I want to marry a pious man, my father wants a doctor
Assalamu alaikum waramathallahi wrbkathuhu,
I hope this reaches my readers in the best of imaan and health. Inshallah, im hoping to finish studies soon and plan to get married. The problem here is that my father is not willing for me to marry a brother of my choice. I want to marry a hafiz/sheikh/moulavi however, he is currently looking for doctors. He believes that these brothers have no money/no job and go begging on the streets. Subhanallah, when i heard that he has said such things, i cried a lot. How can he disgrace them when they're more closer to Allah(swt)? My father himself is not religious and so he's so captured by this dunya and the money. He doesn´t agree with me wanting a religious brother. Even if I´m poor, i'd rather be with someone who is more poius.
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You must go to an Imam for more advice based on yoru location in the world. It may be you end up marrying someone who doesn't have the money to support you and that would cause much problems.
My advice is if your father is being unjust and unfair as he clearly is, then you must ask for an Imam to act your wali so that you may marry an honourable man, so that you are more likely to succeed in the afterlife, which you are not as likely to get with a doctor.
I know this is shallow, but if your dad insists, why not try to marry a doctor with good Imaan?
A lto of doctors are bad men, but a lot are good men as well. If your father insists you marry a doctor who goes clubbing and doing other haraam, do not marry him, this is your right as a human being and he will stand before god on the day of judgement for his barbaric actions.
Get a Imam to act as your wali.
Shafna, Walaykumsalaam,
The problem here is that you and your father are conflicting: your father's drive and focus appears to be dunya, while yours appears to be your aakhirah, so you need to find a compromise, a middle way and a balance between deen and dunya.
I think that your father's views that 'religious men have no money/jobs and go begging on streets', maybe so extreme because he may not have seen a healthy balance of 'deen and dunya'. I do not know which community or country you live in but some so called 'religious men' are like that. They seem to think that they must study nothing but deen and work in no field but deen. In doing so, they struggle for an income and isolate themselves from people around them. This is not the right way to live. On the other hand, your father may just be completely 'status' minded and wants to show off a 'doctor son in law'. Let me guess, you are from the Indian Subcontinent, right? Doctor/Lawyer son/daughter in laws are highly sought after by many from this region.
At the same time, although you want to marry a pious man, someone who is a Haafiz or Shaykh, this is nice, but maybe your way of thinking is somewhat naiive. I say this because if someone is a Haafiz or Shaykh does not necessarily make them 'marriage material'. Along with piety, we also need money to live in this world: we need to eat, pay bills, have some leisurely time too and a million other things - this is not luxury, these are necessities because we are human and have needs.
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My advice to you is this:
~ Adapt your way of thinking a little: by looking for a spouse who has piety, but is able to support you financially aswell. You may have to compromise in some of your preferences, i.e. a man may not be a Quran Hafiz but he may be actively learning his deen, God fearing, striving to pray Salaah, interacts well with 'people' and has a halaal job that can financially support an Islamic home and married life with children. Keep the balance between deen and dunya - we have to live, eat and pay bills too. I would say to you that if your father introduces you to a doctor, check him out. He may be as practising as you want, you won't know till you have given the potenials a chance. If you find no 'doctor' with the level of deen you want, then tell your father you want to search for a spouse your way by looking at potentials in other fields of work aswell and perhaps in Masjids etc.
~ Speak to your father confidently: tell your father that you know he wants you to get married and you want to work with him on this. But that your goals in life are focussed towards deen and so the first criteria you are searching for in a husband is piety, if the man passes in this area, only then will you look forward. Tell him that you understand that he wants a Doctor as your husband, but this is not important to you, all you care about is that your husband can support you financially with a halaal job and is hardworking. That you will look at Doctors for his sake, but if you find none with the level of deen you want in a husband, then you wish to broaden your search.
~ Lastly, I will say this: Set realistic goals for yourself. What do you think you can offer a 'Hafiz/Shaykh' husband you are looking for? Strive to be the person you want to find in a spouse. Open your heart to a good pious striving man and you will give yourself more chance of compromising with your father and of actually finding a good spouse.
Someone posted this on my f/b today: "A person who has a big heart but very little money is actually richer than the person who has plenty of money but is miserly in spending any of it in the way of Allaah." This is completely true and I agree with it 100%. So look for the right balance and inshaAllah you will get what you are looking for. Work with your father on this and keep purifying your intentions. Allah knows the sincerity of your hearts desire and He(swt) will give you something good.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaykum Sister Shafna,
I am one of those brothers whom your father does not think good about and my situation right now is also not worth getting someone's daughter honestly, and it is better for a father to marry her daughter to a settled man as well.
But if the wife is ready to overlook wealth and exchange it for strong imaan and purpose, Masha Allah, who would not want a wife like that.
But life is hard, expensive and the realities of life need to be faced by the couple. It is better to choose a person with iimaan as well as good earning, Insha Allah there are people like that and Allah has no shortage of such men.
So I do not know which father would be ready to marry her daughter to me 🙂 But I am sure Allah will give/ withold whatever is best for my dunya and aakhirah.
I have quite similar thinking as you have and so I leave matters to Allah then to think about it.
He knows what is best for me.
It is your choice sister, there are doctors who are haafiz as well, doctors who have balanced Islamic minds and not extremists, Insha Allah, Allah will send a good man your way.
You may always look the good proposals coming your way, choose whosoever seems good to you, whether he be poor, Allah will enrich him, Insha Allah, and if he is settled and with good iimaan, Alhamdulillaah.
Sister you may choose and not allow yourself to be forced. Do not give in to force, but live by choice, and above human will of course there is the will of Allah, if He wills good for you and He sees you make a wrong choice, Insha Allah He will bring you to what He knows is best for you.
May Allah give you a good husband.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalamu Aleykum.
marrying of a person is chosen in 3 ways as our beloved prophet teach us.
1 wealth 2 beauty 3 religion and he advised to chose the one with religion.
material cannot make a good husband and someone wealth can be poor next day
and the poor can be a rich but the deen is an asset.