We love each other, but I am afraid to tell my mother
Love in Islam
AOa all...
Plz help me out...Im a 23 yrs girl m muslim n m Commited to a guy of same age who is same of my caste n we r Syed,,, We reallly love eachother., In his family everyone likes me we wnna marry his parents brothers s sisters all like me n truely care n love me but I,m helpless cant tell my Parents hv brothers but no sis n m not frank with my mother..
we both live in a same city n very near hez studyng hard for me m also studyng but i hv just one year left in my completeion of degree.. How I tell my mother?? plz sortout my prob..I cant even enjoy my single day m always tense abt future bcz time is running soon time wll cum when my proposals will start cumn at my home..
Dua ki talabgaar, ur sis..
~ Syeda
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if u feel shy telling ur parents then either...
A.) tell ur brother or a family friend or another family member to suggest this boy to ur parents for u
B.) tell the mother or sister of the man u like to come to ur house for proposal
i think these are the only 2 ways u can deal with it really. i think its best to get this done as soon as possible.
in addition, remember to have a good think and seek advise and do istikhara to see if marryinig him would be good for u or not, dont just marry him coz u love him. marriage is a big decison so do take care with it sister. by the way, i dont know if u are in haram relationship with him or not, but i just wanted to point out that haram relationships are not good, but if u want to marry him, then marry him, but end the haram relationship immediately and work towards the halal. check islamqa for info regarding this matter.
anyway, if u want to marry him then i think its best to inform ur parents as soon as possible. if u are worried that what if they find out that u loved this guy, then i think that is something they will find out anyway if u are going to marry this man, because the family may tell them intentionally or unintentionally, its something which would be hard to avoid. so its probably best to just go ahead with it instead of delaying it, coz if it is going to come up to them, then i dont think it makes any difference if it happens now or later. actually, u may even do istikhara to see if it would be okay for the proposal to be made now or not, it is good to do istikhara for little and big decisions, as Allaah knows best what is good for us
Sister,
I know you are shy- but sometimes you have to be tough and do what you have to do. You will eventually have to speak to your parents about marriage, RIGHT? You cant get married without their permission, so you have to do it.
You can speak to the parent u trust the most and tell them and they can introduce the topic to the strict parent.
There is no way around it, think about it in your head and formulate how you are going to start- walk into the room - say bismillah and just start talking.
you can begin with something like this: "mom/dad can i talk to you about something important".....yes......"so i met someone i like at ... (fill in the blank).. and i would really like it if you could meet him" and then trust me- they will take over with their questions.
Its much better to be honest with your parents so that you wont be walking around with stress and tension. It might be hard to start, i know- but if you dont speak up- you are going to lose your hair, sleep, and you wont be able to think about anything else- JUST DO IT........like tonight...
GO right now if you have not already.
Samira.
I was soooo shy tilling my patents so I told my sisters and my oldest told my parents they told me ask long as he is a good musl treat you right I'll say yes and I was shy too. And I was 23 now marsallah I'm married for 5 years have a little baby boy... So sweetie don't be shy talk to them insallah everything will work out.
Walaikum salam sister,
I agree with everyone that you need to get the message across to your parents so that they know that you want to get married, who knows they may already be looking for a suitable match for you:). So, speak to your sisters, cousins or other trusted members who you are close to or may be ask your friend to speak to your parents and let them know that there is someone who you wish to marry. I am assuming that you both have not crossed the boundaries set by Islam, and that means just being friends without any physical relationship.
Another thing I would like to say is that make sure this man you wish to marry should be introduced to your family as a suitable partner by someone else (who you don't know yet) because it may create problem for you both; many parents refuse marrying their children off to "person of their child's choice" as they might think that you both might have been in relationship before. So, it is in your best interest if a friend of yours or cousin told your parents that she/he has someone suitable for you in their mind. Make sure that it's not lust or infatuation as marriage is a huge responsibility and you don't want to find out a few months or years down the line that you married the wrong person.
So, look into "what to look for" in a marriage partner and see if this man possess those qualities and don't forget to ask for assistance from Allah (swt) in the form of Salatul istikhara, making dua to help you make the right decision.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Sister Syeda, As-salamu alaykum,
Muhammad1982 and others have given you good advice on how to approach the problem. Let the man's family come and make a proposal, and if necessary then engineer it so that someone recommends him first.
I know this is not related to your problem, but I want to point out that there are no castes in Islam. It's nice that the two of you are compatible and that you like each other, but being from the same "caste" is irrelevant Islamically.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamo alaikum. i too wanted to point out that there is NO caste in Islam. This division into castes, some of which are 'superior' to the others, is a highly abominable practice, which unfortunately holds sway in some parts of the world like South East Asia. Please understand, sister, that it's an unislamic practice. Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) himself said in his last sermon:
"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood."
It's abundantly clear from the Quran and the Sunnah that the true worth of a Muslim lies only in his piety and good character, not in his lineage/ancestry, caste, class, race, looks or wealth, and that we should never discriminate amongst ourselves on that basis. It upsets me a lot when i see matrimonial ads in newspapers which ask for a syed/shaikh boy for a syed/shaikh girl or viceversa. Please, people, wake up! THERE IS NO 'HIGH' AND 'LOW' AMONGST BELIEVERS IN ISLAM. ALL ARE EQUAL. THAT'S WHY IN ISLAM, EVEN A BEGGAR CAN LEAD AN ASSEMBLY OF KINGS IN PRAYER IF HE HAS MORE ISLAMIC KNOWLEDGE THAN THEM! So a Muslim can marry any other Muslim he/she chooses to provided their deen is strong.
Best of luck sister. I hope Allah shows u a way.