I’m not satisfied with my husband
Salaam brothers and sisters, and eid mubarak to you all.
I have been married for 3 years to my husband, he is my second cousin. We have no children as yet.
My husband is a very good man, he is very caring towards me. However from day one he has never been so interested in sexual intimacy. He has strange views that a woman should always remain shy during intimacy and shouldn't be demanding. Yet he does agree that sexual intercourse is a wife's right in islam. It seems that I'm always pulling him towards me when he prefers to watch movies on the lap top all night.
During intercourse he releases very quickly and expects to be fully satisfied at that point when I'm not. He always asks me if I have also reached satisfaction and if I say no he gets very angry, and then tells me to wait an hour or more for him to feel erect again. At that point after his anger I would rather forget the whole idea, so many times I lie and say yes I am satisfied. He doesn't like me taking part during foreplay, he forces my arms away from him and forces my legs into position.
I also would love Allah to bless us with children and I pray very hard. My local community suspect there is something wrong because we have been married 3 years and have no children. My mums friend asked me the other day if my periods were regular and I said yes. She then asked if my husband releases early or too quickly and I said yes so she advised me to read Surath Maryum from the Qur'an seven times a day.
I am very concerned about this matter and find difficult to talk to my husband about it. He has driven me to a point where I have had haraam thoughts about committing Zinna because I'm always unsatisfied.
I would like to know what rights I have as a wife in islam and how I should deal with this situation. All your comments and opinions would be appreciated brothers and sisters.
Wasalaam
Sister Rain
Entries(RSS)
Salaam Rain.
Your husband is denying you basic rights to intimacy and fulfilment of desire in marriage. Sexual issues are very difficult to discuss in marriage as they often cause embarassement. Have you tried talking to him outside of the bedroom about this nicely? Be careful about how you word it - rather than saying you should do that, say you like it when he does this etc. Or that you love foreplay and would like to make it longer. Try to appeal to his caring side, let him know you feel this may cause a provblem in the marriage and you want to fix it together. Or if all else fails be sneaky and leave a hadith somewhere he will find it.
Please read these links (especially the first one)
am sorry for your troubles. Sexless marriage can occur when there are deeper issues that the couple are not facing or sharing with each other, lack of attraction, stress or a sexual problem (such as impotence).
"Sexlessness can occur when couples stop trying to attract and arouse each other and the intimate side of their lives become stagnant and boring. Once the intimate side of a relationship becomes stagnant and predictable, couples lose interest in each other, so if this is the case with you then you could try seducing your husband, making yourself look nice, offering massage, setting a nice scene and reigniting the romance between you. If bedtime has become a set part of your life like dinner or chores then expect it to feel the same as well - work.
Sexlessness can also occur if a man feels criticised about his sexual prowess, if you have complained, told him it's not good for you or that you get no pleasure from it - then he will recoil from you and feel anxiety about the act and is likely to avoid it altogether as a man would rather not do it than do it and get bad results. If this is the case, then complimenting him and reminding him that you love him, and find him attractive should encourage him to try again. If you are pressuring him to do it, he will feel this pressure and this will act as a turn off for him.
Another, more important reason, is that they may be something in your marriage that you are not sharing with each other a worry, or a concern between you. There could be work stress, or bad health or a lack of intimacy or bond that draws couples together. There may be something in your relationship that he can't speak to you about or he may have a problem in his life that is worrying him. If this is the case then you have done the right thing by raising the issue and asking him if everything is OK. Remind him that the point of the conversation is to be honest (even if that honesty hurts) and ask him to share with you honestly, without regard for how you might react, at what the problem is. If he feels safe in the conversation and believes that you will not begin to scream and cry, then he may have the courage to tell you what it is.
Do not be offended if he tells you he has lost attraction, or anything like this - as what he tells you are things that you can work on and appreciate that he is being honest with you. Attraction is a mental as well as physical thing and there are plenty of ways to solve any relationship problem that is affecting you in the bedroom.
The thing to remember is that even men get frustrated and emotional and whilst they are not the crying types, their stress and hidden feelings will manifest in different ways. If you can create a safe environment in which he is able to be honest with you , you can (by keeping your cool and understanding that this is a problem that you can only solve by knowing what it is) mend the problem.
If all of this fails, then I would recommend marriage guidance counselling.
On the subject of his irresponsibility toward his family, this again is most likely a symptom of something he can't say out loud - and so is acting in a way which lets you know he has something on his mind. If you can achieve openness and honesty with him and control your instinctive reaction from "I'm upset about this" to "I sincerely want to help you with this" you should, inshaAllah see some result from what he is trying to communicate with you.
Peace,
Leyla"
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-not-interested-in-sex/
http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/kissf.htm
In conclusion, it is important that your husband fulfils your right of foreplay and kissing. It is not something that he should be shy or reluctant about. Some individuals regard practices related to foreplay to be “inappropriate” and consider abstinence from such activities to be from piety (taqwa).
However, this is totally incorrect, for who can possibly be more pious, pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), yet not only did he encourage foreplay, etc, but practically engaged in it with his wives, as we have learnt from the many narrations quoted above.
Thus, it is not a sign of piety to abstain from such activities, for there is no place for monasticism (rahbaniyya) in Islam. It is a practical religion where one may fulfil his/her needs in a permissible way. Explain to your husband in a kind and gentle manner, that prosperity in this world and the hereafter lies in following the example of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).
And Allah Knows Best
Also have you tried dressing up for him etc? Low sex drive may also occur due to medications or health problems so it may be a good idea to rule that out. If your husband is caring InshaAllah he will work with you to resolve these issues so approach him in the right way, be understanding and do not push him to open up to you. Let him know how your feeling without being accusing.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
I think this question is not real / maybe an act of trolling .
The same user posted a question(not long ago) in which she didn't like her husband and didn't want to be intimate with him but here the situation is totally opposite . I would advise the moderators to scrutinize the questioner .
Ty .
You're right, I missed that. I have just read the other questions posted by this person and it puts this in a different light. I don't think the woman is a troll, but there is clearly more going on than what was mentioned in this post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The nature of the topic/questions posted by this user are such that you get the idea not only is her husband hurt, she's actually for along period of time been emotionally incapable of loving him.
If it wasn't for the fact Lala pointed out your previous posts. I would never have guessed exactly what the reasons are so, there is our lesson and I hope Wael and the other moderators pay notice to it, we always need to listen to two sides of the story, ALWAYS, because there is often a tinted and biased view after readin one person's side of the story.
Back to the issue at hand, based on your previous posts as well and not just this one, it is quite clear you've hurt this man and he's innocent in all this, you haven't mentioned many bad things in him if any at all, except for the lack of intimacy. Who can blame him? Your mind was on another man for a long time. As 99% of the posters will agree, no fit, sane or healthy man would ever refuse intimacy, it's partt of our inate nature, hence it's been made halaal.
What you've got to do is ask if he's prepared to forget the reatment he's received from you, irrespective of whether you were blackmailed to marry him or not, he didn't blackmail you, he's innocent. So you ask him what he wants and then divorce or stay with him accordingly, I think he will find peace and enjoy intimacy if he remarries to a loyal and caring wife who can concentrate 100% on him. That is why he's not intimate with you in my opinion.
As we've learnt, itr's very difficult to make statements without hearing both sides of the story and it's clear you've hidden quite a lot (as you should btw - don't reveal sins) for us to gauage everything.
It sounds like your husband is ashamed or embarrassed by sexual contact. So he puts it off and avoids it until the last possible moment, and then he just wants to get it over with as quickly as possible, with no foreplay.
In addition, your husband badly needs to be educated about female sexuality. Women generally do not climax from intercourse, and certainly not from brief intercourse with no foreplay. He needs to learn about a woman's needs. You could try printing some articles that explain about these subjects, and asking your husband to read them. Let him know that you are not attacking him, you just want him to learn so that lovemaking can become more satisfying for you.
If your husband refuses to learn or change, then at some point you have to begin asking yourself whether you can endure a lifetime like this. Zinaa is absolutely not an option. That is the route to humiliation and self-incrimination. Put it out of your mind. But if it comes to it, you can consider divorce as an option. In that event, the lack of children may turn out to be a blessing.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaamu'alaykum
your husband needs to manup, and increase his stamina, lift heavy wieghts, go fitness, eat healthy.
once he lift heavy wieghts, goes fitness alot, eats healthy, his body will have no choice whats-so-ever except to release a surge of amazing hormones in order to supply the body its demand for stronger/bigger/better body.
ofcourse, with hormone release in a man, always comes along with it the extreme desire to have sexual contact.inshaallaah you will see a completely different man, physiologically and sexually.
so get him a gym membership and tell him to woork hard/exhaust himself.
this is not something im just saying, this has really worked for some women, regardless of whether they are muslims or not.
the prophet[saww] used to sleep with all his nine wives within same night.
ofcourse this is extra-ordinary given by Allaahh in order to fullfill his duty&desire as a husband.
prophet sulaimaan[as] had hundreds of female partners and would sleep with aaaaaaaaall of them on the same night in order for them to give birth to boys who would fight in the cause of Allaah.
also the sahaabah[ra] who most of them had four wives, and other female sexual partners used to engage in sexual activity alot of times.
the likes of Anas ibn maalik [ra] had 80 children.
also, please dont ever tell your explicit sexual life to anyone, ever!!!!!.his brings the wrath of Allaah.
if you need help, advice, tell it in an indirect way.
hayaakallaah.
one more thing, that thing about reading suurah maryam[as] in order to recieve, dont pay the slightest attention to it, there is no proof fot such action.
just get up at the last 1/3 of the night, when Allaah literally decends to answer supplications, forgive and ask Allaah to give you children.
Abu Zubayr,
Why do you always feel the need to talk in the way you have above? Where is your evidence that Rasul(sws) would sleep with all nine wives in one night? I do not believe this. Its sounds like nothing but a male chauvenistic fantasy.
From what I have learned about Rasul(sws), I know that he gave his wives time and affection and hence he spent different nights with them. To 'sleep with nine women whilst giving them quality time and affection, doing ghusl after each time he(sws) had intercourse, also praying the night prayer which was fard upon him(sws) and Fajr salaah and getting some sleep too - all in one night, is impossible and to me does not fit in with the humble, loving character of the Prophet(sws) at all.
And again, I do not believe that Sulayman(as) slept with 100's of women in one night. These things you say are so far fetched from the truth and not befitting for the Prophets/Messengers(pbut) at all and moreover you have no proof.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam upon you and your family
On the authority of the servant of the prophet[saww] Anas Ibn Maalik [may Allaah be pleased with him] ; "the messenger of Allaah used to visit all his wives in one night, and i counted the number of wives he [saww] had, and they were 9 at the time"
saheeh bukhaari volume 6 chapter 62
another two similar narrations also in bukhaari and adds "we used to say the messenger[saww] was given the strenghts of 30 men.
regarding Sulaymaan[sa]
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "Once Sulaymaan, son of David said, '(By Allah) Tonight I will have sexual intercourse with one hundred women each of whom will give birth to a knight who will fight in Allah's Cause.' On that a (i.e. if Allah wills) but he did not say, 'Allah willing.' Therefore only one of those women conceived and gave birth to a half-man. By Him in Whose Hands Muhammad's life is, if he had said, "Allah willing', (he would have begotten sons) all of whom would have been knights striving in Allah's Cause."
Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 74, Book of Jihad
there you go sister
you said "does not fit with the humble loving charecter of the prophet[saww]" - does sleeping with your wives not make a person humble, loving, caring about their needs etc?
the prophet[saww] passed all his youth-hood with an old woman [ra], he [saww] lived with her for over 25 years, and he was fully satisfied with her[ra], he did not marry anyone else, nor did he buy any slaves, so the prophet[saww] was not overcome by his desire in anyway whatssoever.
but when he married alot of other women in his old age, Allaah gave him the extra strenght to fullfill his desire and his responsibility as a husband.
hayaakallaah.
(Editor's note: I approved this comment with some editing. Abu Az-Zubayr, please be respectful when speaking of the Prophets. Do not speak of them in a vulgar way. I restored your comment because there is some truth in it; but when you mix truth with vulgarity and speculation, you undermine what you are trying to say. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor).
also sister, dont forget that cohabition between a man and a woman who are halaal for each other is nothing but worship to Allaah and a way to get closer to Allaah and obedience to him as he made man and a woman for such a reason.
so i dont see in anyway whatsoever how it can be shamefull, embarassing, harmfull.
ofcourse, if a person constanly engages in sex all the time, it can be harmfull as explained by shaykh-Al-Islam Ibn-Al-Qayyim on many occasions and it weakens the body and perverts the mind, but that is when a man goes beyond what he is capable of.
as for a prophet[saww], then Allaah will always gives him the strenght to supply the demand of however many wives he has.
a good example would be that the prophet[saww] used to practice a type of fasting called wisaal, meaning he would not break his fast for days and would never drink or eat for days. literally.
since the companions always wanted to copy the prophet[saww] in everything, they asked if they could also practise wisaal, but he refused them saying that "i am not like you, my lord provides me with food and water[ but he does not eat from his mouth]"
but the companions[ra] were not going to have the same as a prophet[as].
so yes sister, Allaah always gives a prophet more than the common folk/believer.
ma'asalaamah
SisterZ, Salaam,
Why do you ask someone for proof when you reject it before they have even presented it?
Be careful about what you say - "Its sounds like nothing but a male chauvenistic fantasy" ... Dont reject something if you haven't got knowledge of it and it sounds wrong to your logic.
Our deen is an ocean of knowledge and everyday is a learning experience for us, so just because you haven't come across something, dont reject it and label it a "fantasy."
Check this out:
"The Prophet used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives." Bukhari (62:6)
"The Prophet used to visit all his wives in a round, during the day and night and they were eleven in number." I asked Anas, 'Had the Prophet the strength for it?' Anas replied, 'We used to say that the Prophet was given the strength of thirty men.' Bukhari (5:268)
"I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires." . Bukhari (60:311) -
There are many authentic hadiths, like the ones I have presented to you above, and the scholars of the Sunnah speak clearly about this matter and are not ashamed. We shouldn't be either.
For a people who believe that their prophet was allowed to have nine wives simultaneously, what is so hard then in accepting that he was also given the power to have relations with all of them in one night? Nobody said he did this every night. But with these proofs in place, no Muslim should deny that it did happen sometimes too. This does not in any way go against the prophets 'affectionate' nature dear sister. As he was given different allowances by Allah - that of marrying more than four - he was also given extra power and strength by Allah to be able to fulfill all of their needs and his responsibilites. Hence the narration in Bukhari where the Sahaba claim he had strength of "thirty men." Don't let this confuse you about his affectionate nature, it does not make him any less humble ,affectionate or loving. If anything, it make him more of those things. Sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
Was salaam
So true sister faith i learn something new about are nabi's (AS) life everyday.
sister Rain you said your husband is loving caring ,he sounds very shy too and also maybe the pressure of not having children yet is affecting him to. talk about the way you are feeling and be very clear about your needs.
I do not believe this. Its sounds like nothing but a male chauvenistic fantasy.
Abu Az Zubair has spoken the truth.
The Messenger of Allah (May Allah's Peace be Upon Him) was given the strength of 40 men. Some nights, he would sleep with all his wives.
After sister Faith has given the proof, I think you should take this remark of your back.
These sort of ridiculing comments are unacceptable . I don't know why it is posted over here .
(Editor's note: this refers to a comment by SarahL that has been deleted).
You're right and I removed it. I have also placed SarahL on moderated status. I thought about banning her outright - since mocking our Prophet Muhammad (pubh) is deeply offensive and unacceptable. But she has posted useful comments in the past, so I'll give her a chance.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
did you remove my two other comments?
I did not. I've been away from the computer all day. Perhaps one of the other editors did. I'll look into it later tonight Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Everybody has a lot to learn about Islam .
SisterZ,
We are still waiting to hear from you.
I can only hope you have not chosen to 'ignore' this post intentionally instead of coming up front and taking back your words publically the way you uttered them?
I want to know why two replies posted by Abu Zubayr were deleted.
Faith, what is this "we" and why is it your concern? Abu-Az-Zubayr's comments have been published after being edited. They were originally removed because of a vulgar tone and some speculative comments that had no evidence. Abu Az-Zubayr is on permanently moderated status because some of his comments are thoughtful and helpful, while others are not. Are you now tying your boat to his?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael, it is a 'we' because I was not the only one who responded to her and awaiting a reply back.
It is my concern how the editors of this site behave, as long as they claim to be Muslim and im active on here too. Something incorrect was said about the deen - had it been the normal posters doing that, atleast you have the power to delete it. Whereas when an editor says it, it stays there and not only that, it is more influential coming from them. Especially if a non muslim reads it, who does not know any better. So it is important for the editors too to have the humility and accept their faults that they have publically expressed relating to the Deen.
The editors are not above the Shariah and law are they Wael?
"Are you now tying your boat to his?"
Is that supposed to be a threat or warning?
If for correcting an editor, wanting them to realise that with greater power comes greater responsibility and for wanting them to have the humility to accept wrong words that were publisheed relating to the deen - if for all this I am to be banned or moderated, or whatever, then Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah.I don't want to be a part of anyone/group/thing that prefers to misuse their power and conceal their faults.
Was salaam
We editors make mistakes like anyone else. Sometimes we correct each other, and sometimes the readers correct us. It's a learning process for everyone, Alhamdulillah. However we still must moderate some reader comments. If you cannot understand this, it's because you have not seen the many, many comments that we do not publish: comments that insult Allah and Islam, mock Muslims, insult other readers, etc. It's a lot of work and we do our best.
You did not see the unedited versions of the comments in question. The reason they were delayed, then published after being edited, is not because they corrected an editor. It was because of a generally vulgar tone in the comments. It's easy to sit back and complain and criticize when you don't have all the information.
Your remark about how the editors "claim to be Muslim" is very insulting and inappropriate. This is not the way for one Muslim to speak to another.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Of course I understand the need for comments to be moderated. In fact, it is one of the reasons why I really like this website. This is also why I asked why Abu zubairs comments were deleted - having not known then that it was yet to be moderated etc.
However brother I think you have missed the point I was trying to make. It is very well staying something the like of 'we all make mistakes' , however, it is another thing for the one who has publically uttered something wrong to then publically rectify that, and that too especially when they are more influential. And there is still no sign of that from SisterZ. I guess I had high expectations from the editors, and is not the first time I have realised how an editor here has chosen to ignore a readers post after being corrected.
As for what I said regarding 'claim to be Muslim', I did not mean to say it in an insulting manner and if it came across like that, which I understand it may seem like, then im sorry. But certainly, I wasnt trying to be insulting or sarcastic when I said that.
Was salaam
SisterZ has a full time job, and her laptop has not been working properly. But she can answer for herself when she returns. In general you should give your brothers and sisters the benefit of the doubt.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
First of all: Not every hadith about the holy Messenger is reliable. Many hadiths narrated e.g. by
Abu Hurairah are fabricated, and many hadiths in Bukhari are not 100%tly reliable and somehow
a contradiction to history. The holy prophet was not the "Sex god" astaghfirullah that people have
made of him, even Muslims. Just to prove my claim is not wrong: There is a hadith that states that
the prophet saw Zaynab bint Jahash in a nightgown, felt attracted to her and then said his
feelings towards her suddenly changed though the Prophet had known her all his life. Isn't that
ridiculous? Our holy Nabi lowered his gaze all the time and would have never met Zaynab bint
Jahash in a nightgown, let alone staring at her. Now this is a similar case. I don't deny that Allah
Ta'alah gave the holy Prophet a great sexual strength compared to normal men. But as he got married
out of political and social reasons,many of his wives were widowed and he had the duty to pray Salatul
Layl, Salatul Fajr and Maghrib and Isha, I think it is rather unlikely and outright impossible. Ok, in Islam
women have sexual rights, to look after them, to satisfy their needs. But looking after a woman doesn't simply
mean screwing her, it means asking about her needs, her health, her wishes, her concerns. And that
wouldn't be possible in one night, for so many women. As I mentioned earlier, our Nabi married those
women in order to give them shelter and protection, and not simply because of Sex. One of his older wives,
Sawda, even gave away her night to Aisha, as she was the older one. So if the Prophet went to his wives
every night, why did Sawda give her night to Aisha??
Is that logical?? I don't want to deny that Islam has a healthy relationship towards sex, but I deny that the
Prophet was a lusty men only following his desires, with a desire of 70 men or so. He looked after his wives'
rights, and that honours him, but even mentioning sexual details about his private life is somehow.....
distasteful. He honoured women and with them, their bodies. He didn't have an easy time with so many
wives. And he made monogamy a general rule and polygamy an exception.
Now coming back to the Sister, I think Islam has provided us with many many ways of solving sexual
problems. If we only knew and followed them, we wouldn't have this site which is doing such a wonderful
job in providing people with information.
Salaam,
"First of all: Not every hadith about the holy Messenger is reliable. Many hadiths narrated e.g. by
Abu Hurairah are fabricated, and many hadiths in Bukhari are not 100%tly reliable and somehow
a contradiction to history."
And who will judge which hadith is reliable and which isn't? Me, you or the scholars? As I have previously mentioned in my post - the scholars of ahlus sunnah wal jamaah, who are upon the 'authentic' version of deen - if thats how you want me to put it lol, they agree on this issue. So as for the issue of reliability of these various hadiths regarding this issue , not just one, they have been authenticated and accepted by classical and contemporary scholars alike. So we dont have a 'choice' in accepting it anymore. Khalas.
The hadith you have brought up about the nightgown etc ..Where do you find that? In the saheehayn? No.
Imaam Bukhari personally spoke about the unreliability of some narrators of this so called hadith. Please dont undermine hadith or its scholars by comparing accepted sahih hadiths that the likes of Imam Bukhaari spent all their life searching to filter from the false ones. Dont compare a narration that has been rejected by the credible scholars to one that has been accepted by all. This narration is a very weak one - both in Isnaad (chain of narrators) and Matn (text).
"As I mentioned earlier, our Nabi married those
women in order to give them shelter and protection, and not simply because of Sex"
And what has that got to do with him having relationship with all of them? Seriously...why are people thinking that if the prophet had sex with all of his wives in the same night, that makes him a bad husband??
Come on sisters, wake up. I'v heard of men who only have one wife yet they enjoy having sexual relationship with their wife a good 6/7 times in one night! An ordinary man with ordinary strength can do it that many times with one woman in the same night, yet nobody ever thinks of him as a being the bad husband who doesnt realise his duty or that it makes him a less affectionate man.
Yet the prophet of God, who has 9 different woman and sleeps once with each of them in the same night, that too sometimes, and he was given extra strength by Allah (which you say you accept)....so why do you find this fact so hard to swallow?
It doesn't make sense.
Why are you talking about rasoolallah s.a.w honouring women etc? Why would this action of His be in any way against that? Both are true and do not contradict each other, he honoured his wives and he slept with them. There is no rule in the Shariah that says in order to honour your wife, you have to make sure you dedicate the whole night only to her.
"but even mentioning sexual details about his private life is somehow.....
distasteful. He honoured women and with them, their bodies"
So Aisha (r.a.)'s actions and words were "somehow....distasteful" ? Please be careful about what you say. You are talking about Ummul mimineen, someone that has been given the respect and status of beign called our 'mother' and part of Ahlul Bait.
Do you know how much fiqh, knowledge and rulings are deduced from the hadiths we have gathered from Rasooallah s.a.w's wife that talks of their sexual life? Of course, it is not graphic and does not go into detail - because his wives knew the restrictions and limits better than you or me. They knew this information was necessary and they did not optionally disclose certain information for pleasure purposes. Our Deen is a complete way of life and it wouldn't have been had it not been clear about sexual issues too.
Plus, if certain certains of his private life were not narrated, what else would have brought you to the conclusion of how he 'honoured women with their bodies"??
Unfortunately. by day I see the rejection of certain hadiths (or parts of the deen that seem not too pleasant to our liking) becoming more and more common.
Lets try to inshallah atleast accept every part of Deen, including the 'undesirable' ones, and prefer them over what our hearts desire, when proof comes to us that it is from the Deen- Ameen.
Was salaam
jannah
"There is a hadith that states that
the prophet saw Zaynab bint Jahash in a nightgown, felt attracted to her and then said his
feelings towards her suddenly changed though the Prophet had known her all his life. Isn't that
ridiculous?"
the authentic/strong ahadeeth/stories are as crystal clear from the weak ones just as the sun is crealer than other stars.
the ahadeeth which talk about the prophet[saww] seeing sayyidah mother zayban and falling in love with her are weak, for a number of reasons.
1st of all, they have no srtong chain of narration, they are in books like al-waaqidi, majmuu'-as-sagheer etc.
2nd of all, the prophet[saww] gave mother zayban to sayyidnaa zayd in marraige himself, he was her wali, so if the prophet[saww] liked her, what was stopping him from marrying, why would he give her to his freed-slave if his heart was stained with her love.
those ahadeth contradict this reality.
that is why they can easily be prooven weak.
but as for those ones in bukhaari.they are the most authentic/strong ahadeeth on the face of this planet.
imaam al muhaadith al 'allaamah bukhaari memorised over 100 000 strong/authentic ahadeeth , the strongest, most authentic seven thousand he has placed in his saheeh, jaami' munsad, mukhtasar [aka saheeh bukhaari].
all of the scholars of the past have unanimously agreed that saheeh bukhaari is the most authentic book after the book of Allaah.
you wanna know how strict bukhaari was in his collecting.
one night, he travelled from hijaaz, aaaaaaall the way to northers 'iraaq, just just just to hear one single narration from the messenger of Allaah.
so after a loooooong, tiring, thursty, dusty, sweaty journey, after 3 months, he reached for his destination, and asked for the man who was carrying the ahadeeth, so he slept in his house and was warmly welcomed.
but in the middle of the night, Allaah chose that he wake up to see the man who he came to hear the hadeeth from, beating/laughing at his donkey, a mere donkey, and bukhaari left that same night, without the man knowing, and said he did not even want to hear the hadeeth from this man.
he would finish the whole qur'aan in two rak'ahs, and pray istikhaarah before placing every single one of those ahadeeth in his mustakhar.
the conclusion is that if every single hadeeth in bukhaari is not authentic, then there has never been, will never be an authentic hadeeth on this planet.
fear Allaah, and dont be a hadeeth rejecter, and fear Allaah and appreciate and thank Allaah that he created bukhaari/ahmad, muslim etc
Dear Brother Faith,
you are a man and there might me many hadith favouring women that are very often not to men's liking.
Then I hear the brothers complaining and screaming. But never mind, I am not here to say something
against the Umm ul Momineen and its not my level to do that. I think that everybody who has a common
sense should know that the prophet dealt with sexuality in a civilized way- and that everything that opposes
that fact - may it be from the mouth of one of the Umm ul Momineen or not- is therefore a lie. I never said
Bukhari in general is a bad source, but there is a subject called science of hadith- which can be studied.
Subhanallah, that there are brothers who enjoy themselves with their wives in one night- may Allah increase
their energy. I have only said that Rassul can have never slept with all of them in the same night- this is
an accusation. Sawda gave her night to Aisha- you haven't commented anything on that. I know that
Aisha may Allah be pleased with her has said a lot about her sexual relations with the prophet. But I think
we know at the same time that the prophet always made ghusul before he went to pray and he would
have never had intercourse and then perfom namaz without wudhu. Aisha even said many of the women
of the Muslims were circumcised(mutilated) which is not a practised tradition in Arabia and that it is
mustahab. My greatest respect for lady Aisha, but do you honestly believe hadiths can't be fabricated
or changed during history??? Especially for the benefit of men? One example: Nowadays in Egpyt, they
cirumcise girls(khitaan) and remove their clitoris in clinics. In order to find a compromise, the scholars of
Al-Azhar(enough of them)have permitted this barbaric act and said:
Narrated by Bukhari: Umm Salamah was walking in Medina with the holy prophet. The prophet asked: Are
you still doing what you used to do? Umm Salamah replied: Yes I do. The prophet answered: Take off a bit,
but not too much. Neither the word clitoris nor female organ was mentioned in that hadith. It could have
been a beard, they took it from Bukhari and now many scholars including Bilal Philipps say removing
a small part of the female organ is mustahab and good for some girls to preserve their chastity.
And concerning Zeynab bint Jahash, that's Bukhari too. I don't say it was a lie that he was able to do that,
I only say that its not very likely it was his daily or nightly routine and main function as a caring husband .
The reduction of the prophet Muhammad to a lusty man only interested in sex( and nothing else!!!!!) is
a historical distortion and reduces this great personality to his multiple marriages. I'm bored with this. He
was a great companion, leader in warfare, father, environmentalist, animal lover, reformer, yet one thing
should make us think: That the Christians who portrayed him in a negative way and made a man of lust
of Muhammad, to the extent that our Nabi was portrayed as an epileptic on church paintings in the 12th and
13th century, used our sources.
Sister Jannah, you are mixing in some intelligent comments with errors. The false allegation made against the Prophet (pbuh) that he married Zaynab bint Jahsh after seeing her and developing an attraction to her, is false. It is a fabrication. It is not narrated in Al-Bukhari. Saheeh Al-Bukhari is the most rigorously authenticated collection of hadith.
It's very important to distinguish between authenticated (saheeh) hadith and weak or fabricated hadith. A saheeh hadith cannot be rejected just because you don't like the sound of it. Instead we need to open our minds and see the possible explanations of what was said.
I know how the Shiah think about Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her); are you implying that she was a liar? I will not allow anyone to insult or demean any of the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them all) on this website.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister, may God help you. You seem extremely confused. You mention all that to me about hadith, bukhari , Aisha and her narrations etc..and then you say - " there is a subject called science of hadith- which can be studied"
All I will say is 1) yes follow your own advice inshallah and definitely try to increase your knowledge on the science of Hadith and 2) I am a sister.
was salaam
Asalamoalaikum,
I don’t mean to divert from the initial question posted, but after reading these replies with evidence given from hadiths of our prophet sleeping with all 9 wives in one night, I just don’t know how to interpret this. I truly love and adore our prophet PBUH, but feel shocked as to how this is possible, just in terms of physically having that stamina to engage in sexual activity 9xs throughout the night? Moreso, I just don’t understand how a man can engage in a sexual act with 9 different women in one night and for it to be called love, and not lust? How is it humanly possible to be sexually intimate with 9 different women and love them all? Isn't this being lusftul?
I sincerely apologize for asking this question. I’m in NO way going against our prophet PBUH’s teaching, I’m just very curious now and feel kind of upset reading those hadits (I honestly don’t know why? Maybe because it goes against the norm in society of sleeping with so many women/men, and it’s considered dirty and wrong?). Please do not take my post in a negative way; I just really want someone to give me a proper, educated answer in regards to this issue. I’d highly appreciate it.
JazakAllah Khayr.
-Helping Sister
I would suggest that this be made into a separate post where it can be addressed properly. A brief answer though, when speaking of lust, remember that these were his wives. His sexual relations with them were lawful, and like all lawful things it is a form of ibadah. There is nothing dirty about a man being with his wife. In the case of the Prophets, it is often the case that Allah strengthened them and made them able to do things that others cannot. The Messenger of Allah (sws) was not an excessively lustful person, as we know from the fact that he remained married only to Khadijah (ra), who was 15 years his senior, as long as she lived. Therefore his actions must have had a different motivation; in this case, it was probably to give his wives their rights to intimacy and satisfaction.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hmm, I guess you're right. His motivation probably would have been to give them all their rights so none of them felt that they were being treated indifferently.
JazakAllah khayr, brother.
-Helping Sister
Dear Wael, I didn't mean to insult Lady Aisha I rather think that many hadiths referring to Aisha were
fabricated by others in the chain of hadith, similar to Bukhari's hadith.
The reason why I don't believe in the reliability of this hadeeth is the knowledge I have about his
character and the reduction of Rassul Allah to his mere sexuality. This is very very sad.
Dear Rain,
I'm suffering exactly the same problem as you. I have a lovely wonderful and loving muslim man but he didn't make love to me unless I obliged him to by "acting as a man in bed" unfortunately since I hated to do it.
He never really refused me but I didn't feel feminine when doing it so and just did it when I couldn't control myself any longer. The problem is that he always ejaculates within 5 minutes often just when I touch or kiss him and even before penetration.
This is a sexual disease or disorder called "PREMATURE EJACULATION" and is quite common specially for men that have repressed their sexual feelings their whole life. There are many reasons for this disorders both biological and psycological but this problem is causing lack of confidence to our husbands and makes them afraid not being able to perform well and therefore prefers to avoid sex to not have the feeling of not being a man.
There is help to get and many find the cure with the right help. After 3 years, I finally I convinced my husband to go the doctor and we started to resolve the problem . First of all he got sexual education and they teached him how to control himself (they also teached me how to help him the best way). There is also sprays to buy in pharmacy like stud100 that delay ejaculation. We started with it and bit by bit he learned that he could actually enjoy sex without feeling ashamed or afraid to ejaculate to fast.
Please if you have more questions I would be glad to help you more.
I Had your problem, we the help of God resolved it and now I'm happily expecting a baby.
Use the scientific knowledge that is out there!!
Best wishes
May God bless your marriage
Sofia
alhamdulillaah your problem was solved and may you have many good/strong children
It is really unfortunate to see that the concept of feminism and western ideas have penetrated so deep into the minds of our sisters that they now find the Messenger of Allah's sleeping with all his wives in one night to be 'male chauvinistic', 'shocking', or 'extremely hard to except'.
Islam should be accepted as it is. Take it as it is and preach it as it is. But now a days, many people accept only the portions of Islam that fit with their own whims and desire, and twist the portion that they do not like or simply refuse it by questioning the authenticity of hadith.
In fact, a new academic group has emerged who says Abu Huraira's chain of narrations are false and fabricated. This new academic group consists of professors who teaches theology in western universities. Although these people appear to be Muslim, their nifaq is so apparent that even a baby can understand that they are clear HYPOCRITES. They know that Islam is based on the Quran and the Sunnah and they also know that if they can destroy the sunnah somehow, they can destroy Islam. And their heinous plot will be half realized if they can make people believe that Abu Huraira's narrations are fabricated, because Abu Huraira narrated more than 5000 hadiths of the Messenger of Allah. But does anyone know about the hunger and hardships Abu Huraira endured just to spend time with the Messenger of Allah?
Just to give an example of such academic scholar: Mr Reza Aslan. This munafiq does not even say PBUH after taking the name of the Messenger of Allah. Such is his audacity and such is his nifaq. It is now upto us if we should follow these munafiqs and abandon the classical scholars.
Wow, I ask a single question and you twist it around and portray me as a feminist or a person who’s so assimilated with the Western culture and their ideologies. Mind you, asking questions is by no means wrong in Islam. It increases your knowledge and the whispers that shaitaan tries to instil within us get cleared also. That's exactly what I was doing. It's a shame that our own Muslim brothers and sisters do not give others to ask educated questions just for clarification purposes and to clear misconceptions.
I know Islam is a way of life and should be followed entirely, not in bits or strands. I didn't state anywhere that I am against polygamy. Yes, I do not prefer it as most women do not (because it would be extremely difficult for me to accept my husband having any sort of relations with another woman) but that does not mean that I do not accept Allah swt's command. As a Muslimah I have as much right to ask and educate myself regarding my religion, even when it comes to things that make me feel uncomfortable at times. I am human, therefore do not know Allah swt's rationale as to why He ordained this world to function in a certain way, but people who have more Islamic knowledge than me are supposed to help us less informed people.
In a nutshell, if asking questions makes me a "feminiest" or an "assimilated Westerner" in your eyes, I couldn't care less. I asked a question to clear my own misconceptions and Br. Wael didn't put me on moderated status; maybe because my question was asked for the sole purpose of enhancing my knowledge and not spreading hatred about the our prophet PBUH or religion? Nor did he take any offence to it? I think that’s something you think about, also.
-Helping Sister
To be honest, I was not personally replying to your post. I talked generally and if you have taken offense, I apologize.
helpingsister
the prophet[saww] passed all his youth-hood with an old woman [ra], he [saww] lived with her for over 25 years, and he was fully satisfied with her[ra], he did not marry anyone else, nor did he buy any slaves, so the prophet[saww] was not overcome by his desire in anyway whatssoever.
he was the most controlled, discipled human Allaah has placed on this earth along with other messengers.
but when he married alot of other women in his old age, Allaah gave him the extra strenght to fullfill his desire and his responsibility as a husband.
also, please make a subconcience difference between having sex with haraam women, and having sex with halaal women, ie wives.
having sex with haraam women is dirt, filthy, cause of disease, but a muslim sleeping with his 4 wives is nothing but worship to Allaah and obedience to him and getting closer to him.
did you not know that sayyidnaa sulaymaan slept with 100 of his women in one night?
you shouldnt think of anything wrong with this as they were halaal for him.
that is why Allaah made the man and the woman.
hayaakallaah.
So unfortunate yet so true.
stranger and sister faith.
i understand and agree with all that you say.
but i think you should be a bit more carefull in the way which you convey the messenge to other muslims/muslimahs and dont take it so hard on them.
ofcourse somethings like "male chauvanistic fantasy" are completely out of order, but you should understand that some of those sisters may have been brought up in the west which may effect their thinking to a certain degree, it is inevitable, some might even be reverts and may find at as a shock.
so asking would not be such a big problem, and finding it hard to swollow may also not be a suprise.
if a woman was brought up here in saudi, that would be another case.
I am so speechless, that even if the prophet enjoyed sex, you allow yourself to claim that he slept with 11
wives in the same night. When did he pray his night prayer??????????????????????????
What about foreplay? Did he leave that out? I am sorry but why do you allow yourself that right to
claim that about the prophet?? You have read my hadith about circumcision, dear Ummah, wake up!!!!
It is not your problem or concern if the Messenger of Allah had foreplay or prayed the night prayer. You have got a bigger problem and that is you do not want to accept the hadith narrated by Abu Huraira.
Salaam everyone.
Why are we further engaging in a debate about this issue on the sisters post. Lets not turn this post into something with many comments, with only a few related to the original post. We have all made our points, Alhumdulilah so why continue. Arguing over such things is counterproductive, and only creates divisions and earns us sins if we are disrespectful. If it was a debate over ibaadah then maybe it would be justified but otherwise why does it effect us if the Prophet SAW had relations with 9 of wives in one night or he didn't.
We know that the Rasool SAW was the best to his wives and he was fair and loving. Khalaas. that is enough for us to know and frankly its irrelevant and certainly not worth arguing over.
Remember as Muslims we should respect one another, give each other the benefit of the doubt and remember our intention should not be to prove ourselves right and others wrong but to learn from each other. This goes to myself first and foremost and all here. Have kindness and adab please on this forum and abide by the rules here. Furthermore don't assume. There are many new questions to be answered so for now please check those.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Good reminder, thank you Sara.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i apologize for openning up this who discussion by mentioning the simple fact that the prophet[saww] slept with all his wives in one night, and that prophet sulaymaan[as] slept with 100 women in one night.
it caused alot of controversy and people saying dangerous things about the prophets [as].
but alhamdulillaah, atleast we learnt something about the life of the prophet[saww] and also prophet sulaymaan[as.
Dear Sara, you are a very humble woman alhamdulillah and mashallah you are so right, let everyone
hold his or her opinion. Stranger, I have never said all hadiths from Abu Hurairah are wrong. History
says that Umar ibn al Khatab wipped him twice because of certain untrue things he said about the Nabi.
That's all. I was referring to circumcision. But I agree with Sara it is not really relevant. All that is relevant is
that Muslims don't fight each other.
Jazakallah
I do not believe for a second that 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab (ra) whipped Abu Hurayrah (ra), or that Abu Hurayrah ever lied against the Prophet (pbuh). Please bring your evidence for this. If you are relying on Shi'ah sources then it's probably best to check before saying anything about the Sahabah. Many of the Shi'ah consider almost all the Sahabah to have become apostate after the death of the Prophet, except for Ahl-ul-Bayt, Salman Al-Farisi (ra), Abu-Dharr (ra) and a few others; all others are rejected by them; so you cannot take what the Shi'ah say about the Sahabah as fact. I like you Sister Jannah, I think that your comments generally show an intelligent, common-sense approach; so please be careful with these other matters.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com
I did a little research and verified for myself that the claims made by a few selected Shi'ah writers against Abu Hurayrah (ra) are false. The motivation of those who created such lies are clear: Abu Hurayrah is the single most prolific narrator of hadith accepted by the Sunnis, so if he can be undermined, then one of the foundation of Sunni jurisprudence can be knocked away. Furthermore, some Shi'ah believe (mistakenly) that Abu Hurayrah sided with Muawiyah against 'Ali (ra); so they resent him. In fact, he removed himself from the dispute and took no side.
Sunni scholars consider Abu Hurayrah to be one of the most trustworthy narrators of hadith.
There was an incident when Abu Hurayrah and a few other youths were in the masjid when the Prophet passed by. Abu Hurayrah made a supplication saying: "O Lord, I ask You... for knowledge which will not be forgotten."
"The Prophet, peace be on him, said: 'Ameen.' The others then said, 'And we (too) ask Allah for knowledge which will not be forgotten", and the Prophet replied: 'The Dawsi youth (Abu Hurayrah) has asked for this before you."
And in fact Abu Hurayrah was known for his incredibly precise memory.
Once Marwan ibn al-Hakam wanted to test Abu Hurayrah's power of memory. He sat with him in one room and behind a curtain he placed a scribe, unknown to Abu Hurayrah, and ordered him to write down whatever Abu Hurayrah said. A year later, Marwan called Ab u Hurayrah again and asked him to recall the same ahadith which the scribe had recorded. It was found that he had forgotten not a single word.
Speaking of lies, among the hadiths narrated by Abu Hurayrah (ra) are the following:
1. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays that trust.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 33; Muslim, 59)
2. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever tells lies about me, let him take his place in Hell.” (narrated by al-Bukhari, 110; Muslim, 3).
These some of the most famous hadith about lying; and they were transmitted by Abu Hurayrah.
May Allah be pleased with him and reward him.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Sara is right in her comment above, we all got a little off track from the original post, and all this argumentation is not productive. Since this post has received many replies, I am closing it to further comments. Jazakum Allah khayr, may Allah reward you all for your time and input.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor