I want her to fall in love with me in a halal way
I have been looking for the right woman for many years. Now, I met her who has the personality and qualities I so desired. I am from the Middle East and have been working in the States for a long time.
I am a true Muslim and maintain strong connection with my country. She is a Korean and a very devoted Christian. The marriage proposal is so difficult for the sake that we are from two different cultures. She is my colleague and I see her almost everyday. The concept of no dating, no falling in love first before marriage is totally unknown to her. The proposal is bound to fail. You can't expect a Korean girl to marry you without the universal procedures - taking her to dinner and movies, holding hands, exchanging thoughts and feelings etc.
I tried to make my business messages more affectionate on emails but this is far from enough. I have asked some Asian friends for advice. The answer is no, Asian girls won't marry you without falling in love.
If I give her a marriage proposal like a business meeting, I will look like an idiot. If I date her, I am doing something against my religion. What is the best way to make her fall in love with me without going through the forbidden procedures?
I will really appreciate your ideas and advice. Thank you very much for helping.
- ww333
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My first suggestion is that you not marry this lady. The difference of religion will be a problem when you have kids. I understand the temptations. We see non-Muslim women in the workplace every day and it's easy to have an attraction and develop feelings for someone. But you have to resist that, and instead seek a good Muslim woman who will help you on the path to Jannah, and be a good example for your children, and help you raise them as good Muslims.
If you are determined to pursue the Korean lady, then I suggest you be straight with her. I had a friend who met a Christian (Latin American) woman at a dinner with friends, and proposed to her the same day. She accepted, and 25 years later they are still married. So you never know.
Tell her that you are interested in her, you are Muslim and this is your way, and propose marriage to her. Give her some time to think about it. If she has any interest then she will want to talk. Answer her questions openly, and see what happens.
But again, I repeat my advice that you should forget about pursuing this woman. By the way, from what I know of Koreans, it is extremely disapproved of for a Korean woman to marry a non-Korean man. I'm sure it happens, but culturally it is frowned on.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam Alaikum brother.
Brother I would forget about this woman. She's NOT Muslim and if she's devoted to
christianity and WILL NOT accept ALLAH (swt) as the LORD of all creation how do you
expect to live a halal life with her? how will you bring your children up?
how do you know your children will follow Islam? if shes christian that means
most likely she believes ASTAGHFIRULLAH as Prophet Jesus (PBUH) as her lord
and savior ASTAGHFIRULLAH !!!! Brother you know this is SHIRK AND BLASPHEMY
in our holy beautiful religion of Al-Islam.
There are many many single MUSLIM sisters out there.
Very obedient, kind, Muslim woman who acknowledge ALLAH (swt)
and believe in the same thing you do. So why leave these single Muslim woman
and go for some christian who probably won't accept Islam anyway.
Yes we Muslim men are allowed to marry the Ahlul Kitab (People of the book)
women. But obviously its better to marry our OWN Muslim sisters.
And I don't think she'll fall in love with you without committing those haram acts.
Forget this woman and find yourself a nice Muslim woman.
Go to your local Mosque and talk to an Imam to find out if there are
any single sisters in the community. Or log on to a Muslim marriage
site and try to find on that way. SingleMuslim.com has a lot of good
reviews.
May ALLAH (swt) assist you in your endeavor my brother.
Salaam Alaikum.
Your brother in Islam.
Totally agree with brother Nawid comments absolutely right I strongly agree with this has I don’t believe in mix marriages. Marry your own Muslim as there are so many decent Muslim sisters and brothers out there and inshallah you will find a better wife don’t lose your identify for the sake of this woman of who you are you will never be accepted fully by her family nor she will either compromise her religion beliefs for Islam. Choose a Muslim wife who you will be better off with you then someone who will use you for a sperm donor then later have no respect for you or your family don’t ruin your life for someone who is from another religion. I wish you the best
dear brother
Your question 'how should i make her fall in love with me?' is naive to say the least. You cannot make anyone fall in love with you, one does'nt control this emotion.
Have you considered all the pros and cons if this relationship was to take place in the first place.
you say your are a committed muslim, then surely her being a non-muslim will bother you intensely one day, even if you were to get married.
Think hard about what you are doing- this may not even be love from your part- its could simply be an infatuation, you have no idea what she is really like- esp outside work, you don't know anything about her personal life, background etc.
Try to get over her, try to meet Muslim sisters and prospective wife through the legitmate means and if you are to marry this woman then it will happen.
but if you want her to know you have feelings for her then let her know through someone and observe the result. It may solve your problem one way or another!
good luck.
Salam,
i must say reading your post i felt you are a little obssesed with this woman. you dont know her much yet you want her to fall in love with you? and in your mind it has to be in a halaal way from a non muslim , modern woman , who i am sure... is not open to ideas of FOREVER AND EVER, without some certainty.
you are expecting wrong things in unknown places. people need to know each other somewhat before they get personally involved in each other. to have a start you have to ask decently, explain your reason genuinely and go along with the flow to find wether what you want is really what you need.
i am a little confused about halaal way of falling in love? there is nothing wrong in talking, meeting in person, on dinners, going out and even holding hands if is purley out of love and not lust, alone.
So dear brother, think and see what you r asking for ?
In Islam talking unnecessarily ,meeting in person by yourselves, on dinners, going out and even holding hands even if is purely out of love BEFORE marriage is haram. The woman needs a trusted guardian (father, brother, etc.) with her in order to communicate with this brother.
Brother do not go through with this, if God forbid one day things do not work out & she divorces you, most likely the kids will end up with her & will be raised as Christians. If you are a true Muslim, it will break your heart to see your children being raised that way, so please avoid that. It seems you do not know the woman very well to fall in love with her, this is a blessing itself because if you have fallen for her it would be even more harder to leave. Before that happens, find a good Muslim woman who will have the same beliefs as you & will raise your children the way you want them to be raised & help you improve in your religion as well.
-Pepper
Dear brother,
I know you don't want any one to tell you to forget about her, I'm sure you tried but it seems so impossible
I won't call you neive because I shall not judge you
But brother imagine your life with this women
Lets say she marries you,
The next morning u awake for fajr salah, you wake her up at 4 am she asks you not to do it again
So the next morning u skip fajr salah not to disturb her
While you and your wife are out for dinner she orders Pork
You tell her you never ate pork in your life bcz u r a Muslim
She tells u to try some if you love her, you take a bite
On Friday she asks you if you cheat on her
You tell her never, I go to the jummah/masjid
She asks you to come home after work, next Friday you skip prayer to relieve her suspicions
Little things will pull you from Islam..
You chose the women of your dreams or the afterlife..
Inshallah you will make the right decision inshallah...
if you really love her and believe that your heart has pure intentions then i suggest you make dua. you must understand the difference of true love or nafs. love is a blessing from allah. and only allah can put love in the heart. and only allah guides who he wills. so i suggest you pray to allah and make dua. ask allah to guide her to the righteous path; make her a muslim. make dua asking allah to put love in her heart for you. only allah swt puts love in the heart. he is all powerful and all-loving. he loves his creation and asks us to make dua. so make dua and. pray to allah. he and only he can answer you prayers.
Salam:Ddear brother:
just read what brothers write for u. Plz understand what z comments r reffering.