Her parents refused, but we married anyway, is it valid?
We've both loved each other for 10 years. When her parents came to know this they started torturing her and treating her as servant and preventing her from going outside and from studies etc. They spoiled her career.
I sent my parents many times to convince her parents. But they are not agreeing because we are of different caste. Even though they know me very well.
My family is ready. My father sent my other relative who is close to her parents to speak with them. But they started neglecting them also and refused permission for marriage. They are preventing her from marriage.
We want to marry each other. She tried a lot to convince her mom but her mom, instead of convincing her father, made him against us. And now her brother, sister and mother treat her very harshly. By waiting a lot for their consent, now I am 30 and she is 26. A few months ago, due to these impelling circumstances, we married each other in front of qazi, two witnesses and a vaqil.
Just because of that we will live with Allah Almighty's raza, no matter if we are far away. We used to pray 5 times and dua to meet each other. We both have equal social status. We had faced too much problems in past 10 years.
All our intention is to make our relationship valid. Please tell me that we are right at our point? And our nikah is valid?
- mansoor
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Dear Brother, Asalaamualaykum,
We are not qualified to answer questions of this nature, so you would need to consult with an imaam who is qualified in the Fiqh of Marriage.
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My brother Mansoor!
Congratulations on what you have done as got married to a woman you loved as i believe you did the right thing,You fall in love for each other and wanted to be together and i don't think so Islam tells you not to marry a person you love,Caste are nothing as far as you both are muslim as we as human beings created the caste just as hindus,Keep this in mind.Love does not see color or caste,It just happen and Only lucky people get chance to be together,as of nature of your long term relationship stands,that girl will never be happy with any other man as she has love and feeling for you which we never can change.
Trust me ,you did the right thing,
Allah knows better,Grow your family and make addition to new muslims.
regards
Asalamulakum, brothers can we stop praising others for committing Haram. Islam is love the one you marry, not marry the one you love. Relationships are explicitly haram, and Inshallah make repentence. In regards to your validity, am not sure if parents permission is needed, but what I do know is, if you have a relationship, your Nikah Is INVALID, unless you separate for one mensus cycle and then do the Nikah after that. Brother you need to fully understand the conditions of Nikah, its preventions, validity and invalidity or you be committing Zina without knowing it.
Zaki
Zaki, now you are the one making flat statements like a mufti: "what I do know is, if you have a relationship, your Nikah Is INVALID, unless you separate for one mensus cycle and then do the Nikah after that." What's your fiqhi evidence for that? You can't just say, "someone told me" then pass it on like law.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As Salaamu Alaykom akhee Wael May Allah give you all the good in this life and in the hereafter. Akee I have a major concern. I've visited your site a few times. I've seen some Muslims share some very serious problems but I've also read some very unlisamic answers to their questions. Basically my concern is I am not sure if the people who come to this site are getting the right answers based on Quran and Authentic Sunnah nor do I believed they are getting answers from qualified people. This is not to disrespect you or what your doing it's just a concern. I reccomend you try getting in touch with some knowledgeable Shaykhs Imams and students of knowledge who are following the Quran and Sunnah and tell them duty calls. There are people coming to this site with serious very serious problems and they need to hear from the right people. This is real life this isn't a game and if people are getting the wrong advice you as the owner of this site can be accountable for this on the day of judgement it is that serious brother. You need knowledgeable qualified people to answer these question posted I am willing to offer any help needed InshAllah. I know Yusuf Estes personally I can ask him to help out by giving you some Shaykhs contact info. Let me know InshAllah.
Mustafa, can you point to a specific "unIslamic answer" given by one of our editors? It's easy to make general negative comments, but not productive.
In the case of this specific post that you are commenting on, SisterZ told the questioner to consult with an imaam who is qualified in the Fiqh of Marriage. How do you find that to be an unIslamic answer?
I would be happy to be accountable for this website on the Day of Judgment. We have changed lives and literally saved lives, by Allah's will, Alhamdulillah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As Salaamu Alaykom. First off Akhee I love you for the sake of Allah you are my brother I don't want to fight or argue with you there is already to much of that in the world let's talk and come to a solution InshAllah and I never said any of your editors gave unislamic advice.
I am sorry if I came off negative and disrespectful as those were not my intentions. But the point I was trying to make is that everyone can't give advice akhee because everyone is not guided by Allah and Allah has not blessed everyone with knowledge to even give proper advice.
And as for you and your editors I mean no disrespect. but where have you all studied? Who have you studied under? What Islamic universites or schools have you attended? Do you see what I mean akhee. Only Imams, Shaykhs, Scholars and Students of knowledge should be answering the kinds of questions on this site akhee and no one else because they are qualified and can give the best advice. Like me I am not a student of knowledge, or Scholar, or and Imam or a Shaykh so I shouldn't have a website where people are coming to get advice from me. And Maybe you and your editors have degrees and have attended universites and have studied under Knowledgable Imams and Scholars and are yourselves students of knowledge I can't say your not but I hope by now you get the point akhee. And Allah knows best.
Only people working on the site or for the site should give the advice and answer the questions random Muslims should not be able to come and give advice or answer the questions because they could be among those Allah has not guided and they could give bad advice. Every Muslim can't give advice because every Muslim isn't guided and Allah knows best.
I have worked for Estes and I have watched how he has done his sites he has a site called chat Islam and it is ran properly. The only people giving the advice are Imams, SHaykhs, Scholors and Students of knowledge which is how it should be and Allah know's best.
So I meant you no disrespect akhee I love you for Allah you are my brother I would give you the coat off my back for Allah's sake but understand InshAllah where I'm coming from. And Like I said I am willing to do what I can to help you out akhee I am not a critic i want to help akhee. But if you believe even after all I've said you and your team can cover everything all by yourselves then Alhamdulillah may Allah bless you in it but I would strogly reccomend you blocking anyone from giving advice who isn't an editor or apart of your project.
Mustafa, wa alaykum as-salam. Personally I have studied under Shaykh Bilal Philips, as I (along with Ali Al-Timimi) came of age under his tutelage. Since then I have continued to study Islam and to learn, for 30 years. Also, since I have owned a marriage-themed website for a dozen years, I have done extensive reading in that area.
However, ultimately I feel it's irrelevant, because I totally disagree with your fundamental premise that, "Only Imams, Shaykhs, Scholars and Students of knowledge should be answering the kinds of questions on this site akhee and no one else because they are qualified and can give the best advice." Actually I disagree with this strongly. Are you implying that if I had a problem in life - let's say I'm feeling depressed because my marriage fell apart - that I should not go to my own grandfather and ask advice unless he is a scholar? That's patently absurd. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. When it comes to seeking a fatwa on a religious question, one should go to a scholar (and in such situations we tell people to do so), but when it comes to seeking advice on a personal matter, I have found that sometimes the scholars give very narrow answers that display a poor understanding of the challenges facing Muslims in the modern world. Not always, but often enough.
Well then, why doesn't everyone just go to their grandfather? Because often people are deeply ashamed at what they have done. They don't have the courage to seek advice from a family member, and don't have the trust to go to a local Imam or scholar. They are very afraid that their secret will come out, and that they will be ruined, shamed, and worse. So they come to us anonymously. For example a sister might have been engaging in cybersex via webcam with someone from another country, and now she feels ashamed and doesn't know what to do. Alhamdulillah, she can turn to us, and we can tell her to stop what she is doing immediately, cut off contact with that person, and make tawbah to Allah. We can advise her to read Quran, seek good companions, and try to live a more pure lifestyle. Seems very basic and common sense but that is what most of our questioners need.
Let's take a look at a few of the recent questions dealt with on this site:
1. A fellow named Sam feels that his life is worthless, and he says he will commit suicide. Do you think it takes a scholar to tell him that suicide is forbidden in Islam and is not a solution, and to encourage him to look at the blessings in his life, and to be patient, and trust in Allah? In fact one of our editors has a background in counseling and has dealt with many suicidal people. I would imagine that she is probably much more qualified to respond to Sam than some scholars and Imams who have no such background.
2. A young woman wrote anonymously to tell us that she has been sexually molested by her father since she was seven years old. She feels powerless to stop it. She already has trust issues and was reluctant to even allow one of our editors to contact her privately. But one of our female editors continued corresponding with her until she earned her trust, and will talk to her privately to put her in touch with a counselor who can help her, and help her find a solution to stop this problem from happening any longer. Do you feel that only a Shaykh is qualified to handle this? And would they have the time and patience to do so?
Another of our editors is married to someone of a different race; has children; and has been a foster parent. As a result, he has been able to offer invaluable advice and insight on all these matters, ma-sha-Allah.
I could go on and on. We get many questions from women who are being badly beaten and abused in their marriages. It does not require a scholar to tell them that no one should be treated that way, and then to point them to some options. We frequently get questions from young people who have committed some sin, and now feel deeply ashamed, even despairing. It does not take an Imam to tell them that tawbah cleanses the sins, and that by turning to Allah and replacing an evil deed with a good one, they can be forgiven and start life over again. We get many questions from people who are confused about Istikhara and have many un-Islamic ideas about it, so we set them straight and give them proper information. Etcetera.
The scholars at IslamOnline.net have said,
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says, “Religion is founded upon (sincere) advice.” We (attending Companions) said: “To whom O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “To Allah, His Messenger and His Book, and to the leaders of the Muslims as well as their common folk.”
But there are some manners and conditions which are necessary for fulfilling this task—giving advice. Allah Almighty says, (Call unto the way of thy Lord with wisdom and fair exhortation, and reason with them in the better way. Lo! Thy Lord is best aware of him who strayeth from His way, and He is Best Aware of those who go aright.) (An-Nahl 16:125)
Wisdom and fair exhortation are the most important prerequisites for a da`iyah, as he/she should be careful in choosing the suitable time and the suitable means for giving advice. For instance, one should be careful in choosing his words and give advice in a very gentle manner. The advisor should not give advice publicly lest he embarrasses the person whom he advises.
***
And I have found this to be true. We have answered almost 1,000 questions on this website (and I personally answered questions for a decade before this website was founded), and what I have seen is that the most important qualities in giving advice are sincerity, kindness and compassion. Of course one must have good, basic Islamic knowledge, so as not to advise anything contradictory to Quran and Sunnah. Also, one should have the ability to research the answer when necessary by consulting the books and websites of the scholars. However, you will notice that being a scholar is not one of the requirements for giving advice mentioned in the ayah. Wisdom is not the same as being scholarly. Wisdom is a common human trait, usually the result of life experience. It cannot be studied or earned with a diploma.
As for the readers who offer comments, some of them offer to-the-point, excellent advice, and some, not so much. We keep an eye on the reader comments and we delete the ones that are un-Islamic, offensive, or unhelpful. I have sometimes had to block certain commenters altogether. But I don't feel the need to prevent reader comments. I think people are intelligent enough to understand that not all reader comments are correct, and to take them with a grain of salt, just as one would do on any of the hundreds of Islamic discussion forums.
I appreciate your good intentions Mustafa, but I would appreciate it more if, instead of being a drop-in visitor who takes a quick look and then objects, you had taken the time to read the website in depth, and see the good work being done.
It's not a bad idea to have a consulting scholar or scholars; maybe even to form a Board with a panel of scholars who can review the answers as needed. We publish two to four questions every day, and I have a hard time seeing how any scholar (who tend to be very busy) will have the time to deal with a website like this. But I will work on this Insha'Allah as I do have many contacts. However, I continue to be proud of the work we have done, and I humbly thank Allah for allowing me to make a difference in so many people's lives.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
True . But making a statement like this with no authority , like quran and hadith .
What I was about to say was , I agree with wael .
Brother relax, I will bring you the evidence Inshallah
Zaki
the sa, thing happend 2 me brother n i dod wat u did n relx ur nikah iz valid coz in islam u hav 2 ha v a reson not excpetng da other person if not then itz ur chose i'm soo happey 4 u brother may alah bring happenz in 2 ur lyf n mak dat wife keer 4 u n may alah giv u beatiful kidz 4om her amin
Brother Wael Jazakkallahu kheiran, may Allah azza wa jal accept your sincere intention to help our community around the World.
I have been visiting this site for years, I have seen minor mistakes do strangers...like looking at the sinners` sin very deep etc, but those who advice sincerely are more than them. The site is masha Allah helpful and I have told to some of my friends to get some advise and I myself have benefited from it.
My feadback is the site is very helpful for our community and it is true what you said to Mustafa`s feadback.
Jazakallahu khieran. Assalamu aleikum.