His wife is threatening suicide if I marry him
Asalam alaikum,
I'm very confused very much tensed..I pray to allah mashallah offer namaz 5 times but I feel my prayers are not heard or may be I have commit lot of sins in my life...I was working with an automobile company I fell in love with a guy and that man was also in love with me he gave a marriage proposal but they were in lot of hurry and we wanted time he got married because of his family pressure but we couldnt stop ourselves we carried our relationship. He planned to divorce his wife but then again because of family pressure and his wife family forced him that if he'll do such thing than they'll take legal actions related to dowry etc..
His wife's family came to my place misbehaved with my family then after lot of pressure we decided we'll marry we had a hidden and a proper nikhah and my family came to know about it both the families got involved and my father took fatwah from nadwa. He asked me to write on a paper I wont meet him and asked the boy to write that he gives talak to me and our families asked us not to see each other again we met and we both are very much involved with each other we have all kind of relations between us lot of molvi maulanas to help us all in vain we didnt part after a time we decided we should part there is no future...
He said I hav done a mistake my wife can expect a baby I am sorry for what I did I felt my life is finished for one month we didnt talk or met each other..after that we again came in touch we tried a lot to stay away but we can't...now we have decided that we'll try to convince our families that a man can have two wives we both will ask our families that we want to get married with everybodys permission..
He'll come to talk to my father and he had a word with his family regarding this but again his wife is not ready shes saying she'll attempt sucide if he'll do such thing we are so tensed what to do how we can convince our families and his wife shes is not ready to excet me as his wife please tell me any dua any wazifa so that we can convince everyone for our second marriage and we can live our life together because I can't marry anyone..please help me..
Update: Asalamkm..
i haven received any answer of my previous mail...please help me..i want to know how can I convince my family and how can he convince his family and his first wife for our another marriage we cant live without each other..since I had a hidden nikah earlier with him and all the relations after our families separated us I cant marry any other person I cant and his first wife says she'll commit sucide if he'll marry me she cant except me as his second wife..please tell me any dua so thatwe can convince our families and his wife for our marriage..
Allahafiz..
-S********
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asalamu alaikum,
after readin this i dont even know what to say. you said " he got married because of his family pressure but we couldnt stop ourselves we carried our relationship? " it seems to me you people are treating marriage as some kind of a joke. firstly dating is haram on islam but doin that with a married man is far worse.
you also said " please tell me any dua any wazifa so that we can convince everyone for our second marriage and we can live our life together? " there is no such du'a that will convince anyone.
so i suggest you leave him alone, repent and dont make the same mistake again.
ma salama
Assalam-Alekum,
Sister, you look like a person who is obsessed with someone and has lost the ability to distinguish between right and wrong. Sister you are divorced from this man. There is no way possible that you can marry this man again. The only way for a divorced couple to get married again is if the woman gets married to another man(not with the intention to get divorce from him) and in the natural progression of their relationship she gets divorce. In such scenario the woman can get married to her husband which gave her divorce in first place.
Sister, even if your families are convinced, you guys cannot do the nikah again. I think you should let this matter go. If you and this man could not get together there was something good in that. But you still didn't agree for what was in your fate and decided to marry secretly with him. Which also didn't pan out and you were divorced. Now you are still involved with this man. Sister, how much to-and-fro you want to go in your life. Your life is still at the same point when this man's family proposed you. I don't know how much time has passed. But you are stuck in a movement, even after having a relationship with this man and getting married to him and getting divorce.
Sister, please come out of this movement. None of us get exactly in our life what we want. Please close this chapter and move on. Try to think about it objectively. You are making so much prayers and duas and you are so worried about your relationship with this man. Have you ever wondered if you had made these prayers and duas for your relationship with Allah(s.w.t.) may be you had gotten all the best things in this world and hereafter.
regards,
Concerned, I agree with your advice, but you are incorrect about the issue of not being able to marry again. You wrote, "There is no way possible that you can marry this man again. The only way for a divorced couple to get married again is if the woman gets married to another man (not with the intention to get divorce from him) and in the natural progression of their relationship she gets divorced."
Actually this is true only after the third divorce. But this couple have been divorced only once, so there is no prohibition against marrying again. We have to be careful not to make declarations about matters of fiqh unless we are very well versed in the subject. Aside from this, I agree with everything you wrote.
To Sister S, I'm not suggesting that you should marry this man. Actually I agree with Ahmed. Both parties have behaved irresponsibly and sinfully, and have failed at every step to take responsibility for your actions and their lives.
Sister S, you wrote, "we cant live without each other". This is the biggest lie and is the source of all your problems. Because you think you cannot live without each other, you are willing to lie, cheat, and commit sins. But the truth is that you CAN live without each other. Your hearts will not stop beating, your lungs will not stop breathing. It may be painful but you will get over it.
The man made a CHOICE. He married another woman, and had a child with her. That was his choice. You can say they pressured him, but no one put a gun to his head. He made a choice. The same thing when he divorced you, he made a choice. Now he should live with that choice, and you should let him live with it. Stop seeing him, stop contacting him or talking to him, and move on with your life, and let him move on with his life, with his lawful wife and child.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It may also depend on how long it has been since the divorce I'm not sure. Again, needs to be looked into thoroughly from an Islamic perspective.
Thanks! brother Wael for correction. InshaAllah will be careful.
regards,
you cannot marry him if his first wife doesn't accept it.
He has a right to divorce her if those rights are valid; it is not permissble to just divorce her if she has done nothing wrong but if he feels he can't love her or she's no good (and obviously as it was forced marriage) in terms of abiding to islamaic law then she can be divorced but be warned you will gain massive sin if she is discarded without any valid reason.
Your hidden nikkah isn't accepted as parents must agree
move on seriously sister i know love is deep but BE STRONG and if she doesn't accept wipe your tears SMILE and trust in Allah s.w.t because he'll have something or someone better for you so regardless of the outcome; if it's something you wanted or turns out not to be try to walk away strong as if you trust in allah and your imaan was strong you'd be able to do that so please make du'a thats the best tool and don't ever say allah doesn't listen because he does and may have answered already we don't know but stay strong and have pride in islam in trusting allah and in whatever the outcome
good luck take care asalaamualikum please try to make a life for yourself though
Just to correct the statement "you cannot marry him if his first wife doesn't accept it." - that is not true.
What makes you think that sis. Be careful before you pass verdicts on what is permissible and impermissible.
Shariah law does not make it a condition to obtain current wife's permission in order to remarry. This much is agreed upon.
Other than that, everyone has given the questioner wise responses mashallah.
wsalaam
Assalamualaikum
first of all forgive me if you are hurt by my comment. because i am not that good at writing at all. but i have been in some sort of situations in my life too. so i will better explain you from my experiences. first of all as mentioned you cannot marry him again because in islam after divorce you have to mare some one other first before remarrying the same man. as your problem goes as you mentioned you love him and cannot stay away. i can understand because at this time it feels the same. i think you should think about your life what is happening,what happened and all that you faced.don't you think your life is lost somewhere? you are standing right on the same place you were standing before. maybe it was meant to be this same way.
what i think you should do is be strong trust Allah and leave this man and move on. be strong invest all your Duas for your bright future and pray for peace from Allah(swt). i had to leave my love too as his parents made him marry someone else. it was very difficult. he wanted to remain with me. but i tried to get back. i suffered majordepression and suicidal.but then i started to turn to God and my Deen . and now Allhamdullilah i am trying yet to overcome everything. i thought if i remain with this man whom i love my life will be no where he won't be able to be mine only. and most of all i am still thinking that God has for sure planned something better for me.
so sincerely repent to God and follow Islam as definitely no good can come from unislamic stuff or relations or what so ever.
all my best wishes and prayers are with you.
may God guide us the right path. may He help you to get over this difficult time. Ameen
please remember me too in your prayers. and never think Allah is not answering our prayers. He is answering and surely He is doing what is best for you. and definitely you will get this reward in the Hereafter for all your prayers.
if the first wife is unhappy and not willing to give consent, islam has given the woman rights and as far as I know you aren't allowed to get married (the man) without the wife's permission (unless of course there are valid reasons for obtaining a second wife)
does anyone else know more? Wael? you seem well informed.
There is no requirement to get the first wife's consent. But from a common sense perspective, it doesn't make sense to destroy a first marriage while acquiring a second. It's also cruel. All too often men seek second wives for the wrong reasons, when what they should be doing is repairing the first marriage and giving it the attention it needs. Also, men often conceal the second marriage and lie about it, which is another kind of sin. Deception and lying are certainly forbidden.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
really that doesn't seem to protect the first wife at all which I thought in islam there were rules for her protection?
hmmmm.
I'd also like to know the answer to this question?
salam, dear sister, love is god and god is love, doesnt have any truth in other love. just love to allah only. leave that man whos already married. that man cant support whos can not decide for his life, as whom he need in his life or not, and thats man can not support also whos in his parents hands. thats man can not support whos still in love with his first wife, if he say he is still love u than thats not truth. u also can see that his politics in relations, he cant leave his first wife also he said he is fall in love with u..
man can get marry 4 but with his first wife permisssion, why that person fall in love when alhamdullilla his wife is good just think a moment. did his wife say front of u as if her husband get other marry than she will suicide, maybe not. first go to meet his wife and say regard his love with u. than see what she say. he may hide everything from both of u. and say lies, and try to keep relations with both of ur self with 1000 lies. if thats tru what i think regard man than u r not looking his honesty and purity. he closed ur eyes with his lies. please chek every each think becaue ur life is importent, dnt decide with clossing eyes, move on in life and dnt depend..
Hello Dear people... read the comments of all and appreciate the concern shown by everyone towards the situation of our fellow sister.
Dear people my following comments are just different logical angles at which I'm trying to guage the situation .. So kindly do not take offense at anything I've mentioned as it'll only bring bitterness in the entire conversation...
Yes the matter is complicated. Yes the man is confused. But if he did not love her then he would not have married her unless he had some selfish motives which only she could satisfy .. for eg extreme beauty or too much wealth. But if its none of these situations then yes he does love her..
Yes They went wrong in not getting married the first time but what makes it so wrong to be in love and get married ?? If second marriage is so condemned in Society why does Islam permit it ?? and vice-versa..
Men today do wrong by going outside their marriage to satisfy their needs - mental - emotional - physical..
Isn't that wrong ?? Isn't the bond of nikaah much more pure than Zinnah of convenient satisfaction of a man outside marriage ???
His first wife is jealous - WHY ?? Because she wants him for herself at the expense of his happiness ??? Isn't it the duty of a woman to keep her man's happiness above all else !!??
Isn't Qurbaani the greatest of all love ??? Well the questions are endless ... Whats most Important is the character of the man. If he is a very good principled man who has the courage and integrity to love both his wifes equally and if both his wifes truly love him then yes they all could live in absolute harmony..
Jealousy, hatred , selfishness - needless to say are vices highly condemned.. True love requires sacrifice, courage and compassion and without these qualities - everything is a lie and the constitution of marriage only remains as a mockery of love at the hands of selfish needs and Ego related demands and beliefs !!
Kindly notice the pros and cons carefully and I've tried my best to give a neutral view through analysis of the situation..
Regards
Nazia.
Assalam Alaikum,
Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)
Marrying again for the man is allowed in islam and first wife's permission is not needed at all. I can understand your problem and I think you two should try your best to marry.
If you did any mistake before, I think you should correct the mistakes by marriage not by leaving each other. Especially if you have no other choice and you can't marry to someone else.
People can't understand your feelings maybe and saying to you leave him alone. They think it easy for you. No one can know how you are suffering other than you and Allah, so pray to Allah day and nigt and believe me eveyrthing will get better inshallah and what you think it impossible today it will be possible tomorrow inshallah.
where are the facts.