Is it OK to want to marry a married man?
aoa.
I liked a man but he got married to some other girl. He is very pious and virtuous. I want to be with him in this world and hereafter as well.
Can I keep praying to get married to him if Allah wills? I don't pray anything bad for his current wife.
Is it jaiz or halaal for me to pray to get married to him?
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Asalaam alaikum,
It's only permissible to pray for something halal, so in this case, while your prayer maybe technically alright in praying to be a second wife, you should not wish that his marriage dissolves so that you can marry him.
The first thing is to pray for the strength of his fist marriage because it is only through those means that he will be able to justly take a second wife. Second, would be to pray for forbearance and guidance in seeking a husband and then, for Allah (swt) to bring you the best husband, which may not be this man. It could be that he is nothing like you imagine, not to slander him, but that if he took a second wife, his iman may suffer, but Allah (swt) knows best.
You also need to properly assess why you still want this man. Is in infatuation, envy or maybe lust, rather than what is allowed and sincere? Could you accept being a second wife? How do you think this would affect his first marriage? How do you think a discussion about this would affect his wife, etc? In fact, unless you know he is looking for second wife, I would recommend that you stop thinking about him. Unless you have the proper avenue to ask his wife, you should not fantasize or romanticize these feelings of yours'.
It is apparent that you want to be married, but you need to determine your honest feelings. Make dua, purify your intentions and give plenty of time to think this over. Remember that the smallest misstep in this situation could ruin you, him and his marriage. Please tread lightly.
If he is recently married, this would be a plain burden for them, too. Also, it could be that in your zeal for wanting him, you may be overlooking someone who is better suited for you.
May Allah (swt) give you the best spouse, whomever he may be.
salaam.
It is your right to have a good man sister, whether he is married or not..
You should approach him modestly and ask him if he can marry you, because as well as making dua, you must do you bit also.
A woman can approach a man, it is from the Sunnah of the prophet[saww], a woman once proposed to him.
I hope inshallaah that you marry this man, and i hope his wife is a woman who fears A l l a a h and will not cause problems.
A love your responses abu azubair, i always do. You always response they way a man should, and you hardly make your own opinion, you advice the way a real believer in islam should and you always advice base on the koran and sunnah. I hope brother wael would remove you from 'moderate status'
your advice sounds very cold a women does not need to except it if her has a second wife!
it is halal to marry a married man but you shouldn't pray for him to leave his first wife. sister try and put yourself in his wife's shoes
how would you feel if another women was gazing at your husband?
would you be happy to share your secrets ,your personal things with him?
if the couple got married recently they are probably still trying to get to know each other if you get in the middle you might destroy what they have?
if they have children this could affect the children try and look at the bigger picture?
how will they cope financially ,emotionally and psychologically?
how is it going to affect their marital relationship?
he may not feel the same way about you?
many women in polygamous marriages struggle and as a result get a divorce. if your single you should practice monogamy first the prophet practised monogamy first he married khadijah and he was with her for 25 years until he died he remarried? sister your still very young you can marry a single Muslim man who has the same qualities that this man has remember Allah has already chosen your spouse he has already decided who your future spouse you just haven't met him yet.
don't you mean she died after 25 years of marriage!
Salaam sister.
I don't think it would be haraam to make dua for Allah swt to bring you together as husband and wife provided you are not making a bad dua. So not making dua for his first marriage to dissolve.
There is nothing wrong with you being a second wife if you so wish, but please be aware it has to work from all sides (he has to be able and willing to support a second wife etc. And for your own peace of mind, his wife should be at least somewhat in agreement. This is not a strict requirement but it saves marital problems later on.)
Practically speaking though dear sister, why not make a better dua? Why not ask Allah swt to help you marry this guy, if it is best for you. This way you are putting your trust in Allah swt and you are not clinging to hope. Sometimes making dua for a person is detrimental because we are feeding our feelings. In some cases no matter how pious/nice the person is or how much we love them, they are simply not good for us so Allah swt won't ordain it. Let me give you an example - its not related to a brother, it's related to a course. There is a course that I really wanted to do for a long time. It is usually expensive but this year it's free, Alhumdulilah! So straight away I wanted to pray for Allah swt to please please let me make it on this course. But I didn't and it was hard. Instead I prayed for Allah swt to let me get the course if it's good for me, and if it's not good for me then to make me lose interest in it. Alhumdulilah I still got the course. This has now given me the confidence to trust that there is some good in it for me InshaAllah. Please do pray for me - its a tough course!
The point is dear sister, put your trust in Allah and do istikhaarah. If you must pray to marry this man then ask for him, if he is best for you. Because really we don;t know. How many times do we pray for something we want so much, get it and realise that it's caused us so much bad. Pray, put your trust in Allah swt. I pray that Allah swt gives you the best spouse.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
their is nothing wrong with it but you shouldn't be looking at your non-mah ram as it is sinful? you need to look at things from her perspective? how it will affect her marital relationship? you need to start thinking about more realistically? someone might like something but it may not be good for them? sometimes we make decisions that may not affect us but it may affect others for example it may be extremely painful for his wife to see her husband with another women you may not understand because your not in her position some of women/men enter polygamy without realising the repercussions involved. The prophet entered polygamy at the age of 50 to protect the women not for carnal desires you shouldn't marry someone just because you have feelings for them think about the long term affects its going to have on their life! try and understand why Allah has allowed polygamy and the wisdom behind the verses why Allah allowed polygamy in the first place.
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Polygyny does break up families and makes some women and children miserable - also some men, when all is said and done. Some women are okay with it because they want freedom and don't want a man around full time anyway, and some find it titillating to compete with someone else for a man's attention. I'm basing this on discussions I've had with other women.
I think everyone would be better served if you backed off. If this man chose another girl, that should tell you where you stand. He could have asked for both of you if he felt equipped for that. Take a clue from this.
The verses in the Qur'an that deal with polygyny deal with a specific set of circumstances, which I don't believe exist today - namely, managing the property of orphans. Having grown up in the 20th century, it's hard to know exactly what those circumstances were. Unless you are fully able to explain this, you should probably back off and pray for Allah to find you the kind of man you want. They're out there. I have one. If my husband had wanted to take a second wife when we were younger, I was probably more equipped to deal with that than a lot of women, because my first husband cheated on me constantly and I got used to it. Halal or not, second wife or a girlfriend, it's all the same to the first wife and her children.
In any case, polygyny is a serious issue and not to be taken lightly. The Prophet did say you only have one heart so you cannot deal justlly will more than one wife, even though you may want to. This kind of puts a damper on the exhuberance of it all. I really hope you find someone else.
salam,
advice from a person who has been in a polygamous marriage for 3ys now n whose life is hell, i married my husband,a pious good nice man, after he had the consent from his 1st wife....but who started changing her mind at the last minute creating loads of problems for everybody...i was innocently brought into this mess....him having his islamic reasons to get a second wife proposed to me n came to my country of origin to ask 4 my hand....as i said he is the best husband ....but at other times when there is so much stress from the other wife ...everything just goes wrong and gets really bad n says things that upset me and hurt me ...thinking why the hell did i get myself into this mess? why could i not find a single man and be happy ...all i wanna say to u is take ur time n don't rush ...find ur own man....and save urself a lot of heartache n pain.
gd luck
thank you all for your advice , its been an year and half now, but i cant keep him out of my mind.there have been other proposals but i always think i cant be happy with them rather i would make a mess of other peoples lives . it keeps me from deciding anything. the thing is i still appreciate him , all the manners and good ways he had. and it makes me really bitter that i cant be a part of him and his life. Allah knows the best but i still want him . still dont know what to do
You must certainly get off this relationship if you do not want to be a home-wrecker , a misery upon misery!!!!! I have been studying Islam for some years now . My first intent was to find fault with it , but I'm beginning to like it!
I have found that though polygamy was not out of norm for men in early -Islamic era and even much earlier , it was mainly decided by very basic survival factors other than the real family making.
people were always under constant threats of war , slavery , diseases that ,at times, took great tall on male members of tribes leaving women vulnerable and unguarded. Then ,in such grave circumstances ,men naturally agreed to care for more than one woman.
Throughout the history of early Islam , we can clearly find out that the Prophet of Islam had married some women of famous tribes just to be able to hold the bond of brotherhood and unification among early believers and said "marriage is my sunnah , tradition , and you believers should follow me"
I'm now sure that he knew homosexuality would plague majority of human nations in the far future then! God bless him the richest !!
Back to polygamy , God , in Kuran , says that do not leave one woman on her own and ......
and most of the times He ends the verses on marriage with more than one women as such : " He is forgiving - or qafour in Arabic !!!pronunciation ". And why HE SAYS QAFOUR if it is not a PROBLEM????? It is PROBLEMATIC AND A SIN if you STEP ON a woman's trust and all her self-respect feeding the idea into her that she COULD NOT BE good enough for you!!!
Men hate being cheated on , on the same plane women do so!!!
Muslims ,ever since, have deliberately avoided to interpret that last part of the verse as it might have been within their desire to be polygamous! and decontextualized interpretations of such verses have ever been attended to while , on the contrary to what they may think ,polygamy , slavery, infidelity and all that break trust among people and shatter dignity and respect among them can be considered sins that must be avoided and in case they avoid them ,God is merciful and Qafour !!!
Assalamualikum, I am Zayna and i got nikahfied but rukhsati is not happened yet. Its been one year passsed of my Nikah, I am in long distance relationship and my husband's behavior is not good, I do no like him at all and do not want to live with him. I want to marry other person. Can I pray to Allah to get married to other man by making circumstances favourable, when I am in nikah already? Please guide me on this. Thank you. Jazakallah.
Asalamualaykum Zayna,
Are you having a relationship with this other man while your husband is abroad, or are you living with your husband and having this long-distance relationship with this other person? Your post is a little unclear.
If you are already in a relationship with another guy, you must end it immediately before proceeding with a proper divorce for appropriate reasons.
You can of course make dua for anything, but Allah will not grant it if it is something haram. While you are in a marriage with your husband, you must focus on that marriage or get a divorce. Only then should you think of this.
Nor
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