My husband is cheating on me and lying. Please help!
Asslamualeikum.
I' m a Muslim woman. I am in a big trouble dont know what to do. I recently found my husband cheating on me, he was married before our marriage but he didnt tell me and now he is admitting it.
I asked him if he has any children from his first wife but he is saying no,and saying that his past is gone, but recently I found him talking to his first wife asking about children. I don't know whether he really divorced her or not.
I've been cheated and I can't take it. I am young and dont have any kids, my life is ruined after marriage. I've nothing to do in my life now: no studies, I cant support my living and dont want to depend on my parents. I don't want to trouble them.
Please tell me what to do or where to go? Please help me this is my last hope. Please answer me, I am waiting and I cant tolerate this anymore. It's a very long time now. I want help plz help me and give me advice what to do?
I am very stressed, I dont want to give my husband any chance to hurt me or cheat me, I can't do a suicide because it is haram,what do I do?
answer me please.
asslamualeikum, I am waiting for the answer for a monthi am thinking may be there is some problem with my post,dont know,please if you can help me then please help me,i am in big trouble,my state of mind is bad,dont know what to do?plz answer me soon
- Sheen
14 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
sister
From your post I gather that you are young, and in extreme turmoil. My suggestion to you would be to tell your husband that you know the truth- that is, you know about his wife and kids and you know that he is in touch with them. But never lose control of your emotions in front of him my dear, he needs to see that you are a dignified young woman who has the right to know the truth.
Then sister go to your parents and tell them. You are far too young to deal with this on your own- i can see its making you very very upset. And don't ever believe that you are troubling your parents. As children that is the first mistake we make, by thinking that our parents won't be able to deal with our problems. You see sister, they spend their lifetime looking after us, sacrifcing thier dreams and aspirations for us, I think they are muh stronger than we believe they are and they can be your source of peace at this difficult time- so please tell them and listen to thier words of wisdom.
Also sister try and pray- you are being tested for a reason- you can use this opportunity to draw closer to Allah.
If your husband tells you the truth then make a decison about what you will do and stick to it- you are the one who should make the chocie either to stay with him or leave- don't let anyone force you into a situation you do not want to be in. Also sister, ask yourself how much you love your husband, is he good to you, does he treat you well and provide for you- all this needs to be answered before you decide what you will do.
You can make something of your life sister, its never too late- Have faith in God, He will guide you to the best of decisions.
I pray you can find resolution to your problems.
As salamu alaykum, Sister Sheen,
You are young, you have no children, even if you have no studies, you may be able to find a part time job and begin to study, I don´t know how old you can be, but you really sound quite young, then what is stopping you to say that the world is yours, insha´Allah.
Talk to your husband calmly, tell him your worries and your fears, you will need to be with cold blood to talk to him, do wudu and ask for help to Allah(swt) to guide you, insha´Allah, and after this conversation you will be able to take the right decision, you want to continue with him or not.
If your husband has cheated on you and still does then go ahead, tell your parents and if you don´t want to continue with this life, get out of there, better divorced and alive than dead and married, there is no reason to think about ending your life, if he is lying to you, he is who he is, I understand and acknowledge your suffering, but you have a life in front of you, waiting for you, not even us have the right to stop our life, it is our blessing and our gift, Alhamdulillah, you have acknowledge this, Alhamdulillah.
Then what I would like to hear from you is I have a problem and I am going to look for a solution, and believe me you can have a couple, you can decide to separate for a while, go to your parents, calm down and see what you really want, put your hands up asking our Lord(swt), be sure He(swt) will give you answers.
Have you thought about the possibility of being the second wife? Can be this the situation? Tell him to be truthfull to you, stay calm please, only this way he may tell you the truth, insha´Allah. Please don´t get scared, whatever is the situation you are living will have a solution, Alhamdulillah, insha´Allah.
Pray Allah(swt) with all your Heart, He(swt) will answer you insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Well, now that you KNOW he is married with kids and you are NOT the only wife (which is permissible in Islam) what do YOU want to do?? Ask yourself these questions... Do you want to continue with him ??? Can you accept the situation which was based on nothing but lies...???? Can you leave him and move on? Can you forgive his lies and later be able to trust him ???? Personally, I would not in any way cuz i don't like going into a relationship that is based on LIES from the very beginning. I would not be able to trust him anymore... what else is he hiding?? But there are alot of other women whom have a more forgiving and loving attitude and can handle situations much more patiently, forgiving, and loving. Perhaps that is YOU ... Pray and you will get your answers. Good Luck!!
thanks for all your suggestion,but a new problem is that i talk to my husband but he answered angrily and said that if i talk about this whole matter he'll divorce me,dont know what to do now?
As salamu alaykum, sister Sheen,
Why do you think he has so much power over you?
What is stopping you from talking to your parents and make a decision yourself?
Why are you so scared about him divorcing you? He is the one doing the wrong thing, if you want to stay in this situation as it is, I am not one to change your mind or convince you of something you don´t want to do, but if you want to stay with him, just accept him the way he is, if not take a decision by yourself, if you cannot talk to him, but have the support at least of your parents, you shouldn´t go through this alone.
Have you thought about looking for Allah(swt) guidance about the situation you are living? On top of the page you have a link about Istikhara, read it and may help you, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Is there anyway you can contact a social assistant or anyone qualified to help you?
Salaamu alaykum sister. It depends upon which area you live but there are islamic social support and also the shairiah council ho may offer mediation. I don't want to make the situation worst for yourself and you know the siuation better than I do.
FI amanillah
As salamu alaykum sister Maria,
I found this site a day ago and immediately i posted my question that i needed help from all of u! i guess in this page as well.. but i dint get an answer, it was a very long one that i typed... and today i just browsed again to check if anyone has replied to my problem because till now i dint receive any mail..
Im worried sister, im a young girl who is seeking help from you all.. please do help me.. i wonder if my post was accepted?!?!
PLEASE SOME ONE GUIDE ME ON THIS BECAUSE IM NEW TO THIS SITE...
I need your help please!!
Walaykum as salam, sister sta,
Please, log in and submit your question, what you did was to comment, you need to do the following to post, check on this link to see how to submit your question:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/submit-your-question/how-to-submit-your-question-as-a-draft/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/submit-your-question/question-submission-form/
If you have any problems, just let me know. Thank you.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi sister Maria.
Thanks alot it was really helpful, i followed the link and now i have posted my problem..
Please sister i hope u all response to it soon as possible inshaAllah because i do not have time at all, i need to make decision in less than a week and im STUCK sister!!! and my name name that appears is (angel1)
PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME???? im waiting for all of you sister guidance
May Allah bless you all for helping girls like us who is suffering!!!
Sister Maria,
i hope i have not confused you! actually i am 'sta' but when i signed up i put it as 'angel1'
So i posted my problem under 'angel1'
PLEASE i hope u find some time to read through my issue and help me out as i do not have time and im stuck sister... please!
May Allah bless u!
sister i read that sister sheens had taken a month long to get the reply... i hope that does not happen to me sister as i am going mad here without any good advice..
please i hope u read soon..
thanks alot!!!
As salamu alaykum,
I will check your posts and I will see what´s happening, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear sister Angel1,
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time, but please refrain from pressurising our Editors to let you jump the queue.
We assess all the posts and any that we deem to be of an urgent nature are always put to the front of the queue. And while, I appreciate that you feel your issue is urgent, so does everyone else. I have not read your post, but if one of the Editors feels it meets the criteria of an 'Emergency Post', you will find it published immediately, otherwise you will have atleast a three week wait.
Please look through the IslamicAnswers.com database and you may find a similar issue to yours with a good answer already given. If not, please be patient and we will try to answer yours as soon as possible inshaAllah.
May Allah give you peace and serenity and replace your difficulties with ease, aameen!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thanks for your suggestions,i have been away for long time.was trying to keep my life on track but nothing works in my case,my husband didnt want to change not even want to accept that he is lieing,he is treating me badly,i am not in good condition,he is torturing me emotionally,sometimes i think of suisides but i dont have courage to do that,i cant get help from any social group or any women rights services because in my area no such things are available,i am keeping all the pain in my heart,cant tell to my parents,they are old and i have a younger sister too,if in my case i will leave my husband then,people'll make talks and this not good for her future,i just want to live in peace but my husband never let me live a peaceful life,i want to disappear to a place where i can remember only ALLAH,i want nothing else in my life but i dont have anything or anyway to go,waiting 4 my end,do duaz for me,you people are doing a very nice job,helping people to solve the problems of their lives,may ALLAH give you all the happiness in this life and in jannah,Ameen