he can't get rid of this desire.
    We've been just married so short and I'm scared that this will go further and will end our marriage.

    Please advice me.

    Kind regards

    • Dear Sheerlove, I feel so sad for you. I think you should give your marriage serious thought. Is this the kind of marriage you want? Do you think you can live with a husband who says these things to you and is not remorseful? And what when you have kids?

      I understand you love him. Love is good. But it needs to be recipocated. Words can hurt every bit as a physical beating. I feel you are in pain. Do you really want to live with this pain?

      You need to sit him down and tell him that for one his outbursts on your body being less full ia inappropriate, unacceptable and hurtful. It is also unislamic and he should be ashamed of even saying this once. How would he like it if you criticized his body type? Ask him if he thinks its reasonable? And that he is checking out stranger women in public and then telling you about it is just inappropriate.

      Second I think you should consider couples therapy. He needs to be told he is in the wrong and he must desist. This is a process. Counseling that is. There is no guaranteed outcome counseling or otherwise. It just a try. You can try including an imam or such at your mosque. Maybe hey have in house counseling too? Dont pick your therapist based on faith but rather who you feel comfortable with and their expertise. You both need to commit to going and opening up. No filters. No holding back. You are a party in this marriage on equal terms as your husband.

      Whatever you choose your husband understand that his behavior must stop. His words hurt even though I am just reading them. He knew you for 6 years so what is this fascination with your lower body about now? The fact that he thinks he can suggest and emotionally black mail you into surgery infuriates me. It's insulting. You need to consider how far you are willing to go to save thus marriage and if that also it includes unislamic remedies. Is surgery a remedy? For how long?

      That he taught you about Islam despite his own deficient knowledge on how to keep a wife is nice. But that does not mean you owe him. I sense it is your live for him that's tugging at your heart. Are you sure he is not conveniently using your body as an excuse which covers over an entirely different topic? Also know you can not force somebody to stay no matter how much you love them if they dont want to stay. You can't guard somebody 24/7. You really need to give this marriage thought as it is early days and you are young. The decision is yours however you choose to handle it. You know your circumstances the best. He just really needs to grow up. I am concerned that with your mentioned low self esteem you are easier to manipulate. That's how we are as humans. Dont do anything you are uncomfortable with. Dont let fear guide you. And know that Allah created you perfect.

      At the end of the day you need to decide if this is something you want for the rest of your life if you cant work it out. Islam allows for marriage just as it allows for divorce. You deserve to be loved the way you are. You sound like a good decent woman. I do wish you the best and hope you are able to work it out.

  65. As-Salam-Alykum brother, why don't you guys try to exercise together it'll help a little with the sister's physique and your's too. In Shaa Allah you both could be more attractive for each other by building your bodies together.

  66. Salam

    Wow, you posted this in June 2012 so sorry about the late reply!!!
    I don't really know if I can be of any help but the the only practical solution I can think off to your issue is getting your wife breast enlargements. Speak to your wife and discuss it with her. It's probably going to be awkward to bring it up but tell her that you find small breasts very unattractive. You do not want to be stuck in a marriage for the long run feeling depressed. I would hate to be in that situation of yours.

    Saying that my parents have been getting me to meet prospective girls to marry. Very very recently I was introduced to a girl who seemed very nice and alhamdulilah she is pious and has a very good character. My parents really like the girl and vice versa. Like you I would also prefer "big breasts"' and not someone who was flat chested. I don't know how to bring up this conversation when I'm talking to the girl considering I have only met her twice. I still don't even have her phone number yet!!!!

    Would someone be able to help me about how I should approach this. This is not me being lustful or anything like that, it's just one of those things i would want in my future wife as I am going to be sending the rest of my life with them.
    Both of us are in our mid twenties and currently work and live in England, U.K
    Many thanks 🙂 people

    Best of luck and inshallah you find some sort of solution to your issue.

    • Every guy will be proud and enjoys Big breasts. You may want to talk to your wife because you can't just know by looks. Due to push-up bras, contouring, etc women can make their breasts look bigger and/or perkier. Some women use these tools because their breasts have become saggy.

      Approach this subject carefully and with respect and after slowly developing comfort with her. Talk to her and really listen to her answers. This is important for her and yourself. This matter should be resolved BEFORE MARRIAGE. After marriage these matters might become the cause of fights and a lot of unhappiness.

      • xuchia117 and Bombvoyage, these responses are becoming comical. Is this satire? Do you think real women are born in the pages of men's magazines?

        Seriously, do you imagine there is any way in which you can open such a subject with a woman before marriage? You would be booted out of the house, and rightfully so.

        Please. Grow up.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Wake up and see the real world Wael. I've visited quite a few marriage buerues and women enter the same physical traits they want e.g. height, color, etc. Why should we restrict ourselves in having the kind of wife we want? I can quote basic psychology in humans but you can check the hadith of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) of the criteria of selecting a spouse. Why can't I select a wife who has big breasts and great iman?

          You can think whatever of our ideas but our lives should be lived by our choices. As long as I don't indulge haram I am free.

          Dare to dream.

          • You're so immature and delusional. Grow up!! (like Wael said). Don't mix Islam with your temporary fantasy desires. Look at yourself...are you perfect? You can't have it all. Funny how your biggest priority is to have a big breasted woman and then character and iman. I dare you to tell your parents what your looking for, let alone the girl. People will think your a pervert and watch explicit videos and see magazines. How would you feel if a girl asked you the size you private part and then tells you that she won't marry you unless you take enhancement pills. Would you sign a contract before marriage for that? Huh? Exactly!

  67. I agree with you 100percent.
    I was in a similar situation as you.
    My brother, please don't waste time, if it can't work, end in a shuttle way with consultation as soon as possible.

    You were finished from day one until present. If you force and force it can get worse .

    I wish you all the best my brother.
    Thank you
    Yusuf

  68. To be honest, i really don't understand people like you who marry just for the sake of their family... And i don't see what is wrong with breaking an engagement because it is gonna impact families... How is breaking engagement impacting families exactly?

    Anyways. I understand you as a woman who is married that sexual attraction is very important. Sex is the basic need of a man. You have a huge problem here. I think you should ask a scholar of she can get her breasts enlarged or something to make her more appelaing to you... Im not sure if it is allowed but i think this would literally be the only thong that can save your marriage to be honest.

  69. Depression can only be cured by prayer sunnah and obligitory, reading Quran, and rememberance of Allah. The most important reason to marry someone is for their Deen. This dunya is temporary and our only chance to do good and make it to Jannah inshaaAllah. This stuff is very miniscule when you look at life as a whole. Say shahada, do your prayers, make zakkat, fast, and go on Hajj. Stay away from evil haram and enjoin in Halal.

  70. You should help her invest in a breast enhancement surgery and everything will be okay. Plus wives are not sex toys, the way you're despising her small boobs I hope she isn't complaining about your small dick.

    • Tania ,

      LOL .

      Movies , open dresses which shows women bodies on streets and porn has raised the expectation to get perfect bodies which is not possible in real life . A good and perfect body should come naturally and can't be built much .

      The regular exercise can help to some extent but real model type of bodies comes by natural ..

      Even male organ shown in adult movies is not realistic and camera adjustments is done to to make it look like very big .as per news articles .

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