Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Christian woman and Pakistani Muslim man – Should I Proceed?

Can Muslim-Christian marriages work? Can Muslim-Christian marriages work?

Muslim-Christian Marriage?

I am a Christian woman. A few months ago I have entered into a relationship with a Pakistani muslim man. We are both in South Africa. So far all he has been is good to me. He is kind, patient and soft hearted. Lately we have talked about marriage, because I am aware that dating isn't necessarily the proper thing to do when you are staunch muslim. I have some concerns which I have expressed to him.

When we first discussed it he was clear he can't marry a Christian woman who remains christian (basically he wanted me to convert or agree to converting). I have grown up as a christian and that is all I know. I cannot see myself converting to any other religion especially not for someone. If ever I convert it would have to be a personal choice something I do for myself.

So now he has changed his tune and has said that he will accept me as his wife even if I choose to remain christian.

What I worry about is:

1.would he have less respect for me as his christian wife oppose to a muslim wife?

2. If we have children later in the marriage what faith do they get raised in?

I'm very unsure of what to believe, and if I can trust that he means what he says regarding a Christian - Muslim marriage.

Also is there a way that I can check if he isn't perhaps already married with a wife and kids in Pakistan?

Thank you

Tagged as: , , , ,

18 Responses »

  1. First of all, he shouldn't accept you as a christian. That's a major sin. Second, you converting is absolutely not for him, it's for Allah.
    So when you say you can't convert for other person, you're wrong, and he shouldn't force you. Plus if you happen to get kids, you guys are going to have so much problems. Because of the differences of your religions.

  2. OP: I am a Christian woman. A few months ago I have entered into a relationship with a Pakistani muslim man. We are both in South Africa. So far all he has been is good to me. He is kind, patient and soft hearted. .......When we first discussed it he was clear he can't marry a Christian woman who remains christian (basically he wanted me to convert or agree to converting).

    You mean he can't marry a Christain woman but he can be in a relationship with one.

  3. Morgan I don't think you should marry him or even convert. This relationship is doomed i personally think it is better you marry Christan like you said your born with what you know.. This guy is not right for you plus you can do better without the complications. Women are put under alot of pressure just as men are BUT when something is not right don't do it you may regret it.

  4. Dear sister,
    I you really like can't convert for the sake of ALLAH -DON'T convert BUT you have to know that ONE DAY you will regret as well NOT ONLY for marriage but also for WHY YOU DID NOT ACCEPT islam in herelife.

    I recommend that ---don't marry this man. Such kind of opposite belief marriage can not be effective for both of you as long as every one is strongly prefer on his/her side.

    Try another luck---not to this man.

  5. Dear sister,
    Muslim men are allowed to marry Christians, Jews and Muslim wommen of course.
    That being said no one can force to become Muslim, it has to be from your heart and only for Allah, but believe me he will try to change your mind about being a Christian.

    As far as the children will have to be Muslim, no matter if he tells you they can also be Christian this isn't true it is a sin for him to bring up his kids other than muslims, so this you have to be ok with if you aren't ok with this then I suggest you end this relationship, I know of many couples who's husbands are Muslim and wives are Christian and they make it work, it is very hard but not impossible.. but the women always have to give out a little more, you have to understand what a Muslim husband expects from his wife even though your not Muslim he will still expect this from you, so start reading, just be careful of some sites that are against Islam.

    Marriage it's a difficult thing, throw in religion and culture and it makes it that much harder, just analyze what your wiling to give up. Children also must have Muslim names

    Best of luck to you

  6. You cant marry anybody unless they become muslim. the marriage will become haram and you will not succeed in anyway. people get confused i regareds to marry people of the book?This is referring at that time were group of believers believed in Allah .So stop thinking for your friend and put it away and use your brain if you know what i mean

    • Salam alaikum brother Raul,
      It is makroo ( not recommended ) but not haram for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman. Christians are still considered "People of the Book" because they believe in Allah swt. The only difference is that they worship Jesus too, astaghfirillah.

      • salam shereen christians dont believe in Allah they call Allah satan astagfirullah they call their God with other name and jesus they are mushriks. it is totally haram but if one for the sake of his own desire can marry a christian he is surely weak in faith can leave Allah for his love too.

        • Even if they worshipped Allah alone, they would be like the Jews and munafiqoon who said la ilaha ilAllah but Allah still called them disbelievers for disbelieving in Rasoolullah and Allah said the disbelievers will be in the fire forever and will not die their and the punishment will never be lightened and they will never come out may Allah make us fear it as we ought to!!!!!

          So to enter Paradise they must become Muslims. They might be halal to you in this life but they are haram to Jannah in the next!!!!

    • Brother how is this helpful?
      "Stop thinking for your friend and put it away"???
      The sister is here to get advice.

    • Yep----bro Raul,
      She needs to find some one who can be compatible with her FAITH.Otherwise----CONVERTION.
      Remaining options are not significantly real and are truly impractical.

    • Assalamu alaikum brother......please do not speak on the matter you have no knowledge are clearly forbidden which Allah have made lawful.check suratul maida verse 5 where Allah SWA said today we have made lawful for you the food of the people of the book and their pious women.which clear explain it self a muslim man is allowed to marry christian and jews women......

  7. If both of you decide to marry each other then think about the future. Marriage is for life so both of you should be committed to each other for life.

    The first issue you have to sort out is what religion the children are going to follow and the lifestyle in which they will grow up. I'm sure he would say Islam and you would say Christianity. If that is the case then both of you will have disagreements and fighting for the rest of your life.

    If you want to avoid all that trouble there are 2 options.

    1. You become muslim (only for the sake of Allah, after clearing your doubts and believing that Islam is the true religion)

    2. Don't get married to a muslim guy.

    Hope that helps.

    May Allah guide you.

  8. Dear Morgan,

    You are stuck in quite a dilemma. It is OK for you to marry this Muslim man, not recommended, but OK. Remember to take into account the fact that no matter if you remain Christian, you will have to cater to the Islamic needs of your husband and also raise his children in enough Islam that they can practice it. What this means: you will be buying and cooking halal meat, reading Quran and Muslim websites, teaching your children Islamic prayers and Islamic washing techniques, taking them to mosque (and wear a headscarf yourself in the mosque), and teaching them about Islam such as why we fast during Ramadan, and what are good manners,ect.

    As you can see, by the time your children would be grown, you will practically have had to become Muslim yourself to raise them as proper Muslims. I have seen some Christian women do all this and still not accept Islam, but it is a consistent cause for friction between husband and wife, and a cause for lonliness for the wife, since she is purposely leaving herself out of the Muslim community. Thus it might be just easier to consider converting or at least read up on Islam and its values enough to imagine such a life.

    In regards to checking the man's marraige status, there is only 1 sure way... ask to meet his mother!

    Peace and much love to you,

  9. Salaam

    Dear sister,

    There are many things to consider. Islamically, this man can marry you, even if you remain christian. SUch a marriage is valid.

    However, it may not be valid according to your faith. If you are catholic, a nikah will not be regarded as valid and you would not be allowed to communion nor to any other sacrament. This would be a serious issue if you have faith. Even many protestant churches do not accept nikah. So how strong is your chritian faith?

    Also, a muslim man would demand his children to be brought up muslim. This would not be allowed by any christian church. So again, how strong is your christian faith?

    You must also beware that a muslim man might have very different views on the role of a husband and a wife. I suggest you study and talk to a muslim scholar about this before you contemplate marriage. Having different basic values can cause much strife!

    It is also important to understand that a muslim man can divorce you by simply giving talaq, and he will consider himslef divorced from you while you most likely consider yourself married to him. This has caused much pain in interfaith marriages. Especially for catholic women who are not allowed divorce, since divorce does not exist in the catholic faith. These women have to remailn alone for the rest of their lives, still spiritually married to a man who sees himself as divorces, and married to somebody else.

    Also know, that many muslim men still beileve they have a right to polygamy. There are even muslims who believe they have a right to marry 2,3 or four without even asking or informing the first wife, and they are supported in this by some scholars. So a christian woman who believes marriage is a holy and inseparable sacrament may find it a living hell to find out her husband has also married somebody else and is expecting her to share him with up to 3 other women.

    So my basic advice is, marry within your own faith.

    May you be blessed and comforted in your decision.

  10. Morgan,

    To answer your question, yes...a Muslim man can marry a Christian woman. Should you choose to learn about the Islamic faith and open up your heart to accepting Islam, it should be of your own free will and no pressure from anyone. Should you have children, they must be raised in the Islamic faith.

    You say, "he has changed his tune and will accept you even if you choose to remain Christian." I personally don't think that your husband will respect you any less if you should decide to retain your faith. It's not like he is going into this with his eyes closed, everything is on the table.

    My concerns are for you. Pakistani families are very close knit and often don't marry outside of their own culture. Has he introduced you to his mother and father? Has he told his family about you? Chances are, he hasn't and has no plans to. Ask him. He will most likely come up with every excuse known to man. If he skirts the issue, you are warned. I would very strongly urge you to not move forward with pursuing this relationship until you meet his family. Chances are, they will not accept his marriage to you and would do anything to marry him off to the next door neighbor back home before giving their approval. Not all Pakistani families are this way however, the majority are.

    If this man is married to a woman in Pakistan, that is something you will have a difficult if not impossible time finding out. He very well could have a wife and children back home however that is something he is not going to disclose to you let alone a wife back home. Tread carefully here or you are going to get hurt. So this man wants to marry you? Ask him when you can meet his parents? Best of luck to you.


  11. Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 221: Do not marry mushrik (unbelieving) women unless they believe a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allure youLikewise, do not wed your women to mushrik men unless they believe a man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allure you..The mushrik people invite you to the Fire, while Allah by His grace invites you to the Garden and His Pardon, and He makes His revelations plain to the people so that they should learn a lesson and follow the admonition.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5: Likewise you are permitted to marry believing chaste women, and chaste women from among the people of the Book (Jews and Christians), provided that you give them their due mahr and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor sected intrigues.

    We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
    Shirk (associating others with Allah Subhanah) is the exact opposite of the term Tauheed (belief in One God). whatever the mushriks believe in other than the One All Mighty Lord, or associate with, or invoke, or worship, or share any of Allahs Attributes with their idols, or graves, or stars, or sun, or moon, or man, or any other object or being.they will be committing shirk.

    Surah Baqarah verse 221:Do not marry mushrik women unless they believe.

    Neither the believing man, nor the believing woman is permitted to marry a mushrik; unless they believe first!

    But, Allah Subhanah has given permission to the believing man to marry chaste woman from the People of the Book, if they wish to do so.
    but if morgan is a monotheist he can marry miss Morgan. what do say miss morgan, do you believe in trinity? it is totally forbidden to marry a mushrik. you people can better understand if christians are mushriks or not

    • Jews and Christians are among disbelievers and all disbelievers haram to Muslims, and so is their meat but Allah made an exception to the women of Jews and Christians and their food.

Leave a Response