Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Facebook has ruined my friendships

Facebook, social network

Dangers of social networks.

Asalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,

I have a problem and I really need you to help me. I have got many advices that help me a lot because there are many wonderful brothers and sisters on this website. So, I hope you can give me the best advice to solve this problem.

I have a friend who was my classmate. Her name is Hala and she is 15 years old. I didn't use to like her but after some weeks we became best friends. I liked her so such because she used to always make me come closer to Allah. She used to tell me many islamic stories, hadith and many things about Islam and she is the one who guided me to this website .And she used to always advise our classmates whenever they have done something wrong. She used to be so religious and I am learning a lot everyday from her. She is the only one among all of my friends who reminds me of Allah and turned to Him whenever I have any problem.

One day, when I went to her house she told me that she has signed on Facebook. I was shocked, because before she used to say to me how bad Facebook is and I that should stay away from it. I ask her why she signed on Facebook after she warned me from it, and she said that nothing bad will happen and she will be careful and that she will only chat with her friends.

She asked me to sign on Facebook too. I told her that I am scared that I will fall in a sin. She told me not to get scared and nothing will happen as long my intention is not to do a sin. And she told me that no one can chat with me unless if I added him. My parents were not happy when I told them I will sign on Facebook. I told them that I will only chat with my classmates.

My classmates are all on Facebook and they are all asking me to join them too so I signed on Facebook.

My friend Hala has change these days. Before she used to call me a lot so we can share islamic stories with each other, but now if she calls me she will only say how am I, or she is having exams and that she is not having enough credit then she will end the call.

I was so confused about what is wrong with her. I used to ask her friends on Facebook and they say that they don't know. After a few weeks I called her and asked her why she is not calling me these days and she told me to come to her house and she will tell me everything.

I went to her house with some of my friends. I asked her what was the thing that she wants to say to me, and she said that she "fell in love with a boy on Facebook''. I was totally shocked! I asked her why she did not say it to me because I could have helped her to avoid it but she said to me that she was scared I might scold her, like as if she wants someone to encourage her to commit her sin and not the one who will discourage her. She told her friends and they encouraged her to go on. They told her that "it is nice to find someone who cares about you''. So, she goes ahead with that boy and he sends her love messages and she replied him too, and she even sends her pictures to him and he gave his phone number to her. He is ''24'' and she is only ''15'' and she has gone really crazy for him.

She told me that his mother asked him to get married after four years, and that she might be his future wife .He is making so many promises to her and she is believing him. I told her that he is just lying to her but she said that he is not that type, that he is very honest and wise and that she has tested him.

And she is not the only one my other friends told me that they are in love too on Facebook. I just like to faint at how they are making relationships with boys on Facebook.  They told me that I am not in love and that's why I can't understand.

I said them it is wrong what they are doing but they replied me that when I will fell in love with someone then I will understand the meaning of ''love''.They all turned against me and they think that I am so religious and everything is Haram in my life.They keep on saying about their relationships on Facebook. Each one will say how is her boyfriend how cool he is and that he sends love messages to her and so on. I have just kept watching them talking and laughing while I am sitting alone like nothing.

All my friends do not like to talk to me a lot because I am not doing what they ask me to do and I am too much forbidding everything they do. Whenever I pretend to be like them they will like me more, but if I don't they just ignore me. I feel nowadays that some people don't like to have religious friends, they just like to have friends who will be more fun.

I broke my friendship with many of my friends because they don't like me always saying what's haram in whatever they do. I am not saying it's haram in everything as they think, I am just given them advice as my friends if they have done wrong and show them the right thing to do. So,what is bad in that?

They are my best friends and I love them and I don't like seeing them doing mistakes.  Sometimes I try to encourage them to do their mistakes because I am afraid if I tell them it is wrong then I will hurt their feelings or they will ignore me.

So please brothers and sisters how I am going to deal with this? Now I am not talking to my best friend Hala, she calls me but I am not answering her calls. I just still can't believe that the one who used to encourage  me to stay away from sins is now the one who is doing sins- then how I am going to learn from her how to be a true believer? I made her my true friend and we used to be such good friends, and she is the friend who accepts me and listens to what I say. Since she fell in love with that boy on Facebook she has totally changed.

She told me that she knows what she is doing is wrong, and that she is very sorry. But she says he is very honest with her and he truly loves her.

She is not talking to me like she used to do. All my friends are in love and they think that I hate them whenever they make a mistake and I avoid them and I don't like to have fun with them. They said they care about me and  that I am very important to them, and they want me to be their friend. I just don't like their attitudes. I just want a friend who will guide me to the right path. How I can advise them and especially my best friend Hala, or should I just be like them?

Your sister Saja.



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19 Responses »

  1. assalalaikum-

    Direct us on to the Straight Way
    We beseech God to guide us in all walks of life to a way which is absolutely true, which provides us with a properly-based outlook and sound principles of behaviour, a way which will prevent our succumbing to false doctrines and adopting unsound principles of conduct, a way that will lead us to our true salvation and happiness. This is man's prayer to God as he begins the study of the Qur'an.
    The way of those whom You have favoured *9, who did not incur Your wrath, who are not astray *10.
    *9. This defines the 'straight way' which we ask God to open to us. It is the way which has always been followed by those who have enjoyed God's favours and blessings.
    According to Islamic teachings, apart from having the right belief how important is it for a person to do good deeds?

    Doing good and having the right belief go hand in hand in Islam. In fact, doing good in practice is the proof of having the right belief in the heart. This is why the Holy Quran speaks of true Muslims very often as "those who believe and do good deeds". Both the Quran and the Holy Prophet have told Muslims that the best among them is that person who shows the best behaviour towards other people.


    "O you who believe! keep your duty to Allah and speak straight, true words." (Holy Quran 33:70)
    "O you who believe, keep your duty to Allah, and be with the truthful people." (9:119)
    "Be maintainers of justice and bearers of true witness for Allah, even if it (the truth) goes against your own selves or parents or relatives or someone who is rich or poor." (4:135)

  2. Walaykum assalaam wr wb,

    I don't have suggestion for you my cute little sister. But just wanted to appreciate your honest concern towards your friends. MashaAllah we need youth like you who should be like an obstacle for evil happening among us. Just be content and May Allah give you more strength in imaan and try not be friend with those friends. Coz surroundings surroundings will have impact on you and May Allah preserve you and all of us from haram.

  3. Reading your story I felt very sorry for your friends...they will soon regret what they are doing..I was like your friend...went on the wrong path...but i didn't have a friend like you are to your friends to i was doing was really.wrong...i stayed on the wrong path for a very long time...I regret that so much...and unfortunately your friends might not be able to see what they are doing is ruining their future but.I do hope that you don't join them...I hope you stay.strong..stay pure...and stay away.from.what you know is friends but don' your life whot's gona be a negative influence on you..I pray you stay safe and god keeps you protected from all that is bad in.this world . ia .

    Take care of yourself..stay positive..stay strong xxx

  4. i can't suggest but one thing i could say that ur friend is going to suffer and never believe in this facebook stuff as it is a shaitan's act of deviating the believers from the right path. With an experience am saying this. Even i was like ur friend who used to call others towards Allah, but one fine day i fell astray and that too with a non-muslim, despite knowing it's wrong, but still deep in heart i was praying Allah to redirect me to the straight path. My prayer was accepted and that guy left me as a result saying i was wrong and was unable to understand him, but actually i got to understand him clearly that, such a guy was unfit for my love, whether it was his fault or mine, but i knew the that the only thing i did wrong was going astray from Allah's path. i'd like to quote Allah's saying which means that "The one who displeases Allah for pleasing a person is surely going to suffer as Allah displeases the person who had been pleased" And one thing I could say is, the guy with whom ur friend is in love is a wrong guy, coz if he were a good guy he won't have sent such msgs, instead he or his family would have requested for ur friend in marriage with him. i appreciate that u have a great concern to ur friend. Hope ur friend gets back to the straight path of Allah again. hope she repents to Allah and i suggest u to stay away from her till then

  5. assalamualaikum sister

    be thankful to allah , that u dint come in there words and used ur brain in choosing right ways , and to tell u frankly who said FACE BOOK is wrong , sister u knw i too have an account my cousins hv and my friends do have , and it depends on the way u use it now it is upto them how they use , and there is privacy settings were none can msg u nor add u as frind , then how did she communicate with a strange person only when she allowed him to communicate with her , so it is her fault not FACE BOOK 🙂 im thre since 2008 and alhumdulilah i have signd up many islamic paages on it and it is so useful , again it depends on u shytan is every were tempting us to make a sin it is upto us to be clever enough to knw what is right and wrong , and abt ur friends just leave them alone they will realise it one day this is agae were everything is very fancy and most of them live in dreamland once they realise hw this world is they wil get back to ther place it is lesson for them to learn , so u stick to ur prayer nd ask allah to guide them to right path and dont get to that matter again as it will intrun make it worse and stay way of them make good friends and be happy Allah is alwys with us 🙂

  6. U knw during my college day i was also same like u 🙂 and u knw my friends called me bhenji boring mamas girl etc and hurted me but alhumdulilah allah always saved me , they went arong with boys and movies all sort of things and tried to get me a bf to lols , but nothing worked as it depends on us 🙂 u knw tdy i am proud for what i am they all suffered like anything landed into so many relations and all heart breaks betrayal etc and evn one friend tried commiting sucide so be care ful al this will only lead to pain and troubles , when allah has said it is haraaam it is only to protect us so we must never do such things , when they are in that stage they will nevr listed trust me they will be so arrogant and will insult us in return so just leave them and allah will tke care of it look at me tody alhuduilah u will get the right person one day ther is no need to go to such haraam ways to find allah will send him to ur ways in halal way 🙂

    be happy

  7. ok first let me check if my messages get posted here or else ill waste my time typing a whole novel which will never show.

  8. Assalaam Alaikum sister saja,
    its 2:44 am where i live and im sleepy as hell but i wont coz something is bothering me big time. im angry and teary and i cant think of anything better than talking to you about your problem, though i have my own.. just that sometimes just feeling some1 elses pain or lonliness can make you feel less lonely. 🙂
    So no thanx to me cuz im doing it for myself.

    Saja,im both happy and sad for you at the same time.
    Happy that you are so pious Alhamdolillah that you are able to deal with this kind of peer pressure with this enormous strength of emaan and sad that you just lost a good friend to the most modern disease called facebook.

    without getting into statistics or talking much about numbers im going to tell you that this obsession with facebook has led many astray. this facebook is in our media reports all the time for all the bad reasons. many kids and adults have becone so addicted to this passtime, to such an extent that they have to take professional help to sober up. 🙂
    Divorce cases have seen a steady rise in numbers post the facebook popularity. worrying about teenagers who fall for non mehrams is nothing when married men and women have taken over this networking site as a convenient means to connect with strangers and indulge in extra marital relationships. most of these virtual relationships go several steps ahead till it breaks every barrier of modesty and no longer stays limited on computer screens. People have developed an alter ego, an online personality so different to their original ones that if we were to ask a layperson to describe them then he would confidently do that in one word either '' FAKE''/ '''' showoffs.'!

    How can some place that would expose you to so much haram and tempt you to indulge into haram be halal? yet strangely we have ulemas who strongly support the idea of being on facebook or those who just show reluctance in unanimosly condeming it. its funny how many people actually give Dawa on it. we have islamic groups on that website where they get friends requests from random, semi naked women.
    Shaitan really knows how to make a haram thing look perfectly halaal, eh?

    Saja tell hala that this is also a very dangerous place. accounts are easily hacked. the worst thing is that the website does not provide the victims any support. i was hacked when i was on it. some guy kept trying to start a conversation with me and when i kept ignoring he hacked me. i could see him play with my dp and my status from my friend's account but no1 helped me until my husband hired a hacker to recover it. he was soooo sweet when he wanted me to add him that if i were 10 years younger then i.would have fallen onto his trap. So plz dont succumb to the peer pressure. you have tried your best to guide them
    now stop trying though you must not stop praying for them.

    as for you my dear, consider yourself lucky that Allah has chosen to protect you. people who cannot guide you to jannah are not your real friends. they anyway want to sit and chat about random boys and since you dont have such shallow toughts to share with them, they have nothing to do with you.
    dont bother about entertaining them or weep over losing such friends when you have Allah for your friend.

    May you stay on.the right path always. never lose hope. be strong.


    excuse my typos if any coz im.way to sleepy. * yawn*

  9. facebook has ruined years long marriages, rock solid emaans and in your case your friendship.
    without getting into statistics i can tell you from what i rememeber reading in news articles, post Facebook popularity shrinks are having a thriving business, pretending to fix marriages or getting people out of FB addiction and sadly its not just teenagers. Tell me who can dare to stop them from being on that fitna place if the whole family is on facebook?

    i know some people who were so mature and well behaved, changed so drastically with either a stupid alter ego that makes them pose with foolish expressions in front of the mirror all the time clicking their own pics or those who have turned into facebook stalkers, constantly trying to find out whtas happening in other people's lives so they could gossip. How can you stop your teenage friends who have found a safe haven for their desires in facebook when grown up mature adults who find reasons to justify their fb accounts? '' we are here for dawa... we are here for just here so i could stay connected to my family''
    Do you know how many people have committed suicide because of this exposure? do you know how many married people who never thought they would ever cheat on their spouse have cheated because of facebook and had a divorce? do you know how many smart kids who had a potential fora great career have ruined their own ambitions to its addiction and its funny how our ummah is still divided on its haram status. we dont need a fatwa to condemn it we just need a conscience. do we want to be in a place like this where our emaan is constantly challenged or find excuses to be there?. maybe you could tell your friends about them.

    the best thing a lots of young girls think about online dating is that no1 knows if you are talking to a boy obesides they think its safe within the comforts of her home but that is THE most dangerous exposure,
    THE most dangerous form of dating. People get hacked over there and the website offers NO support unless you go to cyber cops and file a formal complaint. i realised how terrible this place is since there is no way to get in touch with their team if you get hacked, it got even more wierd when i realised that i couldnt delete my own account after i recovered it from the hacker. the only way to do that was delete the email account permanantly.

    One girl got arrested by putting up an innocent status that infuriated a political party, one girl got her pictures compromised so badly that cops had to be involved to catch the hacker, do you know she was posed as a naked prostitute online? one kid committed suicide after an ugly public breakup, one kid committed suicide after her so called friends bullied her on fb and humiliated her so badly.. and yet those
    who live are still on facebook. Horrible experiences havent shaken them enough to leave it for good.
    Parents continue to allow their vulnerable kids on a dangerous place like this and how can they even begin
    to tell them how bad it is when they cant stop themselves?

    But Alhamdolillah there are some sensible people like you and i appreciate your will power.
    Firstly these kids are not your responsibilty. if you have tried enough to change their mind then dont bother anymore. just pray for them to understand the risks and dangers of being on facebook. pray allah gives them a strong emaan so facebook and things alike would repulse them. Shaitan makes everything look beautiful and even justifies your act but if your emaan is strong, you dont buy those excuses at all.

    you are better off without friends who will lead you to the fire so its best you stayed away from them especially when they talk about boys and their online encounters. Allah is testing you so do not succumb to the fitna like Hala. i feel sad for this kid already. May Allah bring her back to faith and keep you strong in it my dear. its only facebook now, our ummah still has to face Dajjal. lets not allow this little trial to knock us down.

    You are soooo close to Allah.

    • Wa'alaikumu asalam

      Thank u for replying apple green and Apple Green may Allah bless you.

      Before my friends were signed on this facebook they were so innocent.They know nothing but to joke or play.We used to talk about anything from our imaginations we laugh a lot and enjoy.I used to think they are my best and true friends and I could not get anyone like them.

      Until one day they all signed on this facebook or ''Shaytan book'' which have destroyed everything of our friendship.

      By reading your comments I came to realize how dangers this facebook could be.And the most dangers thing is that my friends think it is save and they keep on dating boys.They used to say me no one could start a conversation with me unless if I added him or her, but I was not knowing they could if they hacked you.Like when I signed on this facebook I used to received so many requests and messages and most of them are from boys.

      Do they even steal pictures and make it naked?OH MY GOD!,My friend Hala shares her pictures with that boy whom she in love with on facebook I told her is not good he might do something bad with it but she says he is honest and could not do such things.

      I really don't know when she is going to understand she has is gone mad with that boy.If you see her face you can never say she is a girl who could believe such liars she was so innocent.I really don't know what he had done to her until she believed and trusted him.

      I think everything is in the hand of Allah.Only Allah knows the best way to guide her.And thank you again for replying and Ramadan Kareem.

      You sister Saja.

  10. Waaleikum salaa

    As d saying goes let d sleeping dogs sleep just let dem be or else they will keep fighting u n trust me they will neva listen

    Just pray for dem instead

  11. Asalamu alaikum to all

    Thank you so much all for replying.ALI YOUSUFF,Brother,M,Abiya,Zoya,and asiyah may Allah bless you all!

    You so right Abiya, that the boy my friend is in love with is not the true one.I said her if he truly loves her he will never said such words to her or even ask her photos, but she says that, ''he is honest and wise and not at all that type of lairs''.I asked her how she knew that? and she said that she have questioned him many times and she is 100% sure he is not lying.

    Before when she used to tell me stories about girls who fell in love with boys on Facebook, she used to say me, ''they don't used their brains to think but they used their hearts that's why they believe such liars so easily''.But she had forgotten everything she said and she sold herself so easily to that boy.

    Is just sad to see her being fooled by that boy so easily and the problem is that she is not seeing it as a problem and still thinks he loves her truly.

    You are right, I am lucky that Allah Had showed me their true colors and that they are not the right friends for me.Hala is my true best friend and like my sister too I can't sit and watch her deviating from the right path and not seeing the truth.Sometimes if call her to advice her she don't even want to listen to me and keeps on changing the subject.Now is been 8 month and she is still chatting with that boy.She have totally changed her attitudes towards me.

    It is right a person can used Facebook for good or bad.But I have stopped using this Facebook forever because I am afraid if it will spoil me like them too.I just can't understand why do people waste their times on Facebook?.Social networks are for communicating with family,friends etc, but I don't know some people used it for what?.

    I just want to know is there anyway I can advice her or it will be good for me to forget about her?.

    And thank you again for replying I will really appreciate your advises.

    Your sister Saja.

  12. Myself Abiya
    Dear Saja, i suggest u to keep on advising her whenever u find the time is apt. I have heard a hadees that our propher Muhammad(SAS) used to call the disbelievers towards Allah again and again.
    i didn't have any friend suggesting me not to talk to such fake lovers on fb, if there had been atleast one friend advising me like u, i might not have fell astray, of course my friends till now didn't knew what has happened to me as i didn't reveal anything to them, but Alhamdulillah, Allah recalled me to his path. Advice her for the sake of Allah, n for ur self coz he's gonna reward u the best in the hereafter life.

  13. As salaamu alaikum

    As a friend, we don't tell our friends what they want to hear we tell them the truth. My experience tells me this man because he's not a boy (25) wants more than what friendship offers. He wants to be the first to drive a new car. This is the new toy syndrome! Beware! Many Muslimahs have lost more than just their purses not paying attention to this simple principle. Call her and tell her he probably only wants one thing and its not marriage. If he wanted marriage, he would go to her father and do it properly or he would use a Wali to protect him and her against fitnah. He would not want her to fall in love with him over 8 months and not go through the proper channels. This is a clear deception of Shaytaan! More than likely he has no such intention of marriage. Real men marry and boys continue to play mind games with young women. Unfortunately, many of our young Muslimahs will not listen because they think they have it all figured out as your friend clearly thinks with her lie detector tests. This is a sad reality about Muslim youth in general. Finally, men are not that easy to figure out especially those that have a goal of something they want like a new car. They can play it straight for a while. The real test she should give him is if he really wants to marry her will he go to her father or Wali. That's a real Muslim man!.

    Some important points to remember:

    Point# 1 Any man who won't meet your father or Wali straight away stay away!
    Point #2 If the conversation is not about marriage straight away stay away it's poison!
    Point #3 Communication without your guardian is inviting the Shaytaan. Well explained in the authentic hadeeth.
    Point #4 Women don't understand men they just think they do. Same applies in reverse.
    Point #5 Facebook and other social media are just places of Gossip, Backbiting and overall time wasting for the most part with little other benefit. ( We can share pics on many different forms of media today).

    Muslims let's be a little serious about our Deen as our local Imam said.

    Social media is just another attack on already western minded and weak Muslims. Remember the Shaytaan is our sworn enemy but for some strange reason we think we're safe and there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Can you think of a better method for Shaytaan today than wasting the muslims time on facebook causing us ( Muslims) to commit Zina, Lie, Cheat, Deceive, and a host of other sins? Has complete access to us through our phones, computer and family and friends because they too are engrossed in its use. The Shaytaan is having a field day on us while we are completely unaware of his presence.

    The Muslim community is asleep at the wheel and the car is heading off a cliff! We have abandoned to course of worship for the chattels of deception. Have we not ever read the Qur'an not even once? This Deen is serious but we so casually practice it as if we have a million years to get it right . Wallahi we are just like the Jews and Christians. An Nabi salallhu alaihi was salaam conveyed this message to us but how few of us will take heed.

    May Allah guide our Muslim youth men and women.

    • Wa'alikum Asalam

      Thank you so much brother Abu Ibraheem for your wonderful response.May Allah bless and reward you.

      I will call her and tell her whatever you said and I hope Allah will open her eyes to the truth and make her understand her mistake.

      I have tried to explain this to her but she won't listen.She thinks that by the love messages and sweet words that he is sending to her proves that he truly loves her.And she never ask him to come and talk to her father or anything like that or letting their both parents to know about their relationship.She have became very serious with that boy she don't even want me to talk about him.Whenever I call her if I talked with her about anything she will be fine but if I asked her to stop her relationship with that boy she will start an argument with me.

      It seemed to me like she herself want to have a relationship with this boy and she do not want to take it as a Haram relationship.She knows all the answers by herself but she is letting her lust to control over her.I asked her thus she wants me to have a relationship with a boy she says''No'',and that it is very bad and it will spoil my life.But I don't understand why is she doing so if she knows it is not good.

      Is just makes me scared sometimes if could fall in the traps of such liars.The problem is that some girls if they fell in love with boys they will take them as everything in their lives.

      I just hate this Facebook and every social network which destroy the life of innocent girls and boys and waste it for nothing.Facebook has taken away from me a true friend who was my partner to the right path.And that is still breaking my heart.May Allah protect us from every evil traps of ''Shaytan'' Ameen.

      Your sister Saja.

  14. Any update on the situation?

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