I’m Christian, he’s Muslim and I want to marry him
Hi, I am new to this site. Never thought that I would be visiting this site ever, but here i am writing to you. I am a Christian woman. I am in love with a muslim guy and never thought that this relationship would come to a level where i would be thinking of getting married to him.
I really love him alot. I have known his family from when i was in 10th. Never was too close to him. But we got talking and i soon realised that i loved him. I told him about it and he refused at the beginning but after a few weeks when we met for the 1st time, he accepted that he loved me. It all went on good.
I must tell you that both our families have brought us up telling that we should not leave our caste. Both of us did live up to it, till we started to love each other. We did talk about getting married, talking to our parents, however at the back of our minds there was always this thought of how our parents would react. All our life we have been doing things that our parents wanted us to. Our mothers are very important in our lives.
I did like another christian guy but the day he (Muslim guy) came into my life, I have not thought of anyone else but i never was very expressive to him. He used to cry and get very possessive when the christian guy came to my home. But i could do nothing cause my parents were ok with the christian guy and i could not open my mouth.
I really love this muslim guy from the bottom of my heart. His parents are on the look out for a girl for him and now that nothing can be done, he is moving away from me though he loves me. I have no choice either but im just thinking how life would be without him. To live with some one else and keep thinking of this muslim guy.
How will he live his life? But he has said that he will make himself happy for the sake of his parents.
I have seen Muslim Christian marriages where they both don't change and have an understanding about going to church & mosque. And in bringing up the child. Cant the child be baptized in Church & Mosque?? Cant the child have a Muslim and Christian name?? When we have lived our life for our parents and made them happy and proud in every way, wont they like to see their children happy too??
WHAT DO I DO? I cant think of me with another guy and he with another girl.
PLEASE HELP ME.
- fizafaizur
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Here is my short response to your situation:
From your description, it seems that you and your bf have been going out since grade 10. According to the religion of Islam, the relationship that your bf has enjoyed with you thus far is unlawful. It might seem awkward to you, but the reality is Islam strictly prohibits any sort of dating or going out (doesn't matter what label you use) until both the man and the woman gets married as per Islamic ritual.
The concept of pre-marital love is non-existent in Islam because the source of such love is strong natural attraction and lust towards the opposite sex, a fact that often remains obscure due to hormones, emotion, and whisper from the devil. This obscurity of this fact often makes things appear rosy by hiding the reality.
Islam is a practical religion and it advises us to be practical. Although marriage is primarily a bond between a man and a woman, it is also a bond between two families. Islam therefore encourages marriages where both parties, including the bride and the groom, happily agree and consent to the marriage. In your case for example, will your mom not be extremely horrified if you marry a Muslim boy? The answer is Yes. Will not the boy's mom be horrified if he marries you? The answer is yes too. If that is the case, how can either of you guarantee that you will not be emotionally blackmailed by you family after marriage? What if the boy gets influenced and then starts treating you badly? It happened before a lot of times and it may happen again. Love does not always prevail over familial influence in the long run. So look well before you leap.
Also from your description, I can already foresee some future problems. Like:
QUOTE[I have seen Muslim Christian marriages where they both don't change and have an understanding about going to church & mosque.]UNQUOTE
There are more cases where Christian Muslim marriage ended in chaos and turmoil.
QUOTE[ And in bringing up the child. Cant the child be baptized in Church & Mosque??]UNQUOTE
No, it is not allowed in Islam. There is no such thing as baptizing in Islam. Also, there can be no compromise when it comes to religion. Either you nurture your child as a Muslim or something else. You cannot have it both ways.
QUOTE[Cant the child have a Muslim and Christian name??]UNQUOTE
Technically Islam allows it, but it is strongly discouraged.
QUOTE[When we have lived our life for our parents and made them happy and proud in every way, wont they like to see their children happy too??]UNQUOTE
Parental love sometimes seem conditional, but parents want good for us. Like Allah (God) loves us most and one can question, "Why don't then Allah allows me to do whatever I want if He loves me?" The answer is Allah loves us but He can't allow us to do whatever we want to do because He wishes only good for us.
Since you have come to this Islamic Website, I am going to end this short advice with an invitation to Islam.
________________________________________________________________________
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
From Stranger (out of his responsibility as a Muslim to convey the message to others and genuine concern to save another human being from a life of eternal regret) to Ms. Fiza.
"Closer to people draws their reckoning, yet they continue to blithely turn away. Whenever there comes to them a new reminder from their Lord, they listen to it, but take it in jest; their hearts set on (worldly pleasure)." [The Noble Quran 21:1-2]
Peace be upon those who follow true guidance and believe in Allah and His messengers. I bear witness that there is no God but Allah and all His messengers, from Adam till Muhammad (May Allah’s peace be upon them), were His slaves and Muhammad (May Allah’s peace be upon him) is His final messenger to humankind.
Allah has no associate. He is the Sovereign, the Holy, the Source of Peace, the Giver of Peace, the Guardian of Faith, and the Preserver of Safety. He has taken neither a wife nor a son and I bear witness that Jesus (May Allah’s peace be upon him), the son of Mary, a messenger, is the spirit of Allah and His Word which He cast into Mary, the virgin, the good, the pure, so that she conceived Jesus (May Allah’s peace be upon him). Allah created him from His spirit and His breathing as He created Adam (May Allah’s peace be upon him) by His Hand. Allah said in the Quran:
And [for] their saying, "Indeed, we have killed the Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, the messenger of Allah ." And they did not kill him, nor did they crucify him; but [another] was made to resemble him to them. And indeed, those who differ over it are in doubt about it. They have no knowledge of it except the following of assumption. And they did not kill him, for certain.Rather, Allah raised him to Himself. And ever is Allah Exalted in Might and Wise. [The Noble Quran 4:157-158]
O People of the Scripture, do not commit excess in your religion or say about Allah except the truth. The Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, was but a messenger of Allah and His word which He directed to Mary and a soul [created at a command] from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers. And do not say, "Three (trinity)"; desist - it is better for you. Indeed, Allah is but one God. Exalted is He above having a son. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. And sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs. [The Noble Quran 4:171]
Having said so, I invite you to Allah alone with no associate and to His obedience and to accept Islam, the complete code of life and the ultimate submission to the will of the Creator, that was revealed to Adam, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Lot, Ishmael, Jacob, Joseph, Job, Jethro, Moses, Aaron, David, Solomon, Elijah, Elisha, Jonah, Ezekiel, Zechariah, John, Jesus and was finally perfected and completed through Prophet Muhammad, the seal of all messengers (May Allah’s peace be upon all of them). Allah have sent messengers to humankind from time to time in infuse fear of Allah in every living person and convey His message, so that the charge may be proved against those who reject the Truth in the Day of Judgment. Allah said:
“And be conscious of the Day on which you shall be brought back unto God, whereupon every human being shall be repaid in full for what he has earned, and none shall be wronged”. [The Noble Quran 2:281]
Whoever accepts Islam and the admonition of Allah, does it for his or her own good. If you embrace Islam, you will find safety and security (both in this world and the hereafter), and Allah, the Sublime, shall reward you doubly (both in this world and the hereafter). But if you refuse to do so, you will have to bear the burden of the transgression (in the hereafter).
If you accept this proposition, forward this message to your family members, relatives, and friends. If you reject this proposition, I ask Allah to be witness that I have conveyed the message to you, and I recite to you the following verse from the Holy Quran:
"Say: ‘O people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), come to a word that is just between us and you, that we worship none but Allah, and that we associate no partners with Him, and that none of us shall take others as lords besides Allah.’ Then, if they turn away, say: ‘Bear witness that we are Muslims (the people who submitted to the will of the Creator).’”[The Noble Qur'an 3:64]
***
01.I have started a project of calling people (whom I got acquainted in the course of my life) to Islam through internet, and you are the one such person to receive my invitation. You can consider this invitation letter the greatest invitation you have received. That said, you still can either accept or discard the message. Allah said:
“Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trust worthy hand-hold, which never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.” [The Noble Qur'an 2:256].
I can only convey the message. I cannot change the heart of people and I will not attempt that either. I leave that in the hand of Allah. He said:
“Verily! You guide not whom you like.” [The Noble Qur’an 28:56]
Allah however surely guides those who are humble and sincere in their approach to find the Truth.
02. The sentences used in this letter were taken from the letters the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) sent to eight mighty kings of his time. I could have framed a letter myself, but retired thinking no Muslim can write a letter of Invitation to Islam that would be more effective than that of the Prophet in terms of conviction.
03. If you have doubt about what Islam says about the concept of Christianity, I would humbly request you to watch this hour long lecture of Abdur Raheem Green:
http://www.halaltube.com/does-god-exist
04. You can read the English translation of the Quran from here: http://quran.com/
ur child would be raised muslim and no ur child would not be able to be baptized if ur married to a muslim because its not how they walk its how christains walk. im kind of in the same boat, but we are not at the point of marriage we are just dating. one thing i love about this brother is that he doesnt pass judgement on my christain walk nor do i pass judgement on his walk as a muslim. marriage is going to be difficult because of the separate beliefs. but follow ur heart but know that this is going to be hard and he is going to honor his family and beliefs no matter what. if you can deal with the possibilities then go for it, if not then leave it alone and remain friends because at the end of the day u both should have a good understanding as to why things are the way they are.
just a little question, why can't allah gave them freedom to love and be loved by someone who can make them happy? your allah and our god is just the same they both like us to be in good way and love and beloved loving someone is not about the religion we have its about understanding and being happy to each other I think it will be a seen to marry someone you didnt love and killing the happiness of two people inlove just to answer allah being inlove in opposite of your religion is not a sin.
In Islam, the goal of life and the purpose of our creation is to worship Allah (God), and achieve Paradise in the afterlife. Therefore we choose a partner who can help us achieve that goal. Love is wonderful, but if we put it above our duty to God then we make it into a god, an idol. Everything - including love - has its place within the natural order.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Im also with the same situation as yours i fell in love with a muslim guy from Jeddah he came here in Philippines to study and we fell in love with each other though it is clear to us that we can never have each other we stayed together for more than a year and he always say he wanted to marry me but it is prohibited and i always tell him i can not marry him because i don't want to be selfish i don't want to create chaos or i don't want to be selfish i can not let him be disowned by his family if i will fight for ghe love that we have...i am willing to convert to islam but still its not a guarantee that i can have him because he is allowed to marry someone within their family(cousins). Too painful for both of us but the fact that i met him and became part of my life is what i can only keep until the rest of my life...i just want what is good for him and his family and i always pray for his happiness.