IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

I converted to Islam last November and in the first couple months was learning and praying, but then past friends and family filled me with question and I began to behave in haram ways, drinking sometimes, and wanting to go out, I can only blame this on myself and Shaytan..  Also once converted I had an Islamic marriage with my then boyfriend at the time who is also Muslim..  I was filled with a lot of emotion, confusion, etc. as everything seemed so new..  I was living with him in Egypt, and still not so sure how an Islamic wife should behave, and when he told me to it was haram to wear bikinis, or go anywhere without him knowing a rebelled since I was not used to it and couldn't just change over night.

. Anyhow, after about 5 months we parted, not getting a divorce, but I moved to the States, with the plan that we would apply for the K-1 VISA and he would join..  Then later on after getting ready to move and work in Florida, already having contacted attorneys and saving money for the VISA he tells me he never wanted to do this in the first place, that I pushed him and he just said what I wanted to hear so I would not cry and get overlly emotional as he says I do..  I was heart broken and lost..  He blames me for leaving him, says a wife would never do such an act, etc..  It was haram of me I know, but it has happened, and now. I am trying to fix it as we want to be together..  It is May now, and I am working in a job in Florida and they know I am planning to leave at the end of the summer..  I am moving back to Egypt in Sept..  to be with my husband..  I just need to save money and at the same time find someone to take over my lease.

. I have made many mistakes...and I know, and by Allah's blessing I have been praying, meeting many sisters in Florida, studying the Quran every day, and starting to dress in a much more appropriate way towards Islam..  There is no longer any doubt in my heart that my path is toward's Allah, Humduallah, I was blessed.. 

. But I miss my husband terribly..  Sometimes he gets so angry with me when I get sad, or just wish he would email or text me more, or just, be there more..  He says he cannot completely be nice to me all the time b/c he can't see me but only knows through words how I am behaving..  He loves me, I know, but I'm afraid that maybe it is not enough. Emotionally he can hurt me a lot, and tells me when I cry I am a freak, or to not turn psycho on him..  When he's angry he can say very mean things, keeps reminding me of all I did wrong, and he was not always a saint too..  I get so sad by this and well, I feel I really need him in my life and to be with him.. 

. Maybe I am acting too emotional...how is a Muslim wife supposed to be?.  Am I supposed to keep my fears, my feelings, my sadness to myself, and not let him know...always put on a happy face?.  I always thought a husband and wife would hold each other up and listen unjudgementally when one was down..  I do this for him, even when he is angry, and says horrible things to me, I just listen and try to pick him up again..  Perhaps I should seek professional help like he says to me sometimes, or just talk to fellow sisters?. 

I don't know, so my questoin, as a Muslimah wife should I not expect that kind of emotional support from my husband?