Against the odds – 40 yrs Christian women with 25 yrs Muslim man
I am a 40 yr old Christian woman living in america.
I am married to a Muslim man who is 25 yrs old. His family loves and accepts me, we talk often.
He is still in his country, finishing his military service. Many people here talk bad about me because of his age and they believe he married me for a green card. We are very much in love, he is a very good Muslim man and that is one reason that i love him. I know he takes marriage seriously.
First I would like to know what Islam says about age difference. I also would like to know how to go about learning more about Islam.
I would like to talk to someone and learn the prayers and things like that.
Im not sure about converting, but I am not saying no. I just want information... not to read, I need to speak with someone, to understand more.
Who would I talk to?
- happilymarried
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Hello sister,
Age difference is not a problem for marriage in Islam. Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him himself married at the age of 25, to a woman who was 15 years older that him (she was 40). She was Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her.
Your ages are exactly similar to theirs, so this is certainly not a problem.
There are many instances where we find that foreign men marry American women for green card. I can't say this is true in your case, and believe what you perceive about him is true.
About Islam, it is the only Religion acceptable with Allah, The Only True God, worthy of all Worship.
Allah Said:
Indeed, the religion in the sight of Allah is Islam. And those who were given the Scripture did not differ except after knowledge had come to them - out of jealous animosity between themselves. And whoever disbelieves in the verses of Allah , then indeed, Allah is swift in [taking] account. (3:19)
It involves belief that He Is The Only True God and that Muhammad peace be upon him is His Final Messenger, who was a successor to Jesus Christ peace be upon him. Yes, Jesus peace be upon him was among the mightiest Messengers of Allah and was Raised unto Him when the people plotted to kill him.
Allah Said:
And [for] their saying, "Indeed, we have killed the Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, the messenger of Allah ." And they did not kill him, nor did they crucify him; but [another] was made to resemble him to them. And indeed, those who differ over it are in doubt about it. They have no knowledge of it except the following of assumption. And they did not kill him, for certain.(4:157)
Also, Allah never had a son, nor can He have one. Jesus peace be upon him was but a Human, His Messenger just like Muhammad peace be upon him is His Messenger. Allah Said:
Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One. Allah , the Eternal Refuge. He neither begets nor is born. Nor is there to Him any equivalent." (112)
We have been informed by Allah that Jesus peace be upon him never died, prophet Muhammad peace be upon him has informed us from Allah that Jesus peace be upon him will return to this Earth before the Final Day and all those (or most of those) who call themselves Christians will follow him, meaning, they will become Muslim, because he will be a Muslim following the law given to his brother - Muhammad peace be upon him.
I am not sure whose contact information I can give you, in order to help you speak about Islam and clarify your doubts. If you feel comfortable, this page is good enough for me or other readers to help you underatand Islam. You can talk to us, God Willing.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello to you, Iam feeling the same way here, I just recently met someone in africa. I enjoy his compionship. we understands each other very well. I am in doubt is he using me for green card? I prayed to God did he send him to me , We talks about marriage,we met online in feb.I need serious feedback!
Yolanda,
It is difficult for us to say he is, or he is not, because we don't know him. So I advise you to be careful when making a decision. Also know that (in Islam) he is not allowed to be with you in seclusion, be it physically or virtually (online).
Should you need further help, please provide details in a new post after you login. In sha Allah, we will publish it in turn.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
All I can say is take it slowly. Me and my husband talked for a year before marrying. Of course my family and his family were always around. and I found his true heart. I still talk to his family on the net and see them when i am on cam with my husband. Its not a good way for marriage, but i just have to remember it wont be like this forever. inshallah
aslam ole kum
Hello "happilymarried".
There are many good online resources for new Muslims or people interested in Islam:
IslamiCity.com - this site has been around since the early days of the internet and is a great resource.
Muslim Access Islamic Resources - lots of great links to good sites where you can learn about Islam.
ConvertsToIslam.org - plenty of good info for converts or people interested in Islam.
As far as books, I think "Islam in Focus" is a good one to start with.
Other readers here may be able to recommend more good resources.
I know you don't want to hear this, but I echo the concern of others that this man may be using you to get a green card. I don't know you or the young man, but I do know that this kind of thing happens often.
From an Islamic perspective, the age difference is not a problem. Our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) married Khadija when he was 25 and she was 40.
However, culturally it's often a taboo for a younger man to marry an older woman, and you might get some comments or strange looks. Feel free to ignore that, and to associate only with people who are positive minded.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you for the information. I was thinking of getting a quran to read, but was told there are rules for reading it. Help me... what are these rules???
Thanks again.
Don't worry about any rules, especially if it's only an English translation. Just make sure your hands are clean when you handle it, and treat it with respect.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello and Peace be upon you happily Married,
Really glad to hear that you want to learn more about Islam. It is very beautiful way of life instructed by the creator of the heaven and earth to purify human being and to guide them to the heaven.
Regarding age difference there is no restriction. You can marry any a person as long as his adult, reached puberty. There was age difference in marriage of our beloved Prophet (peace by upon him)
Regarding getting information on Islam, get a translated copy of Qur'an. You will learn a lot about Islam just by reading the Qur'an. In Qur'an the GOD almighty is talking to you. The words of Qur'an are actual words by the one and only true GOD. I promise you wont get bored but you will feel enlightened.
Also there is no such rule regarding reading translated copy of Qur'an. NO NEED TO DO WUDU for translated Qur'an AND NO NEED TO WEAR HEAD SCARF RIGHT NOW. First get more and information about Islam, build the faith strong and then slowly and gradually learn how to pray and other things about Islam. Don't rush into it otherwise you will find it really difficult.
You can contact the practicing Muslims in your area OR visit a nearby mosque and talk to the Imam(preacher) there.
And i request other Muslims not to push down her throat all the rules and regulations in the beginning of any new Muslim. it becomes really difficult. Give them time and tell them rules slowly and gradually once they feel comfortable and ready for another rule.
Hope this helps.
Peace by upon you.
thnx, very helpful. 🙂
Your most welcome sister
Glad you are concerned about this. I was complained by a non Muslim that someone gave him the Quran but no one instructed him on how to read it.
There is no such rule, but it would be best if you can read the commentary (you can download this ebook or get a hard copy: http://kalamullah.com/Books/Tafsir%20Ibn%20Kathir%20all%2010%20volumes.pdf)
This is in order to know when a particular verse was revealed. This is actually advised for even born Muslims, though many of them do not.
Otherwise, you can grab a copy of the Quran with translation and begin reading from the beginning, and ponder over each of the verses. Many Christians compare the verses of the Quran with that of the Bible and ponder over them. And they see that the Quran is true and uncorruptible book Revealed by Allah.
If you still have any difficilty, you can ask.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
asalam.alaykum
as in being a convert myself i have did alot of research on islam and its the most beautiful religion..im happy for your marriage sister and goodluck for you mashallah..let me tell you what i did sister i went to mosque before i decided to convert i mixed with very nice muslim women eho helped me on my journey through islam and i bought my own quran in translation english ..now sister before you read or touch quran you must wudu wash complete head to toe you should look up internet on wudu also wudu before prayers five times a day if you need help i can talk with you only through email which is..wudu is a most before touching quran and you must wear head scraf sister and cover from head to ankle ...my favourite chaper of quran is maryam it is so beauiful please let me no if i can help you some more my sister thank you and take good care Allah Pa Aman xxx
Assalaamualaikam
I'm so pleased that you want to learn more about Islam, and that you have a happy marriage alhamdulillah.
As well as looking at online resources, pick up a copy of an English translation of the Quran and just read it at your own pace. When I started reading it for the first time, I was so overwhelmed by the beauty and truth of what I was reading that I actually started to cry with happiness. Many translations are available, so have a look at a couple and see which translation suits your reading style the best. Later you might want to study several translations to see how different scholars have translated from the original Arabic - this way we can get a closer understanding of the Arabic text by looking at different perspectives on words used. The translation I tend to use is by Yusuf Ali, but there are lots of English translations available.
You might also like to obtain a recitation of the Quran, so you can hear it in Arabic. You can get mobile phone apps, CDs, online recordings... The recitation to which I probably listen the most is by Mishary, as the pace and style of the recitation match well with my reading style and help me work on pronunciation and comprehension.
Many areas in which there is a substantial Muslim community will have women's' centre or women-only community classes at the mosque. You can usually find one by searching online, and these can be really helpful. If you email or call a centre near you they will be able to let you know about classes, groups and activities that might be relevant for you.
If you feel in your heart that you believe in Allah and his Messenger Mohammed (peace be upon him), then you can say the Shahada (a declaration of faith) and join Islam.
Sometimes people feel that they should be perfect before converting; you really don't need to be. All you need to convert is a heartfelt belief in Allah and our Beloved Prophet, and the rest will inshaAllah come with time and study.
I hope that you and your husband are very happy together inshaAllah.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allaah), Who has created you and those before you so that you may become al-muttaqoon (the pious).” [al-Baqarah 2:21]
why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.
Allah says
“And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
{Quran 51:56}
_________________
Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
HE is not like us.
There is no one like HIM.
Allah says,
Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
"Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
He neither begets nor is born,
"And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."
(Quran 112: 1-4)
__________________________
what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?
Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?
Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.
I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.
Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
-> quran . com
- > Invitation2Islaam . wordpress .com
-> understand-islam . net/site/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=151&Itemid=28
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Dearest sister,
Don't be disheartened by people's comments about the age difference. What matter is what is going on with you and your husband. Even if he really uses you as a stepping stone, does it really matter if he loves you? Each one of us does use other people as stepping stones to achieve what we want. That is the fact of life. We need each other and we use each other at some point in our lives.
Don't be confused with what sister Jackie is saying, that you have to take ablution (wudu) and cover from head to ankle. That refers to the actual Quran in Arabic. For English translation of the quran, you do not have to take ablution - just ensure your hands are clean like what brother Wael mentions. Also, do not bring or read any quran (Arabic or translations) into the toilet. Treat any quran or any books with quranic words with respect (i.e. do not put on the floor or near your feet and do not sit on it or sit beside it.) Try always to elevate it and put it on a high position - on shelves or table.
Anyway, if you still have doubts about touching the Quran, you can just read Quranic translations online -quran.com is a good site. You can scroll the chapters that you want to read. Furthermore, you can key any word (for example Jesus, or Christ, or Isa or Maryam), and the search engine will give you all the verses that has that word in them. Try it.
The best place to find people to answer your questions face to face is the mosque. The imam (head preacher) will usually assign a volunteer sister or religious teacher to you. Go to your nearest mosque or Islamic institution. However, some Muslims are not well-informed about Islam themselves, so if you have further doubts about any issues after talking to a sister, clarify with the imam or any religious scholar.
I pray to Allah that He will guide you along.
Thank you all so much. Your information is very helpful and I am looking deeper into Islam. I pray that God will guide me to do what is right. And about the age thing, it doesnt bother me except my family, but my family does not accept him also cuz he is muslim. It makes it hard. But I hope when he gets here all will love him for who he is and see how happy we are together- inshallah.
Slowly and gradually everything would be fine...in sha allah.