Married But Feeling A Bit Lonely
Assalam Aleykoum Warahmatoullahi Wabarakatouh,
I am back with another concern but this time as a married lady. I begin with saying Alhamdulillah. Truly Allah SWT is Great, who has favored me with a wonderful husband. I do love him dearly and love his company. My husband is very hardworking and kind. He fulfills his duty as a husband Alhamdulillah. However his shifts are usually late in the evening and sometimes can go on till 3am. I am left feeling very lonely. When we initially got married I took off a whole month from work thinking we would be spending it traveling. In fact that was our originally agreement. We decided to opt for a small wedding so we could save for a beautiful honeymoon. That didn't happen because he wanted to save money. I agreed with him and supported him but asked him to at least do simple things together and go out even for a movie. That never happened either. One day he felt guilty and said he would take me out and he ended up taking me window shopping to a mall. I was very disappointed. When I tried to share my ideals of an outing, he seemed very irritated and blew me off. Ever since I have decided to leave him in peace and create my own outdoor entertainment. Alhamdulillah, I have my own car and money and can entertain myself. But I crave for my husband's company outside our home. Sometimes I get so emotional and feel as if he is ashamed of me hence his lack of wanting to go out with me. When we are at home together, its super fun. But I am really hurt. Please advise me.
JazakaAllah,
SisterZahriya
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Wa'alaikumusalam!
Well, you have to be with him. And you have to keep a level of patience. Read some books regarding the benefits of marriage under the jurisprudence of Islam. And read something about the rulings of husband over wife and wife over husband. Secondly, you are trying to get all the fun quickly. Don't rush. Life is not easy. Remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) as many times as you can. And try to follow Sunnah of our last and final Prophet and Messenger Muhammad (Sal lal laho elahe wasallam). That's it. You don't have to struggle for anything else. Otherwise, if you struggle for more desire you will be the next victim of the devil. Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) saves you amen!
Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best.
JazakaAllah Brother Masood,
I have been eagerly waiting for my post to be posted and get some feedbacks, especially more so on this last, long-weekend was a test for me and I failed miserably for I was impatient. I wish I had read your response in time, I might not have had a strife with my husband due to my high expectation or neediness of his time. But Alhamdulillah, we patched up well yesterday :).
It is a wonderful reminder that remembering Allah SWT is the definite cure (but I forget to do that most times when I feel these pangs of lonliness).
Those books you recommended, do you have the names for them?
JazakaAllah
Bismillah arrahman arraheem!
Well, that's the natural question that had arrived inside your mind regarding the books. Nope, if I would have recommended you any books I would have been done it at the first place. The only thing you need to understand and accept by heart is remembrance of Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). It sounds very easy but believe me it is not. But once you engage yourself in the remembrance of Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala), believe me you will get patience automatically. And the required books you need, you will find them automatically. I am not saying you to remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) 24 by 7. But you need to remember Him (subhanahu wa ta'ala), even few times but by heart. Once your heart finds peace in the remembrance of Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala), you will not require to remember Him (subhanahu wa ta'ala) 24 by 7. Why because you will feel and you will see miracles happening into your life and around you.
The loneliness you are feeling is the outcome of your impatient heart. The more you indulge in impatience the more you will get lonely.
Just do remember Him (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and see the miracle.
Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best.
walaikum asalaam,
hey, welcome back. i barely recall your previous post, but congratulations. now, if your facing these challenges very early on in your marriage then that's a big problem. usually the early stage of marriage the couple become in-separable only later on does problems arise.
is it possible for your husband to change his shift to day time? if so, tell him to change it. i have a friend who use to work all night till 6am, but before he got married he changed his shift so he can spend time with his wifey. it's called being considerate. one of an essential element for a successful marriage.
sad to say but a lot of the guys have the wrong concept of marriage, thinking wifey cooks and cleans, stays at home and that's marriage life. and some guys are too shy and embarrassed people/family will see them together. maybe in due time he may come out of his shell.
sit down with your man and explain to him till he gets it, marriage is a give and take from both sides otherwise it won't last, not just putting my smile inside the house thinking that's it. as a couple you should go out, and make happy memories together.
ask him, what is actually stopping him from taking you out, and spending quality time together on a regular basis?
peace..
Jazak Allah for this human response....especially the common sense and considerate parts.
Thank you Brother Ahmed,
See this is where I am soooo confused. Because even I thought the same that for newly weds, we are supposed to be lovey-dovey. But when it comes to us, that only happens indoors and even then I am the one who usually is the sentimental one. I have brought this subject up a couple of times and we end up having very terrible arguments. And since I hate arguments and confontations, I have avoided bringing this subject up again. I make sure that before I go to bed we are in good terms.
I brought this question of spending quality time togather creating memories, to him a couple of times and also asked him to communicate instead of argumenting. His answer is that he is rough on the edges and asked me to be patient with him. He said that since I didnt want to date him prior to marriage, I should be patient trying to get to know each other. That had we dated, we would not have this problem.
I asked him why he married me. His answer was all the 3 islamic qualities to look for in a spouse for marriage. All three except ATTRACTION. I have never self doubted myself about my looks, but this made me ask everyone I knew what they thought of my looks. And everyone kept saying how beautiful we both look as a couple. So what is it then?
Last weekend was one of those long weekend for us here in US and I thought we would have a quality time. But I ended up spending that weekend to myself with a stinging feeling while he left early and came home late. Same thing on Sunday. We had another squable that Sunday but again I patched up with him before going to bed.
Then Yesterday we went out but he was soooo moody that it ruined my own excitement of spending time with him. By the way, he is usually moody when we go out. Yet when we are at home? He is the most amazing husband, Alhamdulillah.
This is draining me Wallah! so as of yesterday, I decided to create my own circle of good friends (married ladies - agements) and have fun with them on the weekends. Hoping that my husband will miss me and crave for my company outside of our home.
I am very close to my mother, so I confided in her. She said "if the only issue you have between the two of you is that he doesn't spend much time with you outside your home? Then you should be thankful to Allah SWT, for that is nothing compared to other marrital problems which are far worse". She also advised me to stay strong, have patience and go out of my way to please him with hopes that he will change InshaAllah while making lots of dua to Allah SWT to increase our love for one another.
NB/ I am glad this website exists. Not only does it help for venting out but it really helps getting all of your advises and support.
JazakAllah
SisterZahriya
your welcome, if my advice is a help to you, even if its a little i'm happy. for a marriage to be successful both party need to put in equal amount in order for it to work. compromise, considerate, understanding, patient, sacrifice, time, sharing, caring these are the basic criteria is a must in order for a marriage to succeed. selfishness, or its all about me attitude will never work. one thing i must say, some men after marriage continue to do the things which they use to do before marriage thinking it's ok, and this is not acceptable at all. you can't continue to live as before now things have changed therefore priority needs to change also. after marriage whatever you do for your benefit its no longer just for me, but its for us.
your husband said, " That had we dated, we would not have this problem."? he seems the type who has little understanding of the deen, and thinks its ok to date. if you found a decent practicing brother who knows the basis of Islam, he would never say such a thing cos he knows Islam does not allow it.
also theirs a difference between looks and attraction. you can be very pretty but doesn't mean they find you attractive. but the thing is attraction comes in all forms not just physical. you can develop attraction for someone in due time and you can lose attraction for someone.
your husband may need to get educated on how to live a married life. if i recall some masjid do courses for newly weds, about the rights of husband and wife.
moody people can be hard to deal with. the best way is to continue your good treatment, do nice things for him this will help greatly in developing attraction, also remind him the prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) said, the best ones amongts you are those who are good to their wives.
ask your husband what is his ideal marriage, what did you expect to do after marriage? i.e spend time with his woman or rather be out with friends? tell him things need to change, your a married man now not still a child to be too carefree. he has a responsibility.
some men also behave like that due to financial situations, to the extent they turn all scroogey, moody. but that does not mean it has to interfere with your personal life. separate the too. going for walks together does not cost money, you don't need money to spend quality time.
a woman's dream marriage is spending time, doing things with your spouse on the contrary the mans dream of marriage in most cases it tends to differ.
peace..
Very helpful Wallah,
quick question which is really important because you really did hit the nail when you said "a woman's dream marriage is spending time, doing things with your spouse on the contrary the mans dream of marriage in most cases it tends to differ" because that is exactly what I pictured my marriage life to feel like. So my question is what/how should the "man's" dream marriage simulate?
JazakaAllah Again,
SisterZahriya
A mans dream of marriage differs from the next man. It all depends individually, but most men ideal dream marriage is after one thing. The mind doesn't go pass that.
Majority of men desires for beauty ,attraction ,obedient and loyal wife .
Majority of women desires for rich ,loving and caring husbands ..
If you don't find it in marriage then it is a test in the beginning . Marriage needs patience and lot of time .
Most of women don't appreciate hardworking husband as they don't get enough time .They appreciate rich husbands who can spend time with them (born rich people) .
These expectations are not realistic .For a middle class person to rise in his career he needs to put lot of efforts and sacrifices .
I used to work for IBM as a software programmer and remember how my career growth is not up to my expectation due to continuous cribbing of my wife regarding the similar stuff when i use to come early and not do any thing extra in my work 🙂
I think your problems can be solved over a period of time .Good luck for you
Brother Logical.... Your response is not helpful but more so of an attack. I am sorry your marriage didn't work BUT do not dare compare me to your ex. Assuming that all women want 'rich'men? And that is my problem? Sub7anAllah!
Assalam alaikum Logical,
Women also desire men they are attracted to--who tend to be handsome--and there are even many men who want to marry rich women--especially in the Indian Subcontinent--in fact, many poor girls don't have a chance at marriage due to this. Of course, you will probably say that this doesn't apply to you--and to this, I would say, do not assume that the majority of women want a "rich" man as you have claimed. Unless by rich you mean, rich in kindness, rich in compassion, rich in consideration....
As for most women not appreciating their hardworking husbands--perhaps its the women that you have been exposed to--but most women are actually quite happy with a man who would work hard in taking care of her. As for appreciation, in general, most couples forget to appreciate one another later in a relationship--which leads to problems. We often appreciate the kindness of a stranger, but forget to appreciate the people in our lives.--your wife may have had issues, but that isn't a representation of every woman by a long shot.
Sister Zahiriya ,
That was not an attack on you .You asked for some brother's view so tried to put it this one .
I don't have any EX . I never dated any girl before marriage or had any gf 🙂 We are married and happy though we used to have lot of arguments in first 3 years of marriage .So things will settle down after some years .. ..I think your problems will get solved slowly ..Good Luck..
Waalikum assalam Sister Saba ,
I have read lot of your posts in other threads and would like to say that you are doing very good job along with some others borthers like Issah .I think i will not feel good to write some thing to people who thinks too good though i don't agree with your point here 🙂 but will just put this below
I agree that some of women will desire for handsome and attractive man for marriage but as when this HERO is out of money he will become Big ZERO in front of wife 🙂 I don't think any rich wife want to spend her money on a husband for whole life just because he is handsome ...I see lot of threads where wives complain about husbands not providing finance .Please note that as per Islam if a husband provides basic stuff like food ,at least some pair of clothes and at least one small r house its like he has done his duty but in real world this wont work . Some so called non materialistic People on this forum want to go for outings ,malls ,movies etc etc ..
I appreciate you ,brother Issah and others for good advises but some how i see people in different way . I feel that there are very people who are very good muslims by heart 🙁
Brother Logical, I think you are mistaking something here for something else. Demanding for expensive gifts and jewelries (i.e. materialistic-demands) is not like having the passion for nature and sightseeing (this isn't like materialistic-demands).
Sister Zahriya is only asking for things like sightseeing and enjoying nature, and she had even been the one arranging to go out with her husband--this doesn't sound like a materialistic woman.
There is nothing wrong with having the passion to go outings to enjoy nature, because as humans, viewing scenes of nature, and exploring new things about nature, helps with our psychological growth, emotional calmness, and well being altogether--in fact, it increases our pleasant feelings and reduces our stresses, irritations, and pains. Research reveals that what we see, hear, and experience, do not only change our mood, but also how our nervous, endocrine, and immune systems work.
In fact, viewing scenes of nature, when intended for the purpose of dhikr (i.e. to remember Allah Ta'ala through His beautiful and perfect creations), could also increase our certainty in Allah. And indeed, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Himself Has encouraged this through many ayats of the Holy Quran, such as the ayats below:
It is part of the husband's responsibilities, and of his kindness, to assist his wife in things that may lead to her psychological growth, emotional calmness, and physical well being. And this shall be according to his real strengths and capabilities. If the husband is wealthy enough to spend much on his wife in those halal-things, then doing so would become charity for him (and there is nothing wrong with spending much on a halal wife, even if she demanded for that, knowing that her husband could truly offer her request), otherwise, he should spend according to his racecourses. As the ayah says:
I meant, '',,,otherwise, he should spend according to his resources or the little that he has.''
Beautifully put :). JazakaAllah Brother Issah. May Allah increase you with His blessings. Ameen.
Assalam alaikum Br. Logical,
A husband loses respect in front of his wife, not when he has no money, but when he gives up and behaves like a boy and not a man. A man's worth is not in his money. There definitely will be women who want wealthy men, but I have to say that I know a lot of women (some are friends and others are relatives) whose husbands have modest incomes and in some cases, the men don't even work at all and yet they have children and have a families and are still together after many many years.
The only reason why your comment got that attention is because it really focused on smearing most/majority of women as gold-diggers--this simply isn't true--and if a family or woman looks for a man who can afford a family, that is because financial responsibility rests upon a man (hence why men are afforded double inheritance--but most men don't complain about that 🙂 ) I completely agree with you that financial responsibility upon a husband should be reasonable as per his ability.
I don't know your cultural background, but I do know that in some cultures when a husband and wife go out, it is considered to be faux pas because it is considered to be pointless, without need and a waste of time--but quality time spent with one's spouse outside of the home is important. Sometimes it is the only time a wife may get with her husband outside if she spends the rest of the time indoors taking care of the household. I often like going out and even if it is going to the mall, it doesn't mean I spend a single penny--sometimes it is simply too cold in the winter to be outside in nature and getting a chance for a different environment refreshes a person's thoughts.
Although I think I know what you are saying, I don't think your comment applies to this post. And you may think that there are very few people that are good Muslims by heart, but I would say that you are needlessly wasting time thinking about something which isn't a concern--We are not here to think about the number of good Muslims, we are here in hopes that we will be counted as one of those good Muslims by heart by Him, inn shaa Allah.
And if you disagree, no problem. We can agree to disagree and Allah swt knows best.
Thank you sister Saba for the answer ..
I have seen some people living in wife's wealth and less respected by their wives and families 🙂
Anyway , Regarding Money Factor we can discuss this topic in related threads if it comes in future ..
SisterZahriya: Last weekend was one of those long weekend for us here in US and I thought we would have a quality time. But I ended up spending that weekend to myself with a stinging feeling while he left early and came home late. Same thing on Sunday. We had another squable that Sunday but again I patched up with him before going to bed.
Where did he go on the weekend?
He left for work. He is self employed and when it's the holidays, it's when he is super busy.
Let me just add this... don't misunderstand me because I do support him morally about his work and admire his motivation, MashaAllah. I was just hoping that he would offer to spend time with me in the day time before he sets off to work instead of him going out to the gym 🙁
NB/ Once he asked me to join him to the gym but I turned it down because its mixed and I wasn't comfortable working out in front of others.
SisterZahriya: He is self employed and when it's the holidays, it's when he is super busy....... I was just hoping that he would offer to spend time with me in the day time before he sets off to work instead of him going out to the gym 🙁
Depends what kind of business he is in. If a person is in medical field he/she has to be there compared to some one in Taxi business who can choose his hours keeping in mind his family. If he can choose his hours why he has to work a shift to 3 AM.
There is plenty of time in a day. One should be able to find time for his/her spouse.
I am surprised he told you "does not find you attractive." Why did he marry you then? There must be things he liked about you.
What is the age difference between you two? Has he been married before?
Have you told your husband, you plan to entertain yourself outside?
Is your husband jealous or insecure type?
When you tried to share your ideals of an outing, he seemed very irritated and blew me off. A good couple is supposed to care for each other and listen to each other.
Seems like you love outings and he hates outings. I can understand one not liking going out, but getting irritated is bad reaction.
Thank you brother Issah for detailed explanation .
I think I need to further analyze your answer .
Assalam alaikum,
I tend to agree with Br. Ahmed.
You, like many/most women, want to be in love and swept off your feet with your husband and who wouldn't be? In a way, this sort of a reaction almost makes a person want to build walls or be careful or not sure what to think--and if that does make you feel that way, you need to discuss it with your husband. I don't mean that you should blame him because maybe he doesn't know and thinks this is the way life should be, but he ought to know because marriage can get worse than this for the best of people. One can have different feelings at different times in a marriage--it is usually the easiest in the beginning to have the best of feelings for one's spouse--and during this time both spouses should work hard to cultivate an atmosphere of belonging, respect and security. Frankly, this is also the time that one WANTS to impress the other without even knowing it.
So, before you go and talk to him, really think through what makes you happy with him and what parts you wish for. When you do talk to him, talk about the committments you made to eachother (like having a beautiful honeymoon to make memories instead of a grand wedding), the things that you love about him and the things that you would like to do with him. Obviously money is important in marriage, but so are feelings and cultivating love and care for one another.
One thing that did strike me in your post is why would your husband be ashamed of you or blow you off when you tried to shared ideals. I don't want to make a big deal of that part, but it does seem to be a bit strange. I wonder if your husband is worried about money, or meeting your expectations, or not knowing what is or isn't enough...obviously he also must have some thoughts--what does he think or want or say? Money can be an issue; however, you don't need money to go out and be romantic. And even if money is a concern, I think there is a way he could still convey that message to you and still make you feel heard.
I think you should take the time to really think about what you want and reflect on what you want to convey to him. Perhaps he needs more time--and you can think of what that time-frame can be like--eventually, it should get better. If communication issues persist or you feel feelings that are not acknowledged, the both of you may consider some counselling with a Muslim professional.
May Allah bless you both and increase the love in your marriage many many fold, Ameen.
Salaam Sister Saba,
JazakaAllah foryour wisdom. I really love and appreciate your advises
And I must add "Sub7anaAllah"! because it's like as if you read my mind to the dot. I too think that it has to do with money. He works extra hours and tries to create an ideal future of stress-free life with extra cash on the side. I think this is a quality that a lot of women love. I really appreciate this quality in him but Wallah, I value emotional support more that financial support. I am not materialistic, so money is not an issue for me. I have expressed this to him and told him a few times, "romance me". His reply is "no finance no romance". Of which I replied that we don’t have to spend money to enjoy quality time. I am so down to earth and I wish he knew how simple I am when it comes to spending time outdoors.
JazakaAllah and ameen for the duas,
SisterZahriya
A few things that I wanted to point out:
*You want to be romanced and have those amazing moments especially at the beginning of your marriage, but his response is that you chose not to date--this response puts the burden and responsibility on you thus relieving him of effort like changing/managing his schedule to do the special things that you like. Similarly, his response about attraction also puts the responsibility on your shoulders by saying that he didn't choose that in his decision to marry you--yet, it was his decision to marry a woman who wouldn't date him and this must have attracted him. Muslim men who respond this way, can't have it both ways. There is nothing wrong with you putting efforts forward to go out with him, but a bit of red flag if it is always you.
*I don't think that a man's vs woman's idea of an ideal marriage are incompatible. I believe people are incompatible. I can think of some women who I wouldn't get along with or I wouldn't jive with, YET, they are women--so, you want to spend time with him, he should want to do that as well--granted, the amount of time may vary, but I hear you saying that most evenings he works late into the early morning--this takes away from time that most couples would normally have with one another.
*I see asking advice for what men want to do--and I hope that inn shaa Allah you can get help--however, the problem is that these suggestions may not be what he wants and it eludes to the idea that there is a communication gap occurring especially because you refrain from discussing the issues that bother you to avoid an argument. He can't make the issue go away by getting moody and nor can you avoid it by sweeping it under the carpet--especially, there has to be some compromise, love, compassion and desire to impress the other.
*I suggest that you show patience with him by giving him time. Meanwhile, research some classes for newly-married couples and go to them. I think focusing more on Islam in your marriage is key especially regarding the dating comment--it indicates that there may be more to his line of thinking and if you can focus on our Deen, both of you would benefit and it would help him to have more clarity on this matter. I really don't see why he is avoiding being outside with you--I don't watch a lot of "chick flicks" as you say, yet, I love the outdoors--so that reasoning doesn't really work there. Try to bridge the communication gap by giving some time, thought to both yourself and him...and don't 2nd guess yourself either so much 🙂
Wa 'alaikum as-salaam warhamatullahi wabarakaatuh SisterZahriya,
MashaAllah congratulations on your wonderful marriage.
I agree with the above comments, especially by Brother Ahmed. However, I was wondering whether your husband isn't used to social kind of life? If this is the case, then you may want to go it slowly with him and introduce it to him gradually. For example, rather than waiting for him to take you out, why not take him out yourself? Find out whether he is really free on some weekends and then plan your outings on those days (don't do it every weekends, but only on some weekends). Whenever you take him out, try to make him feel more happier than when he was at home with you--tease him to miss you and make it clear to him that he could be happier when he goes out with you (perhaps, you may want to politely restrain from playing much with him at home, and then reserve much of the funs for him on your outing days). Surprise him each time you go outings through the things you know he would enjoy or like. Perhaps, after some times, he may start to initiate outings by himself, especially when he misses the joys you offer him during outing days with you, inshaAllah.
Hope this helps, and Allah knows best.
JazakaAllah Brother Issah,
Of course your in puts helps immensly.
But just to let you know; I have been the one arranging to go out with him all the time and even treat him. I just want to recieve the same efforts and gastures and I just dont know how to get him to do that.
In fact I have been thinking just how I can get him more happier when outside per your suggestion. I realise what I consider fun may not be the same as what he thinks is fun. I like sightseeing and just enjoy nature but he once commented that "I like to watch alot of chick flicks hence my mushy wishful thinking". I love going out for coffee just for chit chats, but he says he loves home food and coming home to spend time with me. However, he gets sick if he is indoors for far too long and would excuse himself to go out to catch on some fresh air (without me).
So my question is; what do Muslim men like to do for fun when outside their homes? What do married Muslim men enjoy doing with their wives when outdoors? Throw me some ideas InshaAllah. I will really appreciate it.
JazakaAllah again,
SisterZahriya
Salam sister,
Your husband sound like a little bit of an introvert with a very good fake face for work. I know, because I do it too, but no matter how much introvert I am, I break all barriers for my husband. He could say jump and I would feel comfortable because he said it. But there is always a point at which I need a break from everyone even him, and early in our relationship I needed too many of these alone breaks to get used to married life. Its very different to always have someone around when you were used to being alone. So maybe just give him time and try to surprise him sometimes with little things. Married life is much slower than romantic dreams. It takes time, and if you have true love, then waiting is nothing compared to the reward.
Salam,
Shereen
Well, I guess I missed this part from your second response to Brother Ahmed:
Ok. So this seems to be the real problem, ''he is rough on the edges'', and the real solution according to him (which seems to be making sense) is that, ''you need to be patient with him''. However, he went further to connect the problem to the wrong source, saying what he said about the lack of dating before marriage and lack of attraction.
This lack of dating and attraction that he mentioned, might not be something that he really believes to be the cause of the problem, however, it signals two issues:
1. He felt offended because he was not allowed to date with you before marriage, and therefore he is trying to either:
--Revenge through some ways (this is if the anger in still there in him, but I don't want to believe this),
Or,,,
--Create unreal excuses through that (ONLY to put most of the blames on your side) to have things his way. Some men may behave this way sometimes, however, you shouldn't allow him to rely on these excuses at all (as they are un-Islamic), nor should you allow yourself to regret for not dating him before marriage.
2. It seems there is much more to the deen side of him that needs to be taken care of. If this is the case, then I don't think going outings would be so important at this moment. The most important thing to do now is to try to learn much of the deen with him while at home together, to build your marriage on strong foundations in the deen, before he get lost somewhere in the future with those un-Islamic excuses (may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect your marriage, Ameen).
Therefore, what I think could help with the basic issue (i.e. the lack of going outings) is to focus on what he thinks could help (i.e. that he is rough on the edges and that you need to be patient with him).
Confirm about what that really means to him, and focus on discussions about how to help, and avoid bringing up the going-outing issues for a while, and then gradually bring them up again whenever things start to get better inshaAllah.
Perhaps, there could also be this thought behind your mind about having a great honeymoon or nice moments at this early stages of the marriage, however, since he thinks he isn't in the right position for that at this moment, he might be feeling too much pressured whenever you bring this issue up. I'd be shy to ask you to accept this from him, however, it seems to be the fact, and perhaps you may want to consider it as a test from Allah at this moment, while praying and hoping that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will ease things for the both of you soon, inshaAllah.
Please don't forget to frequently say this great du'a:
''Rabbanaa hab lanaa min azwaajinaa wa dhurriyyaatinaa qurrata A`a-yunin, waji`alnaa lil muttaqeena imaamaa'' (Our Lord, grant us delight in our spouses and our children, and make us a good example for the righteous).
Hope this helps for now, and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows best.
JazakaAllah Brother Issah,
May Allah bless you for your words of wisdom that are very helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I took some more notes today and I have the dua up on my wall. May Allah SWT increase your knowledge and iman. Ameen
🙂
SisterZahriya
I'm so glad to know that you have been helped, SisterZahriya, walhamdulillah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala continue to shower your marital home with much blessings, joys, and successes. And may He subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you and your husband all your wishes sooner. Ameen, Ameen, Yaa Kareem! ☺
Maybe your husband is introverted? If so, he may find that going out in public and interacting with you one-on-one in that environment to be very stressful, especially if he works long hours.
No he is not an introvert, that I know. He likes to socialize with friends and he has a lot of friends. In fact one friend of his used to call him a lot when we were in our first week of marriage let alone the whole month. That friend still calls but I have noticed my husband ignoring the calls more so lately than he used to before. So the phone calls are not as much interference as they used to be.
But to answer your question? No, he is not an introvert but he does work long hours.
Sister ,
I read both of your stories . Did you marry the same guy you have mentioned in pre marriage post ? If yes then pre marriage negativity about height issue compare to your Ex boyfriend might have some initial issues ...
See your handsome ex bf has dumped you after a relationship of 4 years so you should feel good that at least this man is honest and hardworking ..
Anyway ,congrats for the marriage and i think you should be thankful that he is hardworking husband and not like others who take money from wife .Read other stories where husbands depend on wife income . It is not good islamically to waste money and time in outings in malls ,movies etc etc
GoldenHand
JazakaAllah for the well wishes.
As for my ex? Wallah he doesn't even cross my mind, not until someone talks about him. Just to clarify; the height issue took place pre-marriage when I was filled with so much 'ifs' and waswasaa. My husband is still much taller than me and his height doesn't bother me Alhamdulillah. And not a day passes without thanking Allah 3aza'wajAllah for the blessings He bestowed on me through this marriage. A second chance with a husband who is wonderful Alhamdulillah and creating my own family. There was a point in time when I thought I would never get married (I was 32 and scared). And in that same year Allah SWT blessed me with my husband Alhamdulillah. But I hear you; I should be more thankful and I really appreciate the reminder of counting my blessings. Alhamdulillah.
JazakaAllah
Sister ,
I think your problems are not so big and it can be solved slowly . Marriage takes time .Don't try to fix in short time .
Appreciate that he is hardworking .
MasAllah great responses above. One thing I will add is that you actually have a good husband and sometimes us a women we see things differently for an issue when actual fact there isn't a problem. You should communicate with your husband and be able to tell him how you feel your not alone at all ulhumdilAllah. Give it time marriage isn't just for a couple of months its a whole lifetime commitment, dedication and working together to make it work.
I wish you all the best.
Samina,
I think so too :). I think that he is good Alhamdulillah. Thank you for your guidance in this.
JazakaAllah
Salaam Aleikum sister,
I think you'll be fine inshAllah. I agree with brother Issah. Focus in the deen at home, together. Watch Islamic videos, recite the Quran together and pray together. Get to know one another at home, there's nothing wrong with that. You'll understand him with time and you will both be able to negotiate how you want to spend yor time together.
Don't argue about these things. Effective communication at a time where you're both at ease is better. Be patient. As everyone else has said marriage is a life time commitment. Be committed to allowing for time and understanding to bring you close together.
When I was married I thought my husband was going to fulfil all my needs. But that is unrealistic. You still have your family and friends to find joy and company in too. The late night shift were a problem for me too. I did not like going to bed on my own or feeling so lonely in the house. I suggest you tell him you feel much safer as happier when he is with you at night. See if there's room for a change in time at work.
And of course your husband finds you beautiful and attractive! Sometimes men say things and we take it to heart. But his actions are different. He couldn't wait to date you, and although that's wrong he was drawn to you. If he's the best husband at home, affectionate and fun with you OF COURSE he's super attracted to you. Don't get hooked up on things that are untrue. Don't let the shaitan fool you. Don't go and ask your husband to confirm the obvious. Be CONFIDENT! You're a hottie and your husband knows it.
But above all be patient. Don't get frustrated and argue. Show him what type of marriage you want- love, mercy and compassion.
JazakaAllah Hopefulsis
Your counseling, encouragement is very helpful. InshaAllah I will try practicing more patience and do the best I can and show him the type of marriage I want - love, mercy and compassion.
JazakaAllah
Sister,
Does your husband had past gfs?? Do you know? There are a lot of red flags. Why does he come hm soo late and goes out without you. Its not normal. I think you should investigate. See who his friends are and if there is someone else in the picture that he prefers to spend time with.
Hope everything works out for you.
No Sister, I really don't want to delve in that department of "waswasa". This is exactly what shaitan wants me to think. Investigating a spouse is not a healthy activity. He is not a boyfriend...he is my husband and this relationship should not be taken lightly to warrant investigation. Investigating someone means you don't trust them. Marriage is a sacred sanctuary built on iman, trust, love and understanding. What my husband does outside my knowledge is up to him and Allah SWT.
But you have acknowledged there is a problem. Otherwise you would not be here on this site. You are unhappy and lonely because your husband does not spend any time with you. He does not like taking you out like a normal married couple would. He should be happy and enjoy your company time spent together. I was only ruling out all the options. Yes marriage is built on love trust understanding and sacrifice however you're husband is not understanding of your feelings, don't know how much he shows his love for you as a wife...but at the moment you are miserable and you avoid arguments to keep the peace but inside you are lonely. That is NOT a marriage.
I wish you all the best...may Allah swt ease your difficulties.
Masha'Allaah! Very well answered. And very active and precise answer.
May Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) put His (subhanahu wa ta'ala) remembrance in her heart. Amen!
Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best.
Are you implying that there is no remembrance of Allah in her heart?! Be careful. Only Allah knows what is within our hearts.
JazakaAllah Brother Issah for answering that. I couldn't have said it any better.
I dont know where Brother Masood seems to get the idea that he seems to know what is in my heart.
Funny thing I noticed is that, you (Brother Massood) have applauded MuslimGirl's advice when it is full of pessimism to create waswasaa out of all the replies, when the ones like Brother Issa, Sister Saba, Hopefulsis, Brother Cool, GoldenHand, Shereen (please forgive me if I left any other out)...who have encourged beautiful counsel that entails, patience, communication, kindness and good deeds - all from the teachings from Rasulullah SAW... I dont see you feverently supporting that.
Makes me wonder why?.... But thats not my concern.
Like Brother Issah said "strong>Be careful. Only Allah knows what is within our hearts."
SisterZahriya
MuslimGirl,
The one thing that Allah SWT gave me that I am forever thankful for is the will to choose or refuse. Also the intellect to filter through what is considered a helpful advice or what could be considered a poisonous advice.
I love this site and one other Islamic site that I frequent. That is why I am here. So I am here to gain knowledge, to ask for help when I need it and also to implement my thoughts with hopes that it may help someone. But what I do is that I weigh my words and only give advice in reflection to our DEEN, lest I am held accountable by Allah SWT on the day of judgement.
Be careful my Sister and weigh your words carefully. You say "You are unhappy and lonely" ....Ummm I never said I was unhappy, infact far from it. Then you continue with "because your husband does not spend any time with you".......Ummm again, read my OP and get some clarification....And then you said some more stuff that are just implications.
I appreciate your input but putting words in my mouth or creating this fictional "unhappy marriage" is a form of decption. Asking me to investigate and throwing ideas like my husband cheating, Aoudhubillah, is a form of fitnah through creating waswasa.
I am saying all this not that I don't appreciate your feedback but I am just telling you that as my Sister in Islam you maybe held accountable for creating shak'ka that might break a home. When I said that marriage is a sacred sanctuary, I realy meant it and not treat it lightly like how a person treats their 'girlfriend/boyfriend' relationship.
One of my favorite duas that I pray we can both benefit from:
"O Allah! I seek refuge in Thee lest I stray or be led astrey, or slip or be made to slip, or cause injustice, or suffer injustice, or do wrong, or have wrong done to me" Ameen (Abu Daw'ud 41 # 5075)
SisterZahriya
Masha'Allaah! Yes that is what I wanted to see. Alhumdulillah! I can see it now clearly. "A strong girl with a strong faith and believe. masha'Allaah!"
Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best.
Shaitan does all sorts to people.
I would strongly recommend that you talk to your husband do not let shaitan come between something good in your marriage.
Sister Samina,
That is exactly my point. sheitan is out there to create all sorts of mischief expecially between a husband and a wife.
I also think that the best thing to do is to talk with him per yours and the rest advice. I have been taking all yours good advices at heart and taking baby steps with the approach.
May Allah SWT bless all of you for your great efforts ameen.
SisterZahriya
May Allah swt give you and your husband a successful marriage. Ameen.
Some marriages start off perfect and end up in divorce.
Some marriages start off rocky and later offer peace and tranquility.
You have chosen to give your best and try your best and that really is the way to go.
The fact that you go out and have your individuality in your marriage is something that other people would love to have so now it is all about balancing things out. Sometimes it just takes time to get to the right place on the spectrum of a happy marriage.
JazakaAllah Sister Saba
I thank you for the reminder and also the positive boost to my moral. Giving good advice is a great gift and you have that gift, MashaAllah. May Allah SWT increase you with more knowledge and Iman. Ameen.
It is said that giving advice is an essential trait of a Muslim's character. I can already tell by reading between the lines what a wonderful Sister you are. I mostly follow your posts and learn alot from them.
JazakaAllah
SisterZahriya
The gifts we have are from Allah swt - if any of it helped even a little bit, it makes me very happy to know that.
Please remember me in your du'as.
In regards to all the comments about how women want rich and handsome husbands, let me tell you that on all the "muslim" matrimonial sites I regularly get matches from men in India, Pakistan, the Gulf, who are "seeking wife from abroad". Some live in the USA but don't have status so they are looking for a woman with a visa/citizenship. On the rare occasions that I respond to them (more out of curiousity than anything else), they encourage me to sponsor them, and pay for their passage to my country, and then pay for all their living expenses when they get here, all in the expectation that SOME DAY the will find a job. In the meantime, I am their meal ticket. And some of these men are 10 years younger than me, some 10 years older, and when I draw this to their attention, as well as the fact that I am too old to have children, they say "oh it doesn't matter, its ok, age difference no problem" etc.
So no, it is the men that want rich wives. Not the other way around.
Sister Zahriya!
And Mr. Issah!
(Smiles) That's Why I said at the end Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best. (Smiles) I am not a God.
Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) knows the best.
As-salamu Alaykum,
Men typically have a very strong drive to support their families and earn for them, and they often cannot relax until they feel financially secure. If it takes working until 3 AM, many men will see that as a necessary sacrifice. Although people have recommended that your husband change his schedule, we do not know if that is possible for him. When I first got married, my husband frequently worked the night shift, and it was because he was unable to find other work at the time. It was hard but he could not adjust his schedule. It is now many years later, and our schedules are finally normal. Things rarely stay the same throughout marriage, so try to ride out the waves. Someday Insha'Allah you will look back and this will be a distant memory, and you will appreciate the sacrifices he was making at the start of your marriage. As others have said, be grateful that he works and is committed to working. I'm not saying that you don't have a right to some of his time, but try not to make it a point of contention between you. If you guys get along and have a happy home life, this is more important than going out together as a couple. Also, it seems that you have the freedom to entertain yourself throughout the day, visit friends, etc., so your situation is not like that of women who are less able to leave the home for any reason. Finally, you did not mention your husband's cultural background, but in some cultures it is less common for husbands and wives to go out together. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, just pointing out a reality. In such cultures, home is the center of the married couple's activities, and many people do not seek out more.
Salaam sis, hope you are keeping well in'sha'Allah?
Sis, after reading this wallahi I am speechless and heartbroken sis. I honestly saw you as my inspiration! You've been through hell and back with the previous brother who promised you marriage!
Sis you advised me loads, and even until today im still in pieces sister, but your message and story restored my faith and tawaakul that Allah will and does work in mysterious ways and bless me with someone far far better than my ex, but now reading this I feel like I am back to square one 🙁
Sis can I ask something, do you regret marrying this brother? or, do you sometimes feel your ex would have been a better spouse? because I always feel that when I get married I will keep comparing my husband to my ex and end up divorcing him because my ex was amazing
Sis all I can advise you is just stay strong and pray Tahajjud sis, you are wiser and stronger than me sis, your faith is stronger than mine
I pray Allah eases your affairs
xx
Waaleykoum Salaam Sister Neem. I do remember you well 🙂 I pray all is well with you InshaAllah.
In response to your post above:
Well Sister Neem, here is my question to you: Now why in the world would you place your happiness in dependent on someone else life experience?"
Quote
"Sis you advised me loads, and even until today im still in pieces sister, but your message and story restored my faith and tawaakul that Allah will and does work in mysterious ways and bless me with someone far far better than my ex, but now reading this I feel like I am back to square one :("
Are you saying that just because Allah SWT blessed me with marriage then I should have a happily ever after life in this duniya? That I shouldn't be tested at all? With that kind of statement above, it sounds like you are questioning Allah's qadar and placing too much faith on me.... Please don't do that.
Sister Neem, don't compare yourself to someone else. I am just a stranger living a life full of tests just like you. Don't ever say that my faith is stronger than yours. The amount of faith in our hearts is only known to Allah SWT.
Did you ever stop and wonder why we are all tested time and time again? I am tested too, from time to time. This life is a book full of different stories and in each chapter it talks about the different tests we go through.
Know this Sister Neem... I am not perfect, so do not expect that I will be spared from Allah's SWT tests just because Allah SWT was kind to me and blessed me with marriage. I am tested as of now too :). But it's a good test because as long as what I am tested with is within halal territory (ya3ni marriage and not haraam r/ship), then I can learn to be a better wife.
Remember, marriage is not the last chapter of the book. Its just another chapter full of tests. Until I die and/or until the day of qiyamah...my book is still under progress just like yours and everyone else.
Salaam,
SisterZahriya
NB/ Oh yeah, in answer to your questions; Nop! I do not ever regret getting married to my husband. I count my blessings everyday. Alhamdulillah. And again no! my ex would have been the worst and I know that for sure.
Allah SWT is the best of planners. Never forget that Sister Neem.
Ameen for the dua and JazakaAllah for the well wishes.
Awww subhanAllah sis you replied x
Sis Alhamdulillah you are happy and realise that this is a test from Allah and you are fully aware of His tests. That's good sis, you are so wise and knowledgeable sis so just have sabr and make lots of dua sis. I am a sinner sis but I will still remember you in my duas
And yes I placed my hopes in you as you went through exactly what I went through but worse as mine only lasted 8 months, he gets married in a few weeks time and despite still having feelings for him sis, I have walked away for the sake of Allah and do not respond to his texts or calls. Sis is it wrong for me to continue dreaming and hoping that one day he will come back to me?
But sis it hurts that he is starting a new chapter while I am still picking up the pieces? Sis will Allah punish him for harming His servants heart? and sis, is your ex happy? As look what he did to you sis and almost destroyed you sis he doesn't deserve happiness.
When he realised you were getting married did he get in touch with you again? I feel like ive lost my ex for good as he is starting a lifetime commitment. Do youo know how much it will break me inside when I see him with his wife? I just pray I never bump into him if he isn't the one written for me
xx
Sister Neem,
You are hurting and I can relate to that. It will hurt you more when you keep thinking of your ex. Yet forcing him out of your thoughts is impossible because of the emotional turmoil you are going through currently.
Here is what I did. See if it helps but it will take time before you see the results.
1. Continue picturing him with his wife. Picture him having a happy marriage.
2. Cry your eyes out while you do that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Continue these two steps regardless of time, until both your heart and brain are in sync, accepting that HE IS ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT YOU.
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3.Once you are burnt out from the two steps above BEG Allah SWT to get you out of the misery. Or you can incorporate step 3 while doing the first two steps. (Knowing that Allah SWT is the Controller of the hearts, ask Allah SWT to gear your heart and brain away from your ex).
4. Find support in your family/friends. They dont need to know what you are going through, but the kind of support I am talking about is finding a quality time to spend with them. Have fun.
5. Find your goals in life. If your goal in life is to get married, then ask Allah SWT to make it easy for you.
6. Get away from anything that will remind you of your ex. I literally left my job and moved in to live with my Mom and Sister. (And Allah SWT blessed me with a job that allows me to manage my own schedule and it's also a high paying salary job. Allahu Akbar!
7. Do good things around you. Be EXTRA good to your parents and give out sadaqah every chance you get.
8. Open your heart to other prospects. At first you will start comparing almost every guy to your ex. BUT when Allah SWT sends you the right one? Your heart will know.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Remember, this will take time. It took me one year. So dont rush yourself.
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9. Accept your mistake and make Tauba (this should be your first step to take but you should always ask for Tauba at all times).
10.Try writing down where you went wrong in pleasing Allah SWT and see what you can do to rectify that. See what was the lesson that Allah SWT wanted you to learn from that test.
NB/ Take one day at a time. Don't think about what is to come the next day or what you did the day before. Just one day and focus on that.
Don't think of vicious revenge, because it will come back and bite you someday. So don't wish ill stuff on this brother. May be the worst you can pray for is asking Allah SWT to make this man realize his mistakes. Because that is what I prayed for and Allah SWT answered my prayers.
In answer to your question:
Yes he did. Through a mutual friend, he found out I got married and called me at my work line (Alhamdulillah that friend was smart enough not give him my personal contacts). He wanted to ask me for forgiveness. And he listed all the hurtful things he did to me in the past and asked me to forgive him for each.
And you know what? By then I had already moved on and I didn't feel anything for him. It was easy to forgive. Allahu Akbar! Never underestimate the miracles of Allah SWT.
Also read and take in the advice from the post below from Precious Star, it's a wonderful and a very strong advice.
SisterZahriya
Basically sis, will Allah show me the reason if not now but 5 years down the line as to why it didn't work out with him?
Dear Sister Neem,
You may never know the reason it did not work out with your ex.
You may never know if Allah "punishes" your ex for hurting you.
There are some things in life that we never get answers to. You may find someone better than your ex. You may not find someone at all. You may find someone worse. The possibilities are endless, but you should hope and pray for the best.
What I will say, though, is to leave your ex to his kismet. He is living the life that Allah ordained for him. You need to focus on your kismet. Yes, you have lost him for good - he is married, and may soon have children with his new wife. It sounds unfair that he received what you wanted. But as he has children and expands his family, you will keep getting hurt if you focus on that. What Allah ordained for him is his to keep -- just like what Allah ordained for you, is for you alone. Right now, we don't know what that is.
I hope this helps.
@Precious Star I agree masAllah great advise.
is there any immigration issue involved in your marriage?
No. None at all. We are both American citizens.
Assalam alaikum,
Dear Sister Zahriya,
I read your comment about what happened. I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. Never lose hope Sister in praying and getting closer to Allah swt. I don't think we realize that we are part of a bigger picture and we get fixated on why everything doesn't work out perfectly.
I pray for your happiness and above all for your inner peace. Ameen.
Waaleykoum Salaam Sister Saba,
JazakaAllah for remembering. It is truly amazing to know there is someone out there who remembers me and my story. I could get into details about what had happened during my divorce but then that wont change the present circumstance and I really don't want to re-live those moments. If I start talking about it, I know I may end up sounding like a wounded victim and him as a villain. At this moment I don’t even hate him. But then again, those feelings may change :). And as I write this at this moment, my feelings are calm and peaceful Alhamdulillah. I sure did go on rollercoaster emotions at one point but one thing I came to realize is that this divorce was not as painful as I thought it would be. I mean yes, there were moments I would feel really awful but then those feelings were not so bad. I still wake up in the morning feeling good, play with my nieces and nephews, I even travelled during my Iddah and went back to University, as I also work. I realize, life moves on.
My current struggle is trying to understand qadar. May Allah SWT forgive me and may Allah SWT help me understand this phenomenon of the decree of Allah SWT. I would appreciate your feedback.
Here is where I am really stuck currently. So I saw my husband as a gift from Allah SWT, because I really wanted to get married and start my own family. And when we got married, I never faltered on my duties to Allah’s SWT as His slave and worshipper. On the other hand I did my very, utmost best to be a diligent wife. Allah SWT knows what was/is in my heart and intentions, and knows how much I wanted this marriage to work. I would make dua, after dua. In the end, we got divorced. So why go through marriage if it would end up in divorce? Allah SWT even though He permits divorce, He hates it as well. So why allow it to happen? Especially since Allah SWT knows what was in my heart?
JazakaAllah,
SisterZahriya
Sr. Zahriya
This is so shocking news. I remember reading your earlier post before your marriage, you were asking for advise to marry this same guy.
Can I ask what happened between him and you in such a short time which lead to divorce.
Salaam Yakoot,
I apologize but I prefer not to get into details about the whole scenario. It is in the past now and discussing it would not really serve as a help but it would rather just uncap the whole ordeal of discomfort. Your duas are more than enough and well valued.
JazakaAllah,
SisterZahria
Assalam alaikum,
Dear Sister Zahriya,
I have come to change how I think. I do not think we get what we deserve in this world. No matter how wonderful we may be, we will still experience horrible things and no matter how horrible we may be, we will still experience greatness in our lives. So, what is the point? I think the point is that we do not equate the results of our intentions and efforts with what we deserve in this world. Perhaps Allah swt wants to see if we falter or remain steadfast regardless of the end results of our efforts and intentions. In other words, our faith in Him should not be reevaluated at the end of each chapter of our life. This has been my experience based on my life--there have been some hurdles that still hurt me and that I do not understand...and despite my efforts I failed in making things better--still sometimes I become fixated on what was the point and why was my existence even necessary...and so on and so forth. But, there is this faint whisper of a voice that stands out more than any loud voice in my mind that tells me, "No. There is a point and some of it you see now, but you simply deny and some you will come to see in time."
Don't worry about talking about it and there is no need to share details. I only wrote because I wished to convey to you that you are in my du'as and perhaps you could know that your pain and sorrow is shared. Just focus on healing. May Allah swt give you patience and strength, Ameen.
Waaleykoum Salaam Sister Saba,
Sub7anaAllah! You have managed to verbalize my exact thoughts on that whispering voice. As you have so put it…That faint whisper of a voice that stands out more than any loud voice in my mind that tells me, "No. There is a point and some of it you see now, but you simply deny and some you will come to see in time." And it makes sense to me.
JazakaAllah sister and ameen for the duas.
May Allah SWT easen it for all of us. Ameen.
I am so sorry to read this sis. Honestly, I pray Allah swt eases your pain.
Your Qadr was to marry this guy but not to remain with him. The nikkah was always going to happen, whichever way you see it. And so was the divorce. The lessons in that time and the tests you underwent are what matter now. How wil you move forward? What next?
When you're going through life you have choices. You make choices based on what you know, who you are, what you want. The choices I made 2 years ago are not the choices I will make now. I learnt from my divorce. I learnt my husband did not love nor care for me. I learnt that at that time in my life I was looking for someone like him, although he was wrong for me. I didn't have the knowledge, skills or wisdom to understand what to look for in a spouse. I didn't understand how to act as a muslimah and wife. I was prepared to cut my family off just to make him happy. All things I don't stand for any longer. I learnt a lot!!
So in time you will look back and see what you learn from this. And you will. And I know everyone hates to hear it but allow time to pass. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. You will find better days and understating of what happened on your life.
Salaam Hopefulsis,
One thing I have learned not to do is to want something so much that I end up valuing it more than Allah SWT. It is easy to be enamored by the gift and forget the Giver of the gift. And I think I just did that before and during my marriage. Even though I prayed, fasted, made lot’s of duas…. I used to make them with the whole intention of wanting a perfect marriage. Not because I wanted a perfect relationship with my Creator.
But I just hate pain and I wish I didn’t have to go through the pain. And that is why I kept asking why? why divorce when marriage is a blessed thing?
But I agree with you. I know it will take time to heal and InshaAllah eventually it will all make sense to me.
JazakaAllah for your warm and well wishes.
SisterZahriya
Salaam Sister Zahriya
I was following your story and was happy that you got married and your husband was gift from Allah but I was shocked to read about your divorce. Had your ex done anything or contacted ur husband. How such a good relation bw you and ypur husband came to end ? I was thinking to marry a girl like you but your divorce story somehow reinforced some of my misogynistic pre-conceptions. I hope you will find peace.
Karimi
I have not seen anywhere she mentioning about divorce of current husband .
I read her old post also there too she was not married but she had 3-4 year relationship with tall and handsome man who dumped her .Later she was comparing new proposals to her old boyfriend .
I think this post is about her current husband(less attractive compare to old bf) who is not much social and nowhere she mentioned about she taking divorce .