Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am following Islam in secret and my parents are strongly against Islam

Allah Knows who you are


I'm a 17 year old girl. I came to know about Islam when I transferred to a Muslim school 3 years ago. Now I'm in my last year of school and acknowledged that Islam is the true religion when I was 16.

But my parents (hindus) are against Islam, especially my mother. I still haven't revealed that I'm following Islam, but I'm following it in secrecy but not fully. I can't even do the 5 times prayer under their constant watch on me, nor do I know how to do it properly. Even if I had learnt it and still try to do so in a closed room, there will be interupptions (such as mother yelling what I'm doing) and I wouldn't be able to pray in peace and I don't want to be caught praying. It makes me feel bad that I'm skipping my prayers. It's not that I'm doing something bad but my parents will mistreat me and hate if they find out.

My mother also forced me to commit idolatry. I once resisted against it and she discouraged me by saying,"What's your problem? So you don't want to worship gods and you want to worship Allah? Islam is a difficult religion. In hinduism, you don't have to pray." I was filled with anger, sad and regret. I couldn't what to do, and I begged Allah to forgive me in my mind. These thoughts frequent my mind when I find another Muslim woman/man outside 'coming from'/'going to' a mosque-"Shame on me for not being able to do namaz", "Allah doesn't like cowards like me", etc. My friend said that if I regret not being able to do namaz, it will be automatically done. But this doesn't convince me enough. Is this true?

I also revealed the benefits of Islam to my mother whenever I came home from school, saying that my friend said they would do this and that for their own good. I thought explaining what my friends do in Islam would actually influence my mother but to no avail. Once, out of anger and disgust, I said to her,"Islam, Judaism, and Christianity are monotheistic religions. God will be angry and punish those families that follow polytheism like you Hindus." I hoped that this will bring to her senses, but she responded with an indifferent "oh". It really made me sad that she doesn't care about it.

I don't know any muslim in the society I live in and the mosque is very far away to ask for help. The only muslims I know are my school friends but they live very far from my house (more than 30 km) and they teach me about Islam little by little. It's been one whole year and I'm still not making any progress. I even couldn't fast last year in Ramadan and it made me feel very bad. Even though I wanted to make up for it, I don't have any money of my own.

Another problem is that my parents don't know that I'm trying to fast this Ramadan (which is my first time). They'll force me to eat when I fast. I researched on the internet and found out that if I don't pray, then my fasting is invalid. How can I pray when no one is there to teach me? I also referred to the internet for prayers but I can't learn it properly by myself.

EDIT: Will my fast get nullified if I actually lie to protect it? Before I go to school, I have to eat breakfast (usually on normal days). Nowadays, I say that I'll eat my breakfast in school and my mother gives it in a lunch box and during school break I give to someone else. When I come home, mother would ask, "Did you eat?". I'd reply,"Of course I did...",thinking in my mind that I've eaten my pre-dawn meal. Sometimes,"I also have to add an extra lie by saying, "I don't want to eat lunch, I've eaten samosas, noodles at school." I say this because saying that I'm not hungry would actually make my mother force me to eat. She also thinks that I don't want to eat food just because I'm bored of her cooking. How can I say,"I'm fasting" to her, when she'd rebel against it?

Now, do I have to wait until I move out on my own so that I can continue my faith completely and properly? But I don't want to be slow in making progress. What about my fasting? I can fast in school days, but holidays like weekends are a problem. I don't want to abandon my religion God has chosen for me. What do I do?

~ Hydden

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11 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum,

    I say salam to you, because Alhamdulillah, you see the light in Islam and have either become a Muslim, or you are close to becoming one.

    This can be the best thing you can do. I believe you have realized that Islam is the most beautiful gift one can have from Allah.

    And the life of this World is merely a test to see if the servants of Allah have patience or turn back to where they came from.

    You came from darkness to light, and from misguidance to the Guidance of Islam. But I need to ask: Do you believe in Allah as your ONLY God, Muhammad as His Final Messenger (Peace be upon him)? Then you have believed. You are insha Allah a Muslim. The second pillar of Islam is prayer, which you say you have difficulty in learning, insha Allah, I'll help you.

    This booklet is consise and clear with the method of prayer according to how our Prophet prayed:

    There is another book which is a detailed book and I do not think you need it at this point. Insha Allah, some days later, when you are are ready, you can ask for it.

    Muslim friends are away from your home, but know that we are all here to help you understand the Religion better, and insha Allah, you can consider us to be your friends.

    If you fear your parents will disown you on knowledge of your Islam, then do the prayers in a closed room, as you have been doing, when your parents won't be around to disturb.

    The third pillar is Zakah, which is an obligatory charity of 2.5% of your wealth, eligible for Zakah. But I do not think you are yet eligible for this. (fifth pillar is Hajj, and I know you are not eligible for it right now)

    The next (fourth) pillar is fasting the month of Ramadan. It is very important that you try best to fast all days of Ramadan. Lies are considered unethical in Islam. But there are some situations in which Islam permits lies to a very limited level (how much ever is required).
    Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:

    “I urge you to be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man will continue to be truthful and seek to speak the truth until he is recorded with Allaah as speaker of truth (siddeeq). And beware of lying, for lying leads to immorality and immorality leads to Hell; a man will continue to tell lies until he is recorded with Allaah as a liar.”

    The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Lies are not appropriate except in three cases: when a man speaks to his wife to please her, telling lies at times of war, and lying in order to bring about reconciliation between people.”

    So, to be on a safer side, do what you have been doing. Eat suhoor, then take breakfast to school, give it to someone, preferably if you find some poor people who can use this food for breaking the fast at sunset. This will bring a lot if rewards insha Allah. When you come back home, say that you have eaten (considering you have eaten suhoor). Then eat during the sunset.

    The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said: "Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, never `lied' except in three cases, two for Allaah, when he said [as an excuse when asked by his people to join them in celebration of their idols] `I am sick'; and [when they came back and asked who broke their idols, he said] `Rather, it was the biggest among them who did that.' And the third was about Saarah, and that was his saying: `When he asks you, say you are my sister, because you are my sister in Islam.' [Muslim]

    These lies were "lies only with regard to the understanding of their immediate audience, but not in and of themselves." Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, indeed was "sick" of their idol-worship, and his response that it was the biggest idol who broke the rest was simply a rhetorical ploy, which is not ordinarily considered a lie in our speech.
    The Prophet Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, made this clear in the third example by adding that Saarah was his sister "in Islam," for she, indeed, was. But the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, still called it a lie because it was less than the whole truth.

    Your case makes of think that you can lie (though just limited to how much is required to hide your Islam.). Because Islam has permitted lies during conflict between Muslims and non Muslims (war).

    I believe that if you ask the scholars, they will permit you to lie, in order to protect your faith. Allah Knows Best.

    If you want to completely practice Islam openly, you have two options:

    1. Reveal your faith and bear the consequenses with patience and trust in Allah, and consider them to be a test from Allah.
    2. Continue in secret, until you move out on your own. If you are a sister, then perhaps you can approach an Islamic Center with the intention of marriage, when you are ready to get married, to find a perfect man, who would protect you from any harm insha Allah. If you are a brother, perhaps you will have to wait until you become eligible to earn.

    This is purely my opinion. If you are still not satisfied, please reply, so that we can try best to comfort you and help you protect your faith.

    May Allah Help you

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Thank you for your reply, Sir. I think I've mentioned that I'm a sister. The suggestion of marriage kind of...I don't know how to put it and I don't want to be rude, I have a fear of married life. That's another story which I'll mention later (probably after several months).

      I live near Delhi and I'm the only one in my family capable of earning money, and I know some of the tests (haram lingering around) in the office world. I don't know what else do I have to mention.

      I again thank you and Jazak Allah khair.

  2. HI HYDDEN, HOPE U R OKAY...WELL, I READ YR PROBLEM MY FRIEND & M ALSO HINDU, 22 years old...TO BE HONEST AS U HAVE WRITTEN EXACTLY SAME IN MY CASE...100% DITTO ...EXACTLY UR THOUGHTS MATCHED MY THOUGHT...ALL THESE ARE GOING IN TO MY HEAD....LET ME KNOW WHERE DO YOU LIVE i LIVE IN WEMBLEY...EALING ROAD OPPOSITE CENTRAL MOSQUE WEMBLEY...WHATEVER U THOUGHT EXACTLY ALL THESES THOUGHTS ARE GOING IN TO MY MIND AT THE MOMENT & M ALSO HINDU & IF U BELIVE TRULY 100% , NO DOUBT I BELIEVE AS I ASSUMED, FROM YR THOUGHTS I CAN CLEARLY JUDGE U & I LOVED IT U LIKE ALLAH 100% THEN OTHER BORN MUSLIM, I CAN SEE YR LOVE TO ALLAH(PBUH) , i M ALSO FOLLOWING iSLAM SECRETLY , IF MY PARENTS KNOW THEY WOULD KICK ME OUT FROM THEIR HOUSE SO i JUST BOUGHT A ROOM & THANKS TO ALLAH i FOUND MY ROOM OPPOSITE cENTRAL wEMBLEY MOSQUE...bCOZ aLLAH KNEW THAT i BELIEVE IN HIM 100% & aLLAH KNEW THAT u ALSO BELIEVE IN hIM 100% SO wE MET TODAY sO, i M ALSO SECRETLY FOLLOW mUSLIM RELIGION & M ALSO COMPLETELY KNEW * I ALSO REGRATE THAT i CANT DO rAMADAN FAST AS LIKE YOU BCOZ OF MY FAMILY...& I HAVE ALSO STATED LEARNING pRAYER IN mOSQUE....SO ,IF U WANT TO MEET ME CANTACT TO MY PERSONAL EMAIL me on my yahoo id ***** then i will give u my cell no so we can have chat & meet somewhere & solve our problem togather if u wanna meet me..We can learn togather & solve our problem as i was finding some one like u who has same problem like me..*& Allah(pbuh), secretly we can carry on our path to muslim relegion...I learnt so many things from Muslim friends...I I can give u Quran as well in English so u can start reading & these Ramadan days are going on so, these are very holy days & bcoz of Allah we met today so Inshaalah we must meet somewhere & discuss further more in details about our problem & solve it togather...So plz reply to my mail & we must talk on this topic so we can learn more in depth about Muslim relegion...What do you say MY Friend...? reply me ASAP...M so xcited to day that I met u someoney like me in problem...TC ...Mayur

    • Mayur, we do not allow posting private contact information on this forum, for everyone's protection.

      Wael Editor

  3. Dear sister Assalamualikum

    You collect information from these site and prepare a dawah plan and invite your family .If allah wills they will follow the true path.I have seen many hindus converting to islam after watching these

    You can also see these video

  4. Dear Hydden,

    aslamalaikum, iam so impressed by your imaan. mashallah , Allah has truly guided you.stick to what you can do without creating hassles for yourself in home. otherwise they might make things more difficult for you. Mashallah brother waseem has given you excellent advice. i would say the same.

    look after yourself my little sister. iam so impressed by your perseverence. you have indeed shown many of us that blessed we are to be born muslims and able to practice it with free will but still we make excuses for not following it.

    Allah is with you , may every step you take towards Him become easier for you.

  5. Assalaamu Aleikum Dear Hydden. Alhamdulillah, you are a Muslim. I reverted to Islam last year, 18th of July. And I go through similar situations like u. I'm a Kenyan Muslim. My parents are Catholics and I am a university student. When I go home 4 my holidays its hard to observe hijab and salaat. But Allah gives me strength. May Allah strengthen you too. Be kind 2 your folks and trust in Allah. Love u siz.

  6. Assalam O Alaikum sister Hayyden,
    Please listen and watch this video, this will help you iA as Sheikh Shuwaib Webb has spoken on this particular issue of "Problems faced by converts" by their parents, friends or in general. Mind you he himself is a convert/revert masha Allah and also had to face the problems. Also, in suggestion you may find stories of other sisters/brothers who went through difficulties but at the end they made it Alhamdullilah.

    Just remember; "who brought you to it will bring you through it iA".

    May Allah (swt) remove all the difficulties in your path to practice your deen and bless you for the all the trials you are facing here in this dunya and Akhirah. Amin. Take care my sweet little sister:).


  7. Pray to Allah and Inshallah he would make it easy.

  8. my mom is the same exact way always inturupting me when I'm praying because shes christian she knows I'm muslim but she tells me all the time how muslims are bad and the Quran and the Prophet. It makes me sad. I know what your going through.

  9. Assalamu allaikum,
    Yes sister Now My situation is exactly like yours.I'm just 15 years old.My friend belongs to Islam and My school correspondent belongs to Islam. But our school is not Islamic oriented.But my mother(who is a Hindu) criticizes me,"You're studying in Islamic school and your friend belongs to Islam.So you never follow Islam and never worship Allah ".And she convinces my friend and correspondent that I will wear eyetex on my forehead and also they were forcing me to wear. So it's very difficult to fasting in school days and weekends.Now my only hope is my lord Allah.

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