My husband slept with my 13 year old sister
Basically me and my husband were engaged from the age when I was 14. As a family we had some trips abroad to where my fiancee was in relation he is my cousin.
A few years back when I went with family he had sexual intercourse with my sister who was 13 at the time this was before we got married. I didn't find out until I gave birth to our first child.
We've got 2 kids together now. He's still abroad because he hasn't got his visa yet. I confronted him when I found out about what he had done he denied it straight away. Now we talk over the phone but our relationship is not good at all its 3 years now and my husband doesnt want to know me for some reason he's never happy always in a bad mood he hardly ever asks about his children.
I'm realy depressed and feel suicidal because ive got enough of it now. I dont want to bring my family into this.
~pakistani1
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Assalamualaikum..
Our prophet had teach us to be patience with Allah's test.. you should go to the marriage counselling at your place. Dont keep this just to yourself. Think about your children.. they need you more. don't ever think of killing yourself because you are a muslim, and Allah forbid us from being despair.
“Indeed Allah is with those who are patient.” ..
Always pray for His light.. InsyaAllah.. you'll find the way..
Wassalam.
what you doing still married to him? give him khula....his mehr money back and leave...and if he didnt give mehr judt send a letter or text message and say i want khula,,,,if he slept with ur sister he is sleeping with alot other girls over there and only using you for his reputation,,,he doesnt love you...yes divorce is harsh but sometimes it can be a mercy from Allah.....remember ALLAH SAY IN THE QURAAN HE GIVES(,MARRIES) THE BAD TO THE BAD AND THE GOOD TO THE GOOD so consider yourself bad and start repenting...wear hijaab read quraan read salaah fast give sadaqa and zakaat dont zina ....and inshlh ALLAH give u a wonderful second husband...who will help u with ur deen and ur sex drive in a halaal way...coz ur current husband is just messing up ur deen...unesry stress...girl life is short move on man...when kids come into the picture their dada not even gona be thr for them or you so whats the use? just repent and give khula i knw it sounds hard but once its done its done...my friend was in a bad marriage she left ...subhanallah today she is very happy with her new husband....
Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Haniyyyya: First and foremost you are giving a verdict based on motion rather than rational and proof. I am not here to be critical to anyone. However the reality is that the questioner said that the incident had happened before they got to married.
We know everyone makes mistakes but, if the person makes sincere repentance to Allah about their sin, they can claim that they had never done the sin before (maybe I might be wrong in this statement and I ask Allah forgiveness for it). But this can only happen before the accused appears in the court and that the time is up to the judge to give the appropriate verdict.
In Islam we can only accuse the person based on what we saw and have proof for it. If we don’t, the person is not guilty.
To conclude, we are not here to break the marriages but the fix and try to give solution.
Pakistani1: I am deeply sorry what happened to you and ask Allah to provide you solution. But I would advise you to go to the local imam and explain the situation since they have scholarly knowledge.
Or
Talk to your husband and explain that you are deeply hurt.
I would say to you pray to Allah and forgive your husband since he is the father of your two children.
Wassalaam
Ahmed
First thing is you're innocent until proven guilty. Based on your question, there is no proof your husband committed the crime you state he has committed. If there is no proof and he says he hasn't then you are sinning and will be held accountable for this attrocious act of false accusation, so be very very careful not to accuse someone who is innocent. I'm not going to give any other advice, because there's simply no evidence to say he is guilty.
How do you know there's no proof? She says she "found out", which would probably indicate that her sister told her what happened. If her sister is trustworthy, then that's all the proof she needs to make a decision about the marriage. She's not talking about accusing him publicly. Just trying to make a personal decision about what to do.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam o alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
First and foremost what make u so sure that it was your husband who has committed this grievous act? Even If your sister confesses it would be consider as zinah as was before marriage and also i dont see in any way that it was a rape /IGHTISAAB because if it was rape then u would have knew this before ur marriage some way or the other.
The only way to prove this sin is this that if your husband confesses or u have to provide 4 witness to prove him guilty . As Ahmed brother state that the local imam should be referred and ask him to confess the crime else he will loss you and his children forever! As you want to forgive him and start a new begining if he confesses becuase u cant live in the state of skepticism isnt?
And also the question of repentance come later if he is proved guilty and also inquire stringently from ur sister .
I pray to Allah subhanau watala that he give hidayah to all of us and ur husband and pray in tahajjud and dont forget to read surah baqarah as this will drive away the shaitan from ur home so that u can be in state of peace and tranquility in this present moment.
Assalam oalykum
I believe you should divorce this man. It sounds like you already do not live with him, and as you have said he shows you no love and doesn't even ask about his children. That's not a healthy or functioning marriage. On top of that, anyone who would sleep with your 13 year old sister (whether engaged or not) is someone who is morally bankrupt and depraved. That is child molestation and possibly rape. He belongs in prison.
Forget about suicide, that's not a solution. Instead, divorce him and move on, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I am finally relieved that someone has acknowledge that sleeping with 13yrs old is a rape/child molestation . Some brothers have totally overlooked this. Sister if you have found out from your sister or trustworthy source, divorce him. He is dengerourous the fact that he can take even underage. If he couldn't control himself with your sister, how can you trust him with any child. AUDHUBILLAH
13 years old???? what did you do when you found out?
I have a youngest sister of 18, and if someone touches, i think if nobody stops me, i would be able to commit murder by anger. 13 years old? did you check on her, her psychological state etc? are you sure it was not a rape? i would not be surprised that he molested her. if its true, you should report him, he must be jailed for touching a girl just still between child and beginning of childhood.
i agree with one post above, if he had the idea to have sex with your sister and such young age, for sure he done this before (allah 3alam) , if not, he would probably do it again. he has no moral.
Check on your sister, she must be taunted by the memory of this sexual intercourse she got with your husband.
again i insist, check on your sister.
I agree. If someone did this to my 13 year old sister, I'd have to restrain myself from killing him. At the very least I think I would beat him bloody.
Wael
IslamicaAnswers.com Editor
On this very site a few months ago, you told me I am too harsh and judgemental. Here I am advising that without proof you cannot accuse someone of doing something. I'm not saying the husband is not guilty, but I am saying he's innocent until proven guilty and if it's one person's word againt another's we don't assume the worst.
You yourself have stated many times that Allah has urged us to cover up each other's sins and in this thread you're doing the opposite on one person's statements.
Wael without sounding too argumentative, but most of the scholars and the hadith I've read point toward a very young Aisha marrying the prophet and a very young Aisha consumating the marriage. 13 yrs old might sound sick to some people in the 21st century, but in the past it was very normal for 13 yr old girls to be married, some boys would be married before they were 15 too. Allah has designed us in a way that we can become parents at this young age, Islam also encourages young marriage and so you cannot call it paedophilia.
I have a cousin in Pakistan who was 14 when she married her 15 yr old husband, they are now 20 and 21 and have a daughter and are very happy. Most of my aunties were married at 13 and 14 years of age and they are still happily married, I take great offence when I read people calling it paedophilia as some of my uncles are 5/6 yrs older.
Coming back to the original question, I would state that without firm proof it's a sin to accuse anyone of a crime, so of if you don't have proof, then learn to be patient and fear Allah. If you do have solid proof, it's your choice as to whether you want to continue your married life with him or not.
wasnt the post about some guy sleeping with the 13 yr old sister of the woman who he was going to marry???????
Why are you talking about marriage at a young age????
Islam does not allow rape or molestation of any women regardless of age, this guy slept with a 13 yr old girl who was not his wife, in fact she was the younger sister of the would be wife??? Now any sane person will find that repulsive!
Sorry I disagree with you John it is disgusting to marry at that age let alone under 18. It is sick and children robbed of their childhood I strongly find that children are forced at that age to marry because it is culture not religion and parents need to stop doing this. This is where women are vulnerable and I am strongly against early marriage which is under 18, at that age you are a kid yourself and should be a kid not a parent. Our parents generations compared to ours was very simple and people at that time weren’t has bad I don’t think but now people are more forward so children should be children and live for children not what they made to do. I am just glad i always been treated equal and had a choice let alone what some people go through ulhimdiallah i am one of the lucky ones.
she said she found out. the idea her husband sleep with her young age sister would have never crossed his mind if she didnt have proof. here we assume she has proof otherwise she would not tell us all this and ask advice.
secondly we can not compare the Prophet mohamed swt with the man today. first cos her husband touches her without marrying her and secondly at 13 she is too young and weak to be consentent. if im not mistaken Prophet had a dream to marry aysha. if i was living at that time i would not hesitate to give my daughter even at 9years old to a Prophete. be open and aware. dont compare with things that cannot be compared.
today mind of a girl of 13years old is very young. she just had usually her recently her first period and just went out of childhood.
whatever some men are closed mind they just think of their needs they dont think wht the girl must feel. yes mariage in pakistan or yemen they dont have choice to accept. but im sure they would love to have more years before to get married.
recently a girl of 12years old died in yemen during the first entercourse. the problem she is not the first in yemen. now some orgnisation there are fighting to put legal age at 16.
Sister what are you doing still married to this man.
I am sorry to have sex with your own sister how can you even trust this man. Yes there are kids involved but who's to say he won’t do the same to your children can you honestly tell me you trust this vile man. Your husband is sick in the head that’s the truth you got all the proof you need and that’s from your sister and somehow you found out because hiding or concealed information is always found out. It hurts but the fact he denies it just goes to show he don’t love you he is using you. Simple leave him and don’t bother bringing him over he is using you and has no respect or feelings for you just goes to show how an experience lair he is and a DOG. Don’t be depressed your children are the most gifts you had in this world that should be enough for you to be strong for them not for anyone else.
I hope that you get through this difficult time ameen.
What really hurts me the most about your reply is that you were a child when you married and I feel for your sister too. I don’t even know you but women to a women I can’t even imagine the pain you going through but hope that this difficult time you will pass it.
This discussion over child marriages etc is so going off the point. Marriage of young girls is allowed Islamically, but there are conditions - conditions which most of the time cannot be met in this society or day and age. With the change in times and societies, young girls are not so mature as they used to be back in the time of Rasool(sws), and neither are many men sincere or genuine enough as Rasool(sws) - for them to even be good husbands to such a young girl. And why in this age when there are so many unmarried older women, would a genuine man want to marry a child. You are harping on about child marriages but are taking the whole thing out of context.
A man engaging in sexual relations with a 13 year old is probably either a result of rape and if its consensual, then its probably because the girl was too immature to have sense otherwise. Coaxing a younger girl into having sexual relations is worse than with an older woman, because the younger girl is more innocent and less wise to the world.
In some of the eastern countries, young marriages still take place, but most of the time in those communities, the 'young child bride' is not allowed to study or develop herself as was Aisha(ra), so please do not compare your family marriages to that of Rasool(sws) - there is no comparison.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you SisterZ. You made the same points I would have. It is an insult to the Prophet Muhammad (sws) to compare his marriage to Aisha (RA) to some sick fool committing zinaa with his fiance's sister. Astaghfirullah.
Also, as far as proof, the sister says she knows what happened, so presumably the evidence is clear. She doesn't have to present the evidence to us. We are not a court of law, and she is not naming anyone by their real name. We have no reason to doubt that she knows what she claims to know.
Furthermore, it's perfectly valid for a person to believe something and make choices without the level of proof required for a court case. If your child claimed that a certain teacher molested her, and described clearly what happened, would you say, "Oh, sorry, you don't have sufficient proof. You will continue going to that teacher." Of course not. You would believe your child and pull her out of that class, and you would be outraged.
I had a best friend, someone who was my friend for decades. I'll call him Bebo (not his real name). He was like a brother to me. One day a Muslim sister who we had both known for a long time, someone who grew up in the same circle of families with us, revealed to me that Bebo had molested her years ago, when he was 18 and she was 8. She described what happened and said she remembered it clearly. She told me that he did it to another girl as well, but would not reveal her name because she said the girl did not want it known publicly.
I confronted Bebo with this accusation. He denied it, but something in his denial was unconvincing. His denial was not quite vehement enough, not immediate enough. He didn't seem totally surprised.
I cut off my friendship with Bebo completely. It was painful. I loved him like a brother. But I asked myself, "Would I be comfortable leaving my daughter alone with him?" The answer was no. So I knew that I could not continue my friendship with him. I did not have evidence for a court case. But I certainly had the right to make a personal choice based upon what I knew.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Authubillahi mina shaytan rajeem.
Sister if this is the case Run with your kids as far away as possible, make sure he never gets a visa and Dont in any circumstants take any trips to Pakistan for the next say 20 years.
GOOD LUC AND ALWAYS PUT UR KIDS FIRST LOVE YOUR FOLLOWER ;0
Assalamoalaikum: If we stirictly follow the beautiful teachings of Islam we would prevent all such wrong things to happen. Modesty and Hijab are very very important for girls. The first step twoards such a sin in exposing onself to males and talking with them.
All the orders and guidelines given by Allah are in our own benefit. We must obey and follow them and then see how pleasant our life becomes.
Wassalam
Mohammad Iqbal
Iqbal I disagree,,,,yes we should wear hijaab even niqaB if necsry but its either rape or mutual u can't just blame the man but the sis too why she only revealing now? Why didn't she inform her sis before wudnt it be better if she told her sis before? Now things are worse then ever for her sis,,,, hijaab doesn't mean ill not have sex with a stranger,,,,,
You do have a point .
I meant ull
HOW R U STILL DOES UR KIDS STILL GET TO C THEIR DAD 🙂 🙁
I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD LIFE AND UR KIDS 2 🙂 LOVE UR FALLOW ER :0
Is it true that if I have done something bad that the HOLY ONE will punish me through my husband. I too discovered that my husband was unfaithful to me with my sister and my cousin. we have four little ones. I love the HOLY ONE with everything that I am and I do not understand why my husband would do this to me. He said that he love the ALMIGHTY ONE as well, but one year after our marriage while i was pregnant, he did this thing. I know the HOLY ONE sees all and HE is just. Tell me, is it I that have brought this upon myself? I will repent and my only desire is to honor HIM with my life.
Walaykum salaam,
This idea that you drove your husband to fornicate with your sister and cousin is totally wrong unless you were there holding a gun to their heads, God forbid.
Your husband has done that which is against the tenets of Islam, violated numerous verses of the Qur'an and has been grievously disobedient with these great transgressions of sin. Your sister and cousin have also committed great sins, as well.
Your option and right to divorce is evident. May Allah (swt) guide you through this misery.
thank you for your response Professor,. May the ALMIGHTY ONE have mercy upon me for my sorrow is great and my grief nearly unbearable.
Brother Wael my english is no good but walahi i like your coment and if the men like you it will be good for the sisters some men are thinking the all sisters are like their own sisters and their mum which is good. I hope you will get good best freind in dunya and hereafter.
He sexually abused your sister...
I would leave this man and keep my children away from him. Whatever you do not let this man come to England. I know its difficult when he's a relative but remember he sexually abused your very own sister only Allah knows what he is doing with other women behind your back a thousand miles away.
With love
Your sister Aisha x